by K E Osborn
Wincing, I grab her wrist and pull her to me as I watch the pain-filled tears fill her eyes. “I never meant to hurt you. I love you. I will always love you. But now you’ll never have to worry about me again. This time tomorrow I’ll be gone, and then you can have my funeral and never think about me again.”
She huffs out a groan, bringing her open palm up and slaps me across my cheek. My head snaps to the side with the force as the sting radiates right through my face. My eyes roll around in my head slightly, as I grab my cheek to try to ease the pain.
“I think about you every fucking day. Only now my thoughts will be of a rotting corpse, not of the man I’m madly in love with, and l-lost so much f-fucking time with.” Her voice cracks as the tears don’t hold and fall down her pink cheeks. The sight breaks my already shattered heart.
Swallowing hard, I can’t help myself as I lean forward grabbing both her shoulders, pulling her to me. Our bodies connect, and I press my lips to hers forcefully. The spark that erupts from kissing her is the same as it was the very first time. It reminds me of our song. ‘Feels Like the First Time’ by Foreigner. She doesn’t pull back like I thought she would. Instead, she pushes into me, wrapping her arms around my neck and deepening the kiss. Her tongue moves with mine, and I kiss her passionately for the first time in nine years. My heart is pounding so fast it might explode. This is what I’ve been needing, this is what my life has been missing. She’s my missing piece. Without her, I’ve been a mess. It’s not her fault she left, it’s all mine. I should have left with her, and I should have never let Dylan prospect in. Everything would be so different now if I didn’t let the club take me over.
Everything’s better with hindsight, right?
Dylan subtly coughs, I’d forgotten he was even here. Poor kid seeing his parents’ pash-on would probably be weird for him after everything. So regretfully, I pull away from my Millie. She looks me in the eyes, her hands still around my neck and she shakes her head.
“It feels like the first time.”
Smiling, I chew on my bottom lip. “It feels like the very first time.”
She lets out a small sob, and I rest my forehead against hers and wipe the tear stream from her cheek. “I never stopped loving you.”
She sniffs and exhales. “I love you, too.”
My chest tightens and I wince at those words. Knowing we’ve wasted so many years apart by being pigheaded is so ridiculous. But our time is up. She will be better off without me. They both will be.
“How are you allowed in here without a guard?” I ask.
“We paid a guy called Billy. He seems pretty crooked, so he let us have a private room and extra time.”
I exhale, Billy, I know him well. I’ve been able to bribe him to bring me durries and the occasional beer. He’s a good lad. His dad is the Warden, so he gets away with anything. “Billy’s a good lad, impressionable, but good.”
“Thanks for coming, Dylan. I’m sorry about how we left things last time.”
He exhales and winces. “Me too, Dad. I’m sorry about what I said, I don’t disown you. I’m actually kind of in awe of you, disbandin’ Virginia. That takes guts. I hate the consequences, and I wish you would seek out a transfer, there’s still time.”
“My time is up, kid. You know how the brotherhood works. This is how it needs to be.”
Millie starts to cry hard and cuddles into me. Wrapping my arms around her tightly, I nuzzle into her hair. “I’m sorry for all the lost time. I wish I’d been a better husband, a better father. I wish I wasn’t so fucking pigheaded and that I’d lived a better life, but you two are better off without me.”
“How can you fucking say that?” Millie pulls back yelling at me, contorting her face in anger as she pushes me in the chest. Taking a step back as she cries hard, I swallow a lump in my throat and look at Dylan, who’s frowning and looks like he’s having trouble holding it together too.
“Steel, watch over your mother. You’re all she has left. Make sure to give her lots of grandbabies with Willow.”
“Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare start saying your goodbyes!” Millie yells through her sobs and starts to pace the room running her hands through her long blonde hair.
