Secrets

by Shannon Pemrick

  “I walk my nightmares alone,” I stated coldly. “Leave me.”

  This Raikidan tilted his head. “You think this is a nightmare?”

  “I live a nightmare. I know when I am not accepted as I am. I know when I am not wanted. I will remain alone and go where no one can follow.”

  “I can show you the way out.”

  “I require no help, especially not from the likes of you.”

  Raikidan stopped following at my words, but I continued on. The fog around me that had appeared while I had been walking was thick, but as I walked, it thinned again and a bright light began to shine through the gray. When the fog fully dispersed, I was left standing at the edge of a lake. I gazed around at the familiar setting.

  The grass was green and sand was soft. The dark water lapped on the shore before me, and also washed on the shore of a large island in the center. On the island was a large, stone building that resembled a temple, but I didn’t know for sure. I never went there.

  I came here a lot lately. Whenever a nightmare ended, I ended up here, and when one was about to start it’d disappear. But this time my nightmare didn’t end. My mind remained on the event that I had witnessed.

  Raikidan made it seem that he wanted to be my friend. He made it seem he actually liked me for me. But the truth always came out eventually. The truth was, I was alone in this world. Alone. It’s what I was meant to be. There were no lies here. No betrayal. No pain. It was safe.

  Footsteps crunched on the ground behind me, and a voice I didn’t want to hear spoke, “Eira?”

  I scowled. “Go away.”

  “Eira, please don’t say that,” Raikidan begged.

  “I want to be alone.”

  “No you don’t.”

  “What would you know? You’re too caught up with your hopes and dreams.”

  “Eira, let me explain.”

  I threw my arm out to push him away when he lightly touched my shoulder. “There is nothing to say! I’m not what you want me to be, and I never will be. I’m never what anyone wants me to be…”

  “Eira, I—”

  I walked away from him. “Leave me alone. I don’t need you or your wishes of lies. I don’t need anyone. I can be me when I’m alone. There is no pain when I’m alone…”

  “Eira,” a female voice whispered.

  I looked up to see a dark mass forming, and a small smile crept onto my face. I knew this darkness. Normally I ran from it, but this time I walked toward it.

  “Eira,” the voice called again.

  “Eira, don’t!” Raikidan cried.

  I ignored him and walked into the darkness.

  “You’re safe here,” the voice whispered as it embraced me. “There is no pain here.”

  Emptiness crept into my chest, and my feelings melted away. Darkness was my only comfort, the only place I felt at peace. The light had forsaken me, so I embraced the darkness and smiled as the light slipped away.

  Chapter 7

  Isighed as I flipped the page of my book. Normally I would have let it flip on its own, but I needed something to do. That strange dream I had last night controlled my thoughts, and Ryoko and I were still on bad terms. I had kept to myself all day, but the lonely feeling in my chest was bothering me and I couldn’t explain it.

  I rarely sought out the company of others, always preferring to be alone, and last night’s dream told me why. So why was I not okay with being alone now? Why, after what I had dreamt, would I want someone around? It didn’t make sense.

  The muffled sound of something large falling brought my attention back to reality. I looked at everyone else in the room, but they looked just as confused.

  “I think it came from Genesis’ and my room,” Seda said.

  I leaned over the couch and looked down the hall. “Gen, everything all right?”

  The only response I received was another thumping sound. Ryoko slid off the barstool and took a few steps into the hallway, but stopped when something hit Seda and Genesis’ room door. Ryoko and I looked at each other and then back down the hall.

  Suddenly, the door flew open, and a tall, ebony-haired woman came stumbling out of the room. I was about to get up to walk over to the stranger to figure out what she was doing here, when I noticed the long pigtails and red ribbons. “Genesis?”

  Ryoko looked at me funny. “Something wrong with your eyes? That can’t be her.”

  Slowly, Genesis looked up from her wobbly feet with a large grin plastered on her face. “I did it! I figured it out!” She went to take a step forward, but she fell over and the two of us laughed at her. “Though, getting used to walking with these new legs isn’t easy.”

  “Well you did skip the slow, growing-up stage to get used to it,” Ryoko remarked.

  “And the clothes,” I teased as I looked at her appearance.

  She was still wearing her little-girl nightshirt and pants, and they were much too small for her now.

  Genesis rubbed her arm. “Yeah, about that. Do you guys mind if I borrow some clothes? Seda’s aren’t going to fit me.”

  “Sure,” Ryoko agreed as she made her way to her room. “I’ll get you some pants and shorts.”

  “I’ll grab you some shirts,” I offered. “We can get you your own wardrobe later when you learn to walk right.”

  “And I’ll help her up and teach her how to walk properly,” Seda offered.

  Genesis laughed. “All right. Thanks, you three. Eira, let me know when Ryder stops by, so I can thank him. You have no idea how much I hated being stuck in a child’s body.”

  I chuckled. “I think I do, but you giving him thanks for smuggling that out to you would be nice.”

