by K E Osborn
Scoffing, I shake my head. “No Violet, I can’t. I can try to do things legitimately, but in the end, I’m a twisted fucker who gets his pleasures by pain. I’m sick in the head. I love the look of blood.”
She frowns and shakes her head. “You’re right, you are a twisted fucker.”
That gets my back up, and I flare my nostrils. “Right, that’s enough. Shut up now. You need to conserve your energy.”
“You just don’t want to admit that you’re just a scared little boy pretending to be this big tough macho dick. But I see through you, Mad Dog. You actually hate the violence. You hate this lifestyle, but most of all you hate yourself!”
I shake my head and reach out grabbing her by her hair. “Shut your mouth, little girl,” I grunt out and then shove her to the other side of the vehicle. She winces in pain, but her face then contorts like she’s completely pissed off.
“I’m not a girl, I’m all woman. Something you probably haven’t had in a very long time. Am I right? I bet you’re probably gay and trying to cover it up by pretending to be this big tough freak. But in reality, you’re nothing more than a weak as piss pansy arse!”
“Did you seriously just call me a fag?”
She nods with a smile. “You are, aren’t you?”
“Right, that’s it! Fuck you, Boss. I thought you were a nice girl, but I can see you’re nothing but the gutter trash you look like.”
Anger surges through her, and she rushes forward on her knees and starts to slap at me again. This time, I fight back, grabbing her arms and pulling them out to the sides. She smiles at me, and I raise an eyebrow as she leans forward and head butts me again. The pain sears through my temple as my scalp prickles with pins and needles.
Fuck, I fall for that every fucking time!
“Fuck, you bitch!” I throw her back across the other side of the cage, her head hits the steel hard as I crawl over on top of her. She tries to fight me off, but I’m fucking angry, so I slap her hard across her face. “Fuck taking you home the rest of the way, you can walk on your fucked up leg. And if you think for a second about running and not handing over the business, you know the body count will be on you! I’ll see you tomorrow at Cupiditas. Ten in the morning. Have the paperwork ready for me and if you don’t… I’ll hunt you down. And if you think the last three hours have been torture, that’s nothing like what I have planned for you next time, Violet Dyson,” I grit out in a menacing tone which forces her to halt her fight back.
I’m sick of this shit.
I’m probably not thinking properly.
My head’s a mess and my emotions are all over the place, but the woman has me all worked up and I just need her gone. So I pound on the side of the van, it’s my signal to Chops to let him know to pull over at any cost. The Crafter screeches to a halt, and I hear the tyres of the cars on the highway around us all squealing as I pick her up and pull her toward the back door.
“Not a word to the cops. See you tomorrow, Boss,” I say, then lean in kissing her fully on the lips just to freak her out. She pulls away, and I yank the hidden latch and then open the door throwing her out onto the bitumen. She hits the ground so harshly that she gasps as her skin scrapes along the pebbled surface. My chest is rising and falling dramatically, and I feel like I might be losing my mind.
This is a big mistake.
Letting her go in the middle of a highway–bad move. Shaking my head, I look out on the road to see a car has stopped, and a woman gets out and is now rushing to help Violet. Clenching my jaw, I look right at the woman who’s looking right at me.
Fuck! I slam the door shut, rushing to the front of the cage and slam my fist into the wall to let Chops know to start driving again. He takes off with a start, so quickly I fall backward and stay on the floor in a heap, just breathing in and out hurriedly.
“Fuck,” I moan out.
Someone saw me. She got a very good look at me. My cut. The van. And the plates. I’m screwed.
For the first time in my life, I feel utterly helpless. I feel lost, and I feel like I’m losing everything. Actually, this feels like a crazed meltdown, and as I pull my knees up to my chest, my bottom lip trembles as I think of Millie and how utterly disappointed she would be in me right now. I’ve failed her, as a husband, as a father to our children, and as a man. I’m an utter failure at everything, and I deserve what’s coming.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Storming into the assembly room, my emotions are all over the shop. Chops has already yelled at me in the compound for throwing Violet out the back of the cage.
