Secrets

by Shannon Pemrick

  “Be wary.” She smiled. “And be good to my son. It’s been some time since I’ve seen him so happy.”

  Before I could get anything out of her she faded. “Hey, don’t go!” I reached out to her, but she disappeared. “Who is your son?”

  The roof door opened and Raikidan poked his head out. “Eira, who are you talking to?”

  I sighed and leaned back. “Just a spirit.”

  He came out and shut the door behind him. “Must have been an interesting talk if you didn’t want him to go.”

  I looked at the ground. “She said something, but left before explaining, so I don’t know what she was trying to tell me.”

  He sat down next to me. “I don’t know if you’re allowed to, but you could tell me and I could try to help.”

  I sighed and scratched my head. “I don’t think you want to know.”

  “Try me.”

  “It was a warning…” I swallowed nervously. “About dragons.”

  Raikidan snapped his gaze one me. “Who did you talk to?”

  I shrugged a little. “I–I don’t know. She didn’t give me her name. I just know what she looks like.”

  “And?”

  I sighed. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you…”

  He sighed. “I’m sorry, Eira. I just want to know who has something bad to say about my kind.”

  “She was a dragon; that much I can say with confidence.”

  “W–what?”

  I scratched my head. “And she had taken the form of a human. Tall, slender, amazing green eyes and stunning, flaming red hair—gorgeous is the only way to describe her.”

  Raikidan froze up a little. “Her eyes, did they have a golden ring?”

  I blinked. “Yes.”

  “And her hair, did it make it look like she was made from a piece of the sun.”

  “I–I guess so.”

  “And her voice, is it so soothing it could make a grown man cry?”

  I tilted my head. “Raikidan?” He didn’t answer. He just stared at the ground. He looked shaken to the core. I touched his arms. “Raikidan, do you know her?”

  He exhaled slowly. “Her name is Xephrya and she’s… she’s my mother.”

  I froze. He was joking. He had to be joking. But as I looked at him, I knew he wasn’t joking, and that meant the son she was talking about had to be him. It only made sense. I took a small breath as I was about to tread dangerous waters. “Tell me about her.”

  He blinked and then looked at me as if trying to see if I was messing with him. “You really want to know?”

  I nodded. “I’ll tell you about mine after, if you’d like.”

  A smile crept onto his face and he nodded. “All right, I’m just not sure what to say about her.”

  “Anything. Whatever comes to mind.”

  “Well, she was caring, but that’s to be expected, and smart”—He chuckled—”and pretty. But the biggest thing about her was that she understood the rationale for everything. She understood me and everything I did better than I even knew myself. My mother didn’t care that I was a half-color. She thought it made me better than everyone else. She was the only friend I had who stuck with me until the end. Someone once tried to tell me she was psychic, since she had a great deal of awareness about the future, but I never believed it. Psychic dragons have always been rare, but even more so since the War of End. What about your mom?”

  I scratched my head. “Well she wasn’t much different, except for the psychic theory part. She cared the most about me, and she did what she could to make me happy. She was a bit overprotective sometimes, but I’d give up everything to have her back.”

  “Even give up your son and your friends?”

  I nodded slowly. “She was the only one who ever understood me. She knew exactly what I was and why I acted the way I did, but it didn’t matter to her. She still loved me the same. I’d even give up my freedom to have all that back…”

  Raikidan placed his hand on my shoulder and, instinctively, I rested my hand over his. There’s another point making us more the same than the surface would claim.

  “Raikidan, what exactly happened to her?” I asked.

  He removed his hand from my shoulder and leaned on his knees. I waited to see if he’d tell. I wasn’t going to press him. This was a delicate situation, not one I would pry about, but now that she had come to me, and told me we had a connection in some way, I felt the need to see if Raikidan was ready to face that part of his past.

  He clasped his hands together. “She was killed by humans… soldiers, to be flat out honest with you.” My heart stopped. “I remember the insignias on the uniforms as clear as day. The soldiers were from this city.”

  I stared at him. He wouldn’t look at me, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t believe he had just said that. “Then why… why are you here? Why are you helping us?” I searched for the right words to say. “Why don’t you hate us?”

  Raikidan looked at me slowly. “Because you didn’t do it. You didn’t kill her.”

  I shook my head. “You don’t believe that.”

  He turned away and ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re right. I didn’t, at first. I thought you were all the same. I thought I could just hate and blame any of you.” He shook his head. “But it didn’t take me long to see it wasn’t like that. I couldn’t blame any of you because none of you could stomach anything you were forced to do.”

  “Then why offer to help me? You knew what I was. What were you thinking?”

  “I was thinking I could avenge her,” he admitted. “I thought if I could pretend to like something you wanted, then I could learn everything about you guys so I could figure out the best way to take my revenge. The truth is, Eira, we don’t enjoy confrontation. We like to keep things peaceful, and will only act to settle an issue quickly so it can just go away. The only exception to that would be issues related to territory. So my supposed like for revenge, was just me, but I can’t do it. I don’t… I don’t hate you.”

