One large hand came to the back of her head, pulling her forward as his lips found her forehead. Holding her tightly, he whispered back, “Please give me a chance.”
He heard a sigh leave her body as her breath hitched with unshed tears. He waited for a moment before feeling her nod her head against his chest. Sunshine. Pure, fuckin’ sunshine.
“Annie baby. I’ve got a lot to tell you and not a lot of time right now.”
She pulled her head off of his chest, her eyes full of questions.
He continued, “I know you’ve got questions, but baby, let me tell you what I can and then we’ll deal. Can you do that?”
Breathing deeply again she just nodded, curiosity winning over anger.
“Everything I ever told you was true. About my job. About goin’ under. About my family. Everything.” He held her eyes. “Includin’ everything I ever said about you and about us.
“I went in last Monday for the debriefing. What I wasn’t expectin’ was to be raked over the coals about you.”
“Me?” she asked, startled.
“Baby, when I came to you with Sarge, I knew it was a risk. A huge fuckin’ risk. I was tellin’ the truth when I said you were the first ray of sunshine I’d had in two years. But I never wanted to involve you in this. Never wanted to put you at risk. But one look and I had to take a shot. I had to pull you in. But then the shit hit the fan. The one fuckin’ thing that made my life worth livin’ was about to blow everything to hell.”
Shaking her head, she said, “I still don’t understand.”
“My superiors weren’t thrilled that I had almost blown cover by gettin’ involved with you. Then you get hurt, which tellin’ you right now baby, someone is still gonna pay for that. You’re on the radar and I put you there. So when we pulled off the takedown, we got most of the ones we were after, but there are still some slick-shits at the top we didn’t get. The PD and DEA want them and held me by the balls to go back under for two more weeks. I’m not in tight with the gang, but I knew that if I showed back up as Stoney and stayed away from you it could pull some of the attention off of you. So I got pissed, but I told them I’d give ‘em two weeks and that was it. Two weeks to finish their case and then the DEA can takedown whoever they can. I don’t give a fuck.”
He slid his hand to her cheek, his thumb tracing the dried trail of a tear. “Baby, it was no fuckin’ game. I’ve never played you. I’m wild and untamed, but I’m yours.”
“I saw you. With her. She was in the restroom talking about you,” Annie said, the pain in her voice evident, her eyes looking down at his chest.
Using his fingers to lift her chin, “When we talk, I wanna see your eyes, baby. That tells me how you’re doin’ and right now they tell me you are hurtin’ and goddammit, that fuckin’ kills me.”
He took a breath, then said, “I told you a while back that there were things about my past I was gonna share. Things that I knew would hurt, but I didn’t want there to be shadows between us. No doubts. I just figured that we could talk about it, lay it to rest, and then never have to deal with it again.” He shook his head cursing, “Fuck! You should never have to have seen that shit last night. You should never have to deal with that part of my past.”
“Shane, last night wasn’t part of your past. Last night was last night. You were with her after I let you…have me last week and the week before that!”
“It wasn’t what you thought it was, baby. It’s all just an act.”
Silence greeted him. Her eyes held his. “Shane. Can you honestly tell me that you have never been intimate with her?”
Another sigh. “I don’t want to have this conversation now, baby. We don’t have enough time to talk it out, deal with it, and move on.”
“Well, guess what? I don’t care! Let me tell you where I am coming from. You drop into my boring life, giving me a glimpse of what life could be outside this apartment and this clinic. I let you in and you’ve got to know I never do that. I let you in my bed and I let you in my life. We have a couple of weeks of a whirlwind that includes me finding out that you weren’t who you said you were. Then bam, you’re gone with promises that you don’t keep. Then I see you, practically having sex on the dance floor with another woman, one you’ve obviously been involved with before. So here is me telling you, I don’t give a shit whether or not you want to have this conversation!”
