A Lot Like Adiós

by Alexis Daria

  “Can you pick up one of those presentation boards for me?” she asked. “I want to put together a mood board.”

  “A—” He didn’t even know where to begin with all of that. “Never mind. Sure, I’ll get it. Is the big pharmacy still on Williamsbridge Road? The one where you used to get pictures printed?”

  “Yeah.” Her smile was a little wistful, although he didn’t know why. “It’s still there.”

  After peeking out the kitchen window to make sure his mom was still sweeping the backyard next door, Gabe hurried out the front door, down the stairs, and into Michelle’s car. He was wearing his Yankees cap and dark sunglasses, but he knew what this neighborhood was like. If anyone saw a strange man running in and out of the Amato house, there was a good chance they’d report it to Michelle’s parents.

  He started the car and navigated to the drugstore like he hadn’t been gone for nearly a decade. People had a certain image of New York City, like it was all glass and steel skyscrapers, populated by businesspeople and models. In reality, the outer boroughs were all a collection of neighborhoods, a mix of houses and buildings, corporate brand stores and mom-and-pops, and home to families who’d called the city home for generations.

  Morris Park had changed in the years he’d been gone, but in so many ways, it was still the same.

  The drugstore had a sizable parking lot attached. Gabe found a spot near the entrance and pulled in. As he was getting out of the car, his phone buzzed. He checked it, thinking maybe Michelle had forgotten to ask something. But it was Fabian.

  Fabian: EMERGENCY

  Gabe: What’s wrong?

  Fabian: Everything. AC is out. Ventilation system down. Lights flickering.

  Fuck. Gabe took a deep breath and ran through each problem in his head, lining it up with a solution.

  Gabe: Hold on. Sending numbers for repair services.

  Gabe scrolled through his phone’s contacts as he walked, glancing up every so often to make sure he was heading the right way. After he’d sent Fabian the info for the electrician and the HVAC, he found the condoms in an aisle near the pharmacy counter, a full shelving unit of brightly colored boxes with names that didn’t actually describe anything useful.

  It had been years since he’d had to buy condoms for himself. For one thing, he was too busy to need them often. The gym also kept free Agility-branded condoms in the locker rooms for members to take. He had a whole stash at his apartment, yet hadn’t thought to bring a single one with him to New York.

  Before he could even begin to make a decision, his phone buzzed again with more incoming texts from Fabian. Gabe peered at the screen to look at the pictures Fabian had sent, but couldn’t see them well. He tore off the shades to take a better look. Water . . . some kind of leak. Fuck, he was going to have to call and help troubleshoot from here. He shot off a quick text.

  Gabe: Don’t touch it. Will call in a minute.

  He slipped the phone into his pocket and examined the dazzling array of condom boxes. There were too many fucking choices, and he had to get out of here. He picked up a couple to read the labels. What the hell was the difference between Ecstasy and Double Ecstasy? Was there a Triple Ecstasy option, and if not, why not? Where did the ecstasy end? Did it go all the way to infinity?

  He was sure Michelle would have something pithy and insightful to say about the branding. Notice the way the logo’s helmet resembles a dickhead, thus revealing the brand’s core values!

  Gabe stifled a laugh at the thought, then found the MAGNUM condoms. There, decision made. But wait, there were “thin” and “ribbed” options. He bit back a groan. Did condom companies want to cause decision fatigue?

  Fuck it. He had to call Fabian. Grabbing both boxes, Gabe turned toward the pharmacy desk to pay.

  And came face-to-face with his father.

  Chapter 14

  This was his own fault, really. Gabe should’ve known better. Yesterday, he’d joked about brujería then talked about his father, all but summoning him. And now here the man was, as if conjured by the Universe to appear at the worst possible moment.

  A myriad of emotional responses battled within Gabe. There was the adolescent embarrassment of getting caught by his dad while buying condoms, amplified by the fact that they hadn’t seen each other in nine years. Add to that approximately thirty years’ worth of pent-up anger and resentment, along with a sprinkling of something like regret as he noted the signs of aging on his father’s face. There were lines around Esteban Aguilar’s eyes, and his hair was almost entirely gray, which surprised Gabe almost more than anything else.

