Promise of Forever

by Patt Marr

  “Do I look okay?” Collin asked, tugging on his white tie. “Not rumpled or anything?”

  Beth kissed her cousin’s cheek and straightened his tie. “You look terrific, and you have a beautiful bride. I’m proud of all of you.” Her eyes swept all of the men, especially Noah.

  As if no unpleasantness had ever happened, the reception went on, though Noah was very quiet—even for him. Everyone else at the table seemed to make an extra effort to make this a happy occasion.

  When it was time for the best man to give his speech, Ry took the mike. “My cousin Collin is the quiet one of the family—so quiet, he puts people to sleep.”

  The audience tittered at the anesthesiology reference.

  “But he’s also the smart one. He talked Glenda into marrying into the Brennan family, though she knows what we’re like.”

  That drew a laugh…from everyone but Noah. Was he still upset at the trouble with Trey?

  “As the best man, the best thing I can say comes from the Book of Jeremiah in the Bible. Glenda…Collin…the Word says God has a plan for your life—a plan for your good and not for disaster. That’s a promise to build a life on.”

  Beth found Noah’s hand. Did he realize that promise was for them, too?

  “Hey!” Kendra slid between them and pointed to the window excitedly. “The rain’s stopped, and there’s a promise rainbow for the wedding!”

  Beth translated for the rest of the table. “That means everything’s going to turn out all right.”

  Noah walked Kendra back to her table—or that’s where Beth thought he was going. When she looked, Kendra was there, but Noah had disappeared.

  Noah hadn’t planned on inviting Beth back to the house. He was in no mood to rehash the wedding or think about the future, but when he dropped her off at the church to get her car, Kendi begged to ride with her.

  He didn’t mind too much because Kendi would fall asleep in the car. He was about to say goodnight to Beth when Kendi stirred and asked Beth to put her to bed. Beth, of course, was delighted.

  He went into his room and shut the door. He couldn’t wait to get out of this suit and into shorts and a T-shirt so he could feel like himself. A man could play the role of somebody he wasn’t only so long. During the speech-making, he’d taken a walk and tried to convince himself that he was in the right place at the right time, but it hadn’t helped. Trey didn’t have to worry about him being a Brennan wannabe. Noah had counted the minutes until they could leave.

  The lavishness of that wedding had been so far beyond his world that it had been a jolt to walk through the door of his own house and see the difference. Yet, that’s what Beth saw every time she came here.

  He knew she loved him. She wasn’t a person who could hide her feelings. He loved her, too, but how long would she be happy, playing house with him and Kendi?

  Did she think of them living here, with the discount-store furnishings he and Merrilee had been very grateful to afford? Or did she think he would turn his back on the life he’d worked hard for and be grateful that he’d “hit the jackpot?” He wished Darcy had never said that.

  It would be like the new dresses Beth had bought for Kendi. He’d insisted on paying for them, but Beth wouldn’t tell him how much they cost. Using an outside figure of what he’d paid for Kendi’s other dresses, he’d put the money in Beth’s purse. Had he been wrong! The price tags told the true story. Each of those dresses cost more than he made in a day and five times the price of any other dress Kendi owned. He couldn’t afford that, and he didn’t want Kendi getting used to such luxury.

  With Beth, his life and Kendi’s was so much better than when they’d been on their own. It nearly killed him to think of what it was going to be like without Beth, but this evening had raised too many questions. This had to end.

  He knew Kendi was hoping for—praying for—another wedding. He loved the thought of having Beth in his arms forever, but he hated the idea of “marrying a Brennan.” He didn’t want to take on that clan.

  Her grandfather, Ry and Collin were great, but he couldn’t see himself at family gatherings that included Trey and the rest of them. Poor Isabel and little J.T. would be better off with a Brennan-less life, and so would he and Kendi.

  He sat on his sofa—his feet on the coffee table, his hands behind his head—and waited for Beth. For the last few nights, they’d cuddled on this sofa, but they wouldn’t be cuddling tonight…or any other night.