I know it was a dick move.
Trust me–I know!
My fucking head is all over the place. She fucking got to me. She forced me to think about things, made me regret my life. I got emotional and reacted before thinking.
Now, yeah now, I’m probably in deep shit.
Slamming the door shut, the timber creaks and moans with the abuse. I yell at the top of my lungs, venting my frustrations, as I pull at my hair. I’m so fucking angry, my blood is boiling so hot, I have sweat running down my temple as my muscles clench all over. Picking up an empty stein, I hurtle it across the room, and it smashes into pieces against the plasterboard wall, cascading into tiny shards all over the carpeted floor. My breathing is rushed and rough as I pace frantically trying to figure out my next move.
I don't have one.
I’m fucked!
I’ve fucked everything up, by letting Violet go early and being seen in the process. Everything she said to me in the van is hitting home.
I’m really am a cunt.
And as it hits home that only I have made myself this way and that everyone in my life has left me because of this fact, my bottom lip trembles, and I clench my eyes tight as they fill with hot salty water. My back hits the wall, and I slide down it to the floor in utter deflation.
I’m lost.
I’m melting down.
This is the meltdown of Mad Dog.
I’ve lost everything, everyone, and it’s all of my own doing.
My chest tightens so tightly I can’t breathe, I literally gasp for air as the salt water breaks free of my eyelids and runs down my cheeks. I’m supposed to be this big, tough, burly biker. The President of the Virginia Satan’s Savages, and right now I’m a sad, lonely, lost, little boy.
I need my Millie.
She would know what to do.
Thinking of her only makes my chest ache more. A sob escapes my mouth as I bring my hands up to my face and bury my head in my hands while I slowly cry for the first time since my twins died.
Bang. Bang.
The heavy knock on the assembly room door startles me, and I take a deep breath looking up and wipe my face. “What?”
“Prez, there’s cops here.”
My stomach sinks to the floor, and I clench my jaw tight.
This is it.
This is the moment my castle comes crashing down.
Sniffing, I stand up and make my way to the door. Taking a deep breath, I wipe my face and open it to see Blade standing there frowning.
I nod to him, and he swallows hard. “They say they have a warrant for your arrest, Prez.”
Nodding, I sigh, and walk out into the clubroom, then outside, toward the gate where Chops is busy arguing with the police that are there waiting for me.
“Frank McNamara?” one of the officers calls out.
Chops looks back at me and shakes his head. “No, that’s not him.”
“Chops, it’s fine.”
“Like fuck it’s fine!”
“Just let them take me.” It comes out more defeated than I’d planned.
“No fucking way, Mad Dog, you can fuck right off.”
“Chops, you’re in charge,” I say and put my hands out to the cops. They place their handcuffs around my wrists locking them in tight.
“Frank McNamara, I am Constable Chapman from the Elizabeth Police Station, and I have a warrant for your arrest.”
“Mad Dog,”
Chops calls out.
“I understand,” I reply utterly defeated. The cop pulls me with him and drags me toward the patrol car.
“Mad Dog, fuck!”
“You’re in charge, Chops, take care of my club.” My head is lowered as I’m placed into the back of the cop car. Everyone else rushes out to watch. All their faces long and sad.
I can’t help but think I’ve let them down.
I’ve let everyone down.
***
I was taken to the station, fingerprinted and questioned, regarding the kidnapping and torture of Violet. I didn’t say much, so they put me in a cell, and now I’m lying on a hard bed while I stare at a peeling ceiling. What Violet said to me really hit a nerve. I’m sick of this life. It drove Amelia away, so maybe I should pay for my sins. Maybe I should break apart Virginia and be done with this life?
“McNamara, you have your one visitor.”
Turning my head, I huff and sit up on the bed thinking it’s probably Chops, who’s come in to see me. Standing up, I walk to the iron bars and a buzzer sounds. The door slides open, and I put my hands out for the cop to put my hands in cuffs.