  I slipped into my room and headed straight for my closet. There was bound to be something for her in there, if I could find it through the trove of unnecessary dresses and other clothes I’d never wear.

  “What’s bothering you, Eira?”

  I looked at the entrance of my closet to see Raikidan watching me. “Nothing is bothering me.”

  “Then why are you avoiding me?”

  I went back to my searching. “I’m not avoiding you, Raikidan. I’ve just wanted to keep to myself today.”

  “You’re lying to me.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me. I can tell because you act differently when you just want to be alone, versus when you make it your goal to avoid me.”

  I sighed and turned to face him. “Raikidan—”

  My words caught when I almost crashed into him. Within seconds, he had moved so close to me that it went against all my personal space rules, and he hadn’t even made a sound doing it.

  I exhaled and pushed him away. “Raikidan, you know not to get that close to me.”

  Raikidan grabbed my hand and moved closer again. “And why don’t you? What is so wrong about me standing near you? It can’t be because you think you’ll hurt me. You’re fine right now. So what are you afraid of? Why are you avoiding me? What did I do? What am I missing? Help me piece something together here.”

  I yanked my hand away. “Knock it off, Rai. I’ve got important things to be dealing with.”

  Raikidan remained silent as I rummaged through my clothes. The silence didn’t last long, however. “What’s so important about you going through your clothes? Seems like you’re just avoiding my questions.”

  I sighed. “Well if you had been out in the living room like everyone else, you would know I’m getting them for Genesis.”

  “Why would she need them?”

  “Because she figured out the plans my son gave her.”

  “Plans? You mean the ones to make her age?”

  “Yes, those ones. She now has the body of a twenty-two-year-old and has no clothes to fit it.”

 
“How did she figure it out without any of your modern technologies?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. Didn’t feel like asking.”

  “You mean you were avoiding the answer.”

  I sighed. “No, I wasn’t avoiding it. I just didn’t care to ask. Now will you leave me alone?”

  Raikidan grabbed the shirts I held and pulled me closer, spinning me around to face him in the process. His hand rested on my hip to prevent me from moving away.

  “Raikidan, knock it off,” I growled.

  “Why are you afraid of this?”

  “I’m not afraid. I just like my space.”

  “You can’t lie to me, Eira.”

  “I’m not lying!”

  “You have to have a reason for wanting your space.”

  “That doesn’t mean I’m afraid of something. Fear doesn’t have to be a drive.”

  “But it’s what drives you.”

  I shoved him away as hard as I could, almost losing the clothes I had gathered. “I don’t know what you’re problem is today, Raikidan, but I’ll only say this once more. Knock it off and leave me be!”

  I stormed out of the closet and into the living room. Seda was waiting and took the clothes from me without a word, but I knew she was staying quiet on purpose. I didn’t doubt everyone had heard our little fight. I had left the door open, after all.

  I sat back on the couch with a grunt and flipped aimlessly through the channels on the TV. Ten channels later, I was already bored and I sighed. Today was just a bad day.

  Someone knocked on the doorframe of the staircase that led down to the front door, but I wasn’t interested in who was visiting until Shva’sika spoke. “Laz, I think you have a visitor.”

  I turned to see a young man with crew-cut white hair and blue and green heterocromic eyes standing in the doorway. I smiled. “Hey, Ryder.”

  “Hey, mom,” he greeted back.

  He looked older, a little younger than me, maybe twenty-five or so. “I see they advanced your age again.”

  Ryder nodded. “Yeah, but what you see is what you get. My body started reacting negatively, so I’m done aging unless it happens naturally somehow.”

  I chuckled. “Good. I don’t think I could handle looking at you if you looked older than me.”

  Ryder laughed and then held up a small satchel. “I brought the items you wanted.”

  “And?”

  He sighed playfully and pulled a sheathed dagger from a leather bag. “And I have your dagger.”

  I grinned and slid over the back of the couch. Ryder gave me a quick hug before handing over my dagger. The moment it landed in my hand, I knew it was different than before. It was much lighter, and looked as though it had just been made.

  “I upgraded it,” Ryder explained. “It’s lighter and should be easier to use. The response time should be much faster.”

  “It was already fast.”

  “Well it’s faster, trust me. And let me tell you, it was a bit harder than I thought it would be. I don’t know why, but something was different about it when I was working on it.”

  I chuckled. “That’s because the blacksmiths at the West Shaman Village took the liberty of trying to make it lighter. My guess, he did something to it to mess with your original design.”

  “That explains a lot. I also cleaned up the diamond coating on the blade and made the rest of the weapon look a little less aged.”

  I rubbed my hand over his hair. “You didn’t have to do this, but thanks.”

  He pushed my hand away with a smile and handed me the satchel filled with the items I requested. “I got what I could, and then some. Figured the extra might come in handy at some point. What did you need all this for anyway?”

  I sifted through the contents before speaking to him. “Come downstairs to help me make something, and you’ll find out.”