Slowly nodding, he sighed heavily as he admitted, “You’re right. Rocky and I worked together on this case. She is DEA and went under about a year after I did. She was workin’ the drugged out prostitutes while I was working the transporters and the dogs. You want it baby, here it is. Sometimes when you’re under, you gotta’ act like the animals you’re associating with to get information or just to prove loyalty. There were some skanks I fucked just to keep up my cover or get information. It was physical, and I made sure I was protected ‘cause I had no idea what diseases they probably had.”
Annie winced as though in pain, but he held her fast to him with his hands to her hips and kept going.
“It was dark and fucked up, but I was determined to do what I had to do to get the information I needed. I met Rocky and found out she was undercover too. We worked the relationship that was advantageous to both of us. We made it look like we hooked up and that kept others from sniffin’ around too much. And yeah, it got physical. But that was still all it was to me. Just physical. I liked her, but I didn’t love her. I respected the work she did, but baby, she did not share my bed all night.”
“Stop. I don’t want to hear anymore.” Annie shook her head from side to side, not able to hide the pain that sliced across her features. “Just stop. I thought I could do wild and unpredictable. I thought that’s what I needed in my life, but Shane, newsflash – I can’t. You’ve got me so twisted and turned, I don’t know what is real anymore. All I know is I fell for you and this,” pointing between them, “hurts.”
“No baby. This isn’t finished and I’m not about to leave this shit in the middle. Found out later that she was married.”
Annie looked up sharply at that revelation.
“Yeah. She went undercover as a married woman, which is all kinds of fucked up. Turns out she was wantin’ to leave her marriage anyway, but she was still married when fuckin’ me. I was pissed when I found out. Found out later that her husband got wind of what was happening and filed for divorce.”
“She wanted you,” Annie said simply, understanding instinctively why a woman would want Shane.
“Yeah, but it wasn’t gonna happen.” He peered deeply into her eyes, as he continued. “I didn’t love her. And I was never gonna love her. She wasn’t it for me. And I sure as hell couldn’t be with a woman who was a cheater. And most of all…ah hell baby…she wasn’t sunshine.”
Annie’s brow crinkled in thought as she tried to take in all he was saying, feeling overwhelmed by their conversation.
“Told you baby. I lived in darkness for two years. I did shit I’m not proud of to fit into that world, and yes that included other women. But none of them gave me sunshine. Not one. Not ever. Not until you.”
Placing his hands on either side of her face, he leaned forward until his breath was mingling with hers. “Felt that sunshine on my face and baby, I can’t live without it.” With that, he kissed her gently, slowly moving his lips over hers. Feeling moisture on his face, he leaned back seeing silent tears slide down her cheeks.
Her breathing hitched as she said, “I don’t know what to do with all of this. I can barely take it all in, much less process it.”
Leaning forward again so that his forehead touched hers, they sat in silence for a few minutes.
“Just to let you know about last night. We were just out to be seen by anyone who might still have eyes out for me or her. I wasn’t given a choice in my debriefing. I had to pull away from you and keep attention off of you for two more weeks to keep you safe while the DEA is getting ready to move in again. That’s all it was for me. A job. Rocky knows the
deal. She knows she was never it for me and never will be. She may have cheated on her husband, but she truly felt bad about last night. Before I went under, I never even came close to fallin’ in love. Never took a woman home to meet my family. Couple of years ago I got to meet the woman my friend Tom fell in love with and knew then that one day I wanted that. Just didn’t find it until you.”
They continued to sit in silence for a few more minutes. Come on, baby. Please give me a chance to prove I’m the man for you, he thought while watching emotions flit across her eyes.
“Shane, I honest to God have no idea what to do with all of this.” Biting her bottom lip, she fought back tears. “My life was so tame before you. It may have been boring, but I knew each day what was happening. You’ve entered my world and turned it upside down. I’ve been happier with you around than I’ve been in forever.” Giving a rude snort, she continued, “I’ve also been more hurt since meeting you too. It’s like a damn roller coaster.”