  Beth joined him, kicked her shoes off and showed him a rainbow picture Kendi had just given her.

  He’d seen dozens—hundreds—of rainbows. He was pretty much rainbowed out.

  “I’m like Kendra,” Beth said, her mouth tilted in that smile he usually loved. “I need the comfort of knowing God is in control and that He keeps His promises. Like Ry said in his speech, the Lord has a plan for each of us—a plan for our good and not for evil.”

  It hadn’t sounded like preaching when Ry had said it, but it did now. “Do you really believe that, Beth?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Then, what do you think God’s plan was for Kendi’s mother? Was His plan to snuff out her life in twenty-six years? Was Kendi supposed to grieve for her mommy until you came along?”

  Noah’s words were so unexpected and his attitude so harsh that Beth could barely breathe. He’d been through so much, he had a right to be angry, but why did his words sound like an attack, and why tonight?

  She’d asked the Lord to bring Noah to a wonderful connection to Him. Was this God’s way of answering that prayer? Was this her chance to help Noah find a personal relationship with Jesus? She wished Ry were here. He was very good at leading people to the Lord.

  “God doesn’t promise unlimited days,” she said, praying for the right words. “He doesn’t promise life as we think it should be, and sometimes we never understand what His purpose was.”

  “If He had a purpose,” Noah murmured.

  “Sometimes, when we look back, we do see His purpose. I didn’t understand why Grandpa delayed my practice at the clinic, and I allowed myself to be very upset about it. When I came back, I realized I was much better prepared to do my job. Situations like that are great faith-builders.”

  “Or coincidence.”

  “Coincidence or God’s plan—it’s a choice which one you want to believe. What do you lose by choosing faith?” She smiled to soften the challenge.

  But he wouldn’t look at her. So much for charming him to the Lord. If this was her opportunity to talk to Noah about the Lord, she’d better go for it and tell it like it was.

  “Noah, God asks you to trust that He knows what He’s doing. He wants you to show your love for Him by clinging to Him in good times and bad. You’re a father. When bad times come to your child—maybe even from choices Kendra’s made—should she blame you? When you make a decision that hurts her, should she say you aren’t her dad anymore?”

  Noah threw her an impatient look, but she knew he’d understood the analogy between himself as a father and God.

  “What if it’s something you do for Kendra’s good, but she doesn’t see it that way?” Beth continued determinedly. “Is it okay for her to avoid you or be angry because she doesn’t like your decision? When things are bad for Kendra, so bad you know she’s hurting, do you want her to stay close where you can comfort her…or run away? How would you feel if she says the bad times mean you never loved her…that she’s through with you…that you don’t exist?”

  “I don’t know, Beth,” he said quietly. “I’m not a smart doctor with all the answers, but I’ve got a question for you. How am I supposed to work for you after all that preaching?”

  It couldn’t have been as bad as he made it sound. “I’m sorry if I came on too strong,” she said softly, loving him so.

  “You have a right to believe what you want, but you act like you think you’re ‘part of God’s plan’ for me and Kendi, and I’ve got to tell you, Beth…I don’t think so.”

  That was l
ike a dagger in her heart. Her breath came in shuddering gasps. He didn’t mean that. He couldn’t.

  “I know Kendi’s crazy about you, and she’s not going to like it when you and I don’t spend time together, but—”

  “What are you saying?” That sounded so final.

  “I’m saying…I don’t want us to hang out anymore.”

  “Just like that? One bad night wipes out all the good times we’ve had together?”

  “I think it has to.”

  They’d been together almost every day, even on the weekends, and the evenings as well. All three of them had been together. Was he thinking about Kendra at all?

  “Am I still allowed to take Kendra to the Mother-Daughter Tea next Thursday?”

  “If you want to.”

  “I do,” she said, struggling to keep her voice steady when her lips quivered. “I promised I would be her friend, no matter what happened between us. Noah, what did happen?”

  For a minute she thought he wasn’t going to answer, but he said, “At the wedding, one of my friends said it looked like I was going to “hit the jackpot” and marry a Brennan. Call me shallow or too proud, but I’m not the kind of man who’ll look the other way while you pay the bills. I don’t even want the luxuries you’re used to.”