Dylan moves toward me, taking me into his arms embracing me. My throat chokes up and my eyes start to water, thinking this is the last time I will hug my kid. So I better make it last. I hold him back with a strong strength. I haven’t hugged him like this before, but this is the last time, I don’t care if I squeeze him a little harder than normal. We embrace tightly, and he holds me back with the same pressure I’m holding him. He sniffs and pulls back to look at me. He’s crying, and the sight rips my heart out of my chest, slams it on the floor and rolls over it with a truck. I can’t stand seeing my tough, biker son upset. It does my head in.
“I’m so sorry I was a dick last time I saw you. I hate that you’re givin’ up. I hate that you’re choosin’ to leave us. I need you to know that even through all the fights, all the anger and hurt, the misunderstandin’s and the resentment, through it all, I still fuckin’ love you.”
My eyes mist up, and I pull him back to me for another hug as Millie continues to pace. “I fucking love you too, kid. Always have, always will. I’ll always be with you, just remember that. Every time you see a falling leaf, that’s me.”
“You don’t believe in that shit,” he chokes out and half laughs.
“Just remember that, okay?” I say pulling back and he nods, sniffing and takes a deep breath, wiping his face.
The door opens, and Millie shakes her head. “No, not yet. I’m not ready,” she shrieks.
“Okay, but you don’t have much more time,” Billy says then closes the door behind him.
Millie starts to hyperventilate and rushes over to me basically jumping in my arms. I hold onto her tightly and smother myself with her. I need to memorize every inch of her beautiful body, her smell, her gorgeous face. Sniffing, I run my hands over her hair and try to comfort her as she sobs into my chest.
“Just promise me that you’ll look after each other. And Dylan, don’t get caught up in any bad crap at Aldinga.
“They don’t deal in drugs or guns. So we can’t get tied up in anythin’ bad or criminal. The club is different, Dad. It’s run legit… We’ll be safe, I’ll make sure of it.”
The buzzer sounds and my chest tightens so tight, it feels like it wants to explode. Dylan rushes toward Millie and me and joins in for a group hug as the door opens. Billy doesn’t say anything just stands there letting us have our last goodbye.
I hold onto my family as my tears don’t fail me now. I cry softly into Millie’s hair and kiss her head as she clings to me for dear life, sobbing so hard I wonder if she can actually breathe.
“I’m so sorry, guys, but this is all the time I can give you,” Billy advises, and I nod as Millie cries harder. I hate that she is so upset by this.
Dylan pulls back looking at me and nods. I smile at him then look down to Millie still clinging onto me. I move my hand to her chin and pull her drenched face up to look at me. She’s sobbing so hard it’s messing with my head. I can’t let her go without kissing her once more, so I lean down and press my lips to hers. The feeling of kissing her is the ultimate in euphoria. It’s the best death row present I could have asked for. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me back passionately, and I don’t hold back this time. I know this is the last kiss I’ll ever have with my Millie, so I have to make it count. Her tongue collides with mine, and the passion we shared all those years ago is still very much alive.
She is my true north.
My home.
My life.
My love.
My everything.
“Frank, times up,” Billy says breaking the best moment I have for the last nine years.
Pulling back from Millie, I look in her eyes and smile. “You’re the love of my life. I’ve never stopped loving you, not for a second.”
“It’s only ever been you
, Frank,” she whispers back and leans up gently pecking my lips again, sending a shock wave right down my spine and straight to my cock.
“Mum, we gotta go.” Dylan comes up to her grabbing her arm to pull her away.
She shakes her head and starts to cry again. “No, I’m not ready. I can’t say goodbye yet.”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. McNamara, I really can’t give you any more time,” Billy admits.
“Then lock me up in here with him.”
“Mum!”
“Millie!”
“There’s no reason to lock you up, Mrs. McNamara. I’m sorry, but you have to leave.”
She sobs clinging to me. “I-I can’t let you go, Frank. I-I can’t lose you.”
A stab permeates my chest as I look to Dylan and tilt my head. He’s going to have to help her through this.
“C’mon, Mum,” he says pulling on her arm.
“No, I can’t.” She clings to me, and I hold her tightly as Billy huffs and walks into the room.
