Secrets

by Shannon Pemrick

  I closed my eyes. “I’m supposed to learn from the past, but every time I try to make choices from what I learned, it never turns out right.”

  “Learning is only part of it, Laz. Overcoming it is the other. And your first task is to admit what happened instead of running from it. You don’t make any progress running, you know this.”

  “I can’t let go of that pain… Seeing what happened to mom… losing Tannek… I just can’t…”

  “You can face this. You just have to let yourself and follow your heart.”

  “Seda, you’re the one who gave me a prophetic warning. I can’t trust my heart. It’ll betray me…”

  She sighed. “I didn’t want to have to tell you that. I shouldn’t have, but it was the only way I knew to get you to trust me so quickly. There’s more to a prophecy than the surface. You have to think about it on a much deeper level. It’s why we’re not supposed to give them out to just anyone, like we had long ago.”

  “Then tell me what it really means,” I begged.

  “I can’t. That’s something you need to figure out on your own.” The necklace lifted off my bed, displaying Seda’s excellent control over her psychic abilities, and hovered in the air. The clasp unhooked and then wrapped around my neck twice. “Now, go to the mirror.”

  I hesitated, but then did as she’d asked.

  “Now tell me how you feel.”

  “Well…” I looked myself over and my heart rate picked up. I was sure Seda would know, but I needed to stay rational, so I gave her a low-key answer. “I do like it—a lot.”

  “Good. Now go tell Raikidan this,” she encouraged. “How you may or may not feel about him beyond friends, and how he may or may not feel about you beyond friends, is irrelevant. As a friend, he gave you something nice, and because you’ve been so caught up with worrying about the past, you forgot how to react to a gift from a friend in the present. Tell him you’re grateful for the gift, and worry about everything else later.”

  I smiled. “Thank you, Seda. I needed this talk.”

  “Don’t be afraid to talk to others when you need to. We’re here for you.” She chuckled. “And your admittance to fear, that’s going to stay between you and me, unless you say otherwise.”

  “I appreciate it.”

  “Now go on. He’s moping on the roof.”

  I giggled and looked myself over one last time, my heart skipping a beat in the process. I did like how the necklace fit me. I felt pretty, and I was okay with that for once. Maybe Seda is right. Maybe I do need to face this differently. I walked away from the mirror and opened my window. I could think on that later. I had something else to deal with.

  Climbing out onto the fire escape, I sauntered up the creaky metal stairs and poked my head above the curb of the flat roof before reaching the top. My search for Raikidan didn’t last long, since he stuck out where he lay on the flat portion of the roof, staring up at the blue sky.

  I stood there like an idiot, chewing on my lips thinking about how to approach this. A normal person would just come out and apologize, but then again, a normal person wouldn’t have overreacted like I had. The fire escape creaked as I shifted my weight, and Raikidan’s attention snapped over to me. Why the creaking had caught his attention when me walking up the steps hadn’t was beyond me.

  I waved my fingers at him tentatively in greeting while trying my best to smile and he immediately jumped to his feet and sprinted over to me. This took me by surprise. I hadn’t expected this kind of reaction to seeing me.

  “Are you okay?” he asked. “You and Shva’sika were yelling, and then you were quiet for a while.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I said. “I actually came up here to thank you for the necklace. I should have when you gave it to me, but I wasn’t in the best mood when you gave it to me, so my excitement was short-lived. I’m sorry for that.”

  His brow rose. “So you weren’t upset because of me?”

  “No,” I lied.

  “Laz, don’t lie to him,” Seda messaged. “It won’t help you or him.”

  I ignored her and smiled at Raikidan. “Trust me.”

  He smiled back and nodded, but I noticed how his smile didn’t reach as far as it normally did when he was happy. This smile looked forced, and his eyes didn’t reflect how he tried to appear. He knows I’m lying. But I couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t calling me out on it.