  “Luxuries! I drive a VW and wear sneakers to work. I chose one of the lowest-paying specialties in medicine. Luxury is hardly my thing.”

  “Then why would you buy my daughter not one, but two dresses? Beth, I saw how much those dresses cost. They’re more than I would pay for Kendi’s entire wardrobe. And why would you let me think I’d given you enough money to pay for them? You take money for granted.”

  “You’re right. I didn’t think about the price of the dresses. I just loved buying them for Kendra. I’m sorry. I made a mistake, but every couple has things to work out. As far as money goes…what does it matter who puts the most money into a joint account? Noah, I just want to love you and have you love me back.”

  He shook his head as if he didn’t even hear her. “I’m a giver, not a taker, and I can’t do this. I’m not the guy for you, Beth.”

  “Oh, Noah….”

  He stood abruptly, cutting her off. “Consider this my resignation…from everything, including my job. I’ll work out my notice. Even you ought to find a reason to fire Mona within a couple of weeks.”

  She really couldn’t breathe. Somehow she managed to stumble to her car and drive out of sight before she pulled the car over and let the tears fall. She had definitely been wrong. Noah was not hers, and never had been—not if he could talk to her that way.

  This gut-wrenching grief was her fault, and there was no one to blame but herself. She was the one who’d got it backward. She’d surrendered her heart to Noah before he’d surrendered his to the Lord.

  Beth spent Sunday morning on her balcony, lying on the sofa with an ice pack over her eyes, nursing the aftereffects of a crying jag. The swollen eyes and the headache would subside if she could stop the scene last night from playing over and over in her mind. Where had she gone wrong? Had she been too pushy, witnessing to Noah about the importance of a connection with the Lord?

  On Monday, Noah didn’t seem as angry, but he didn’t smile once during the whole day, and he did remind her to work on his replacement.

  On Tuesday, emotions ran a little high. Admittedly, she’d been too free with snippy comments, and Noah overplayed the role of subservient nurse. Vanessa looked anxious, but Mona seemed pleased. That evening, Beth confessed to Grandpa that Noah was leaving, and she would soon need two replacements. One could be Roxie Romandine, her nurse friend from New York who had family in L.A. and was ready to move. Grandpa said the other could be a nurse in Charlie’s office who’d asked for a transfer.

  On Wednesday, Beth didn’t snip once, and Noah seemed more like himself. That evening she had dinner with Meg and Ry, who reminded her that even this suffering could be part of God’s plan. Sunny called to say bad times could be God’s preparation for the very best. Pete took the phone and backed Sunny up. The worst days of his life came right before the best.

  On Thursday, Beth decided to take the offensive. She’d prayed herself into a better attitude, and she was just as loving and nice at work as she knew how to be. Vanessa said she was so relieved that she and Noah had made up.

  That night Beth wore a dress for the Mother-Daughter Tea that was as different from her office uniform as it could possibly be. The black fabric clung to her figure almost too well, and the black high heels made her legs look long and shapely. How she dressed wouldn’t change Noah’s attitude, but surrendering to the possibilities meant she had to go outside her comfort level once in a while.

  When she picked up Kendra, the little girl giggled and said, “Daddy looks so funny.”

  Beth turned to see what Kendra meant.

  Noah’s mouth lifted at one corner. “I think Kendi caught my reaction to…your outfit.” His eyes scanned her length appreciatively. “You look amazing, Beth.”

  That appreciative look was worth all the trouble it had taken to dress up. “Thanks. I thought the outfit might be a little too dressy, but when a woman’s taking the princess to a party, she’s gotta go big or she’ll look like the nanny.”

  “No one will mistake you for the nanny,” he said dryly. “Not in that dress.”

  Maybe she would start wearing dresses more often.

  Noah began watching for Beth and Kendi at eight o’clock. A little after nine, they arrived. He hustled out of the house, knowing Kendi would be asleep, and he didn’t want Beth to carry the weight of his daughter. Kendi was probably getting too big to be carried inside, but he still loved doing it.