  Gabe did the math quickly in his head. His father would be sixty now. How the fuck had that happened?

  But regret was a feeling Gabe didn’t have time for.

  Underlying the other emotions was the familiar urge to run. How could he possibly explain what he was doing here? The absolute last thing Gabe wanted to do was tell his father about the gym and everything else. He didn’t need a single second more of this man doubting him, interrogating him about his life choices, or making him feel small and stupid and worthless. Those days were over.

  All this passed through Gabe’s mind in an instant. Maybe his father hadn’t recognized him. Maybe Esteban would pretend not to know him, or deliver some cutting remark like I told you not to come back. Maybe Gabe could just slip his sunglasses back on and—

  “Gabriel?”

  The shock of recognition reverberated through Gabe at the sound of the voice he knew better than his own, but hadn’t heard in years.

  “Papi,” he said, even though he hadn’t called his father Papi since he was small.

  The last time they’d seen each other, they’d said horrible things, and Gabe braced himself for an argument, for accusations and recriminations. All the things he’d been running from.

  Adrenaline and training meant he noticed when his father lurched toward him. Gabe flinched—

  But Esteban only caught him in a tight hug.

  The air whooshed out of Gabe in a rush. Not from the force of the embrace, but from shock. Of all the reunions Gabe had imagined over the years . . . he’d never pictured this.

  “Ay, mijo,” Esteban murmured. He clapped Gabe hard on the back, and Gabe was struck by another sense memory. His dad smelled the same—like aftershave and the slight whiff of cigar smoke. Back then, Esteban had enjoyed one a week, sitting out in the backyard. Gabe and his sister weren’t allowed outside while Esteban smoked, and while Gabe was sure part of the reason was their tender lungs, he suspected as he got older that it was also his father’s only downtime during the whole week.

  Belatedly, Gabe raised his arms and hugged his dad back, just before Esteban finally released him.

  “¿Qué estás haciendo aquí?” Esteban asked, then looked at Gabe’s hands.

  That was when Gabe remembered he was still holding a box of condoms in each hand.

  “Um . . .”

  “This part is obvious,” Esteban said, his mouth twitching like he was trying not to laugh. “I mean, ¿qué haces en el Bronx?”

  As much as Gabe wanted to throw the success of Agility Gym in his father’s face, he didn’t want to do it now, like this. He wanted to do it at the right moment, when the New York location was an indisputable fact. So Gabe did something he wasn’t totally proud of.

  “Michelle,” he blurted out. He couldn’t tell his father about the gym, and Michelle was the only other reason Gabe’s poor misfiring brain could think of in the moment. “Michelle and I are . . .”

  Gabe trailed off, and his father filled in the blanks on his own.

  “¡Por fin!” Esteban threw up his arms like this was something to celebrate. “Estabas tan enamorado de ella.”

  That brought Gabe up short. He hadn’t realized his father had known Gabe was so in love with her back then.

  “Yeah, we . . . um. Yeah.” Gabe shrugged.

  “¿Por qué no nos dijiste?” Esteban crossed his arms.

  “Ah, porque . . .�
�� Gabe cast around for an answer to why they hadn’t told anyone and settled on one that sounded legit. “We knew you’d all make a big deal about it.”

  “Verdad. Tu madre . . .” Esteban shook his head. “She’s going to lose her mind. You’re back, and you’re with Michelle. It’s all she ever wanted.”

  Fuck. Gabe had forgotten to consider his mother’s response in all this. How could he have forgotten about his mom?

  “¿Dónde te estás quedando?”

  “I’m staying, um, me estoy quedando . . . con Michelle.” Gabe’s voice cracked and he cursed himself for not thinking of a lie. Hotel. He should’ve said he was staying in a hotel! And then he could have raced back to the house, grabbed his suitcase, and escaped forever.

  Michelle would probably kill him for leaving her again, but death would be an improvement over whatever hell he was currently trapped in.

  “¿En la casa de Dominic y Valentina?” Esteban raised his eyebrows and gave Gabe a look like, Dude, that’s bold.

