Match This! (The UnSocial Dater#1)

by Mj Fields

  Finally she sighs, “Well alright then, you’re the unsociable one, every group needs one I suppose. I’m just gonna warn you, it can get lonely around here if you don’t wanna go out.” She looks away from me and I feel her talons pulling out of my skin, “Jane, it’s you and me —”

  “Josie,” the little brunette corrects her.

  “Fine,” Cecilia throws her hands up and gives us both a tight-lipped smile, “Well we’ll all get along just fine.”

  “Let me ask you something Cecilia,” I say sitting back and looking at her.

  “I’m an open book,” she flashes the fake bright smile.

  “Does it drive you crazy that everyone isn’t dressed the same here?”

  She looks around and then back at me, “I don’t want to be judgmental.”

  “It’s still judging even when it’s not coming out of your mouth.” I say and they both laugh. I wasn’t trying to be funny.

  When heading out of Hogwarts, Cecilia is ahead in her skirt, matching jacket and heels. She turns to a girl, smiles, waves and says, “So good to see you.”

  The girl smiles at her, but as soon as Cecilia walks by she rolls her eyes and whispers to her friends, they all giggle.

  “Ball less bitches,” I say as I walk by.

  ****

  We took the T and hit a place Cecilia found on YELP with a live acoustic band at a bar called, The Lizard Lounge.

  “I have a credit card and a fake ID ready to trade for Townies and tequila.” Cecilia claps her hands together once. “You ladies ready to party?”

  “I don’t have an ID,” Josie says when we walk around the corner and see the line waiting to get in.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Cecilia says as she takes her jacket off exposing the silk cami that she un tucks and voila she looks like she’s dressed for a club as opposed to looking like she’s going to a stuffy ass society luncheon.

  She still reeks of snob and trust fund.

  Unable to help myself I reach up and pull the sticks out of her hair, it falls perfectly down her back.

  She looks at me, “Problem with my hair?”

  “Your bun was too damn tight.” So is her disposition but I’m not gonna pull the stick out of her ass too.

  We got in, underage and undetected. It may have had a lot to do with Cecilia flirting and giving her number to the bouncer.

  “I’ll get the drinks, go find a table,” Cecilia says

  “This is exciting,” Josie says and pushes up her glasses.

  “There are a lot of people here,” I say looking around the crowded bar.

  “I think there are more people in this bar than there was in my entire school.”

  On the tiny stage is a man in skinny jeans, a cardigan sweater, and Birk sandals, with a guitar sitting in front of a microphone. I don’t recognize the song; it sounds like folk music. Not awful but not what I am used to.

  It’s not loud which is all right, at least people who want to talk can. Which leaves me in a conundrum.

  “Well, what have we here,” a deep male voice booms behind me, I turn to see a guy, who may possibly stand about five foot five on a good day. He has dark, spiky hair and a pointed nose. He walks over and sits down. “Two beautiful ladies and one me.”

  Josie’s face immediately turns red, and mine immediately into a frown.

  “What brings you ladies out tonight?” He asks as he sets his beer on the wooden table and pushes up his sleeves.

  I wait for Josie to answer and she is waiting for me to do the same.

  Finally, I cave, “We’re just a couple of lesbians who come out once in a while to remind ourselves why we prefer holes over tails. Have you seen enough lover?”

  “That’s hot,” he smiles, “Interested in a threesome?”

  “What part of lesbian did you not understand?” I ask him.

  “What do we have here?” Cecilia says putting the tray full of shots and pints on the table.

  “Well hello beautiful,” Spike says looking her up and down.

  “Hello cutie,” she smiles like it’s her duty to be polite.

  “So are you like them?” He points to my new ‘partner’ and me.

  “Yes she is. Now go find Snow White and the other dwarfs.”

  “Clam lickers,” he snaps as he jumps down from his booster seat and storms away.

  “What the hell was that all about?” Cecilia half laughs as she passes out the shots.

  “That was grumpy, he’s going to meet the other six,” I grab a shot and toss it back.

  “Are you a lesbian?” Cecilia whispers lesbian like it would get her hung in Harvard square if said out loud.