  I walked up the rest of the stairs of the fire escape and motioned for him to come closer. He complied and I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. “Thank you. I do like the gift. It’s pretty.”

  Raikidan hugged me back and then lifted me up from the top of the fire escape onto the roof. A startled squeak escaped my lips, and he chuckled. “I’m glad you like it. I thought I had done something wrong by doing so.”

  “No, you did good. Even though I still don’t understand why you went through the trouble.”

  “Because you deserve something nice. And you were being so damned picky about a replacement for your lost necklace, someone had to make a decision for you.”

  I chuckled and tried to pull away, but Raikidan tightened his grip. “Uh, Rai?”

  “Not yet.”

  My heart skipped a beat. “Any particular reason?”

  “Just because.”

  My brow rose in question, but I remained quiet and still. When a minute or two passed and he still hadn’t let go, I started to understand. “I’m sorry. For upsetting you so badly.”

  “Stop saying sorry,” he mumbled.

  “No.”

  He pulled away and tapped my forehead with his palm. “Yes.”

  I chuckled and stepped back. When he realized how I tricked him into letting go, he pointed at me and I laughed. I ran my fingers through my bangs and my laughter immediately stopped when I noticed how odd of a stare Raikidan gave me. The way he looked at me, it sent an uncomfortable tingling sensation down my spine, making me feel a bit self-conscious.

  “What?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “Just thinking.”

  I sat down on the curb of the roof. “About what?”

  He sat down next to me. “What were you and Shva’sika yelling about?”

  My gaze lowered. “She tried to force me to talk to her, and in the process ruined some pictures that I don’t have backup copies for.”

  He frowned. “That was rather unkind of her. There’s no way to fix them at all?”

  I shook my head. “They’re pretty bent up. I did try to fix them the best I could, but there’s only so much I can do. Granted, they’re not completely destroyed, so it’s not all bad, but it still sucks.”

  Raikidan stood up. “I just had an idea. I might be able to fix them.”

  My brow furrowed with confusion. “How?”

  “It’s a surprise.”

  Before I could protest, he had opened the door to the house and disappeared. I couldn’t figure out what could possibly help at this point, but I’d give him the benefit of the doubt and let him try. I touched my necklace and smiled. Such a thoughtful creature he was. I needed to try to be like that to him. I had told myself not to get too close, but at this point, that rule had been long broken and I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. I just needed to be careful how close I got.

  Pain pulsed in my chest. I clutched my shirt and bent forward in reaction. The pain subsided quickly, allowing me to sit up soon after. “Ow… What was that about?”

  Movement next to me caught my eye and I turned, only to find myself alone. What the—

  I touched my necklace again and my chest started to hurt again.

  “Don’t be stupid,” the malevolent female voice in my head warned. “Don’t be stupid.”

  “What are you?” Today had been the first time I had ever talked back to it. I usually igno
red it or listened to it. Didn’t seem right to speak to it, but with everything going on in my life, I might as well now.

  “You know what happened last time,” she warned.

  “It won’t go like that. I’m not that stupid.”

  “You thought his gift meant that.”

  “And it was stupid to think so. I’m just a friend. That’s all this means.”

  “We’ll see. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  I frowned. He couldn’t be happy being with someone like me. I knew this. I wouldn’t fall into that trap of falsely thinking it could work. I was smarter than that. Right?

  Chapter 39

  (Ryoko)

  The bacon sizzled and popped as it cooked in the pan. The smell of the meat and fat made my mouth water but I forced myself to keep cooking them. I wasn’t going to give in and eat these raw. I didn’t feel human enough unless I ate it fully cooked.

  I looked around as I waited to flip the meat. It was strange not having anyone around. Zane told me he didn’t need me at the shop today, and Laz, Danika, and Raikidan went off to do shaman things. Even Seda and Genesis were gone somewhere. Rylan was the only one who was still here, and he was in his room doing… well I wasn’t sure what he was doing. I wouldn’t doubt he was sleeping. He had worked late last night.

