How Can I Be Down?

by Brenda Hampton

  “So, now you want to kill me, huh?” I said, pressing my body weight against her up against the wall. She didn’t say anything, just kept on crying. I smacked her face again, and when I backed away, she fell to the floor. “If you’re this unhappy with me, take your ass back to Los Angeles. What I ever did to you but love you, I don’t know.”

  “I hate you!” she yelled, as I headed down the steps.

  “Good, Jada. Thanks for being honest. I’m glad somebody in this damn relationship is.”

  When I walked out the back door, it was chilly. Kareem and Quincy were outside sweating like dogs playing b-ball with their shirts off. They could tell by the twisted look on my face I was mad and they halted the game.

  “Everything all right, man?” Kareem asked, panting and putting the ball underneath his arm.

  “I’m cool. Listen, I’ll be back in a couple of days. If anything urgent comes up, hit me on my phone.”

  “All right. But are you sure? I mean, you look kind of upset.”

  “Kareem, not right now!” I yelled. “Just call me if you need me.”

  “Damn, sorry for asking,” he said, as I continued walking.

  I went to the garage and backed my car out. When I got down the street, I called Ginger’s house to see what Desmon was doing. She answered sounding asleep and it was almost three in the afternoon.

  “It’s me. Were you asleep?”

  “I was, but what’s up? I didn’t think I’d hear from you this soon.”

  “Where’s Desmon?”

  “Lying here taking a nap with me. We’ve been up since six this morning, helping my grandmother get situated in a nursing home, so we’re tired.”

  “Okay, well go back to sleep. I’ll holla at y’all tomorrow.”

  “Did you want to come over?”

  “I did, but that’s all right.”

  “I’m up. Besides, we got some unfinished business to take care of.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Kiley, don’t even be like that. I’ll keep my hands to myself, if that’s what you want.”

  “No, it’s not what I want but I don’t need the temptation right now. Kiss Desmon for me and I’ll call you later.” I hung up.

  I stopped at K’s liquor store on Hanley and bought a bottle of Seagram’s Gin & Juice, and a bottle of Hennessy cognac. Already feeling down on myself for hitting Jada, I drove to the airport Marriott and got a room until Wednesday afternoon. I figured it was going to take me that long to cool off or maybe even longer. I knew that going to see Ginger wasn’t going to solve my problem; sleeping with her would only make matters worse. She didn’t deserve to be used by me knowing that I would run right back to Jada once things settled down. And even though Ginger didn’t seem to mind, I knew it had to hurt when I dumped her to get back with Jada. So for now, my dick just had to suffer, and so did I for putting my hands on the woman I loved.

  CHAPTER 4

  The few days I spent at the Marriott were somewhat peaceful. I got so fucked up my first night there, I couldn’t tell if I was coming or going. I even got in the car and drove around for hours thinking about how shit with Jada and me was slowly but surely falling apart. Thing was, I didn’t really care. I moved to St. Louis for a peace of mind and that’s what I intended to get. Just last night, though, I woke up in a sweat dreaming that the cops kicked the door down and came to arrest me. When I resisted, they cuffed me and shot me in the face. My heart was racing, and when I realized it was a dream, I was relieved. A man like me should be dreaming about money or fucking somebody’s brains out, but there I was having nightmares about going to prison or dying.

  By late Tuesday evening, Kareem and Quincy started calling like crazy leaving unnecessary messages. But when Kareem told me Candi asked about me, I finally called him back.

  “Kiley, I’m hurt,” Kareem joked. “Why you leave me like this, man?”

  “And let me guess, your hand is on your heart right now, ain’t it?”

  “How’d you know?” He laughed.

  “’Cause I know you better than you know yourself, li’l brotha.”

  “I don’t know about all that but when are you coming home?”

  “Tomorrow, maybe.”

  “Maybe?”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  “Don’t you miss us, man?”

  “Not really. I needed this time to clear my head.”

  “Are you alone?”