  “Then who do you hate?”

  “No one.”

  “You have to hate someone.”

  “I don’t hate…” He sighed. “Myself…”

  “Why?”

  “Because I couldn’t protect her… Because I couldn’t live up the name she gave me. She told me I was supposed to do something great. I was supposed to protect something important. But I couldn’t even protect her.”

  I didn’t know what to say. To feel like you failed the one person who had the most faith in you, I didn’t know how that felt. I never failed my mother and her expectations. But then… maybe I did. I wasn’t able to stop my mother’s death, either. I had been powerless.

  I reached out and grabbed his hand. He held my gaze and I could tell he saw the unspoken words. He understood what I went through.

  As I held eye contact, I noticed there was something else he wasn’t saying. “It’s not just yourself you blame, is it?”

  He shook his head. “No. I blame my father, too.”

  “What did he do?”

  “He wasn’t there. He stayed home.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  He sighed. “When I was still with my family, our lair was close to a small human village. My mother, well, she was fascinated by humans. She wanted to know everything about them, and liked to mingle among them without them realizing what she was. My father, on the other hand, he didn’t like that. True to his color, he wanted nothing to do with them, but because my mother did, he went along with her.”

  “Then how is he at fault?”

  “Well, unlike what I told you before, I’ve come into contact with humans many times in the past. When I was old enough, and had my shifting down, my mother started bringing me along with her on her trips into the v
illage. My father continued to put up with it, but when he found out that the village knew what we were, he wanted us to stop. The villagers didn’t hate us. They actually really liked us, but he didn’t care.

  “He tried to convince us to stop going to the village, but my mother wouldn’t listen. Then, he just refused to go at all—but she continued, and I went with her. He tried to blame me for what happened. He tried to make it seem like it was all my fault. I felt like it was, so it was hard to not believe it. But he wasn’t at the village when it happened. He had refused to come with us, just like every other time. He didn’t see how upset it made her when he refused. He didn’t see how much it hurt her…”

  “It’s because he didn’t love her,” I mumbled.

  “What? Of course he did!”

  “He wasn’t there for her. He didn’t support her. How could he love her?”

  “Because he gave up everything for her. He tried to make her happy when he could, even if he failed at it.”

  “He didn’t try enough if he couldn’t see just how much he was hurting her by refusing to go somewhere with her.”

  “He did care!”

  I stood up. “He didn’t love her because he couldn’t—because love doesn’t exist. It’s a lie!”

  Raikidan grabbed my wrist before I could walk away from this. “It’s not a lie.”

  I whirled on him. “Yes it is. If it existed, I wouldn’t have lost my mother! If it really existed, I wouldn’t be here, fighting for my own freedom!”

  Raikidan’s brow furrowed. “Eira, what are you talking about?”

  I stared at the ground. “He promised her he’d come back for us… He promised he cared and would save us. It was all a lie…”

  Pain started to come back. The buried emotions squeezed me everywhere. I stalked toward the door. This was not a memory I wanted to remember anymore. But Raikidan stopped me. “Eira, who are you talking about?”

  “My father!” My eyes burned into him but then softened as the pain took over. “He tricked her, and got her to believe in his lie. He got her to believe in something for so long, when it was never going to happen!”

  The pain controlled me. I needed to let it all out. My fist hit metal, and then pain raked through my arm as it pierced the door.

  “He was an outsider caught up in Zarda’s web, and had more than his own life at stake. He met my mother because of it, and eventually told her his cared about her. He made all these promises about how he’d come back for us both, and we’d all be together like a family should… He lied. He never cared! It was all a lie…”

  “Eira.” He rested his hands on my shoulder. “Calm down, my friend. Please, just calm down.”

  His use of Draconic for those specific words jolted something deep inside me. I gasped for a calming breath and then braced myself as I pulled my hand back through the door. I stared at my bloody arm. “He killed her… Zarda pulled the trigger, but she was gone long before that…” I threw myself at Raikidan, and he wrapped his arms around me. I squeezed my eyes shut as hard as the pain constricted my body. I wished, in that moment over any other, I could cry to take the pain all away.”She’s gone because of him and his lies…”

  “I’m sorry, Eira. I didn’t mean to make you feel this way. I won’t bring it up again.”

  “Thank you…”

  “He doesn’t know what he’s given up, you know. He gave up something really good. It’s his loss, not yours.”

  I pulled away and smiled. “You’re right. It is his loss.”

  He smiled back at me and held my gaze until something came to mind.

  “Raikidan, I’d like to ask you something, although it might bring up unwanted memories. Is it still okay to ask?”

  He nodded. “Sure.”

  “The soldiers who attacked you that day, they obviously were there for a purpose. They knew where to find you. But you didn’t say if they acted alone, or if someone led them.”