  Sometimes I just can’t help myself, “Didn’t they tell you? On my application, I asked for the two hottest freshman as roommates.”

  The look on their faces is priceless and if I was a giggly girl I probably would giggle...but I’m not, so I don’t.

  “I’m not an actual lesbian. I am bi curious. The only reason I came to college was to experiment.” I take another shot. I’m not sure it’s for me, but it’s there.

  “Bi what?” Cecilia whispers.

  “Curious.” I answer after the burn of the tequila simmers down. Neither say anything at all, they just look at me. “It was a joke.”

  “So you aren’t...curious?” Josie asks.

  “I’m not a fan of anyone else’s vagina but mine. Hell I’m not a fan of people in general. You’re both safe.”

  DEAD RABBITS

  It goes without saying or notice that I am much more a conversationalist when I have a buzz going.

  “Maybe you should switch to beer,” Cecilia suggests.

  “I hate beer,” I tell them and apparently I am slurring or extremely funny because they both laugh.

  “You’re Irish,” Josie snorts.

  “Half, the dead half. The other half is Jew,” I look at Cecilia and point my finger. “Don’t judge me because I’m Jewish.”

  And for some reason that is hysterical. They both start laughing again.

  “What else don’t we know about you?” Cecilia asks but more to herself than to me. “Okay, since Kat here has driven away every man that has approached us —”

  “Oh paleeessseee, like your high society ass really wanted any one of those losers,” I laugh out loud, which startles me and I reel it in.

  “It’s still judging even when it’s not coming out your mouth,” Cecilia throws my words from The Great Hall back at me.

  “Yeah, well that was just a stupid thing to say, who doesn’t judge?” I ask leaning in. “This shit is important. Judgment sucks when you’re on the receiving end.” I stand up. “But only if you give a fuck.”

  “Kat, maybe you should sit down,” Josie stands next to me and the room starts swaying a bit.

  “Fuck that Smalls, let’s have some fun.” But sitting was seriously a better idea.

  Cecilia’s eyes nearly pop out of her head, “Oh my God,” she whispers. “Blaine Hawthorne is here.”

  I turn and follow her eyes as best I can. “Pfftt he —”

  “Please be on your best behavior, Kat,” she pleads.

  “This is my best behavior,” I grumble.

  “I don’t think he recognizes me,” she sighs.

  “You two join giblets?” I ask.

  “No we did not join giblets,” she says as if she is offended and Josie laughs. “Oh god you’re both drunk. Can’t either of you hold your liquor?”

  “While you’ve been holding yours we’ve been drinking ours,” I tell her.

  I watch her as she watches him. He walks across the bar where he is greeted by a bunch of other guys.

  “Freshman crew hopefuls,” she says.

  “Like a gang?” Josie asks.

  “Crew, rowing,” Cecilia tries to explain and Josie shakes her head still not knowing what she is talking about. “A boat?”

  “Like a yacht club?” Josie asks.

  “No, a big long row boat,” I explain. “It’s a team spor
t, pretty big here at Harvard.”

  “Where exactly are you from?” Cecilia asks her.

  “Beaverton Michigan,” Josie smiles proudly. “Go Beavers.”

  I nearly choke as I try not to laugh. “Let me ask, was your mascot the leave it to beaver type, or Wynona and her big brown beaver?”

  “It was just a regular beaver,” she smiles, cluelessly.

  “Where did you go to school, Kat?” Cecilia puts a dam up on the beave conversation.

  “All Academies,” I answer.

  “Private school?” Cecilia asks.

  “Yes, private, all-girls school, until 11 and 12th grade. Where did you go?”

  “Phillips Andover Academy,” she answers and looks back at, Blaine Hawthorne.

  “Favorite TV show?” Josie asks.

  “Are we doing the getting to know each other shit faced at a bar?” I take another drink.

  “I don’t think we could get her out of here if we tried,” Josie nods towards Cecilia. “Greys Anatomy is mine.”

  “Super Natural,” Cecilia answers all breathy like.