“Frank,” Billy pleads.
“Millie, baby, you gotta let me go. You gotta go, baby. I gotta let you go,” I murmur with tears now streaming down my face.
She shakes her head violently from side to side, clinging to me strongly. “No, I won’t let you die, Frank. I can’t, I can’t let you die. I won’t let them kill you,” she screams falling apart.
Dylan grabs her by the waist and pulls her. But her hands clench onto my arms as he tries to pull her away from me. She screams and cries as he pulls harder. I try to pry her hands from me, but her grip is tight. Billy walks over helping too, and I look in her eyes and shake my head.
“I’m sorry, I love you,” I say as she screams, and together with Billy we pry her fingers away from my arms, while Dylan pulls her off me. She screams so loud, I’m sure the entire jail can hear as he lifts her from the ground, her legs kicking as her arms reach out for me, and she’s dragged out of the room.
“I love you. I love you, Millie. I’ll always love you,” I call out as they all rush out of the room with her sobbing and screaming so loudly, and it breaks my heart so irreparably that I fall to the ground in a heap and place my head in my hands and sob into them.
Seeing her like that killed me.
I hate that my death brings her this much pain, but there’s no way out of this.
I will die tomorrow.
And Dylan and her are much better off without scum like me.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I had a restless sleep. Normally the night before the day you die in jail you get a last meal of something you really want, I didn’t get that, all I got was a sleepless night with haunting memories of Millie being dragged away from me kicking and screaming.
God, I hope she’ll be okay. I hope Dylan will look after her. He’s a good kid, I know he will. I just hope Millie moves on, I hope she finds another man to love her and doesn’t spend her life being unhappy. I would hate that life for her.
Billy arrives at my cell door and huffs. I take a deep breath. “It’s time, isn’t it?”
“I’m sorry, Frank, there’s nothing I can do,” he claims. I nod knowing that even paying off the guards doesn’t always work. My time’s up. I’m out of solitary and into cattle class.
Standing up from my bed, I walk to the door and take a deep breath. I’m okay with how today will go. I’ve made peace with my mortality. I just hope that Dylan and Millie can get through it okay. They’ve dealt with a lot in their lives, all because of me. Well, all the pain can stop now. I won’t hurt them anymore.
Billy escorts me down the halls and toward the yard. “I really am sorry, Frank. You’re a nice guy, I’ll try to sort something out and see if I can get you a transfer as soon as possible,” Billy says.
Half smiling, I shake my head. Kid doesn’t get it. He knows my club will be out to get me. What he doesn’t get is they are out for blood, all of it, not just to rough me up a little.
It’s a brotherhood, rat and you die.
Rules are rules.
“It’s okay, Billy, you’ve done enough. I want you to know that what you’ve done for my family and me, will always be appreciated. Thank you for letting them come and see me yesterday. I needed that.”
“Hey, I’ll see if I can get them in again for you soon.”
Half smiling again, I nod. “Yeah, that’d be nice,” I say even though I know in a matter of minutes my time on this earth will be done.
We make it out and into the giant yard, and I notice all the other prisoners congregated already. He opens the gate, and we walk through outside. The sunlight hits my skin making me smile. It feels good after a week locked inside four grey walls. Looking around, there’s groups of men all huddled together.
And then I spot them.
The Virginia crew all close together by the back fence.
Swallowing, I stride in with my head held high. I’m not letting them know how terrified I am right now. Suddenly, a guy to my left stands up and launches himself into the guy next to him in a full on fist fight.
Taking in a deep breath, I nod.
So it begins.
A roar rings through the yard as men start to race around in every direction. I stand still waiting for the inevitable blow. I’m not sure who or where it will come from, all I know is I’m a rat, and I know Wreaking Havoc is coming my way. The Grimm Reaper is hanging in the air. A flurry of bodies rushes around me as I stand tall and wait.
Suddenly, Chops appears in front of me and frowns looking at me like he’s mightily pissed off.
