Reach for a Star

by Kathryn Freeman

Jack clattered his spoon into his bowl and shot to his feet. ‘I suppose you’ll be going with him.’

  She saw Michael flinch at Jack’s bitter tone. ‘Don’t speak to our guest like that.’

  ‘He’s only a guest if we invited him and we didn’t, did we? Yesterday he made you cry.’

  Her mind flashed back to when he’d asked about the phone call. Her quiet, serious, sensitive son had seen how upset she’d been. As she struggled with what to say, it was Michael who filled the void.

  ‘I’m sorry your mum was upset yesterday. Believe me, hurting her is the last thing I want to do.’ Michael kept his eyes on Jack, his tone quiet and respectful. ‘As for your football match, your mother will always put you first. Always. And I wouldn’t expect it any other way.’

  Jack nodded and Jessie felt an unmistakable burst of pride. In protecting her, her eldest son had just taken his first steps into adulthood.

  Luke sighed, hands on his hips. ‘I guess we’re not going to Barcelona then.’

  Tears pricking at her eyes, Jessie wrapped her arms around him and kissed his soft hair. ‘I’m afraid not.’ She glanced quickly over to Michael but he wasn’t looking at her. His eyes were following Jack as he walked out of the kitchen. Always so elegant, so smart, right now Michael looked shattered. His shirt was crumpled, his face weary. Swallowing down her emotions, she tried to smile at him. ‘The boys catch the bus to school. I’ll just make sure they’ve got everything.’

  He rose to his feet. ‘No problem. I’ll wait in the living room. Keep out of your way.’

  Oh God. She hurried Luke up the stairs, desperate to be doing something so she couldn’t think about the man who’d just travelled nearly a thousand miles to see her, who’d told her he loved her, and who now felt like an outcast.

  ‘Go and brush your teeth.’ She pushed Luke gently into the bathroom and went to knock on Jack’s door.

  ‘Can I have a word?’

  Busy packing his schoolbag, Jack avoided her eyes. ‘If it’s to tell me to apologise for the stuff I said, don’t bother.’

  Her breath came out in a frustrated, exhausted, emotional sigh. ‘Jack.’ She walked over to him, putting an arm round his shoulders. ‘Yesterday, at the pub, I was crying because I missed Michael, and because talking to someone on the phone isn’t easy. It wasn’t because he said or did anything to upset me.’

  ‘Oh.’ He finally looked at her. ‘Is it like when you go away and we have to make do with phone calls?’

  Relieved, she smiled. ‘It’s exactly like that. When I’m with Michael, I miss you terribly.’

  ‘But when you’re with us, you miss him.’

  ‘Yes.’ She hugged him to her, her throat, her chest, impossibly tight. ‘But you and Luke will always be the most important things in my life.’

  ‘Even though you’re going to miss a trip to Barcelona?’

  There was a flicker of smile on his face as he said it, and Jessie swooped and kissed him. ‘Who needs Barcelona when you have Hazelford Football Club?’

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Michael sat on the sofa he’d nearly fallen asleep on last night. He didn’t feel like sleeping now. What he felt like doing was phoning a cab and slinking back to the airport to lick his wounds.

  He shouldn’t have come, though that wasn’t what he’d thought an hour ago when he’d been buried between Jessie’s legs.

  Heaving out a sigh he hunched forward, head in his hands. He was gutted he wouldn’t be seeing Jessie again in two weeks, terrified she was about to end things, and at a loss as to how to repair his tenuous relationship with her eldest son. Mind you, if the second was about to happen he wouldn’t have to worry about the third.

  The thought didn’t make him feel any happier.

  At the sound of a door creaking, he jolted upright. A pair of hazel eyes stared back at him.

  ‘Sorry I was rude.’

  The sincerity in Jack’s tone caught Michael off guard, causing a wave of feeling to flood through him, squeezing his chest. ‘You were protecting your mother. I don’t need an apology.’

  Jack seemed to consider his words. ‘I don’t like it when she’s unhappy.’

  The constriction around his chest tightened. ‘I don’t like that, either.’

  ‘That’s why you flew here.’

  ‘Yes.’ There were probably a tonne of other things he should say at this point, but Michael couldn’t think of any of them.