  “Prison Break,” I say and they both look at me. “What? It’s freaking amazing.”

  “Thank you for having me,” The one-man show says as he stands up and exits the stage.

  The jukebox immediately starts up and Cecilia stands, “Let’s dance.”

  “No way,” I laugh as she grabs mine and Josie’s hands.

  “Don’t Lie by the Black Eyed Peas is playing and no one is dancing. That has to be against the damn law.”

  Unable to fight, why? Because I’m fucked up that’s why. Drunk, I chuckle inwardly, not giggle, that’s just stupid. The monster would flip, I should call her. I’m cracking myself up. I’m fucking drunk. I’m a sinner. I like it. I like it a lot.

  I follow the self-appointed leader, of this fucked up threesome, Harvard’s residential committee threw together.

  I can dance, or at least sway to the rhythm. And because I am full of I don’t give a fuck, via, at last count, six shots of Jose Cuervo, I am not hiding, even though I think dancing in a bar is just asking for trouble, and trouble is my middle name, well Anne, and Teresa, but you get the point. My Josie is doing the awkward side step and clap move, typical white girl.

  The dance floor slowly begins to fill up

  Naughty Girl, by Beyoncé, starts up. My hands are up in the air and I begin to shake my ass. Darby and I used to dance around my room to this song as a joke.

  Cecilia dances like she’s in a cage but with clothes on. The fact that she’s doing it in six-inch heels is pretty impressive. It’s not long before she has some guy behind her with his hands on her hips. It’s not Blaine Hawthorne, but it’s one of his kind.

  Then there is Josie. I grab her hips from behind and she looks over her shoulder in shock.

  “Still not a lesbian, but you need to move these things, like you’re fucking.”

  After she gets it I step around her and take her hands, which were spastically moving once in a while when she remembered they were there.

  The song stops and I hear the first note of what I know is Green Day, why do I know it’s them? “I fucking love Green Day,” I yell and grab Josie’s hands. “Forget whatever I told you before, you don’t fuck Green Day, you let Green Day fuck you.”

  The dance floor fills up now, it’s exciting, “I found my people!” I scream into the abyss, the rabbit hole, the...bar? Aw fuck it.

  ‘Hear the sound of the falling rain, coming down like an Armageddon flame, Hey!’ The entire place is singing, hands raised, and jumping. I all of the sudden have the urge to jump up and dive on everyone.

  Until I see Blaine Hawthorne’s six-foot body smashed up against...the wrong roommate. His hands are on her hips and he draws her tight against him.

  This is not good, not good at all. Girls are bitches, naturally, but when one calls dibs and dibs is not taken seriously, bitch turns to cunt real quick.

  I look behind me and Cecilia is sucking face with the Blaine Hawthorne, look alike. I look back and Josie is now turned around. Blaine Hawthorne’s, hands are still on her hips and she is looking up at him, like a star struck little kid. He’s looking at her like a man who knows she’s swooning. Smug bastard!

  Hands grip my hips and I look behind me, “Grumpy, what the fuck?” I pull away.

  He grins like the little perverted fuck he is. Seriously dude is pitching a tent...a pup tent.

  “Looks like the night backfired on you. They found dick. I wanna let you know you can pretend I’m a woman when I’m between your legs licking your pussy but when you need more and I don’t have a double headed dildo like you’re used to, I’m gonna tear you apart with my dick.”

  “Listen, Midget Mike, I’m in no mood for you or that thing you think is gonna tear me up. News flash, my first vibrator, the one that came with training wheels, is bigger than your dick.”

  “So you need a horse cock to fill up the Grand Canyon?”

  I reach up to slap him and I get yanked back and hit what feels like a brick wall. “What the fuck!”

  “I’m enjoying myself watching you bounce around on the dance floor. You get kicked out for hitting him and I won’t be able to-”

  “He fucking deserves it.” I turn around and all hell breaks loose between my legs.

  I am looking at Wentworth Miller’s twin, or double, or I don’t know, I’m fucked up and I know damn well it’s not him, but holy mother of all doppelgangers.