“You’re a sitting duck out here, Mad Dog, let’s get you out of here,” he says and grabs my shoulders turning me.
For a moment, I thought he was going to be the one, but that would be harsh. He’s my best friend, he started this club with me, and he’s been through all the highs and lows with me. Surely, it couldn’t have been my right-hand man. He starts to push me forward, leading me out the way, when a sharp pain rips through my back. Gasping for air, I hunch forward and turn my head looking back to Chops. He frowns at me, holding a makeshift weapon in his hand. Furrowing my brows, I curl up my lip at the fact that my best friend literally just stabbed me in the back.
“Chops?”
“Don’t even say my name. You ratted on us all. We voted and called in Wreaking Havoc. Meet your maker, Prez.” Chops brings the weapon up and shoves it straight into my stomach. The pain sears through me as he slices up ripping me open. He pulls back and then continues to stab me with the object continuously until I fall to the ground, my body now numb to the pain, and I can only hear the gargling of the blood in my throat.
My last thought is of Amelia and Dylan. Hoping they can live their lives out long and happy, and I hope I haven’t done too much damage to them. Sending out a silent ‘I love you’ the darkness washes over me, and I bathe in the glory of peace finally surrounding every inch of me.
I can finally relax.
As my muscles release and my soul floats away, I can finally say I’m home.
In the blackness is where I belong.
EPILOGUE
A MONTH LATER
AMELIA’S POV
Placing the flowers down on the patch of barely there grass, I take a deep breath still feeling as hollow as the day I left the prison after seeing Mad Dog for the final time. Being at his grave doesn’t make the hurt or anger any less, or more, it just makes it real. He’s gone, he’s really gone, and nothing can bring my husband back. Swiping the stray tear from under my eye, Willow places her arm around my shoulders and pulls her to me for comfort.
It doesn’t help.
“Mum, are you ready to do this?” Dylan asks.
A tightness forms in my chest and butterflies dance in my stomach in excitement. “Fuck, yeah.”
“Flame, are you sure you really want to be a part of this?” he asks.
She smiles. “Being a part of this world for a while now has shown me a few things, and I think I’m ready to see the worst of it.”
I lov
e the way she’s changed from the woman she was, to the tough and confident woman she is now. Willow is great Old Lady material. She reminds me of me, I’m glad she’s stuck around.
The wind suddenly blows, and a leaf falls from the tree next to us right in front of Dylan. He huffs out a small laugh and smiles.
“What’s up?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Just something Dad said.”
“What was it?” Flame asks.
“He said if a leaf fell in front of me it was him. It’s kind of fittin’ that we’re at his grave about to do what we’re about to do, and a leaf flies down in front of my face. Do you think he’s here?” he asks, and my chest tightens and I smile.
“I think he’s always with you, Dylan, and he’ll be with us today. We’re doing this for him, so he’ll be watching,” I say honestly.
Willow moves over to Dylan and places her hand in his supportively, and smiles leaning in kissing his cheek.
“Okay, let’s go do this,” he says, and I smile as those giddy butterflies return to my stomach.
***
We walk up to the prison gates, and the guard lets us all in. Dylan talked to Billy and arranged this, so I know we’re safe with what we’re going to be carrying out today.
Thank God for Billy, hey!
We’re led to a small back room, it’s dark, and there’s another room inside the room, and that’s where the guard tells us to wait. Dylan pays the guard with a giant wad of cash, and I smirk at how crooked these guards really are here. We hide in the back room, which has a one-way window so we can see out into the other room. We wait for only a matter of minutes until Billy walks in with a handcuffed Chops. My smile grows wide as he’s carrying on as they walk in.
His eyes grow wide, as he takes in the small empty room.
“What the hell is this? I knew you were crooked, Billy, but who the hell is putting you up to this, you fucking cunt?” Chops calls out as Billy pulls Chops hands up and attaches them to a chain hanging from the ceiling. It’s painfully obvious that this is what this room is for. We’re not the first people to use it.