“This way.”
Nodding, I drag my feet along the pale blue concrete floor as he walks me down to the visitation room. “You don’t have long, maybe five minutes, so say what you need to quickly.”
“Yes sir,” I reply.
He opens the door leading me in. I take a seat, and he locks the handcuffs to the circle on the desk so I can’t move. Rolling my eyes, I shake my head and huff, as he walks out of the room leaving me alone.
Taking a deep breath, I look around the room noticing the one-way mirror. Obviously, there’s a room behind there where cops sit to watch.
I’ll have to be careful what I say to Chops.
A buzz sounds, and the door opens. Gazing up, my head jolts back in shock when I see it’s not Chops at all.
It’s Steel.
My kid.
“Dylan?”
He huffs and shakes his head walking over to the other side of the table and sits down in the seat. “Jesus Christ, Dad.”
“What are you doing here?”
He frowns and grits his teeth. “Chops rang me. Which was bad enough in itself, but then when he told me you’d been arrested, well that took the fuckin’ cake, didn’t it. What the hell were you thinkin’, you idiot?”
Huffing, I shake my head. “What do you know?”
“Chief Thomas told me what you did to that Violet woman. What I don’t understand is why? Why the hell would you torture an owner of a brothel? I’m so disappointed in you, Dad. I never thought you’d stoop so low as to torture a bloody woman. I don’t… I don’t even know who you are anymore.” His frown is so large it makes me recoil away from him. The undeniable disgust in his face produces the need to want to throat punch myself.
“I don’t know who I am anymore either, kid.”
He shakes his head, and his nostrils flare as he breathes harshly out of his nose. “I just came to tell you, I hope you rot for this, Dad.” He stands so abruptly the chair legs grate on the floor making them squeal as he turns to walk out.
“Steel, wait…” he doesn’t stop walking, “…Kid…” he continues to the door, “…Dylan, please. Come back, let me explain,” I beg, the desperation in my voice clear as he reaches the door.
He pauses and my heart leaps into my throat. He turns around and exhales. “This better be good.”
“Sit, please.”
He huffs, walking back and sits down placing his fists on the table. “Talk.”
“It all started because of the Cartel…”
“You and that fuckin’ Cartel—”
“Just listen. They were going to go after your mother, Willow, and you, if I didn’t give up the guns and drugs. I needed to go legit and find a business. Yes, I did it the wrong way, but Violet was so stubborn, and my mind is all fucked up. This was the only way I could get her to sign over the business to me.”
“By torturin’ her? No, I can’t forgive that, no matter what. And nothin’ you do will make me understand why you’re throwin’ everythin’ away. You lost Mum, now you’ve lost me, too. I’m glad you gave everythin’ up for the Cartel, but what you did to that poor Violet woman was unreasonable, and I’m done, Dad.” He stands up again and turns walking toward the door once more.
“Dylan, c’mon, my head is all over the place. I know I should’ve found another way. I regret torturing her, I do. But kid, I can’t lose you.”
“You just did,” he counters without turning back to face me. He knocks on the door, there’s a buzz, the door opens, and he walks out taking all my self-worth with him.
My kid’s disowned me…
Now, I have absolutely nothing left.
Not a thing in this world.
My chest tightens as I find it hard to breathe.
What’s the point? What’s the point to anything anymore? I need a way out of this life….
***
I’m sitting in the interview room. I requested a chat with Chief Thomas. I’ve already confessed to how we took Violet and tortured her. How Chops water tortured her. How Acid, Manson, and Blade were the ones to do the damage to Star and Sheila. I’ve given dirt on every club member that’s at the Virginia chapter at the moment. Not any of the past members, they’re out, they don’t need to go down, but the guys that are there now, they can suffer alongside me.
Yep, I’m officially a rat, and I don’t give a flying fuck!
“I have to say, Frank, I’m a little astounded by all this information you’re freely giving us. You’re basically giving up your entire club. You know this means all of them are going to go away for their crimes? It’ll basically disband the Virginia chapter, right?”