  Jack shifted his schoolbag onto his shoulder. ‘She’s gonna stay and watch us play football, but I know she wanted to go to Barcelona.’

  Michael felt the sting of tears. First the apology, then the olive branch. This boy was wrecking him. ‘Thank you. Perhaps I can persuade her to visit me somewhere else. If that’s okay with you?’

  A miracle happened then. Jack smiled. ‘You don’t have to ask me. We don’t let her know it, but she’s in charge. I don’t mind her going, though.’ He turned to go but halted in the doorway. ‘You can come and watch the match. You know, if you wanted to.’

  Michael had never felt so touched. A moment ago he’d been once again the outsider. Now he experienced that rare feeling. Included. ‘There’s nothing I’d like more, Jack, thank you. But I’ve agreed to go somewhere Saturday night, so it might not be possible. I’ll see.’

  ‘Okay.’ Was it his imagination, or did Jack look disappointed? ‘Bye then.’

  Not wanting to leave it at that, Michael stood and held out his hand. ‘Thanks, Jack. Hope to see you again soon.’

  Jack blushed and gripped his hand, his small fingers barely managing to wrap round Michael’s large hand.

  At that moment, Jessie walked in. ‘Here you are.’ She did a double take at their handshake and her eyes softened as she glanced at Michael before focussing back on her son. ‘Are you ready?’

  ‘Yes, yes. Keep your frizzy hair on.’

  Luke popped his head in and gave Michael a wave. A different child to his brother. More easy-going, perhaps because he didn’t feel the responsibility of being the man of the house. Michael hung back as Jessie shepherded Jack and Luke out of the door.

  ‘Phew.’ She walked back in, looking very professional in her dark trouser suit, her curls held back in a black clip. Her smile was cautious, her eyes guarded. ‘Quite a morning.’

  He let out a short laugh. ‘You could say that.’

  ‘Bet you regret taking up with me now, huh.’

  ‘Regret, no. Never.’ He shook his head for emphasis. ‘But do I wish things could be easier? Yes. I can hold my hands up to that one.’

  Her smile faltered and she looked away. ‘I’m sorry about Barcelona.’

  ‘Yeah. Me too.’

  Tension hung in the air and Michael sighed and walked up to her, running his hands up and down her arms. ‘I’m not angry, if that’s what you’re thinking.’

  She bit her lip, nodding, her eyes still not looking at him. ‘You should be. I totally ballsed that up.’

  The coarse term, coming from someone looking as smart as she did right now, made him smile. ‘You got your dates mixed up. Easy to do when you’re juggling three sets.’ He bent to kiss her, groaning at how soft her lips felt. How warm and receptive. ‘We’ll work something else out.’ When he looked into her eyes he found them full of tears. Any residual frustration he’d harboured melted away and he hugged her to him, his heart feeling painfully full.

  She let out a quiet sniffle. ‘I feel I’ve let you down.’

  ‘Don’t. As long as we’re good, as long as I can look forward to seeing you again, that’s all I care about.’ But he hoped that all the wanting, the frustration, the aching misery of missing someone, wasn’t all on his side.

  Her hand came up to touch his face, her fingers warm and gentle against his skin. ‘What you said to Jack earlier…’

  He smiled at her hesitancy, though he felt his stomach tighten. Was this where she told him it wasn’t what they’d planned? Wasn’t what she wanted? ‘You mean the part where I inelegantly told your so
n I was in love with you, without letting you know first?’

  Warmth filled her eyes and hope blossomed in his chest. ‘Yes, that part. I just wanted you to know, your feelings aren’t one-sided.’

  He waited, heart in his mouth, for her to add to her sentence. To make explicit the words she’d implied, but instead she pressed her lips to his and kissed him. As he settled in, he told himself he wasn’t disappointed. Not when he considered what the alternative could have been.

  Jessie let Michael take control of the kiss, drowning in the sensation of his tongue, the lean, hard length of his body against hers. For a few precious moments, she forgot all that was terrifying her about their relationship, and remembered why it was worth putting her heart through the emotional battering. She knew he was hurt she hadn’t said the words back to him, but she needed to protect herself. That he loved her was incredible, overwhelming. It would help keep her warm on those lonely nights when she missed his touch. Missed him. But could they seriously have a relationship, considering her responsibilities at home and his career? Especially as performing was his passion. What had he said? On stage, he was the man he wanted to be.