  “You’re right, they had known we were there, and no, they hadn’t acted alone.” He motioned me to follow him as he went to sit back down. “There was a single man who led them. He wasn’t a soldier, though.”

  “He was the other human you told me you met?”

  He nodded. “The only other nu-human. The humans are the village had been just normal humans, and at the time, the soldiers’ identities had been hidden thanks to the helmets, so I hadn’t realized they were nu-human until I met you. I just assumed the man leading them was some sort of elf or halfling of some sort.”

  “What did this man look like?”

  Raikidan’s brow furrowed as he thought about it. “Well, he was tall, clean shaven, had black hair, and had these sinister topaz eyes.”

  My gaze darkened. “So you have met Zarda.”

  Raikidan’s brow furrowed. “What? No. This man’s name was Taric.”

  I tilted my head. That didn’t make any sense. That sounded exactly like Zarda. Sure, someone could share some of his features, but all? There was only one man who shared such similar traits with Zarda, but he had been dead for such a long time.

  “Are you sure it was Taric?”

  “Yes.”

  “Raikidan, I really need you to think hard about this.”

  “Eira, what is your problem?”

  “Because the name you gave me was the leader of this city before Zarda, but he wasn’t an evil man. Lord Taric was incredibly peaceful. He went out of his way to keep peace, and make peace with those who didn’t want it. He didn’t make experiments like me and the others. Those were all Zarda.”

  “Well that’s the name he gave, and he wasn’t peaceful. He was quite hostile, and was looking for something from us.”

  Something wasn’t right about this. “Raikidan, how long ago did this happen?”

  “Why?”

  “Just answer the question.”

  “It was about eighty-five years ago, I think.”

  I shook my head immediately. “That wasn’t Taric. Taric was long dead by then. That man lied.”

  Raikidan threw his hands in the air. “Why the hell would he do that, Eira?”

  “Why not? He had a plan. He wanted something. Why not hide his identity by using another name with those who didn’t know him? At that time, Zarda was still trying to take control of whatever he could. He didn’t have a fearsome identity of his own. Besides, he’d feel he was the only one who should be allowed to use that name.”

  “Why? Why him?”

  I took a deep breath. “Because Zarda is Lord Taric’s son.”

  Raikidan narrowed his eyes. “Excuse me?”

  I sighed. “It’s exactly as I said. Zarda is Taric’s only son.”

  “But you told me once that Zarda killed his predecessor.”

  I nodded. “Great son, right?”

  “But…” Raikidan shook his head. “But why?”

  “Why not? Zarda craved power, even as a kid. He was nothing like his father, even if they did look a lot alike.”

  “How much alike?”

  “Some believed Zarda was a clone of Lord Taric, since Taric’s wife had been having a hard time bearing children. Some believed it was impossible for her. That’s why it can’t be Taric you encountered. Because he was dead before then.”

  “You’re wrong. It was him.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not going to waste my breath anymore.”

  Raikidan sighed and looked down at my arm, seeing that was still bleeding. “Let me fix you up.”

  I let him take my arm and burn away the wound. When he was done, I figured it was okay to ask him one last question. “Raikidan, why did he attack you guys?”

  He sighed and then shook his head. “I don’t know. My father and my mother’s friend, who had come to visit her that day, had sent me away before
I could find out.”

  “They never told you after?”

  He shook his head. “I’m not sure my father knew either. He ended up arriving back at the lair soon after I did, but my mother’s friend never showedup at the lair after I was sent away from the scene. I feel as though he was the only one who found out, and I never saw him again after that day.”

  “Did your mother leave a clan to be with your father?”

  Raikidan nodded. “It was one of the largest out there, but she chose to. As much as my father didn’t like the idea of living alongside other dragons, he would have for her, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to live a different life, not that I blame her much. From what she told me, she didn’t fit in too well, so when my father found her, she didn’t play as hard to get as most would have.”

  I looked down at my lap and rubbed my previously injured arm.

  “You should get some sleep,” Raikidan said.

  “What I need is food.”

  He stood up. “I’ll get you that. Just go lay down.”

  “Raikidan, don’t.”

  “I said I’ll get you something. Now go to your room and lay down.”

  I sighed. “Yes, mother.”

  He chuckled and flicked me on the nose, making me laugh. He headed for the door, and I took the alternate and more direct route to my room.

  The hot summer sun beat down on my skin, but it was the least of my concerns now. The man standing before me was. He was tall and lean, with flaming red hair. His eyes were a bright green, with a golden ring around the pupil, reminding me of my peculiar eyes. I didn’t want this man here. He brought bad feelings up from their locked-away places.

  I narrowed my eyes. “What do you want?”

  “Eira, there’s no need to be so hostile. I’m not here to start a fight of any sort,” the man defended.

  “You are not welcome here. My mother told you to never come back.”

  “Yes, I know, but I bring news from—”

  “I don’t care what you bring. You aren’t welcome here, now leave!”

  The man sighed. “May I please speak with Amara then? I know she’ll at least hear me out.”