Secrets

by Shannon Pemrick

  I flopped down on my bed face first with a groan. Azriel hadn’t questioned my lateness when I had arrived back to the work scene, nor was working any easier than it had been earlier.

  Raikidan had followed me into the club and worked as his normal bouncer position with no questions from anyone, but I wished he would have just left. His presence may have kept the harassment to a minimum, but for me, it had been overwhelming. It made it hard to forget what had happened.

  Now I was home and my mind was buzzing even more. I wanted it to shut up so I could forget it all. Why was it affecting me so much? Why had it broken down that wall so easily?

  I groaned again and threw my pillow over my head. Raikidan entered the room and switched to his dragon form without a word. He had been quiet all night. He barely looked at me even after our shift ended, which was just fine with me.

  I shut my eyes and tried to force myself to sleep, hoping I’d forget everything. Eventually sleep came, but the memory stayed.

  Chapter 25

  The TV channels flipped by at a rapid pace as I looked for something to watch. Ryoko begged me to stop at a few of them, but I ignored her and kept going. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to watch them, well it was a little bit of that, but I mostly just liked to see her complain when I didn’t listen.

  Rylan sat between us and watched us with delighted amusement. Raid, surprisingly, was nowhere to be found. He had still been persistently competing for Ryoko’s affection, regardless of the fact that Ryoko was starting to show interest in Rylan again, so the fact that he wasn’t here to keep an eye on his older brother was a little surprising to me. I blinked when something hit my ear. It was small and soft, and I wasn’t sure if I had actually felt anything at all until it happened again. I looked down at my lap to see two pieces of popcorn lying there. I looked at Ryoko accusingly, since she had a bowl of the stuff, and then I was hit in the face by a handful of the buttery treat.

  Ryoko laughed. “Just pick a channel already.”

  “I’ll pick a channel when I feel like it.”

  Ryoko tossed another handful of popcorn at me, and I retaliated by scooping up what she had thrown and threw it back at her. It only took seconds after that for a full-out popcorn war to break out, and Rylan became the victim stuck in the middle of it all. When he had finally had enough of the stuff bouncing off his face, he grabbed both of our arms. Even though we each still had a free one to continue, we both stopped and glared at him.

  “I think it’s time for you two to actually eat this stuff, instead of hitting me with it,” he said.

  Ryoko and I looked at each other, and then she tossed a small handful at him.

  He sighed. “Ryoko, don’t push me.”

  Ryoko looked at me, grinned, and then dumped the bowl right onto Rylan’s head. Rylan let out a tight, slow exhale and let me go, but not Ryoko. He removed the bowl from his head slowly, and then picked up a handful of thrown popcorn and tossed it at her. Ryoko blink furiously and I laughed.

  “Well then,” she said when her shock wore off. She picked up a handful of popcorn and shoved it in his face. He choked on the treat and the room echoed with laughter.

  When he managed to push her away, he gathered up the scattered popped kernels, and retaliated on her. Seda, from where she and Shva’sika hung out in the kitchen, pushed forward a new bowl filled to the brim with popcorn, and I rushed over to it, before Ryoko or Rylan could think to use that, too, for ammunition.

  “Give it to me!” Ryoko begged.

  “All right.” I dumped the bowl over her head, and Rylan laughed as she growled out an irritated complaint.

  Ryoko glowered at me, but did something no one would have expected. She gathered up a handful of popcorn and then tackled Rylan, landing on the couch, and shoving popcorn into his face.

  “Eat it!” she ordered.

  “Ryoko, no,” Rylan complained. “Get off me!”

  “Eat the popcorn.”

  Rylan managed to knock the popcorn out of her hand, but that didn’t stop her from torturing him. She grinned and then grabbed his sides. He laughed and bucked as she tickled him.

  “Ryoko, stop,” he begged. “You know I’m extra sensitive there!”

  She snickered and increased her assault. Shva’sika shook her head. “How did it get to this?”

  I shrugged. “The gods only know. This is Ryoko.”

  Tears streamed down Rylan’s face, and his bucking grew worse with Ryoko’s relentless attack. I laughed when one thrash was strong enough to not only send her flying to the floor, but him as well. The room grew quiet as the two stared at each other. Shva’sika held a hand over her mouth to stop her from laughing, and I bit my lip. This was all too perfect.

  “S–sorry,” Rylan finally said, pulling away from her quickly.

  Ryoko laughed. “I deserved it.”

  To my disappointment, Rylan stood up, and began collecting up the scattered popcorn. When he gathered a bowlful, he noticed Ryoko had only sat up.

  “Need held getting up?” he asked.

  “Maybe.”

  He bent over and offered a hand to help her, but instead of her taking it, she tossed a handful of popcorn at him. He exhaled tersely and then dumped the bowl he collected on her. She ducked her head instinctively, but that caused several of the popped kernels to go under her chin and lodge in between her breasts, and Ryoko instinctively began fishing them out right in front of him. I completely lost it when his face flushed, and I stumbled for the roof door. I needed to get away from all this. It was too much.