  He nodded happily at the invitation and followed me downstairs. I scattered the contents of the satchel on the oak table and went to a cabinet to grab a few tools.

  “So what are we making?” Ryder asked.

  “I promised to make something for Shva’sika.”

  “So you asked me to bring you gems and wire because?”

  I laughed and set up a glass pane and began sketching on it with a black erasable marker. When the overall design of a circlet was done, I used a green marker to make some final details and then looked at him. “That answer your question?”

  Ryder smiled. “I knew I had to have gotten my skills from you. This will be a snap to make between the two of us.”

  I smiled. “I was hoping you’d say that. At least you don’t find the idea dumb and plan to leave.”

  Ryder shook his head. “Why would I do that?”

  I shrugged and picked up a silver wire and needle pliers.

  “Mom.” I looked at him when he placed his hand on my shoulder. “I meant it. What reason would I have to think either of those things? I want to do this with you. This idea is great and I’m glad you’re including me. I miss doing things with you. I miss having you around. I can’t wait for this all to end so we can be together again like you promised.”

  I sighed and went back to bending the metal wires into their desired individual shapes. “I’m sorry for the choices I’ve made. If I had made better ones, maybe everything would have been different.”

  Ryder took a few of the wires I had already bent and began soldering them into place. “I tried to think of other ways that would have been better. I tried to make myself believe you made the wrong choice and would fix it. But never once could I find a better way. I couldn’t find a better way because there wasn’t one and I know that now. Now I just have to wait to make up for the time we’ve missed.”

  “I’ll do my best to make up for it.”

  “Let me hang out more as a friend and you’ll start to.”

  “Ryder, I don’t think—”

  “It’ll be fine. Zo is my commanding officer. It won’t be hard convincing him we’re friends and met because of Zane or something like that. I’ll think of some story that’s believable, even to someone with some intelligence. Zo likes you too much not to believe that you made a friend who knows him.”

  I groaned. “Not that dummy. I can’t stand him.”

  Ryder snorted. “And I can? I deal with him, and his thoughts that he feels all too inclined to share out loud.”

  “He won’t get the hint.”

  “Zo is denser than a brick. Others in my company have noticed how you act around him, and can see you want nothing to do with him but that doesn’t seem to stop him.”

  I shook my head. “What will it take for me to get him to leave me alone?”

  “Start dating someone.”

  I snorted. “Like that’s ever going to happen.”

  “Mom, why don’t you try to find someone?”

  I shook my head. “Please don’t bring this up again, Ryder. I’ve told you, I don’t want to talk about that. My reasons are my own.”

  Ryder sighed. “All right. I just want you to be happy.”

  “No one can make me happy.”

  “I hear that guy you spend all your time with is quite protective of you, why not him?”

  I gave him a warning glance. “Ryder.”

  “All right, all right. I just don’t want you to be alone for your whole life.”

  “I have you and that’s all that matters anymore.”

  Ryder placed his hand on my shoulder briefly before continuing on with his soldering.

  “Ryder, tell me something. When did Zo become your commanding officer? I thought you were under someone else.”

  Ryder stopped working and thought for a moment. “Not long after the first aging process happened. He said he could use my craftsman ski
lls.”

  “Knowing him, he thinks you’ll be able to do the impossible with the gun he’s having the boys make down at the shop.”

  “You know I probably could.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of. You have talents no one can explain. You’ve made me a weapon that shouldn’t function the way it does. Speaking about that weapon, you still haven’t told me how you made it.”

  “It’s my personal secret.”

  I snorted and sorted through the various gems on the table. Finding an emerald of the perfect shape, I wrapped and bent thin wires around it, creating an intricate and elegant design. Ryder took my new design and soldered the wires together to prevent the design from falling apart and then soldered it to the two separate pieces he had put together. When he was done, I took the new object and began bending it into its desired shape. While I did this, Ryder cleaned up the table and stuffed the extra materials into the leather bag they had come in.

  “Done?” he asked me when he finished cleaning up.

  I shook my head. “Not just yet.” Taking a deep breath I held the object up to my mouth and breathed a weak flame on it to harden the metal. “Now it’s done.”

  Ryder’s eyes sparked. “Mom, that was amazing.”

  “What was?”

  “Breathing that fire. I didn’t know you could do that.”

  “Not many do, and I intend to keep it that way.”

  “Why?”

  “Because not everyone finds it acceptable.”

  “Mom, what happened to make you think the way you do?”

  “I didn’t fit in with anyone. Nothing more to say.” I held the circlet up. “Now, what do you think of this?”

  “I think she’ll like it.”

  “I hope so.”

  “You won’t know until you give it to her.”

  I headed for the stairs. “All right then, let’s find out.” I peered around the door when I made it to the top of the stairs. Shva’sika was standing by the coffee table, and Ryoko was sitting at the bar again. “Shva’sika, come over here, and close your eyes.”

  Her brow furrowed. “Why?”