“You okay,” she asked pressing close.
He moved away as he turned toward her. “Rocky, this is a job, nothin’ else.”
“It used to be more than a job, for both of us,” she said with sadness. “We used to be good.”
“Rocky, we met in shit circumstances. We did what we needed to do to keep our cover and make it work. But you know it was fucked from the start.”
Her eyes flashed pain as she glanced down. “I thought it could’ve been more. I was willing for it to be more.”
“Rocky, you were married. You may not have been happy, but you went under even though you were married. And, I might add, a fact you never shared with me when we were actually fuckin’.”
“Shane, my marriage was over before I volunteered for this job. Maybe not officially, but I wanted out. Meeting you just made that decision more real.”
Shane looked at the beautiful, desperate woman standing in front of him. Gorgeous. Built. Smart. Tough. But no sunshine.
“The bottom line is this. We both used each other for sex. It worked for our cover, but you always knew it was nothin’ but physical for me. Wasn’t ever gonna be anything else. Lookin’ back that was a mistake on my part. I should have kept with the illusion that we were together without us actually hookin’ up. But at the time, the physical won out. But you gotta know…if I had known you were married, I’d a never gone there. That’s on you. You made that call and you gotta live with the fact that your husband left you because of it. And you gotta live with the fact that my heart is somewhere else. Somewhere clean. Somewhere light.”
“The doctor?” she asked softly. “You’re in love with her.”
“Yeah. But she saw us here tonight. Fuckin’ mess. She never goes out clubbin’ and the one night her friends drag her out, she comes here and sees us.”
Rochelle stepped back over to Shane and placed her hand on his arm. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for a lot of things.” She looked away for a moment, seeming to gather her thoughts. “When this is over, I can go talk to her. Try to explain.”
Shane peered into her eyes, seeing honesty. “Rocky, you think a woman wants another woman to show up on her doorstep and tell her not to worry, it was all just physical? You really think that would make this fucked up shit any better?”
Rochelle shook her head. “No, you’re right. No woman wants that in her face.” Stepping back, she looked up and asked, “So what are we gonna do?”
Sighing deeply, he replied, “For one more week, we’re gonna keep the attention on us and not on her. By the end of the week, the force and DEA will get whatever they can out of this case and wrap the rest of the shit up. I’ll walk away knowing I did the best I could to bring down the top men, but the bottom line is that at the end of the week, I. Walk. Away.”
She nodded. “Yeah, me too. I want to keep climbing higher in the DEA, so I am hoping this punches my ticket. I’m just sorry for the collateral damage to a friend.”
With this, the two of them parted ways as Shane slipped off into the night. He had something to take care of and nothing was going to stand in his way.
Chapter 14
Annie made it up the stairs to her apartment before letting the tears take over. Making her way over to her sofa she collapsed, sobbing into the cushions. How could I have been so gullible? How can I be so book-smart and so man-dumb? How could I have given myself to him over and over and not even known who he really was? The silence of the night gave no answers to her questions. As her sobs began to slow, she stayed face-planted on the sofa.
After a few minutes, a wet nose pressed into her ear. Turning her head, she saw the familiar face of Boo nuzzling her face. Moving her hand down off of the sofa, she felt the other two pressing against her.
Sitting up, she leaned back. Her eyes landed on the security box next to the back door. She slid her glance over looking at the one next to the front door. Why would he set up an expensive security system if he was just playing me?
Snorting as she stood up, she looked down at Boo saying, “I guess even a player can feel guilty.”
“Meow,” was the only response she received as three cats swirled around her legs.
“Oh babies, I’m sorry,” she sniffled. “I forgot to feed you before I left.” She walked into the little kitchen, getting their food out of the cabinet. Scooping it into their individual dishes, she watched as they lined up side by side to eat, each keeping an eye on the others to make sure they didn’t snatch food from their bowl. Once finished, they swirled around her legs for a moment before they plopped down in the living room to bathe.