Nodding, I exhale. “The club isn’t what it used to be. If I can’t be there to run it, I don’t want anyone else running it either. The club gets disbanded… bring them all in, Chief.”
He nods. “Thank you for your candor. But I do warn you, your life is probably going to be in danger.”
Half smiling, I nod. “I know, but I have nothing left to live for anyway.”
The chief nods and exhales walking out of the room, and the other policeman unlocks my cuffs from the table. So, I stand up and he walks me back to my cell.
Lying down on the hard bed, I look back up to the peeling ceiling and think of Millie. I wonder how she would be taking the news of my arrest. I wish I could see her, just one last time. I fucking miss her, so bad. Bringing my arm up, I look at the tattoo of her name on my inner forearm and huff.
“I love you, Millie,” I murmur closing my eyes and dreaming of her adorable face.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
A WEEK LATER
I’ve been moved to the visitation room after being in solitary for a week. I’m not sure who’s coming to see me. I know the boys from the club have all been brought into the same prison and are in the cell block, which I’m going to be moved into tomorrow, so my time is limited. I’m a rat, I’m just as bad a Stealth and Sentinel were. So I know the moment I step foot into the yard with my brothers my time on this earth is done.
Was it hard to give up all the inside info on my brothers? Not really. We’re all scum and deserve to pay for our sins. Plus, I can’t stand the idea of Virginia running without Steel or me. So I had to do what I had to do, and bring the club down with me.
Will it cost me my life? Yes, of that I am sure. I’ve lost my love, my kid, and I have nothing left to live for.
The buzz grates my ears breaking me from my thoughts. I’m not handcuffed to the table like I was in the cell at the police station. I’m just standing in this four concrete walled room, with no windows and no way out, but that one door that’s now slowly opening. Wondering who my visitors are, I look up and my breath catches and my stomach flips when they walk in. I think a slight gasp escapes my lips, but I can’t be sure because there’s a ringing in my ears so loud I can’t hear anything other than that.
My chest is aching just from the mere sight of seeing my Millie and Dylan walking in toward me.
Stumbling slightly on the spot, I try to contain my emotion. I never thought I’d see either of them again. Knowing today is my last day alive and how Dylan left last time, I honestly never thought I’d get to say goodbye. So this has me a little stunned.
“Frank,” Millie says so softly I can barely hear it through the pumping of the blood in my ears.
My bottom lip trembles as I slowly walk up to them, and look Millie right in her beautiful blue eyes.
“Millie.” Her name rolls off my tongue as she gazes up at me furrowing her brows. Her hair is longer than I imagined as it frames her face beautifully. She’s still as perfect as ever. She’s still my Millie, even after nine years of not seeing her.
“Geez Frank, y-you really let y-yourself go didn’t y-you?” she stutters out without laughing, she actually sounds like she’s going to cry.
I shrug. “Had no one to keep myself looking good for.” She swallows hard and exhales shaking her head as I turn to Dylan. “You came back?”
“Because we heard you were bein’ taken out of solitary tomorrow. What the hell are you thinkin’, Dad?”
Huffing, I shrug. “What can I do?”
Millie furrows her brows and purses her lips, her nostrils flaring and her fists balling at her sides. “Well, you can fight this for one thing. You can ask to stay in solitary, or ask to be moved to another prison. Do something?”
“I’ve accepted my fate, Millie. You should, too.”
She glares at me as the vein in her clenched neck twitches, and her eyes squint as she steps up closer, pointing her finger into my chest dramatically. “You think you can just give up and let yourself be taken out by the Savages? You’re a strong, tough president, Frank. How dare you stand back and give up so easily. Think about us, think about your family and what you’re throwing away, you selfish son of a bitch!”
“Millie—”
“I knew this fucking club would kill you. This is what I’ve been afraid of, all these years Frank, all these fucking years we’ve been apart because of this very moment. Because I knew this club would destroy you, and you’re just going to fucking roll over and let it?”