A Lot Like Adiós

by Alexis Daria

  “I wish I could lick you while my dick was inside you,” he murmured into her ear. “But I guess this’ll have to do.” He pressed the vibrator to her and she exploded.

  He fucked her slowly through it. She swallowed, her lashes fluttering. Then she opened her eyes and met his gaze.

  “Harder,” she said.

  He stilled, reading the desire in her face. “You like it a little rough, don’t you?”

  At her nod, he bent her in half and gave it to her how she wanted it, tossing the wand aside and using his hand.

  “¿Así?” he asked her repeatedly. “Like this?”

  Every time, she said yes.

  As much as she tried to keep track, Michelle lost count of how many times she came.

  “I’m close, babe.” His breath was harsh and hot against her ear. “You got one more in you?”

  “I don’t know,” she said brokenly. Her body was awash in sensation, no longer tethered to this plane. There was only Gabe and all the amazing things he made her feel.

  “Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you. But you gotta tell me what you want.”

  “I want . . . you.” She finished in a whisper, the admission wrenched from her by the thrust of his body in hers and the hold he had on her heart.

  His arms tightened around her and he groaned into her neck. “God, Mich. You annihilate me.”

  “Is that a good thing?” she whimpered as his fingers picked up the pace between her legs, just how she liked it.

  “The fucking best.”

  His strokes deepened, becoming erratic. His loss of control, which he’d kept a tight rein on the entire night, was what undid her for the last time. The orgasm hit like a lightning bolt; sizzling lines of electric pleasure zinged through her nerves and wrung ragged sobs from her throat.

  It carried through to Gabe, who thrust his hips hard against her ass and came with a long, agonized groan.

  When it was done, they lay on the bed side by side, sweaty and wrecked, but holding hands.

  “Do you remember the only-one-sleeping-bag scene of Celestial Destiny?” she asked hoarsely.

  His breathing was heavy and fast. “That was my favorite scene in the whole fic.”

  “Whose idea was it?”

  “Mine. Absolutely mine.”

  She was silent for a moment. “I should’ve known,” she said. “How you felt about me. I’m sorry I didn’t see it then.”

  He shifted closer and nuzzled his face into her shoulder. “It was better that you didn’t. I was pretty stupid back then. I would have ruined it somehow. And then we wouldn’t be here now.”

  “But we could’ve had . . .” She trailed off and squeezed his hand tight. “This. We could’ve had this.”

  “I always wondered,” he admitted. “But I had to leave, Mich. I had to get away from him so I could become my own person.”

  His father.

  “I understand. I’m sorry I didn’t see that back then either.”

  “We were young,” he said easily. “And it means a lot that you see it now. But, Mich, I missed you. Every day.”

  She turned to him, let him enfold her in his strong embrace. With her eyes closed and her face pressed to his chest, she whispered the thing that scared her. “Why does this feel so right?”

  He rubbed her back with those big, hot hands of his. When he held her like this, she felt safer than she ever had. Like nothing could go wrong.

  “We were always good together,” he mused. “As friends. I guess this is an evolution of that.”

  Friendship 2.0, she thought, remembering her list. “I don’t think we can cling to that ‘just friends’ nonsense anymore.”

  He let out a surprised chuckle. “No. I think we’re well past that.”

  Well past that and on their way to where?

  She was afraid she knew the answer, at least for herself.

  Let it be real.

  Fourteen years ago

  Windows Messenger Chat Transcript

  Celestial Destiny: Episode 9 Planning Session

  Gabe:

  I think we’ve run this amnesia story line as long as we can.

  Michelle:

  Yeah, we’ve stretched it out for more episodes than even I expected. It’s time to give Zack his memories back.

  Gabe:

  We need something big to prompt Riva to heal him, though.

  Michelle:

  Like what?

  Gabe:

  They’re exhausted from a series of constant attacks and narrow escapes. And we’ve been managing the will they/won’t they thing for multiple episodes. I think it’s time to give the readers what they want.

  Michelle:

  Are you saying what I think you’re saying?

  Gabe:

  That Zack and Riva should kiss?

  Michelle:

  Yeah.