  “The nanny-chauffeur has arrived,” Beth said, nodding to her sleeping passenger.

  “Did she make it through the party without nodding off?” Noah asked, unbuckling Kendra’s seat belt.

  “Actually, she did. Noah, she was adorable. She told the people at our table about Chloe the Clown at Collin’s wedding, about the promise rainbow she saw that day and all about my office decor.”

  He picked up his child and carried her inside. “So, you two had fun tonight?”

  She nodded. “Lots of fun. Kendra says she wants us to go ‘nex’ year and ev’ry year.’”

  That was a lot of pressure for Beth. “What did you tell her?”

  “I answered generically, saying it was a wonderful party, but if it’s okay with you, I’ll take her until she grows up and has daughters of her own…or until you find someone who’s easier to love than me.”

  “No one is easier to love, Beth.” Why would she say a thing like that? She was the most lovable person he’d ever known. “Do you want to come in? Kendi loves it when you put her to bed.”

  “I don’t think so,” she said, not looking at him.

  “We could talk.”

  “What about? Is anything different since we ‘talked’ Saturday night? I’m still a Brennan. You’re still a ‘giver, not a taker.’ I still believe God has a plan. Unless you’ve come to believe that, too, what do we talk about?”

  She was right. Nothing had changed. Why had he invited her in? Was it out of habit, or did he need her more than he wanted to admit? In the glow from the front-door light, she looked so beautiful. He would remember her this way.

  “I love you, Noah.”

  Sensation rocketed through his mind. Had she really said that?

  “I can’t remember if I’ve said that or not, but I want you to know it. There’s a love in my heart that I can’t explain. Maybe God put it there. I don’t know, but I do know it’s not just for now…but forever.”

  Before he could think what to say, she had backed out of the driveway and driven away.

  He carried Kendi to her bedroom, unbuttoned her yellow dress and helped her slip into her princess nightie, all of which she did without opening her eyes. He put her little toy animal in her hand, tucked her in and expected her to zonk out as usual. But she opened her eyes and r
eached one little hand toward him.

  “Daddy?”

  He knelt beside her bed. “What, puddin’?”

  She stroked his cheek lovingly. “Daddy, you need a promise rainbow.”

  She closed her eyes, and she was dead asleep.

  She was also dead right. He was a mess without Beth, and he needed the promise that God was in control. He went to his room and knelt by his bed.

  Father God, I expect You’ve been waiting for me like I waited for Kendi to come home tonight. If she blew me off and disrespected me like I have You, it would break my heart. I’m on my knees, Lord, humbled by my own child’s faith, asking You to forgive me.

  I’ve been thinking a lot about what Beth said—about how I feel about Kendi and how You may feel about me. When Kendi doesn’t get her way, she doesn’t pout endlessly, but I’ve let doubt take over my life, and I’ve been denying You since Merrilee died.

  Kendi knows I don’t like it if she stays mad, and she needs my love so much that she changes her attitude. Why wasn’t I like that with You, Father? In my grief, I should have turned to You. Instead I told myself You didn’t care.

  I didn’t think You had a plan for me—although Your Word says You do. I guess that means I have to consider that Merrilee’s death wasn’t meaningless, and You still have a good future for Kendi and me.

  I’m trying to figure out where I went wrong and when I started to doubt You about everything. I don’t want to ever do that again. Lord, help me see You as Father and Friend. Help me trust You to lead the way. In Jesus’ name, amen.

  Noah held his hands out as a gesture of surrender and wept silently. He had so much to learn and a lot to make up for, but a comforting presence came over him. Whatever happened, everything would be okay.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Today would be her last day at Brennan Medical Clinic, but she didn’t care anymore. There was no reason to stay. Keith wasn’t coming back, and she might never see him again. The thought was too painful to bear.

  She’d been a young, beautiful woman, fresh out of nursing school, when Keith hired her. He’d shared how lonely he was…not that he’d put it into words, but she’d seen for herself. And she’d been right.