  “Maybe you could get him back a different way?” His lip curls slightly up on the side.

  “Who?” I completely forgot why I am irritated because of the throbbing between my legs and Wentworth’s doppelganger in front of my eyes.

  He leans in and kisses me. “Maybe something like that?” His breath is hot and smells minty. “Maybe end at my place, between my sheets, with nothing between us.”

  I’m not sure if it is liquid courage, the fact that he’s hot as hell, that my southern kitty is purring, and what little restraint I normally have apparently was left back in New York, but I run my hand down his stomach and keep right on going until I am gripping Wentworth Jr. in my hand.

  His eyes become slivers and his lips come down on mine.

  UNSOLICITED ADVICE

  His lips are soft like pillows and wet like my vagina. The room is spinning as his tongue rubs up and down mine. His hands take the sides of my face and he slowly pulls away from the kiss.

  “Are you trying to get me arrested?” he says still holding my face.

  “Of course not.”

  “Then you need to stop before I take you on this dance floor.”

  My hand immediately freezes when I realize I am still stroking him through his pants. “My bad.”

  “How bad are you?” he says in a thick I want sex voice.

  “Badder than Michael Jackson.” I say, which is a total line of shit, but saying it certainly makes me feel like being it.

  “How far away is your place?” He asks.

  “Fifteen minutes,” I answer really not knowing if it’s true or not.

  “I’m three,” He says as his thumb strokes my lower lip. “Look I don’t do this, hooking up at a bar thing, and I am not ready for a relationship, I just got out of one. But what I feel just looking at you, is impossible to ignore.”

  “You were feeling it on the outside too,” I shrug.

  “No, before that. I just,” he takes a deep breath, “I just want to make you feel good, sexy, desired.”

  “Well, those are all great things.” I say because I have never in my life had someone say things like this to me.

  “What’s greater is you are obviously wildly attracted to me too. Together, we could have an amazing physical relationship, and be friends, hell someday maybe more, but right now, the universe has aligned for us. I feel it, you feel it...come with me.”

  He doesn’t have to ask me twice.

  I look over at Josie with Blaine still staring at her like a lion would a little Gaz
elle, and then Cecilia who is basically fucking the Blaine look alike not far from her.

  “Give me a minute,” I say almost afraid to leave Wentworth in fear it’s a drunken illusion.

  But I do.

  “I’m taking off, meet you back at the dorms,” I say and Josie just nods, still looking up at him now like a gazelle who would allow the lion to tear her up. I say, good for her.

  Cecilia is not happy, “You don’t even know him,” she says as Blaine’s look alike kisses down her neck and his fingers push up her skirt.

  “And you know him?” I laugh.

  “I know he goes to school with us, don’t you baby?” she asks fisting his hair in her hands.

  He lets out an audible, ‘Mmm hmm.’

  “Aren’t you the same girl who said to stay away from the ivy tower punks and grab a Beantown stud?”

  She glares at me when he pauses and I am satisfied she’ll let me walk away without further incident or lecture, “I’ll be back before closing.”

  BITCHES AND ASSHOLES

  As soon as we’re outside the bar he pins me against the wall and kisses me. I am falling, down, down, down the rabbit hole.

  I’m drunk, loaded, and he taste like bourbon, I like it. The buzz intensifies. I find my hands knotting in his hair. His arm circles around me, his other hand pushing my ass against his erection.

  I grind against him and his kiss deepens, intensifies, making me moan.

  His hands both pull me towards him as he walks backward, still kissing me.

  It doesn’t register in my lust filled drunken mind that I am walking until I nearly trip, breaking the seal of our kiss.

  His hands cup my ass and he lifts me, “Legs around me.”

  My disdain for fashion and my mother’s insistence on me wearing a skirt paid off, Maxi skirts are stretchy as hell.

  ****

  My back hits the door of his first floor apartment and his lips pull away from mine. He lowers me and my feet hit the floor. His eyes are dark and lust filled. He’s in a haze, just like I am.

  He pulls his keys out and unlocks the door. I turn to walk in and he stops me by grabbing the collar of my white unbuttoned button down.