Smiling, he held her face close to his. “Yeah, but baby it’s livin’. Being on that roller coaster with someone you love makes the ride worth it.”
Silence ensued again as Annie pondered all she had heard. Lifting her eyes back to his, she gazed deeply. She was so used to four-legged animals. When they are in pain, you can see it in their eyes. When they are happy and healthy, that shows as well. But humans? That was always harder for her to read. But staring into his blue eyes, she saw nothing but sincerity staring back.
“What now?” she asked in a small voice, afraid of the answer.
“Baby, I’ve got one more week to get through then I am done.” He watched shadows pass through her eyes. “Nope, not going back there. I’m done with Rocky. She’s DEA and is on her own now with her own orders from them. I am just working the dog issue now. Just still trying to get a lock on where they get them and where they house them before shipping them out. Took me a year and a half to get high up enough in their organization to be trusted with just knowin’ about the dogs, and I’ve got a pretty good idea, but one way or another baby, one week.”
“Then what, Shane?”
“Do you remember what we talked about before I left? Me livin’ here while I find a place. A place for both of us. And we were goin’ to keep finding out where this goes,” he said as he pointed between them. “That’s still my plan. Nothin’s changed for me. I want this life and I want you and I’m goddamn tired of all of the bullshit bein’ thrown at us that is gettin’ between us.”
“What about the next time one of your past women comes back to haunt us? I don’t want to live as though I’m constantly in fear of having your past thrown in my face.”
“That’s not gonna happen, baby. I’m out and no one from that hell comes into our world.”
Annie raised her hand up to rub her temple, feeling as though she were on a mental overload. Sighing deeply, she said, “I swear I can handle a vet emergency with calm assurance that I know exactly what I’m doing. I can handle irate clients and don’t mind getting down and dirty with my hands in an animal that I’m trying to save. But this…Shane, I don’t even know what to think.”
“Baby, what do you feel? Stop thinking and just feel.”
“I don’t know how. I’m trained to think analytically. I take a problem and break it down. Then find the best solution. I’m not equipped for this. If I break this down, my head says that this,” pointing between the two of them, “Is a fucking mess and I should run for cover!”
“But what do you feel?”
“Feel? Shane, feelings are what got me in this mess to begin with. I give in to feelings and that gives you the power to stomp all over my heart. One. More. Time. I can’t protect myself from hurt if I give in to feelings.” Her eyes glimmered with unshed tears while hope and fear warred within her.
“Annie,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around her. “Tell me what you feel.”
She leaned her head down on his shoulder, pressing her face into his neck. She felt his strong arms holding her closely. She felt his breath on her neck as he leaned his head over toward hers. She felt his heartbeat against her chest. She remembered how wonderful she felt before he left and how devastated she was last night. She felt…
“I feel…safe,” she replied. She felt his arms tighten. “I feel safe,” she repeated as he moved his hand up to cup her head. Sighing deeply, she admitted, “I feel… like I want this. I want us. It may be a rollercoaster and I have to tell you that I’m afraid of heights and scared to death of falling off…but this feels…right.”
Shane closed his eyes as he buried his face in her hair, the tightness in his chest at the thought of having almost lost her made him think of Tom. No wonder Tom was desperate to get his fiancé, Carol, back safely. I almost lost her before we really had a chance to begin. No more. I’m done.
The sun began to go down behind the buildings across the street, casting long shadows across the floor. The two of them sat, holding each other, saying nothing for a while. Letting the silence give them peace. The kind of peace that seeps into the deep crevices of one’s soul.
After a while, Shane felt something furry rub up against his leg. Back and forth, making a figure-eight between his feet. Glancing down, he saw three pairs of eyes staring intently at him. “Baby?”
“Um hum,” she answered not moving.
“I hate like hell to move from this position, but we’ve got company and I think they want to be fed.”