  “Of course. I don’t need to be slammed in the middle of some legs in order to clear my head like you do.”

  “That’s ’cause you weak. Ain’t nothing wrong with relaxing with a nice woman by your side. That’s why I took it upon myself and gave Candi your phone number.”

  “What? Now, why did you do some shit like that?”

  “’Cause I know my big brother better than he know himself. And right about now, I’m sure that thang aching for some booty. So, with that in mind, while we were upstairs shooting some pool earlier, she asked about you. When Donovan went to the bathroom, I slid her your phone number.”

  “Why y’all hating on Donovan, Kareem?”

  “We ain’t hating. When Candi left, I asked Donovan if I could get a piece of the action and he said he didn’t give a damn. Said as long as I didn’t mess with Tricia, he was cool.”

  “Tricia? Now she definitely ain’t no dime.”

  “I know, but neither is Jada,” Kareem said, clearing his throat. “So, uh, do you catch my drift?”

  “Your opinion, but where’s Jada at anyway?”

  “She’s been locked up in y’all room since you left. She came out a few times, but hasn’t said much to anybody. But, man, whew, that eye. Damn!”

  “What do you mean by ‘that eye’?”

  “That muh-fucker closed and looks like she got beat by a gang of bitches.”

  “Nigga, quit lying.”

  “Seriously, ask Quincy. She came in the kitchen when we were in there and when I looked up, she scared the shit out of me.”

  “Seriously, though, I didn’t even hit her that hard,” I said, knowing damn well I did. “That’s how I know you lying.”

  “Okay, wait a minute. Since you don’t believe me, ask Quincy.” Kareem gave Quincy the phone.

  “What’s up, Bruce Lee?”

  “Man, that shit ain’t funny,” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Is Kareem lying about Jada’s eye?”

  “Nope. That muh-fucker swoll.”

  “Bad?”

  “Yes, bad.”

  “All right,” I said, feeling awful behind my actions. “Put Kareem back on the phone.”

  “Yo.”

  “Listen, I won’t be back until Friday. There’s no way I can stand to look at Jada like that. In the meantime, please let her be. Don’t be laughing and shit, making jokes about it, okay?”

  “Kiley, you know me better than that.”

  “Yeah, I do. And that’s what worries me. I mean it, Kareem, no bullshit.

  “All right?”

  “And take your hand off your heart like you really care.”

  He laughed. “But . . . but you still never told me where you at.”

  “I’m not going to tell you. I don’t want y’all bugging me. Again, only call me if it’s important.”

  “Candi is important. You should have seen her ass over here today. I promise you, I’m tapping that if you don’t.”

  “Suit yourself. I gotta go. Deuces.” I hung up.

  Feeling down on myself about not controlling my temper when it came to Jada, I took a hot, steaming shower and lay across the bed with a towel wrapped around me. I rolled up a joint and rested back on the bed blowing the smoke in the air. Hit after hit, I tried not to envision what Jada’s eye looked like, but I couldn’t get the thought of it off my mind. I promised myself I would never hit her again. My fists were too powerful and I knew it. What a coward I was to hit her like that. All I had to do was leave.

  After I was
full of herb and tipsy from a few swigs of Hennessy, I picked my cell phone up to call her. Wasn’t in my plan but I couldn’t resist. When Donovan answered the phone laughing, I asked to speak to Jada.

  “Hello to you too, partna,” he said.

  “Ay, what up? Didn’t mean to play you off but I need to talk to Jada.”

  “Hold on. I’ll get her.” Donovan put the phone down. I could hear Quincy’s and Kareem’s mouths in the background.

  When Jada answered the phone she sounded sad. “Hello,” she said, softly.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, taking another swig of the Hennessy. Jada didn’t say a word. “Jada? Did you hear me?”

  “Yes.”

  “I said I’m sorry.”

  She hung up. I put the phone down and didn’t call her back because I guessed she just wasn’t ready to forgive me. Hearing how sad she sounded really tore me apart. I wanted to go home and comfort her, but I knew my presence would only lead to another argument. Instead, I called Ginger’s place to check on Desmon. She put him on the phone and after I chatted with him for a while, she took the phone.