  I sat down on the edge of the roof and stared up at the sky to get myself under control. I wasn’t alone for long. Raikidan showed up and sat down next to me, watching me.

  I sighed and shook my head. “All right, ask away.”

  “What just happened, did that fall under your human rules of flirting?”

  I chuckled. “You catch on quick.”

  Raikidan shook his head. “You humans are so confusing. You make these choices for mates. How do you know they’re the right one?”

  I scratched my head. “We don’t. It comes down to trial and error and hope that you don’t get hurt too bad in the process. That’s why many are hesitant to try since most feel the pain isn’t worth it.”

  Raikidan looked down at the floor. I could tell he was thinking. The concept didn’t make sense to him, and I wasn’t good at explaining it, so that didn’t help him in the least.

  “Eira, if you could, would you try like them?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “Monsters like me don’t get that choice. That’s just how it is.”

  Raikidan grabbed my wrist. “Don’t say that.”

  I tried to pull away. “I only say the truth.”

  Raikidan tightened his grip and lightly grabbed my face so I’d look at him. “You’re not a monster, Eira. I can’t believe that… no… I won’t believe it.”

  I stared at him. Why did he resist the truth so much? I sighed and averted my gaze. Raikidan let me go, allowing me to have the space I wanted.

  “Raikidan, what’s it like for dragons?” I asked. “I mean really like? You said you guys just know, but that doesn’t make any sense. You can’t just know they’re right just by looking at them, especially if you stay together for life after that choice.”

  Raikidan looked at the ground and didn’t speak. After a few moments I got it. It was how it always was. The information was always one-sided.

  I stood up and began to walk away. “Forget I asked.”

  Raikidan grabbed my wrist. “Eira, don’t. Don’t mistake my silence for unwillingness to speak. I’m just trying to figure out how to tell you without you thinking I’m lying.”

  I sat back down and waited. He was so deep in thought; it had to be interesting, at least.

  “We
hear her voice,” he said quietly.

  My brow rose. “What?”

  “It’s all on the male’s side. We hear our destined mate’s voice and we seek her out until we find her.” I sputtered out a laugh. Raikidan sighed. “Eira, please don’t laugh.”

  “I’m sorry, but did you just hear yourself? You’ve basically just said you’re all crazy.”

  Raikidan looked away. “This is why I didn’t want to say anything.”

  I sighed. “Raikidan, you hear a voice in your head. How is that not supposed to sound made up?”

  He looked at me sternly and I sighed. I knew I shouldn’t have laughed, but it was hard to believe what he said.

  “All right, tell me more about this… voice.”

  “Why should I?”

  “So I can understand more so I don’t think you’re crazy.”

  He sighed. “There’s nothing really else to tell. We don’t choose our mates. The gods do. They make us wait until the right dragon comes along, and when she does, a voice starts talking in our heads until we find her and she accepts us, not that convincing her is an easy task, either.”

  “So basically, you guys are just handed happiness.”

  “That’s the way to see it.”

  “Sounds like not all of you see it that way.”

  Raikidan shook his head. “Because we don’t make the choice, some don’t want it. Some also don’t want that kind of responsibility.”

  “What happens to those who don’t want it?”

  “They try to ignore it as long as they can, but eventually they’re forced to look for her. Unfortunately, it typically goes south from there.” Raikidan continued to stare at the ground. “Instead of trying to get her to accept him, he kills her.”

  My breath caught. “W–what? Why would—how could he do that? I thought it was the worst thing for you guys if you ever did that.”

  Raikidan nodded. “It is, that’s why most have someone else do it for them. They think they can turn a blind eye if it’s done that way. But there’s supposedly a repercussion for it, no matter how they go about it.”

  “Go on.”

  “It’s said that if our mate dies by unnatural causes, particularly if it’s our fault, we go insane.”

  “How so?”

  “It’s claimed that when she dies, her voice doesn’t go away like we would hope. It gets worse. She becomes hateful, and never lets up until it drives us to insanity.”

  “But it’s only said to do that.”

  “It could be that the male drives himself insane over guilt or the voice does get worse. No one knows for sure, and the only ones who do are too insane to tell.”

  “Does her voice go away once the two have become a mated pair?”

  Raikidan shrugged. “I don’t know. No one talks about those things. That part of a dragon’s life is private. Not even my parents told me everything. They told me how things were, and that was that.”

  “Like, you mate for reproductive purposes only?”

  Raikidan chuckled. “Yes. I don’t know if that’s true or not. I figure, by how my parents acted, and by how Corliss acts with his mate, it’s possible to not actually be the case.”

  “Corliss has a mate?” Even though I already knew the answer to this question, I knew it to be a good time to make it look like I didn’t so I wouldn’t screw up later.

  Raikidan nodded. “Yeah. He was one of the few half-colors who received a mate early in life.”

  “How early?”

  “He was only a century old, which is young for a dragon. Most aren’t given a mate until they’re around two to three centuries but it’s been more common lately for them to have to wait much longer since our numbers are so small.”

  “So Corliss is older than you?” I asked, confused based on the dream I was given back when I was visiting the South Tribe.