  Thinking of Rylan made me think of Laz, and then of her and Raikidan. I smiled as I thought of how much he’d changed her. The day they had arrived here, she hadn’t looked any different. Sure, she’d lost some weight, but the way she saw the world was the same. Getting her to laugh was easier than a smile, but even then that was still a chore. Now neither was hard for her. She laughed and smiled all the time and even more so when he was around her.

  My smile grew when I remembered seeing the necklace he gave her. It had been a bit of a task to get her to talk about it, but I won out like usual. He had good taste. Not something I’d wear, but it was so Laz. And I could see she liked it by the amount of times she’d play around with it. They both said it had been a late birthday gift, a “just because” gift, but they couldn’t fool me. No way am I buying that. Not with how she acted around the time he gave it to her.

  I prayed he was the right one for her and that she’d let him in. I desperately wanted it to be that way. She deserved to be happy again, and I wanted her to have a sense of peace in her life. But, the thing I wanted most was for her to not have to be afraid of one man trying to be close to her. Sure, he wasn’t human, but she wasn’t exactly full human herself.

  I sniffed the air, and panicked when I smelled the bacon burning. I sighed when I finally managed to flip it over. I wasn’t a good cook, that was for sure, but food was food at this point, and I wasn’t getting any unless I made it myself.

  Strong arms snaked their way around me. “Something smells good.”

  I scrunched my nose. “It’s a little burnt.”

  “I like my bacon crispy.” He chuckled and kissed the back of my head. “But the bacon wasn’t what I was talking about.”

  I rolled my eyes and flipped the bacon. Noticing it was done, I scooped it up and put it on a plate I had already set aside for it. I reached for two more strips, but Rylan stopped me.

  I sighed. “Rylan, please, I’m hungry.”

  “Then let me make you something,” he offered.

  “No, I want to make it.”

  He took my spatula away. “It’ll be better than just bacon.”

  I turned off the burner, knowing full well this was going to take a while, and turned around to face him. I reached for the spatula but he kept it out of my reach.

  “Please, Ry, I want to make it myself.”

  “Let me do something for you.”

  “Ry, I don’t want to play games right now.”

  “I’m not playing games. I want to do it for you.”

  I reached for the spatula again, but he still wouldn’t give it to me, so I pouted. To my surprise, it didn’t work. He grinned instead and didn’t give an inch. I had to think of something different.

  A devious grin spread across my face when something came to mind and Rylan’s expression changed to confusion. Pressing against him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and tossed my hair to the side. He visibly swallowed, and I continued to grin playfully.

  I leaned into him until my nose was touching his. “Fine, if you won’t let me have my first choice, I’ll just have to choose something different.”

  I captured his lips with mine and he didn’t fight me. My heart leapt when his lips became more demanding. The spatula clattered on the counter, but I didn’t care about that anymore. My body went into autopilot mode the moment Rylan pushed me back against the counter. My mind wasn’t allowed to think, and my body wanted one thing.

  I dragged my hands down his chest and his muscles responded like they always did when I did this. The moment my hands reached the hemming of his shirt, they grabbed on and tried to pull it off him, but as usual, it wasn’t going to happen.

  Rylan pulled away and grabbed onto my hands to stop me. “Ryoko, no.”

  I sighed and pulled my hands out of his grip. “All right.”

  Pushing past him, I went to the fridge to look for something to add to the meal I had started. This wasn’t the first time I had tried and he’d pushed back. I knew it was best to just go back to making my meal than to keep trying. “Ryoko, please don’t be mad.”

  “I’m not mad,” I said as I selected some eggs. “I’m just removing myself from a position of want but can’t have.”