  It was. Shit. What had he been thinking, having sex with Michelle in her parents’ house? All of this was a giant mistake!

  “Vendrás a cenar esta noche,” Esteban said in a tone that brooked no argument. “Michelle también.”

  “Uh, okay. Sí.” Fuck, why had he just agreed to have dinner with his parents that night?

  He was regressing. Two minutes in his father’s presence and Gabe couldn’t think of a lie to save his life, couldn’t say no, and couldn’t set clear boundaries like a fucking adult. This was why he’d needed to leave.

  “I better go,” Gabe muttered, and made a move to stash the boxes back on the shelf.

  His dad put a hand on his arm to stop him. “¿Qué haces, muchacho? You’re not married to her yet. Necesitan practicar safe sex.”

  Gabe’s heart stopped. This was it, this was the moment he died. In the condom aisle of a CVS, at the age of thirty-one, because his father had told him to practice safe sex.

  Because his father was watching, Gabe held on to the boxes and got on line to buy them.

  Esteban waited with him, since he was there to pick up his blood pressure prescription. He peppered Gabe with questions in a mix of Spanish and English, and by the time Gabe was able to get away—after promising that yes, he and Michelle would be over for dinner at 6 P.M.—Gabe no longer had any idea what he’d replied. It was like some kind of out-of-body experience.

  Gabe hurried out of the store and lost a few moments looking for his black Audi hybrid before he remembered that he was in New York and had driven Michelle’s teal Fiat.

  Once in the car, he pulled out his phone to call Michelle, but his hands were shaking so badly he almost dropped it. Never mind. He’d be back at her house in a few minutes. Taking a deep breath, he started the car and drove back as quickly as residential speed limits allowed.

  MICHELLE WAS IN the basement printing pictures for her presentation when she heard pounding footsteps and Gabe shouting her name. She abandoned the printer and ran upstairs.

  “I’m here!” she called, heart racing. Had something happened with her car? Was he hurt? Did he—

  Gabe met her in the kitchen, eyes wild. He shook a white paper pharmacy bag at her. “We’re caught.”

  Michelle looked him over, checking for blood. “What?”

  Gabe sucked in a breath and let it out in a rush. “My dad . . .”

  Michelle’s stomach sank.

  “Saw me . . .”

  She clapped her hands over her mouth. It was obvious where this story was going.

  Gabe squeezed his eyes shut as if in pain, then yelled, “BUYING CONDOMS!”

  Michelle bit down hard on her lower lip. If she laughed now, he would never forgive her. Maybe in ten years they’d be able to joke about this, but right now he was looking apoplectic, so she took his arm and pulled him over to the sofa.

  “Let’s sit down.” Channeling Ava, Michelle adopted a soothing tone. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

  Gabe sank into the cushions and covered his face with his hands. “It was awful, Mich. I couldn’t decide between the condom brands’ core values, and then suddenly my dad was right there.”

  She opened her mouth to ask what he meant by that, then thought better of it. “What did he do?”

  “He hugged me.” Gabe sat up and rested his arms on his knees. “Like . . . what the fuck?”

  Poor guy. After what he’d told her about his sister’s wedding, she could only imagine how confusing that must have been. Michelle placed a hand on his thigh, wishing she could find the right words to help him. “And then?”

  “I told him we were together.”

  She balked. “You—what? We as in you and me?”

  “I’m sorry.” Gabe buried his face in his hands. “He was asking me all these questions, and I was still holding the condoms, and I didn’t want to tell him about the gym—you were honestly the first reason I could think of for why I’m here.”

  It shouldn’t make her happy but . . . damn it, it did. “You told him we’re together in what sense?”

  He raised his head and his expression was bleak. “We have to go over there for dinner tonight and pretend we’ve been secretly dating.”

  Secretly dating, huh? That was certainly simpler than trying to explain their current situation, although it implied a greater level of commitment. Michelle tried to look on the bright side for his sake.

  “That shouldn’t be too hard. We’re already secretly screwing, right?” Clearly it was the wrong thing to say, because Gabe groaned and covered his face again. “What’s wrong?”