On cue, Boo led the others in a chorus of “meows”, letting Annie know that they had reached the end of their patience for dinner.
Leaning away from Shane, she twisted around to look at them before swinging her gaze back to him. Suddenly the thought of the rollercoaster wasn’t so bad if it was Shane sitting on the ride beside her. Grabbing his face with her hands, she pulled him in for a kiss. Plunging her tongue in his mouth, she latched on as though she needed him for her very existence.
Growling, he angled her head for better access and plundered her mouth as well. For several minutes, the kiss took on a life-force of its own. Needy, possessive, untamed.
Pulling back, she once again looked into his face, a smile curving her lips.
Watching this, he smiled back. “Oh baby. Seeing you smile…pure, fuckin’ sunshine.”
Her smile reached her eyes as it grew wider, spearing him with its brilliance.
“Meeeooow.”
Wiping the rest of her tears off of her cheeks, she moved off of Shane’s lap saying, “Let me take care of them.” He followed her into the kitchen as she fed them. Standing at the sink, she felt him come up behind her, pressing her into the counter. The unmistaken bulge pressing into her ass as he placed his hands on either side of her had her panties begin to get wet. He leaned down, kissing her neck as he moved his hips back and forth against her ass.
Twisting her head around to look at him, she smiled. “I know you have to go for another week, honey, but are you telling me you have time for something first?”
“Baby,” he growled, “I will always make time for you. Sometime in the future our make-up sex might be in the kitchen against the counter, but not now. Tonight is about you and me and us. And we’re gonna do it in your bed.” And with that he took her by the hand and led her into the bedroom. Closing the door behind him, he looked down at Boo. “Not now, buddy. Right now, she’s all mine.”
Chapter 16
The next week went without incident and by Friday Shane headed back into the police station. Walking over to Matt’s desk, he plopped himself down in the chair. Matt looked up, a rare smile on his face.
“You done?” he asked.
“Yeah,” was the tired reply.
“You decide what you’re gonna do?”
Shane looked into his friend and partner’s face, knowing Matt was reading him like a book even though Shane had not indicated any plans other than coming back to the force.
“Been thinkin’ about how long I want to keep this up. Talked to Tony. He wants me to come
work with him in his security business.” Tony Alvarez had been a former policeman, having graduated from the police academy with Shane and Matt. After a few years, he quit the force and opened Tony Alvarez Security, specializing in providing security systems. Shane had his suspicions that Tony’s company did a helluva lot more than just install security cameras, but had never confirmed that with him. He was just glad that Tony jumped at the chance to set up Annie’s system.
Matt nodded in agreement. “You’d be good in security. Money’s probably a shit-load better than this pension.”
Shane grunted. “Yeah. I just don’t know, man. My dad was vice. All I ever wanted was vice as well. Worked hard, made detective, then spent two years under. Now I’m back out and findin’ I’ve got a life that I want. And I don’t know that chasin’ drug dealers is what I want to do with someone in my future.”
Matt raised is eyebrow. “So it’s leaning that way?”
Shane leaned forward, looking directly at his friend. “Matt, it goes the way I want, I’m talking forever. Wife, kids, home. Everything. And I sure as hell don’t want anything gettin’ in the way of that.”
The two sat in silence for a moment, then Shane continued, “But I don’t like leavin’ if I’m not sure. So I’m gonna keep workin’ these cases with you, see how things go with Annie, and in a few more months, we’ll see how it goes.”
They stood and shook hands. “Good to have you back, partner,” Matt acknowledged.
* * *
Annie’s week had been anything but comfortable. The moment she let Leon and Suzanne know that Shane was back in her life, the peace from the previous evening ended.
“Are you crazy?” Suzanne yelled, placing her hands on her hips as she looked at Annie while her voice rose with each word. “He lied, he cheated, he left you, he just makes up shit to get you back with him, and I think he does it ‘cause he’s homeless and wants a place to crash!”
Love's Taming (The Love's Series) Page 13