His Muse

by Twyla Turner

  Again, I feel exposed.

  I down the rest of my champagne and place it on a platter that is passing by. I walk over to where Raquel is in a deep discussion with a handsome man I’ve yet to meet.

  “Excuse me, Raquel. I don’t mean to intrude, I just wanted to let you know that I’m heading out.”

  “Oh no, not already?” She pouts.

  “Yeah, I’m feeling a little tired.” I lie. I’ve never been more awake in my life.

  “I was hoping we could catch a late dinner. Corinne, Etienne, and I want to celebrate the success of our opening and his exhibition.” She leans in and whispers, “I think he is quite taken with you, chéri.”

  I couldn’t imagine a more flustering situation than eating across from him as he stares at me with those perceptive eyes.

  “That’s ridiculous! There’s no way he could be interested in my old behind. How old is he anyway?”

  “Twenty-nine, darling. Old enough to know what he’s doing, I’d say.” She raises her brow, giving me that knowing look.

  “Maybe next time. I think all the champagne has given me a bit of a headache.”

  She tsks in disappointment.

  “Alright, if you must.”

  I smile at her sad face. She’s so dramatic.

  “I must.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, then. For lunch?”

  “Yep. I’ll be there.”

  “Good. Until then.” She kisses my cheeks.

  I turn and quickly make for the door. Escape is within my grasp.

  “Going so soon.” A now familiar voice stops me.

  I reluctantly turn and find Etienne leaning against a stone pillar, looking relaxed and gorgeous.

  “I-I’m not feeling well. Headache. I figured I’d call it a night.”

  “Hmm…” He isn’t buying it.

  He pushes off the pillar and comes towards me. My instinct is to step back, but out of the necessity to be polite, I stay put.

  “Until we meet again.”

  He leans down and kisses one cheek, slowly moves to the other cheek, his lips only centimeters from mine as he passes by, and kisses the other cheek. My eyes close of their own accord. When I finally open them, he’s staring at me intently.

  I’ve got to get out of here.

  “Goodbye, Etienne.”

  “Goodnight, Ryn.” He says my nickname as if he owns it.

  I walk out into the night. The imprint of his lips still branded on my hot cheeks.

  Chapter 4

  “So, I’ve decided to throw a little cocktail and dinner party in your honor,” Raquel informs me after the waiter takes our lunch order.

  “In my honor? I’m no one special.”

  “You seriously misjudge your appeal, chéri.” She waves away my self-deprecating attitude. “Being quiet and reserved, by no means implies that you are uninteresting. The boys were quite intrigued by you. Pierre is dying to get to know you.”

  “Ha! More like, Pierre is dying to get some fresh meat in his bed.”

  “This is true. There is nothing wrong with taking a casual lover.”

  “Except for the fact that there is someone who really does want his attention, and I couldn’t do that to her.”

  “Oh, yes. Nicole.” Raquel nods thoughtfully. “I have told her to move on. That she could find someone infinitely better for her. But she cannot seem to help herself. Hopefully one day he’ll actually see her for more than just a friend.”

  “So, when will this party take place? My daughter, Kari will be here Thursday night.”

  “Saturday. And please, bring her along. She’s old enough to drink, oui?”

  “Oui.”

  “Ooh! Maybe we can set her up with Olivier.” She claps her hands together, excited at the thought of matchmaking. “He’s only just turned thirty. Not too old for her, right?”

  I hold my hands up and shake my head, “Hey, I try not to hold her back from what she wants. Well, within reason. As long as it doesn’t destroy her life, I’m okay with it. Olivier seems sweet and genuine.”

  “Perfect! Then it is settled. You both will come to my place Saturday evening, and we will have yummy drinks, great food, and delicious conversation. And make sure you dress up.” Raquel smiles brightly.