“Oh, to be a cat. One owned by me,” she said wistfully. Needs always met. Life always stable. Food. Water. A warm bed. A sunspot occasionally. If only my life could be so easy.
Grabbing a bottle of wine from the fridge, she headed to her to her bathroom. Stripping, she quickly showered wishing the hot water could wash off the night’s memories. He looked so amazing. Tall and handsome. Moving to the music. His hands on the woman’s hips. She was grinding on him. Stop! Stop thinking about it!
Turning off the water, she stepped out of the shower and quickly pulled on short pajama bottoms with a matching camisole. Brushing her teeth, her mind wandered back. He wasn’t smiling. He didn’t look like he was enjoying himself. Her reflection stared back at her in the mirror. “What are you doing?” she asked herself. “Are you trying to find excuses for his behavior?”
Leaning in closer to the mirror, she said, “Face it, girl. You got played. Huge. So pull up your big-girl panties and get over him.” Slamming her toothbrush back into the holder, she flipped off the light and headed to bed.
Crawling under the covers, she wondered if sleep would come. Unable to stop its path, another tear slid down her face onto the pillow just as sleep claimed her.
* * *
Sometime during night, Annie dreamed of being visited. She was vaguely aware of having a warm, hard body pressed up to her back. A heavy leg thrown over hers with an arm across her waist pulling her in tightly. Warm. Cocooned. Safe. What a strange dream she thought, as her exhausted mind slid back into sleep.
Awaking the next morning, her swollen eyes tried to open to the little bit of light that was coming in through her bedroom window. Lying in bed for a few minutes, she slowly allowed her mind to wander. Suddenly remembering the feeling of having someone in bed with her last night, her eyes flew open as she jerked her body around.
The bed was empty. I must be losing my mind. Pressing her fingers to her eyes, she noticed Boo lying on the end of the bed. She leaned over to make the bed when she noticed that the other pillow was indented as though someone’s head had lain there.
“Boo, did you sleep with me last night?” she asked. Unable to stop herself, she picked up the pillow noticing that it had no cat hair on it. But it had a scent. Shane. Tossing the pillow down she sprinted into the living room to see if he was there. Empty. The room looked just like she left it last night. Wrapping her arms around her middle, she stood and stared. At the room. At nothing. Was it a dream?
* * *
Coming in from a run to clear her mind as much as to keep in shape, she rounded the corner of her block. Mr. Tochi was waving at her so she slowed down to greet him.
“You ready to meet my nephew? He is coming to town this afternoon to visit me. You should come by market and I will make introductions.”
“Oh, Mr. Tochi. I don’t think I am ready to meet any man now. I’m kind of a disaster when it comes to men.”
“Well, just stop by the market. You don’t have to do anything but say hello.”
Smiling at the kindness in his eyes, she agreed. “Okay. If I get a chance, I’ll come by, but just to say hello.”
Jogging the rest of the way to the door of the clinic, she was surprised to see Detective Dixon leaning against his car parked in the front. Slowing her pace, she made her way over to him.
Eying him suspiciously, she greeted, “Detective Dixon.”
Th
e man in front of her was ruggedly handsome and she wondered what his story was as her eyes glanced up to the scar running across his forehead. Slightly taller than Shane, his dark hair was neatly trimmed and his brown eyes seemed to take all of her in quickly.
“I see we have gone from Matt to Detective Dixon,” he said.
Pressing her lips together, she weighed her answer. “I think the time for friendliness has passed, don’t you? I’m assuming this is an official visit since that’s the only visit that would be necessary between us.”
Sighing, Matt stared at the woman in front of him. Hurt, more than anger, seemed to be coming from her.
“Doctor, I tried to call the other day. It seems you may not have gotten my message.”
Her brow crinkled as she pondered his words. “A message? Here at the clinic?”
“No. Your cell phone.”
“There was a message the other day, but the signal kept coming in and out so the message was mostly garbled.” Looking up into his face, she asked, “Was that from you?”