  Rylan stopped me when I tried to make my way back to the stove. “I’m sorry if this upsets you, but—”

  “Ry, you don’t have to apologize,” I said, moving around him and turning the burner back on. I cracked an egg into the skillet. “You already told me how anything further would make this a permanent thing because of your instincts as a human hybrid. It’s the same with me being half wogron. It’s why loosing Zeek had been so—”

  Rylan touched my elbow and rested his forehead on the back of my head. “Please don’t think about that… I know that was hard for you.”

  I cracked another egg. “I’m getting ahead of myself because of how long I waited. I need to step back and stay clear of positions like this so I don’t cause any problems. If you’re not ready to make this permanent, then that’s fine. It’s not like we’ve been together that long.” I’ve waited this long, I can continue to wait longer. Rushing isn’t something I want anyway…

  Silence fell over us as I continued cooking. While I didn’t mind him watching me, a part of me wished he’d just go do something else after everything I said.

  I slid my cooked eggs onto my plate. “Do you want anything to eat?”

  “Yes,” he said in a deeper-than-normal tone.

  “What do you want?”

  His hand snaked around my waist and pulled me into him as his other hand reached up and pulled my hair to the side. “You.”

  My heart thumped in my chest when he planted a strong kiss on the nape of my neck. “R–Rylan, we just got done t–talking about this.”

  “No, you finished talking about the conclusion you’d come to,” he murmured. “The wrong conclusion, at that.” He kissed my neck again. “I want this to be permanent. I don’t want anyone else to have you. But I wanted to give you time to make sure you wanted that, too.”

  I clicked the burner off. “With all the time I spent waiting, only Raid had me questioning how I felt at the end. But even he couldn’t get me to give up on a life with you.”

  “Why didn’t you choose my brother? From the start, he did a better job at showing you the affection you deserve.”

  I turned around to face him. “You’re right, he did, but he doesn’t understand me the same way you do. And… as much as I had hoped it would work out and become something m
ore, I felt like he wasn’t meant for me. So I continued to hold onto you when I knew I should let you go.”

  Rylan cupped my chin. “I’ll make it up to you, for waiting so long. I’ll make that wait worthwhile.”

  He claimed my lips with his. I pressed myself against him, feeling the strength of his muscles in his chest, and his kiss became more demanding. My heart thumped and I leaned into him more. I wanted to memorize his taste; his touch; him. I wanted everything he could offer, and give him the same back.

  My hands found the hemming of his shirt again. This time Rylan didn’t stop me from removing it, and a smile crept onto my face as I tossed it, not caring where it landed. We were most definitely going to get into trouble from that, and any other clothes that came off out here. Such activities were supposed to stay in bedrooms with so many people living here, but I didn’t care.

  Rylan’s free hand found one of the strings of my bikini top and pulled, only for the bow to be the only part to come undone. His confusion broke our kiss and I couldn’t help but giggle. “I knot my tie job. If I didn’t, I’d have far too many wardrobe malfunctions.”

  He bent closer and spoke in my ear. “Well, here’s the thing, I want a wardrobe malfunction.”

  I wrapped a hand around the back of his head and pulled him closer. “Your wish is my command.”

  My free hand found the button of his pants, and within seconds, they hit the floor. I then slipped past him, playfully running my finger along his jaw line and neck, and giving his neck chain a light tug. I made it mere feet out of the kitchen before I was pinned against the wall. Warmth spread throughout my body as Rylan trailed a kiss along my neck and collar bone.

  “So, you are that kind of guy,” I teased, remembering the last time he pinned me again the wall in an attempt to get me to stop messing with Laz and Raikidan.

  Rylan grinned. “You’re about to find out what kind of guy I am.”

  My pulse quickened and my face flushed. He let go of my arms and snaked his around me, lifting me up and carrying me away. Rylan laid me down on his bed carefully, and hovered over me before kissing me deeply and fumbling with the button on my shorts. I shimmied out of my shorts when their tight nature proved too difficult for him to handle on his own, and found my bathing suit bottoms didn’t want to stay on and prolong this undressing.