Complete Works of Xenophon (Illustrated) (Delphi Ancient Classics)

by Xenophon

  “Your prayers, also,” said Callias, “are doubtless to the effect that you may never be rich; and if you ever have a fine dream you sacrifice, do you not, to the deities who avert disasters?”

  “Oh, no’” was the reply; “I don’t go so far as that; I hazard the danger with great heroism if I have any expectation of getting something from some one.” [34]

  “Come, now, Antisthenes,” said Socrates, “take your turn and tell us how it is that with such slender means you base your pride on wealth.”

  “Because, sirs, I conceive that people’s wealth and poverty are to be found not in their real estate but in their hearts. [35] For I see many persons, not in office, who though possessors of large resources, yet look upon themselves as so poor that they bend their backs to any toil, any risk, if only they may increase their holdings; and again I know of brothers, with equal shares in their inheritance, where one of them has plenty, and more than enough to meet expenses, while the other is in utter want. [36] Again, I am told of certain despots, also, who have such a greedy appetite for riches that they commit much more dreadful crimes than they who are afflicted with the direst poverty. For it is of course their want that makes some people steal, others commit burglary, others follow the slave trade; but there are some despots who destroy whole families, kill men wholesale, oftentimes enslave even entire cities, for the sake of money. [37] As for such men, I pity them deeply for their malignant disease; for in my eyes their malady resembles that of a person who possessed abundance but though continually eating could never be satisfied. For my own part, my possessions are so great that I can hardly find them myself; yet I have enough so that I can eat until I reach a point where I no longer feel hungry and drink until I do not feel thirsty and have enough clothing so that when out of doors I do not feel the cold any more than my superlatively wealthy friend Callias here; [38] and when I get into the house I look on my walls as exceedingly warm tunics and the roofs as exceptionally thick mantles; and the bedding that I own is so satisfactory that it is actually a hard task to get me awake in the morning. If I ever feel a natural desire for converse with women, I am so well satisfied with whatever chance puts in my way that those to whom I make my addresses are more than glad to welcome me because they have no one else who wants to consort with them. [39] In a word, all these items appeal to me as being so conducive to enjoyment that I could not pray for greater pleasure in performing any one of them, but could pray rather for less — so much more pleasurable do I regard some of them than is good for one. [40] But the most valuable parcel of my wealth I reckon to be this, that even though some one were to rob me of what I now possess, I see no occupation so humble that it would not give me adequate fare. [41] For whenever I feel an inclination to indulge my appetite, I do not buy fancy articles at the market (for they come high), but I draw on the store-house of my soul. And it goes a long way farther toward producing enjoyment when I take food only after awaiting the craving for it than when I partake of one of these fancy dishes, like this fine Thasian wine that fortune has put in my way and I am drinking without the promptings of thirst. [42] Yes, and it is natural that those whose eyes are set on frugality should be more honest than those whose eyes are fixed on money-making. For those who are most contented with what they have are least likely to covet what belongs to others. [43] And it is worth noting that wealth of this kind makes people generous, also. My friend Socrates here and I are examples. For Socrates, from whom I acquired this wealth of mine, did not come to my relief with limitation of number and weight, but made over to me all that I could carry. And as for me, I am now niggardly to no one, but both make an open display of my abundance to all my friends and share my spiritual wealth with any one of them that desires it. [44] But — most exquisite possession of all! — you observe that I always have leisure, with the result that I can go and see whatever is worth seeing, and hear whatever is worth hearing and — what I prize highest — pass the whole day, untroubled by business, in Socrates’ company. Like me, he does not bestow his admiration on those who count the most gold, but spends his time with those who are congenial to him.” [45]

  Such was the thesis maintained by Antisthenes. “So help me Hera,” commented Callias, “among the numerous reasons I find for congratulating you on your wealth, one is that the government does not lay its commands on you and treat you as a slave, another is that people do not feel resentful at your not making them a loan.”

  “Do not be congratulating him,” said Niceratus; “because I am about to go and get him to make me a loan — of his contentment with his lot, schooled as I am by Homer to count”Seven pots unfired, ten talents’ weight of gold, A score of gleaming cauldrons, chargers twelve,” Hom. Iliad 9.122 f., 264 f. weighing and calculating until I am never done with yearning for vast riches; as a result, some people perhaps regard me as just a bit fond of lucre.”

  A burst of laughter from the whole company greeted this admission; for they considered that he had told nothing more than the truth. [46]

  “Hermogenes, it devolves on you,” some one now remarked, “to mention who your friends are and to demonstrate their great power and their solicitude for you, so that your pride in them may appear justified.” [47]

  “Very well; in the first place, it is clear as day that both Greeks and barbarians believe that the gods know everything both present and to come; at any rate, all cities and all races ask the gods, by the diviner’s art, for advice as to what to do and what to avoid. Second, it is likewise manifest that we consider them able to work us good or ill; at all events, every one prays the gods to avert evil and grant blessings. [48] Well, these gods, omniscient and omnipotent, feel so friendly toward me that their watchfulness over me never lets me out of their ken night or day, no matter where I am going or what business I have in view. They know the results also that will follow any act; and so they send me as messengers omens of sounds, dreams, and birds, and thus indicate what I ought to do and what I ought not to do. And when I do their bidding, I never regret it; on the other hand, I have before now disregarded them and have been punished for it.” [49]

  “None of these statements,” said Socrates, “is incredible. But what I should like very much to know is how you serve them to keep them so friendly.”