  Suddenly Michael pulled away, his eyes searching hers. ‘Jessie?’

  Annoyed at ruining the moment, she gave him an apologetic smile. ‘Sorry.’ Her hand slipped to his chest where she found his heart racing, much like hers. ‘I need to be in work by nine o’clock. We should go.’

  His chest heaved as he drew in a deep breath, then let it out in a sigh as he clasped her hands. ‘Okay.’

  Within minutes they were in her Mini, Michael muttering as he struggled to push the seat back as far as it could go. ‘These cars are meant for midgets.’

  She arched a brow. ‘Would you prefer to be in a taxi?’

  He shook his head, letting out a soft sigh. ‘I’d prefer not to be going to the airport at all.’

  Her heart lurched and she bit into her lip, determined not to cry. Red eyes and tears running down her cheeks were not going to be the last things he saw of her. ‘I’d prefer to be taking you back to my house. Finish off what we started in the hallway.’

  His eyes flared and he groaned. ‘Don’t. Leaving you is hard enough. Don’t tempt me with an alternative.’ He paused, seeming to consider his next words. ‘Jack invited me to come and watch the football match.’

  ‘He did? Wow.’ She felt a rush of warmth towards her son. And to the man who must have gained Jack’s trust and respect, or her son wouldn’t have made the offer. ‘That’s a big turnaround considering his reaction in the kitchen.’

  ‘Yes. He’s quite something, your Jack.’ He glanced over at her. ‘You should be very proud of him.’

  ‘I am.’ She turned off the roundabout, following the signs to the airport. ‘What did you tell him?’

  ‘The truth. That I’d love to, though it might not be possible.’ There was tightness to his voice and when she glanced over to him he was staring straight ahead, his face tense.

  ‘What are you thinking?’

  He exhaled; a sharp sound, like a huff of frustration only laced with sadness. ‘I’m thinking I wish this wasn’t so damn complicated.’ He slid her a look. ‘I didn’t tell you before, because I didn’t want you to change your mind about coming, but I have this… thing in Barcelona on Saturday night.’

  ‘Thing?’

  He gave her a wry smile. ‘It’s an award ceremony. The Spanish equivalent of the Brits.’

  ‘You’ve won an award?’

  ‘Apparently so. Best classical singer. I was going to ask you to come with me. It didn’t have to be high profile,’ he added quickly. ‘You could have entered through a side door, though I would have liked to have had you on my arm.’

  ‘Oh.’ She didn’t have a clue what to say. She was hugely flattered, incredibly touched, but no matter how much he downplayed it, her presence by his side would have been noticed.

  She felt his eyes on her. ‘Perhaps it’s just as well you aren’t coming. Your response suggests you wouldn’t have wanted to go anyway.’

  There was an edge to his voice that was mirrored in his tense body language. Carefully she navigated into a space outside the terminal before turning to him. ‘That’s not true. I’d have been honoured to go with you. Especially as you are going to win an award.’ She attempted a smile, hoping to lift the tension that lingered like an unwanted guest. ‘It’s just… you know I don’t want the attention. It’s not cool for the boys to have the press speculating about their mother’s love life.’

  ‘So what do we do, Jessie? Hide away all the time, as if we’re having a sordid little liaison? As if we’re doing something wrong?’ He clearly didn’t understand where she was coming from and now his frustration had turned into something raw. He was hurting and letting her see it. ‘We’ve already been out to restaurants together. At some point someone is going to notice and what happens then? Is it over?’

  A sob wrenched from her and she put her head in her hands. She didn’t have an answer for him. It terrified her to think of embarrassing Jack and Luke, making their lives difficult, but seeing how upset Michael looked she knew another terror. Hurting the man she’d fallen in love with. Losing him.