  Her eyes dance with mischief.

  ~~~

  “Her eyes danced with mischief, alright. Little did I know, Etienne had begged her the night before to host a party so that he could see me again. Not that I was necessarily complaining. I’d wanted to see him again from the moment I walked away from him. I just refused to admit it to myself at the time.”

  Kari remembers the trip to France as clearly as if it just happened last week. She also remembers that party and seeing Etienne for the first time. The memories used to fill her with anger, but listening to her mother’s story is slowly changing everything.

  Chapter 5

  I want to wear something nice, but not too fancy to Raquel’s party. Nothing inside my tiny European wardrobe is inspiring me. So, I figure it’s time to go shopping. I’ve been good since I arrived, only buying necessities. I doubt if it’ll hurt if I splurge a little.

  I step into a cute little shop I’ve passed by several times but always force myself to keep walking. The clothes in the window are always so eye-catching.

  I browse through their dresses and find a pretty yellow halter dress that would be perfect. I pray it works because I love it.

  “I would like to try this on,” I say to the salesgirl in broken French.

  She smiles at my sad attempt and leads me to the small dressing room. I shut the curtain and undress. The delicate yellow material slides over my body and drifts down to mid-thigh. There’s no mirror in the small space, but it feels like it fits right.

  I step out from behind the curtain and stand in front of the three-way mirror. I turn this way and that and the skirt of the dress twirls around my legs. It fits perfectly. I smile happily and turn to go back inside the dressing room. I stop in my tracks with a tiny yelp.

  “Bonjour, Ryn.” Etienne grins up at me from his seat in front of the dressing rooms.

  How I missed him sitting there, I do not know.

  “Etienne,” I say breathlessly. “W-What are you doing here?”

  “I saw you come inside and I wanted to say hello.”

  “Uh…hi.”

  “The dress is… How do you say?” He searched for the right word. “Breathtaking on you.”

  “Th-Thank you.” I look away.

  “It will be perfect for our first date.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “The dress. It will work for our first date together.”

  “I can’t go on a date with you.”

  “Why not?”

  “I…I just can’t.”

  “You are not ready. I understand.” He slowly stands up. I know he does it on purpose to crowd me in the small space. “In time…”

  He turns to leave, but for some reason beyond me, I reach out and grasp his arm. The touch literally shocks me, and I snatch my hand back as he looks at me over his shoulder. A golden strand of hair comes loose and lays against his cheek. I so badly want to brush it back behind his ear. I squeeze my hand shut and ask the question that has been on my mind for days.

  “What did you mean the other night when you said ‘You are new’?”

  He turns and faces me again. He stares at me with those intense green eyes, and I shift from foot to foot uncomfortably.

  “When a child enters into adulthood and goes out on their own, they begin to learn about who they are outside of family. They are new. But when a child comes into adulthood and gets married and has children before they know themselves, they grow as a mother, wife, father, husband. Not always an individual. You are now free to find you after years of being mother and wife. You are new.”

  Well, damn!

  “I suppose that does makes sense.”

  I am blown away. His maturity is way beyond his years. And far surpass many o
f the men I know who are my age.

  “You are like a fresh canvas. You can be anything you want.” He steps closer, and a stained hand raises to stroke down the side of my face. “I would give anything to paint your journey. To help you discover yourself.”

  My body trembles like the traitor it is. It’s not even discreet. The shudder is so obvious, I could crawl under a rock and die.

  “I…” My brain has simply decided not to work.

  “Say you will go on a date with me?” He grasps my hands almost desperately.

  “I can’t, Etienne.”

  I turn away and quickly disappear into the dressing room, hiding behind the curtain. With shaky hands, I take the dress off and pull my jeans and blouse back on. I breathe in and out slowly, calming down my erratic heartbeat. I close my eyes and pull the curtain back. When I open them, the waiting area is empty.

  I tell myself that I’m glad he’s not here. Yet I can’t shake the disappointment I feel that he’s gone.

  I sigh and take the dress to the counter to pay for it.

  Chapter 6

  “Mmm!” I hum as I squeeze Kari tight in the airport. “I’ve missed you, Kare Bear.”

  “I missed you too, ma.” She releases me and gives me a look. “When are you gonna stop calling me Kare Bear? I am a grown woman now.”

  “Hmm…” I pretend to think. “Probably until the day I die. You’ll always be my Kare Bear.”

  “I stopped watching the Care Bears a bazillion years ago,” she grumbles under her breath.

  “How’s your dad and Emma?” I ask reluctantly.

  “Ha! They’re good. She had the baby, and she’s beautiful. Not like you really care.” Kari rolls her eyes as I take one of her bags for her.

  “I do!” I only lie a little. “It’s not like I wish bad juju on them or anything.”

  “Maybe just that their relationship will crash and burn?”

  I’ll give it to her. She’s a perceptive little shit.

  I raise my hand and hold my thumb and index finger about half an inch apart. “Maybe a little.”

  “I love you, ma,” Kari says as she wraps an arm around my shoulders.

  “I love you too, baby. To the moon and back.” I nod my head towards the exit. “Let’s get out of here. You need your rest tonight, so I can show you the sights tomorrow.”

  “Cool.”

  “Oh, and we have a little get together that we’re invited to on Saturday. There’s a cute, shy Frenchman that I think you’ll like who will be in attendance.” I wink at her.

  “Cute, you say?”

  “I do.”