  “A very economical service it is, I declare!” responded Hermogenes. “I sound their praises, — which costs nothing; I always restore them part of what they give me; I avoid profanity of speech as far as I can; and I never wittingly lie in matters wherein I have invoked them to be my witnesses.”

  “Truly,” said Socrates, “if it is conduct like this that gives you their friendship, then the gods also, it would seem, take delight in nobility of soul!”

  Such was the serious turn given to the discussion of this topic. [50]

  When they got around to Philip, they asked him what he saw in the jester’s profession to feel proud of it.

  “Have I not a right to be proud,” said he, “when all know that I am a jester, and so whenever they have a bit of good fortune, give me hearty invitations to come and join them, but when they suffer some reverse, run from me with never a glance behind, in dread that they may be forced to laugh in spite of themselves?” [51]

  “Your pride is abundantly justified,” said Niceratus. “In my case, on the contrary, those friends who enjoy success keep out of my way, but those that run into some mishap reckon up their kinship to me on the family tree, and I can’t get rid of them.” [52]

  “No doubt,” said Charmides; and then, turning to the Syracusan, “What is it that you are proud of? The boy, I suppose?”

  “Quite the contrary,” was the reply; “I am instead in extreme apprehension about him. For I understand that there are certain persons plotting his undoing.” [53]

  On receiving this information, “Good Heavens!” exclaimed Socrates; “what wrong do they imagine your lad has done them that is grave enough to make them wish to kill him?”

  Syr. “It is not killing him that they desire; oh,
no! but to persuade him to sleep with them.”

  Soc. “Your belief, then, if I mistake not, is that if this happened, he would be undone?”

  Syr. “Aye, utterly!” [54]

  Soc. “Do you not then sleep in his bed yourself?”

  Syr. “Most certainly, all night and every night.”

  Soc. “Marry, you are in great luck to be formed of such flesh that you are unique in not corrupting those that sleep with you. And so you have a right to be proud of your flesh if of nothing else.” [55]

  Syr. “And yet that is not the basis of my pride.”

  Soc. “What is, then?”

  Syr. “Fools, in faith. They give me a livelihood by coming to view my marionettes.”

  “Ah!” ejaculated Philip; “that explains the prayer I heard you uttering the other day, that wherever you were the gods would grant you an abundant harvest of grain but a crop-failure of wits!” [56]

  “Good!” said Callias. “And now, Socrates, what can you advance in support of your pride in that disreputable profession that you mentioned?”

  “Let us first,” said he, “come to an understanding on the functions that belong to the procurer. Do not hesitate to answer all the questions I ask you, so that we may know our points of agreement. Is that your pleasure?” he asked.

  “Certainly,” was their reply; and when they had once started with “certainly,” that was the regular answer they all made to his questions thereafter. [57]

  Soc. “Well, then, you consider it the function of a good procurer to render the man or the woman whom he is serving attractive to his or her associates?”

  All. “Certainly.”

  Soc. “Now, one thing that contributes to rendering a person attractive is a comely arrangement of hair and clothing, is it not?”

  All. “Certainly.” [58]

  “This, also, we know, do we not, that it is in a man’s power to use the one pair of eyes to express both friendship and hostility?”

  “Certainly.”

  “And again, it is possible to speak both modestly and boldly with the same voice?”

  “Certainly.”

  “Moreover, are there not words that create ill feeling and others that conduce to friendliness?”

  “Certainly.” [59]

  “Now the good procurer would teach only the words that tend to make one attractive, would he not?”

  “Certainly.”

  “Which one would be the better?” he continued, “the one who could make people attractive to a single person or the one who could make them attractive to many?”

  This question brought a division; some said, “Clearly the one who could make them attractive to a great many”; the others merely repeated, “Certainly.” [60]

  Remarking that they were all of one mind on this point as on the others, he went on: “If a person could render people attractive to the entire community, would he not satisfy the requirements of the ideal procurer?”

  “Indubitably,” they all said.

  “And so, if one could produce men of this type out of his clients, he would be entitled to feel proud of his profession and to receive a high remuneration, would he not?” [61]

  All agreeing on this point, too, he added, “Antisthenes here seems to me to be a man of just that sort.”

  Antisthenes asked, “Are you resigning your profession to me, Socrates?”

  “Assuredly,” was the answer. “For I see that you have brought to a high state of perfection the complementary trade.”

  “What is that?”

  “The profession of go-between,” he said. [62]

  Antisthenes was much incensed and asked, “What knowledge can you possibly have of my being guilty of such a thing as that?”