  “This is quite a surprise hearing from you three times in one week. I’m feeling kind of special.”

  “Don’t. I’m just calling to check Desmon.”

  “Are you sure your calling here don’t have anything to do with the other day? You had a sudden change of heart, didn’t you?”

  “Nothing about my heart changed, Ginger. My dick just got a little anxious.”

  “Anxious, huh? Is it anxious now?”

  “Very.”

  “And why’s that?”

  “Maybe because my woman is upset with me.”

  “Oh, I see. I knew it was something. But, uh, I’ve always had the remedy to lift your spirits, should I say?”

  “Lift my spirits, no. Rise my thang, yes.”

  She laughed. “Call it what you’d like but it is what it is.”

  “Bye, Ginger, I’ll see you Saturday.”

  “So, that’s it?”

  “Yeah, that’s it.”

  “I’m going to get you yet, Kiley.”

  “Not before somebody else does,” I said, as Candi’s name and number flashed on my caller ID. I rushed Ginger off the phone but not fast enough to answer Candi’s call. I quickly called the number back like I didn’t know who it was.

  “Ay, did somebody just call this number?” I asked.

  “Is this Kiley?”

  “Depends on who’s asking.”

  “This is Candi.”

  “Yeah, so, what do you want?”

  “I want to see you.”

  “See me for what?”

  “To tell you what I’ve been thinking.”

  “You don’t need to see me to tell me what you’ve been thinking, do you?”

  “Yeah, I kind of do. And I don’t feel right telling you over the phone.”

  “Well, I’ll be home by Friday. Stop by then and tell me.”

  “I can’t do that, especially when other people will be around.”

  “How do you know I’m alone right now?”

  “’Cause your brother just called and told me.”

  I debated telling her where I was, then decided to do it. “Um, I see. Well, I’m at the Marriott near the airport. I’m not going to be good company, so state your business quickly.”

  “I promise you I will.”

  I gave Candi my room number and she said that she was on her way.

  All I could think about was how bold women had gotten. Sleeping with one friend, just to hit up the next. They were definitely some devious creatures. Seemed like shit the fellas and me were supposed to be doing, but I guessed women were better at this game than we were. Still thinking about Jada, I took a huge swallow of the Hennessy and closed my eyes.

  When Candi knocked on the door, I got up and looked in the mirror. My eyes were burning red from the blunts I’d smoked, so I blinked several times to try and clear them. After I tightened the towel around my waist, I peeked out the peephole to make sure it was her.

  I opened the door, and when I heard my cell phone ring, I walked away as she came in. The number was coming from the house with Kareem’s code behind it, so I turned the phone off and tossed it on the bed. As I took a seat in a chair, Candi took her coat off and laid it on the bed. She wore a plaid short skirt and some knee-high black boots with a black ribbed long-sleeved sweater. Not one piece of her long black hair was out of place, and when she took a seat on the edge of the bed, her dark chocolate legs gave me a serious rise.

  “So, tell me. What brings you by?” I asked casually.

  “Kareem said you could use some company.”

  “Well, Kareem was wrong. Maybe he’s the one who needs some company.”

  “No, he made it perfectly clear that it was you.”

  “Look, Candi, let’s stop with the games. I’m here ’cause I needed time to clear my head. I wasn’t anticipating any distractions.”

  “And I’m here because I liked what I saw the other day. If you want to talk about this some other time, we can.”

  “If that’s all you came here to say, actually I would.” I stood up and walked over to the door.

  Candi picked her coat up off the bed and laid it across her arm. She came toward me. “Can I at least have a kiss for coming all this way?” she asked standing in front of me.