  He scratched his head. “Well not exactly. Technically we hatched around the same time, so that would make us around the same age, but had I hatched when I was supposed to, I would have been older, so we say I’m older.”

  “Wait, back up. What do you mean, ‘hatch when you were supposed to’? Were you not supposed to stay in your shell for two centuries?”

  Raikidan laughed, and I glared at him. “I’m sorry for laughing. I’m just surprised you remembered I said that about myself. No, we don’t normally stay in our eggs that long. We’re only in our shells for about half a century, so we can handle the shapeshifting process later in our lives. I was just a very rare case.”

  “How rare?”

  “Rare enough to be the only one in over eight hundred years.” He grunted. “My mother said it was because I was special. Not sure why she hadn’t given up when most would have. I’m not special in the least.”

  I smiled. “Because you were special to her.”

  Raikidan looked at me. “How would you know?”

  I looked up at the sky. “Because I’m a mother, too, and I’ll tell you a little secret. We know things about our kids that wouldn’t make sense to know.”

  “Eira, what’s it like for human females? You don’t seem the type to lay eggs like dragons do.”

  I laughed. “No, we don’t. Human women carry their babies inside them for about nine months.”

  He cocked his head. “What?”

  “We have live births.”

  Raikidan looked at me in horror. “How do you birth something like that?”

  I laughed. I knew exactly what he was thinking. He hadn’t seen a baby before; only small children. “Relax, Rai. Human infants are small. Their average weight is between six and seven pounds, and their length is between fifteen and twenty inches. Of course, that’s not to say birthing them is a walk in the park, even at that size.”

  “That’s really tiny. How do they survive?”

  “Their parents take care of them. Human babies are helpless, so their parents are there for them until they’re able to take care of themselves. That’s around seventeen or so, but some stay with their parents longer if they don’t feel ready.”

  “I’ve noticed you humans choose not to live in large groups.”

  I nodded. “Friends tend to, but families tend not to. And no, I don’t know why.”

  Raikidan grunted. “Figures.”

  I rolled my eyes and then a thought came to me. “So this is going to sound weird, but I need to know. Zaith’s… offer, it was political, wasn’t it?”

  Raikidan chuckled. “Well yes and no. With everything I told you, it’s hard not to see how it was a bit political. But somehow, between you not caring about what he had to say, showing how powerful you were, and the gods know what else, he became infatuated with you rather quickly. Of course, you wanted nothing to do with him, and that didn’t make him too happy.”

  “And I had you to thank for letting me know what he was up to.”

  “It wasn’t right for him to try to trick you like that.”

  “You sure he didn’t just think I knew because of you?” I teased.

  “Yeah, I’m sure,” he muttered.

  “So it’s safe to assume he doesn’t have a destined mate yet.”

  Raikidan shrugged. “It’d be a wise guess. I can’t see why he’d try to trick you if he was destined for someone else already.”

  I chuckled. “I pity the dragon who has to put up with him.”

  Raikidan laughed but didn’t say anymore so all conversation ended, but I wasn’t done talking for once. One question was running through my head but I wasn’t sure if I should ask it. It could possibly answer my big question of why he was really here, but it might be too personal of a question.

  “You want to ask me something,” he stated.

  I sighed. There was no thinking about it any longer. “I was just wondering…
Raikidan, do you have a voice?”

  He chuckled. “No, thankfully.”

  “Don’t want one?”

  “I like living on my own, and only having myself to worry about.”

  I wasn’t convinced. “All right. I was just curious. It just sounded like it would be annoying to have one.”

  Raikidan grunted. “You have no idea.”

  I grinned as Raikidan groaned and rested his head on in his hands. “So you lied to me.”

  He sighed. “Yes.”

  “Is she the real reason why you’re here?”

  He nodded. “You gave me an incentive to actually go looking for her. I don’t think she’s here, but I promised to help you, so she can wait.”

  “How long have you been hearing it?”

  “A few decades.”

  “That’s a bit of time to ignore it. You really don’t want a mate.”

  “I told you, I like having to only worry about myself.”

  “You’re also under the average age when dragons are assigned a mate. Why is that?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. Mostly likely reason is because I hatched so late. My development was a bit different than the average dragon because of it.

  I nodded. “How will you know how to find her if you did choose to look?”

  “Besides me being able to pick her voice out of a crowd because of how often I’ve heard it, there are a few hints she gives that help, but they’re not open for discussion.”

  “I understand.” I thought for a moment and then frowned. “Will you kill her?”

  He didn’t respond. He just stared at the ground so I waited. “I told myself I’d never look for her. I didn’t want to hurt her. She deserves… better than me.”

  I shook my head. I knew he was a half-color and all, but that didn’t mean he had to think so low of himself like other dragons did. “Raikidan, do me a favor.” He looked at me. “When you find her, don’t kill her. She doesn’t deserve that, and you… deserve to be happy.” I turned around and hopped down onto the fire escape. “And if you want, when you’re really ready to look for her, I’ll help when this is all over. It’s the least I can do for you bringing a sense of peace to my life.”