“Yeah. I was driving and didn’t know the signal was weak. Fuck.”
“What was the message you were trying to leave? I’m assuming it was about Shane, but I can assure you that if you were going to tell me he was alive and well, I already know that. Believe me, I saw with my own eyes that he is alive and very well it seems. So if there is nothing else, you will excuse me.” She turned to open the clinic door.
“Why are you going to your apartment through the clinic? You have an outside entrance.”
Turning back around, she looked at him questioningly. “Because…I don’t know. It’s just safer.” Thinking momentarily, she continued, “You should know as well as anyone that I was threatened and attacked. I try to avoid the alley and just use the clinic entrance now.”
“Are you safe there? In the clinic? That is where you were attacked.”
Facing him fully, anger showing on her face, she asked, “What are you getting at? Why are you asking me these questions?”
“Humor me. Just answer,” was his reply, as his gaze never wavered from hers.
Licking her lips, she looked to the side. “Yes, I feel safe in the clinic. Before he left, Shane had a security system put in. The clinic is wired and my apartment is wired. He said it was top-line security, patched into the police station as well as his friend’s security business.” Walking straight up to him, she poked her finger into his chest. “Yes, I feel safe inside. Not the alley. That I avoid. Does that answer your question, Detective Dixon?”
Looking down at the beautiful woman poking her finger at him, he smiled. “Shane did that for you?”
Putting her hands on her hips, she glared up. “What are you getting at? Yes, Shane did that before he left to go back to what is obviously his real life. Or pretend life. Or whatever the hell other life he has that doesn’t involve me!”
Matt let the silence stretch out between them for a moment. Then he answered, “My message the other day was to let you know that not everything is what it seems. Trust in him and trust in what you actually know. Not what you think is happening.”
Annie stepped back keeping her eyes on his. Confusion showed on her face as she tried to decipher his words. “I don’t…I don’t know what you mean.”
Leaning down close to her face he simply said, “Think about it.” With that piece of cryptic advice, he turned and climbed back into his car. With a nod of his head, he pulled out and headed down the street leaving her standing on the sidewalk bewildered.
Walking through the door and up to her apartment, she stared at the security system panel on the wall again. Why would he do that if he did not care? She walked to the kitchen to make a sandwich and noticed the empty bottle of wine from last night in the trash can. That was left on my nightstand when I went to bed. Whirling around, her eyes scanned the room looking for more evidence that he had been there while she slept.
Not everything is what it seems. Trust in him and trust in what you know, not what you think is happening.
The sting of tears threatened once again as she thought back to the scene in the bar from last night. Shane, I don’t know what you want me to think. I don’t know what is real anymore. Dashing her hands against her eyes to keep any more tears from falling, she showered and then headed back out. To the market. To meet Mr. Tochi’s nephew.
* * *
Several hours later, sitting at a neighborhood Italian restaurant with Ricardo, Annie found herself wishing that the man across from her was someone else. Ricardo was delightful, but there was no spark. He was well-mannered but seemed shy. He was handsome, but there was nothing that made her want to take him home and rip his clothes off. Ricardo was predictable, not wild and untamed. Jesus, stop comparing him to Shane. But the more she sat with Ricardo, the harder it was to not think of Shane when things were good.
“You seem preoccupied. Am I boring you?” Ricardo asked politely.
Blushing, she hastened to assure him. “No, I’m so sorry. There’s just a lot on my mind today. I have enjoyed lunch, but I really should be getting back. I have some work that needs to be done today.”
He placed his hand on hers and said smiling, “I have had a delightful time, Annie. Perhaps we can have lunch again sometime soon.”
Smiling back, she could not think of a reason to not acquiesce, even though her heart was not there. “Sure, that would be fine.”
Walking back down the street to the clinic, she kept glancing behind her. The uncomfortable feeling that someone was watching her made her uneasy.
Ricardo, noticing her behavior, asked if she were all right, as he placed his arm around her shoulder.