  Gabe:

  Uh, I guess that is what I’m saying.

  Michelle:

  Okay, but he has to be the one to do it. It’ll make Riva feel guilty about lying to him and then she’ll finally heal his amnesia.

  Gabe:

  That works.

  Michelle:

  Zack is gonna be PISSED.

  Gabe:

  Oh yeah. He is.

  Chapter 19

  The next morning, Michelle gave Gabe the keys to her Fiat so he could visit his sister in Yonkers, then she met up with her parents in the lobby to ride back to the Bronx in their van. It was less than ideal, since her mother spent most of the drive talking about how thrilled she was Michelle and Gabe had finally gotten together.

  “I always knew,” Valentina kept saying in a smug voice.

  “Well, I didn’t,” Michelle finally grumbled from the middle-row bucket seat, and her father took that opportunity to turn the music up.

  Michelle tried to numb out to Bon Jovi’s greatest hits, but she couldn’t stop replaying the things she and Gabe had said to each other the night before.

  I missed you. Every day.

  Why does this feel so right?

  Let it be real.

  When they drove up to the house, Michelle spotted a blue Prius parked out front, and Ava’s white Toyota across the street. She groaned.

  “Why did we ever give Ava a set of keys?”

  “For emergencies,” her mother replied. After all this time, Valentina thought nothing of coming home and finding the Primas of Power in her house.

  Michelle’s father had a different reaction. “I’ll be in the basement. You can all go yell at each other upstairs.”

  After an extended period of time with the Rodriguezes, Dominic Amato usually needed some alone time. And he often complained Michelle and her cousins were “too loud” when they got together. But then, he said the same thing about his wife and her siblings.

  “As if your Italian family is any quieter,” Michelle retorted. Her dad sighed and pulled into the driveway.

  Inside the house, Michelle found her cousins sipping coffee at the dining table. “Upstairs,” she said. As they trooped past her parents, Ava and Jasmine leaned in to give their tía and tío kisses on the cheek, then followed Michelle upstairs.

  “Oh hey, coffee,” Dominic said from behind them.

  “That’s for you, Tío,” Ava called.

  “Grazie, Ava!”

  Michelle ushered them into the craft room, which she’d cleaned up before driving upstate the day before. It had occurred to her at the last minute that her parents would expect her to be sleeping in the same room as Gabe. She wasn’t thrilled about it—sleeping in separate beds had been the last remaining wall she’d kept up against him—but she hadn’t seen a way around it.

  The hotel room had been different. She wouldn’t be returning there, and it had been like a getaway, time out of time. Sharing her brother’s old room with Gabe was going to be weird.

  As soon as the primas were all seated in the craft room with the door closed—Michelle and Jasmine on the bed, Ava in Valentina’s ergonomic crafting ch
air—Jasmine started in.

  “I can’t believe you kept this from me, especially when Ava already knew.”

  “Ava wasn’t supposed to know either,” Michelle grumbled. “Nobody was.”

  “That’s not the point. I’m not allowed to have any secrets about my relationships.”

  “No, you’re just terrible at keeping secrets, so it’s easier to pull them out of you all at once instead of waiting for you to spill them drop by drop.” Michelle didn’t comment on Jasmine’s breakup the previous year, which had been splashed all over the celebrity gossip rags. That would’ve been a low blow, and it wasn’t Jasmine’s fault.

  Ava, ever the peacemaker, intervened. “Michelle, we’re just worried.”

  “And we want to know what’s going on.” Jasmine leaned forward, cupping her mug with both hands. “You’ve never brought someone to meet the family. You don’t even talk about dating. And then you show up with Gabe, of all people?”

  “You told me the other day he was here to work on a project,” Ava prompted.

  “If he’s here to work on a project, why parade him around the party like that?” Jasmine asked, bewildered. Michelle couldn’t blame her for being confused.

  “Just please tell us what’s going on.” Ava’s eyes were patient, but concerned.

  Michelle looked from one cousin to the other. It was true, she was usually tight-lipped about anything to do with sex or relationships. Old habits died hard, but even she could admit she was in over her head. Maybe she did need advice from her primas. She grabbed Jasmine’s mug and took a fortifying sip of the bitter black brew.