  “I know several instances,” he replied. “I know that you acted the part between Callias here and the scholar Prodicus, when you saw that Callias was in love with philosophy and that Prodicus wanted money. I know also that you did the same for Hippias, the Elean, from whom Callias got his memory system; and as a result, Callias has become more amorous than ever, because he finds it impossible to forget any beauty he sees. [63] And just recently, you remember, you introduced the stranger from Heraclea to me, after arousing my keen interest in him by your commendations. For this I am indeed grateful to you; for I look upon him as endowed with a truly noble nature. And did you not laud Aeschylus the Phleiasian to me and me to him until you brought us to such a pass that in mutual yearning, excited by your words, we went coursing like hounds to find each other? [64] It is the witnessing of your talent at achieving such a result that makes me judge you an excellent go-between. For the man who can recognize those who are fitted to be mutually helpful and can make them desire one another’s acquaintance, that man, in my opinion, could also create friendship between cities and arrange suitable marriages, and would be a very valuable acquisition as friend or ally for both states and individuals. But you got indignant, as if you had received an affront, when I said that you were a good go-between.”

  “But, indeed, that is all over now,” he replied; “for with this power mine I shall find my soul chock-full of riches.”

  And so this round of discourse was brought to a close.

  5. Callias now said, “Critobulus, are you going to refuse to enter the lists in the beauty contest with Socrates?”

  “Undoubtedly!” said Socrates; “for probably he notices that the procurer stands high in the favour of the judges.” [2]

  “But yet in spite of that,” retorted Critobulus, “I do not shun the contest. So make your plea, if you can produce any profound reason, and prove that you are more handsome than I. Only,” he added, “let some one bring the light close to him.”

  “The first step, then, in my suit,” said Socrates, “is to summon you to the preliminary hearing; be so kind as to answer my questions.”

  “And you proceed to put them.” [3]

  “Do you hold, then, that beauty is to be found only in man, or is it also in other objects?”

  Crit. “In faith, my opinion is that beauty is to be found quite as well in a horse or an ox or in any number of inanimate things. I know, at any rate, that a shield may be beautiful, or a sword, or a spear.” [4]

  Soc. “How can it be that all these things are beautiful when they are entirely dissimilar?”

  “Why, they are beautiful and fine,” answered Critobulus, “if they are well made for the respective functions for which we obtain them, or if they are naturally well constituted to serve our needs.” [5]

  Soc. “Do you know the reason why we need eyes?”

  Crit. “Obviously to see with.”

  “In that case, it would appear without further 9ado that my eyes are finer ones than yours.”

  “How so?”

  “Because, while yours see only straight ahead, mine, by bulging out as they do, see also to the sides.”

  Crit. “Do you mean to say that a crab is better equipped visually than any other creature?”

  Soc. “Absolutely; for its eyes are also better set to insure strength.” [6]

  Crit. “Well, let that pass; but whose nose is finer, yours or mine?”

  Soc. “Mine, I consider, granting that Providence made us noses to smell with. For your nostrils look down toward the ground, but mine are wide open and turned outward so that I can catch scents from all about.”

  “But how do you make a snub nose handsomer than a straight one?”

  Soc. “For the reason that it does not put a barricade between the eyes but allows them unobstructed vision of whatever they desire to see; whereas a high nose, as if in despite, has walled the eyes off one from the other.” [7]

  “As for the mouth,” said Critobulus, “I concede that point. For if it is created for the purpose of biting off food, you could bite off a far bigger mouthful than I could. And don’t you think that your kiss is also the more tender because you have thick lips?”

  Soc. “According to your argument, it would seem that I have a mouth more ugly even
than an ass’s. But do you not reckon it a proof of my superior beauty that the River Nymphs, goddesses as they are, bear as their offspring the Seileni, who resemble me more closely than they do you?” [8]

  “I cannot argue any longer with you,” answered Critobulus; “let them distribute the ballots, so that I may know without suspense what fine or punishment I must undergo. Only,” he continued, “let the balloting be secret, for I am afraid that the ‘wealth’ you and Antisthenes possess will overmaster me.” [9]

  So the maiden and the lad turned in the ballots secretly. While this was going on, Socrates saw to it that the light should be brought in front of Critobulus, so that the judges might not be misled, and stipulated that the prize given by the judges to crown the victor should be kisses and not ribbons. [10] When the ballots were turned out of the urn and proved to be a unanimous verdict in favour of Critobulus, “Faugh!” exclaimed Socrates; “your money, Critobulus, does not appear to resemble Callias’s. For his makes people more honest, while yours is about the most potent to corrupt men, whether members of a jury or judges of a contest.”

  6. At this some of the company urged Critobulus to take his kisses, the need of victory; others advised him to get the consent of the young people’s legal guardian; and others indulged in other badinage. But even then Hermogenes kept silent. And Socrates, calling him by name, inquired, “Hermogenes, could you define ‘convivial unpleasantness’ for us?”

  “If you ask me what it actually is,” he answered, “I do not know; but I am willing to tell you what I think it is.”