“I’m sorry, I am just a little nervous.” They had reached the clinic, but she hesitated at the door. Looking up into his handsome face, she asked, “Ricardo, would you mind stepping in with me for a moment. I’d feel better if someone was with me to make sure no one is in the clinic. I know it is silly, but there have been some robberies,” she lied. The uneasy feeling of being followed had continued and she felt desperate to make sure the clinic was empty.
“Of course,” he said with concern. He walked through each room with her, making sure the door to the alley was locked and secure.
“Thank you so much for a lovely afternoon,” she said truthfully while knowing she would not be seeing him again.
Ricardo leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. “The pleasure was all mine. I’ll call you the next time I’m in town.”
Watching him walk back down the sidewalk, she shut the clinic door leaning her head against it for moment. “God you are such a fool,” she said to the empty clinic.
“Have a good time?” a deep growl came from behind her.
Screaming as she whirled around, she stood stunned looking at a very pissed off Shane standing in the middle of her reception area. Heart pounding, she took him all in. The close-cropped hair, strong jaw that was tight with emotion, the muscles straining his t-shirt, right down to his old, faded jeans tight across his thighs. And anger. Pouring off of him. Directed at her. What the fuck?
“Shane, Jesus you scared the crap out of me!” she exclaimed. “What the hell are you doing here?” She threw up her hand as she attempted to walk by him saying, “Wait. I don’t want to know. I don’t care. But you can just leave the way you came, however that was!”
He grabbed her arm as she attempted to pass him and swung her around so that she was plastered to his front. Both arms encircled her essentially trapping her into place.
“Oh no you don’t, you jerk. You let go of me right now or I swear, I’ll scream the house down!”
“Not until you listen to what I’ve gotta say,” he growled again.
“I don’t want to listen to you, Shane. I’m done playing stupid and being played. You think this is a game, well here’s a tip buster. I don’t like this game. It hurts!”
Grabbing her by the arms, he pushed her away from his body just enough to lean down into her face. “A game?
You think I’m playin’ a fuckin’ game? You think I’ve spent two years of my life in hell, all for a game?” His voice started low but rose to a roar, giving her a little shake, “A fuckin’ game?”
Eyes wide, she stared up into his face. A face that had kissed her sweetly and gentled when he came inside of her. Now she had poked the bear and had no idea what to say. Bringing her hands up, she placed them on his chest. “You’re scaring me,” she whispered, tears starting to spill down her cheeks.
A look of anguish crossed his face before he pulled her back into his chest, pressing her head gently against his heart. “Jesus. What a fuckin’ mess,” he said quietly. Rubbing her back, nothing was said for a moment as her tears quieted. “I’m sorry, baby. Let’s just go upstairs and talk. Please give me that. Please.”
The sound of his anguished voice pleading broke through to her. Nodding her head against his chest, he bent and picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her upstairs.
Chapter 15
Maneuvering into her apartment, Shane relished the feel of her in his arms, but once inside she wiggled to be let down. “Not happenin’ baby.”
Her head snapped back, eyes narrowing on his face. “Shane, you need to put me down.”
His ice blue eyes held her green ones in a stare-down that she was not going to win.
“Told you, baby. Not happenin’.”
He held her firmly as he walked over to the sofa, sitting down with her straddling his lap. “We’re gonna talk. There’s too much shit happenin’ and I’m not wastin’ anymore of my life.”
Not everything is what it seems. Trust in him and trust in what you know, not what you think is happening.
Annie was angry, but she had to admit she was curious about Matt’s words. Pulling her lips in, she lifted her eyes back to his. “Why?” was the only whisper from her mouth.
With that one word, Shane felt her wrap around his heart again. No screaming, no yelling. No throwing things, sobbing uncontrollably. No shouting insults, no tossing accusations. Just one simple word and his anger left him. The beast inside that had been raging felt tamed.
Love's Taming (The Love's Series) Page 12