  ~~~

  “Are you sure I look okay,” I ask Kari again.

  I’m in my new yellow dress and cute white strappy wedge sandals. Kari just finished my makeup. I had been ready to leave after I got dressed and put on some lip gloss. She’d had other plans.

  She didn’t go overboard or anything, I’m just not used to wearing much makeup. She added foundation that matched both of our cinnamon-toned skin, lined eyes, golden shadow, and a golden shimmery lip.

  She couldn’t leave my hair as it was either. She said she loved my curls, but wanted to do something fun. Looking at myself in the mirror, my hair could easily be on a 1920s Flapper or better yet, Josephine Baker. Queen Flapper. The finger waves outline my face and swirl down my sideburns. But instead of hard like a helmet, she’d done them in a way that left them soft yet glossy with just a little volume.

  “Ma, you look amazing!” Kari stands back assessing me proudly. “The men are going to love you.”

  “If you say so. Some days I feel too old to be getting back out there.” I sigh and smile at her through the reflection in the mirror.

  She was able to get herself as well as her clueless mama ready, and she still managed to look gorgeous and flawless as ever. Her hair is pulled back in a high ponytail, and her makeup is perfection. A slinky black dress that could almost pass for negligee shows off her willowy figure. It’s not something I would’ve chosen for her, but she’s grown and can wear what she wants. Besides, it’s France. People aren’t as uptight here.

  “You’re not too old. And besides, you deserve this, ma.” She hugs me from behind. “You’ve been taking care of me for years. It’s time you find someone who will take care of you for a change.”