  Beside her, she heard Michael sigh. ‘I know this is hard for you. And I understand why you’d do anything to protect your sons. I’ve already seen Jack do the very same thing for you and it awes me, seeing how much you love each other.’ He reached for her hand, his grip warm and tight. ‘I wouldn’t ask you to do anything to damage that bond. It’s just I’ve been in the spotlight for ten years now and I know how it works. I’m a private person who lives a boring life. Details of my latest love interest won’t increase circulation. And they won’t print photos of the boys. There are laws about taking pictures of kids without a parent’s consent.’

  She lifted her head, pleading with him to understand. ‘The law won’t protect them from being teased though. Or God forbid, maybe bullied, when the grapevine gets going.’

  His jaw tightened, the muscles twitching. ‘No.’

  ‘Nor will they prevent unkind comments about their mother.’

  His eyes widened in confusion. ‘For God’s sake, Jessie, you’re being ridiculous.’

  They were at a stalemate, but the ball was firmly in her court. He was right; if they carried on seeing each other, the news was bound to get out. It left her with two simple choices. End it now, or accept that she might be in the papers again soon. This time about her love life rather than her singing.

  She studied his handsome profile. The square, tightly-clenched jaw. High cheekbones, straight edged nose. The mouth he could use to such devastating effect. All of that paled into insignificance when she considered the man beneath. Hugely talented yet at times, so painfully shy. Big hearted enough to invite her children to Paris on only their second weekend together. Thoughtful enough to have flown all the way from Vienna for a night, just so he could check she was okay.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ She leant across, the gear knob sticking awkwardly into her side as she threw her arms around his neck. ‘You’re right. I’ve been horribly paranoid about all this media attention and it’s going to stop. You asked me what happens when people find out about us.’ She kissed the warm skin of his neck, inhaling his scent. ‘We’ll deal with it.’

  Beneath her arms his whole body seemed to sag, as if he’d been holding himself rigid all this time and could only now let go. ‘Are you willing to deal with it next Saturday? Because if the flights work out and I can get back in time for the award ceremony, I’d really like to take Jack up on his offer.’

  Love filled her heart. Love and gratitude. ‘It would mean a great deal to both of them.’ Her lips found his and she kissed him once, then twice, then a third time. ‘To me, too.’

  His arms tightened around her. ‘Then I’ll find a way.’

  She stayed like that as the minutes ticked by, cocooned in his embrace, reluctant to let him go. In the end he was the one to ease her arms away. To kiss he
r gently on the tip of her nose. ‘You need to get to work. And I have a plane to catch.’

  She’d promised herself she wouldn’t, but when she gave him one last hug, tears streamed down her face. ‘We always seem to be saying goodbye.’

  ‘I know.’ He tilted her head and kissed away the tears. ‘But for every goodbye, there’s a hello just round the corner.’

  As his tall frame was swallowed by the terminal building two weeks didn’t seem just round the corner though. It seemed an age away.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Michael stared at the magazine article Georgina had handed him, his pulse racing. It carried a picture of him and Jessie from their performance on The Week of Your Life. They were singing into each other’s eyes and the caption underneath read: They sang about love. Are they now in love? The article went on to speculate that she was the new love interest of Michael Tennant, and gave details of how they had met on the TV show, and that she’d been seen leaving a theatre in Paris with him after his show. Michael had been contacted, but had declined to comment.

  As stories went, it was pretty low key. But would Jessie see it that way?

  Georgina’s eyes flicked to the magazine. ‘I suspect Jessica won’t be very happy to see herself in the papers.’

  ‘It’s Jessie,’ he reminded her firmly, then sighed. ‘And I suspect you’re right.’

  ‘But it’s part of you, isn’t it? If she can’t accept it, there are plenty of other women out there who would be very happy to.’

  As her eyes lingered fleetingly on his, Michael wondered once again what was truth, and what was his paranoia. Was she coming on to him, or just being supportive? ‘Thank you, but I have no interest in any other women.’ He hoped that was a clear enough statement.

  It seemed to be, because she nodded and gave him a professional smile. ‘I’ve sorted the flights you wanted.’

  ‘Thanks. Is there time for me to change into a tux, or do I need to wear it on the plane?’

  She glanced down at her phone and tapped a few times. ‘Looks like you have a whole half an hour at the hotel before the chauffeur collects you for the awards.’ The smile she gave him slipped as she stared back at the article. ‘It must be going well, you and her.’