  “All right,” Michelle said. “You want to know what’s going on? We gotta go back a little bit. Remember how Gabe left after high school?”

  Jasmine’s expression darkened. “How could we forget?”

  “And you remember what I told you we did before he left.”

  Ava nodded.

  “All right, now we need to jump ahead. Because I never told you two about Nathaniel.”

  Jasmine took her coffee back. “Who the fuck is Nathaniel?”

  And so Michelle explained about Nathaniel, her coworker, and how late nights working on challenging projects had brought them closer together. Nathaniel had always been conscientious, but the more time they spent together, the flirtier he got. One thing led to another, and soon they were blowing off steam after long workdays.

  It wasn’t serious, Michelle insisted. But she’d liked spending time with him, and she could talk to him about work. They talked about other things, too, like their families. And when the next promotion came up, Nathaniel used that against her, ingratiating himself with their bosses and cutting her out. And then he was gone, off to the Los Angeles office with the job that should’ve been hers.

  Michelle had stayed at Rosen and Anders for a short time after that, but the feeling of betrayal, combined with the long work hours, finally broke her, and she’d ended up in the emergency room with a diagnosis of “stress and exhaustion.”

  “That’s why you quit,” Jasmine murmured. “I always wondered if there was more to it.”

  “Yeah. I mean, I was burned out too. But that shit with Nathaniel sure didn’t help.”

  Ava’s eyes shone. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  Michelle shrugged. “Why didn’t you make me a cup of coffee?”

  At Ava’s narrow-eyed Don’t try to change the subject look, Michelle sighed. “You both have your own problems. I don’t like to burden anyone else with my feelings.”

  “A burden shared is a burden halved,” Ava quoted, and Michelle rolled her eyes.

  “I’m not one of your students, A.”

  “Aren’t you?” Ava’s eyes twinkled with mischief as she raised her mug and drank.

  Jasmine rubbed Michelle’s back. “Mich, you’re always there for us. You have to let us support you too.”

  “I know it goes both ways,” Michelle said, more touched by her cousin’s words than she wanted to admit. “It’s just hard.”

  “Well, start now, and tell us what’s really going on with Gabe. Because I’m not buying that We reconnected on Instagram basura for a minute.”

  Michelle should’ve known Jasmine wouldn’t be fooled. She told them about Fabian’s email, about the Pros and Cons list, and about fearing that Nathaniel would get the job if she turned it down.

  “No better way to ruin Gabe’s life than to drag him to a family gathering,” Jasmine commented when Michelle was done, raising her mug in a toast.

  “I was kidding about ruining his life. Besides, he was supposed to leave on Friday, before my parents got back.”

  “Why didn’t he?” Ava asked.

  “We got caught.” Michelle explained how Gabe’s father had discovered him buying condoms, and how Gabe didn’t want to tell his dad about opening a gym in New York.

  Jasmine’s smooth brow creased in confusion. “Why didn’t Gabe want to tell his dad about the gym?”

  “He’s been estranged from his parents for years. Their relationship is . . . complicated.”

  “I can understand that,” Jasmine murmured.

  “And of course, Gabe’s dad told his mom, who told my mom, who then told our entire family. And here we are.” Michelle raised her hands, then let them drop into her lap.

  Jasmine was quiet for a moment, then she sent Michelle a side-eyed glance. “But you are having sex with him, right?”

  “Oh yeah. All the time. It’s amazing.”

  Jasmine raised an eyebrow. “Well, that’s something, at least.”

  But Ava sighed. “I’m glad you’re having great sex, Mich. Truly, I am. But . . . you two have such a messy history.”

  “And you’re technically working for him,” Jasmine added, grimacing a bit. “I know it’s freelance, and you’re revisiting old territory with the touch-and-tickle, but trust me, it’s not a great idea.”

  “Worked out well enough for you.”

  Jasmine smiled. “Only because I had two primas to talk some sense into me.”

  “I know. You’re right. It wasn’t my intention when I brought him here.”