  “He also guilted me for sleeping with you in your parents’ house, and when I tried to put the condoms back, he lectured me about safe sex. So then I had to buy them.”

  “Well, that’s good, right? At least we have condoms?” Again, finding the silver lining. Ava would be so proud.

  “I don’t think I can ever have sex again after that conversation,” Gabe mumbled. Then he gave Michelle’s boobs a sidelong look. “Never mind. I take that back. Somehow I’ll find the fortitude.”

  “I’m sure you will.” Michelle patted his back. While part of her felt bad for his obvious distress, another part of her perked up in hope. If Gabe reconciled with his parents, maybe he’d visit more.

  Or maybe he’d stay.

  Above all, Michelle wanted Gabe to be happy, and she suspected that until he dealt with his feelings about his parents, he was always going to be running away from them in some sense. Maybe if he faced them, he could finally stop running.

  “Okay, well, what’s done is done,” she said. “We still have work to do.”

  “Work? How am I supposed to work when my life is imploding?”

  “I want to show you my preliminary ideas. Did you buy the board?”

  “Sorry, I forgot. When I saw my dad, I think my brain short-circuited. And then I had to stand on line with him to buy the condoms.”

  “Oh my god. That’s terrible. I’m sorry, babe.”

  “You have no idea.”

  And then he wrapped his arms around her, pressing his face into her neck. “Mich, what do I do?”

  She rubbed slow, comforting circles on his back. “We’ll go to dinner, and I’ll be right there with you. You’re not the boy you were when you left. What can they do to you now?”

  He mumbled something, but all she heard was “doubt myself.” She squeezed him tight and let him hold on for as long as he needed.

  IN THE KITCHEN, Michelle’s phone rang. At the sound of the ringer, she stilled.

  “What’s wrong?” Gabe asked, lifting his head.

  “That’s my mom.”

  “Oh fuck.”

  Fuck indeed. Gabe released her and she hurried to pick up the phone before it went to voicemail.

  “Hi, Mom!” she said, aiming for a combination of cheerful and nothing to see here.

  “Is Gabriel Aguilar in my house?”

  Wow, trust Mom to cut to the chase. No matter. Michelle c
ould play this cool.

  “Yes, he is. Did you want to talk to him?”

  Gabe appeared in the kitchen doorway, eyes wide with horror. He mouthed NO! at her.

  On the phone, Valentina stifled a begrudging laugh. “Ha. Don’t get smart with me. Why is Gabriel there?”

  Time to spin this thing. “You know how we were really close when we were younger? Well, we recently reconnected online, and you know, one thing led to another. We wanted to test it out, but we knew if we told anyone in our families, you’d all make it a big deal.”

  She paused, to imply that her mom calling her right this moment was proof of their concerns.

  “So we decided to keep it a secret for a little while. You know how it goes, Mom.”

  It was a well-known family story that her mom had started dating her father while she was still in high school, and there had been a fair amount of sneaking around. Michelle’s mom couldn’t begrudge her having a secret relationship in her early thirties.

  “Fine, but why is he in my house?”

  “Your house is bigger,” Michelle replied, and Gabe slapped a hand over his face in exasperation. “And because mine just got a toilet yesterday.”

  “Oh, they installed the new toilet? How is it?”

  “Amazing. You wouldn’t believe how quiet the flush is.”

  “I keep telling your father we need to upgrade the toilets in the house to ones that use less water.”

  “We’ll make him test mine, and then he’ll see how great it is.”

  “I can’t believe you’re talking about toilets right now,” Gabe hissed at her.

  “Is that Gabriel?” Valentina asked. “Tell him I said hi.”

  “Mom says hi,” Michelle repeated dutifully.

  Gabe shut his eyes like he wanted to disappear. “Hi, Valentina,” he called.

  “He says hi,” Michelle reported back.

  Gabe’s phone rang and he took it out of his pocket. “Coño. It’s my sister.”

  Michelle’s phone buzzed and she pulled it away from her ear to look at the screen while her mom reported all the gossip from her friends and extended family in Florida.