  “Thanks, baby.” I turn and kiss her cheek. “Let’s get moving before Raquel starts calling. She’ll think I’m purposely standing her up.”

  ~~~

  Raquel lives in a much more high-end neighborhood of Nice than I do. We take the elevator to the top floor of her beautiful building. Her flat is insane. Large, spacious, and remodeled to her tastes. Which is a blend of old world charm and modern. She’s able to afford it all by being the widow of a wealthy man. She only dabbles in real estate and part owner of the art gallery for social reasons.

  I knock on the door and hear Raquel laughing as she comes to open it.

  “Be prepared,” I warn Kari. “Raquel is a maniac. Overdramatic, but in the best way.”

  The door swings open and Raquel stands there in a pale pink, silk wrap dress that shows off a considerable amount of cleavage.

  “Ryn! You are here. I was worried you would not show when the party is in your honor. Come in, chéri.” She waves us in. “And this has to be Kari. As beautiful as she is, she must be yours.”

  “Kari, this is Raquel. Raquel, yes, this is Kari.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Kari says politely as she holds out a hand to shake.

  I smile.

  “It’s a pleasure.” Raquel brushes Kari’s hand out of the way and pulls her in for the customary kiss on the cheeks.

  My daughter is just as awkward as I was in the beginning. The kisses are so much more intimate than a handshake. Especially when you’ve just met someone for the first time.

  Raquel leads us further in and the rest of the group I’d met the other night are all here. I introduce Kari to all of them, checking to see if there may be a spark between her and Olivier. Nothing that I can tell though.

  Pierre leans over Kari’s hand and kisses it softly. Only marginally less lecherous than when he’d kissed mine.

  “Oh, Kari. You are as stunning as your mother. But alas, I only have eyes for Ryn.”

  “He’s full of it,” I tell Kari. “He only has eyes for the next skirt walking by.”

  My uncharacteristic teasing makes his mouth drop open. I am feeling a bit sassier than normal, I must admit. It’s probably because Kari is here. Someone who knows me, so I feel more at ease to be myself.

  “Ryn, ma chérie! You wound me!” Pierre dramatically slaps a hand to his heart.

  Kari and I just laugh at him.

  “Alright, ladies. Your drinks have arrived!” A voice comes from the kitchen.

  I turn quickly as Etienne walks into the living space, balancing three drinks in his hands. My heart takes off in my chest. His eyes immediately find mine, and I’m stripped naked. Every single time he looks at me, he strips me down. Without fail.

  “Ryn,” he says softly.

  “Etienne. W-What are you doing here?”

  “It is a celebration in your honor. We are now friends, yes? So, of course, I would be here.”

  He passes the drinks he made to Nicole, Corinne, and Raquel. He turns back to face me and glances at Kari curiously. Kari nudges me with her elbow.

  “Uh…oh, yes! Kari, this is Etienne. Etienne, this is my daughter Kari. She just graduated from college and will start teaching high school in the fall. Kari, Etienne is an amazing artist. His work is breathtaking.”

  “Kari, it is lovely to make your acquaintance. You are much like your mother. Beautiful.” Etienne lifts Kari’s hand and gives it a quick, chaste kiss. Unlike the sensual one, he’d given me a week ago.

  “So, I’ve been hearing. It’s nice to meet you too.” Her voice sounds breathless.

  I look at Kari, and the look on her face makes my stomach plummet. It’s not far from the look I’d giv
en the gorgeous painter at the gallery or in the little boutique a couple days before. It’s written plainly on her face that she’s attracted to him. Big time.

  Who wouldn’t be?

  He’s tall, but not overly so. His muscles are lean but defined. He’s stylish in gray slacks, an untucked black button-up dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up his sinewy and veiny forearms. Leather bracelets adorn his wrists, and a few leather cords with medallions hang around his neck, giving him that artist vibe. Not to mention those strong, elegant hands permanently stained with his work. And that’s just his body.

  His green eyes are just a penetrating as ever. Like a cat stalking a mouse. His mustache and goatee don’t quite connect, which gives him a rakish appeal. I imagine like some roguish pirate or swashbuckling musketeer. And his hair. I have to collect myself as I take in his hair. For the occasion, he must have blown it out or something. Whatever he did, his hair could change lives. The best I can do to describe it is like Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall. And Kari looks at him like Susannah looked at Tristan when she first met him as he rode up on a stallion, hair blowing around him like the cover of a damn romance novel.

  Knowing that his twenty-nine years is much better suited for Kari’s age rather than mine, doesn’t stop the disappointment from creeping up. The feeling is almost crushing, and this is only the third time I’ve been in his presence. I don’t even technically know him to feel this level of attachment.

  “Shall I get you ladies a drink?” He asks sweetly.

  “Sure, I’ll take a martini if it’s available,” Kari states.

  “I’ll just have some white wine,” I say.

  “Why don’t I help you?” Kari offers and follows Etienne into the kitchen.

  It’s obvious my daughter is smitten with the object of my irrational crush. There’s nothing I can do about it either.

  “Come sit,” Raquel pulls me from my morose thoughts. “I have place cards on your plates for where I’d like everyone to sit.”