  Her lips looked too juicy to ignore. I leaned down and pecked them. She dropped her coat on the floor and placed both of her hands on my face. Then she stuck her tongue deeply in my mouth. I couldn’t resist the sweet taste so I kissed her back. As the kissing got intense, I slid my hands down her back, then underneath her skirt. Bare smooth ass was all I could feel so I massaged her butt cheeks together with my hands. As I went for her front, I felt the silkiness of her panties. I reached up to her hips and slid her red thong down to the floor. Walking back over to the chair to sit down, I started seriously thinking about what I was about to do. Hadn’t been with another woman in almost four years. Why was I so willing to do this now when I loved Jada so much?

  Candi leaned down and unzipped her boots while standing at the door. Then she slid out of her skirt and pulled her sweater over her head. Strutting herself over to me, she pulled her hair over to the side and sat her dark chocolate naked body down on my lap sideways. I wrapped my arms around her waist and looked at her thick juicy nipples that were staring me in the face. I leaned over, cupped her left breast in my hand, and drew it into my mouth. Not being able to resist the feel of her insides, I slid my hand down and tickled her with my fingers. The deeper they went in, the more she grunted. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back as she rolled her lower body around on top of my lap. I eased myself up out of the chair, grabbed her by her waist, and leaned her hands down on the bed. As I stood behind her, I loosened the towel. It fell to the floor, and when I pressed myself inside, her knees bent. She could barely keep her balance, but I promised to be gentle. We worked slowly together for a few minutes, then I spread her cheeks apart and went deeper inside. It felt so good that I couldn’t help but pound harder. She was bouncing her ass against me as fast as she could. And since I didn’t want to come before she did, I slid myself out, laid her on the bed, and straddled her across my face. She worked me on the other end and as the taste of her was melting in my mouth, I had to let go. She did too.

  Hard banging on the door alarmed me. When I woke up I was lying across the bed drenched in my sweat. My head was pounding and dick was hard as a rock when I realized I’d been dreaming about fucking Candi. I quickly hopped up and opened the door. It was her. I smiled and visualized what I had dreamed about as she came in. Had to be a dream, especially since she was wearing some blue jeans. I looked at my watch.

  “I talked to you almost three hours ago. What happened?”

  “I got pulled over for speeding. The police searched my car and called for backup like I was some type of criminal or something. Then after all was said and done, he didn’t give me
a ticket but had the nerve to ask for my phone number. I was pissed.”

  “I’m sure you were. But what made him search the car anyway?”

  “I have no clue. First time that shit ever happened to me. I was kind of scared.”

  “Um, then maybe you should have gone back home.”

  “No, I wanted to come here first.”

  “Why? Why is it so important that we talk?”

  Candi took her coat off and sat down in the chair. I sat in the other chair and looked at her from across the table.

  She fidgeted with her nails, avoiding eye contact. “Don’t think I’m crazy or anything, but I’m kind of feeling you. I know I’ve been kicking it with Donovan and he’s cool but you got a certain . . . assurance about yourself.”

  “Assurance, huh? You haven’t been around me long enough to know how assured I am.”

  “I don’t have to be around a person long. I can look at you and tell. Everybody in that house looks up to you, admires you, maybe even wants to be like you. After getting to know Quincy and Kareem a little better today, I knew my intuition was correct.”

  I rubbed my bald head, feeling good, yet uneasy. “I’m flattered, Candi. But, uh, I usually don’t go behind my partnas. They mean a lot to me and I’m a li’l disappointed that you dissing my boy behind his back.”

  “Kiley, Donovan and I are just friends. We’ve been kicking it for a few months but he sees who he wants to and so do I. So, can we do this or not? If it makes it easier for you, you can come to my place to kick it with me.”

  “It helps, but it doesn’t make it easier. And as much as I would love to take your ass right now and fuck your brains out, I’m not going there. Partially because of your relationship with Donovan, but most of all, because I’m in love with someone.”

  “Is it that serious between you and Jada? Donovan said it wasn’t.”

  “Donovan can kiss my ass. We’re having a difficult time now but hopefully the bullshit will pass like it always does. And if it doesn’t, I’ll keep what you said in mind.”