  “So what was your intention?” Ava asked.

  Michelle sighed and leaned back, bracing her arms on the mattress. “I just wanted to see him again,” she said in a small voice. “And I wanted to know why.”

  “Why what?” Ava asked in a gentle tone.

  “Why he completely abandoned me.” Michelle shrugged and looked away. “Since then, I’ve never wanted to get close to anyone romantically. It’s like if I don’t let myself get fully invested, it won’t hurt when they inevitably leave.”

  Jasmine let out a slow breath. “What are you going to do when Gabe goes back to California? I’m assuming that’s his plan.”

  Michelle stared up at the ceiling. “We haven’t discussed anything that far ahead, but . . . I guess we’ll tell everyone we tried and it didn’t work. Gabe’s life is in Los Angeles. Mine is here.”

  Ava leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. The look in her eyes was intense. “Michelle. How do you feel about Gabe? Really. No bullshit.”

  “No bullshit?” Michelle sucked in a shaky breath and hated the way her throat grew tight. “You want the truth?”

  When her primas nodded, Michelle pressed her fingers to her eyes to alleviate the building pressure. “I’m so happy when I’m with him. I want to figure out a way to keep it going, but I don’t know how. And on top of all that, I’m enjoying the work.”

  She dropped her hands and looked at her cousins. The words spilled out of her in a rush, like the dam she’d placed around her feelings for all these years had finally cracked.

  “The truth is . . . I’ve felt so stuck lately. I’ve been taking easy design jobs because I was burned out, but they’re so fucking boring. Consulting on this campaign has made me feel alive again. And being with Gabe is . . . it’s just the best. I don’t know how else to explain it. It’s like he’s been holding a piece of me all this time and I just
got it back.”

  Her voice broke at the end and both of her cousins grabbed her in a hug.

  Michelle laughed through the sob in her throat. “When was the last time we did a group hug?”

  “I don’t know, but it’s been too long,” Ava murmured against the top of Michelle’s head.

  After one last squeeze, they released her, and Jasmine sent her a sympathetic look. “You know you’re never going to hear the end of this from the family.”

  “I know. I didn’t think it would be such a big deal, but with the way everyone reacted yesterday . . .”

  “You’re not the only one who’ll have to deal with their family,” Ava added. “Gabe has a lot of work to do when it comes to his parents.”

  Michelle sighed. “I hope he doesn’t shut them out again. They were so happy to see him. I don’t think he even realizes it.”

  “Probably not,” Ava agreed. “But you can’t heal that rift for him.”

  “Yeah, I know.” But she would if she could. “He’s at his sister’s today, but he’ll be back tonight.”

  “When is he leaving?” Jasmine asked.

  “He doesn’t have a return ticket yet, but probably in a few days.” That was the plan, but Michelle was hoping against hope that he’d stay in New York until the new location was complete.

  More time. That was all she wanted with him. A little more time.

  But what happened when she got more time? She’d want more, and more, and more. It would never be enough.

  She wanted all of him.

  “Just be careful, okay?” Jasmine said.

  “I will.” She was trying, but she had so few defenses left.

  “And talk to us,” Ava added. “We’re here for you. No matter what.”

  Michelle nodded. “I know. Thank you. Both of you.”

  She would need them, she realized. After Gabe left, she’d need them to run interference with the family.

  But more than that, she’d need their help to once again put all her pieces back together. Because the thing she hadn’t told them was that she was fairly certain she was head over heels in love with Gabe.

  GABE HAD FORGOTTEN how exhausting Tío Duties could be. Since it was his first time visiting Nikki’s kids at their home, they’d taken it upon themselves to be good hosts. Seven-year-old Oliver had endeavored to show Gabe every single Lego set he owned, along with a detailed commentary on the “special features” of each one, and nine-year-old Lucy had insisted they play all the outdoor games she could think of, from tag to water guns to pony rides. That would’ve been okay, except Gabe was the pony, and the kids had taken turns leaping onto his back and screaming in his ear to run faster. After hours of this, Oliver and Lucy were wiped out, and Gabe figured he’d done more than his share of cardio for the day.