Chapter Thirty-Three
Saturday morning and Jessie was in the back garden knocking mud off football boots. Stupid really because in an hour’s time they’d be muddy again. The football season had started and Hazelford F.C. was gunning for another trophy. Their cup success at regional level hadn’t continued into the nationals, but the team were undaunted. There was a shiny silver cup in the clubhouse trophy cabinet and they were determined to add to it.
Jack shouted through the window, holding out a plain white envelope. ‘Post for you. And Annabel’s waiting outside for us. She said to tell you to move your arse.’
‘Well you could come and clean…’ She trailed off as she realised she’d lost her audience.
Kids.
Giving the boots a final bash against the wall she stepped back inside and picked up the envelope.
As she tore it open and read the contents, her heart did a flip and she gasped, sagging into the nearest chair.
‘What is it?’ Jack looked at her with worried eyes.
Jessie tried to talk, but no words came out. She felt numb with the shock of seeing his writing, his name, in a note addressed to her. Clearing her throat, she tried again. ‘It’s a note from Michael, sending us some tickets for the first of his UK shows. Tonight.’ She knew her voice was shaking; wondered if Jack could see how hard her heart was thumping.
‘Sick. Can we go?’ His brown eyes pleaded with her.
‘I’m not sure,’ Jessie managed. ‘I’ll have to think about it. I’m just popping upstairs. Tell Annabel I won’t be a minute.’
Trying to hold her emotions in check until she was alone, she dragged herself up the stairs and collapsed onto her bed. Clutching the envelope to her chest she closed her eyes and gave in to the sobs ripping through her body.
Dimly she heard a knock on the door. ‘Jessie, Jack says you’ve had a note from Michael?’
Without waiting for an answer, Annabel strode in.
Wordlessly Jessie handed her the note, written in black ink on letterheaded paper. It was elegant, classy, a touch old-fashioned. Just like the sender.
‘Dear Jessie. Please find enclosed three tickets for Saturday’s performance. I hope you, Jack and Luke will be able to attend. I’ve booked a car for you at 4.00 p.m. Best wishes, Michael.’
‘If he’s booked a car, he seems fairly certain you’re going to go,’ Annabel remarked.
‘He can think what he likes, I’m not going,’ Jessie muttered into the pillow.
‘But why? It’s been over four months since you last saw him and yet he’s sending you tickets. Doesn’t that tell you he’s still thinking of you?’
Jessie felt wretched. ‘I wish he wasn’t. I wish he’d just leave me alone.’
Annabel sat down on the bed next to her. ‘I don’t understand. Look at you. Anyone can see you still love him. Why won’t you go and see him? He’s broken the ice, made the first move. He’s made it easy for you.’
‘Don’t you see, that just makes it worse. All the reasons why I stopped seeing him are still there. He’s still a celebrity; he still performs across the globe. Nothing’s changed.’
‘If you love him, and he loves you, everything else can be solved.’
Jessie loved her friend but right now she didn’t want her here, meddling in things she didn’t understand. ‘Trust me, Annabel, this can’t be solved. For crying out loud, his idea of a quiet evening is to go to an expensive restaurant. Mine is to have beans on toast in front of the television.’
‘I’m sure he enjoys beans on toast too.’ Jessie saw Annabel’s lips start to twitch, but when she resolutely refused to laugh, Annabel sighed. ‘All I’m saying is think about it. You don’t have to decide until the last minute.’
‘He didn’t exactly give us much warning.’
‘No. Probably assumed you spend your Saturday evenings having beans on toast in front of the telly.’
Jessie threw a pillow at her. ‘Seriously, Annabel, I really don’t think I can do this. If I see him again, all the progress I’ve made over the last four months will be shot to pieces.’
‘Progress?’
‘Putting him behind me, moving on.’
‘You call making John a meal at your house tomorrow night progress?’
Jessie gritted her teeth. ‘You know sometimes I really don’t like you very much, Annabel Smythe.’
Her friend smiled sweetly. ‘Sometimes the truth is hard to hear. And if you can’t go for yourself, what about Jack and Luke? The tickets are for them too. The best seats in the house, a trip in a chauffeur-driven limo. If you don’t go, you’ll be depriving your sons of one heck of a night out.’
‘That’s a low blow.’
‘I never said I played fair.’
Jessie glanced down at the note again. ‘You know it’s not very personal. He’s probably just sent them for old times’ sake. A kind gesture towards someone he won a TV competition with.’
Annabel rose to her feet. ‘You’ll never know if you don’t go, will you?’
Michael paced up and down in his dressing room. Performing at the London Palladium wasn’t new to him so it wasn’t that which had his heart hammering, his stomach knotting. It was what he’d find when looked over to seats A1, A2 and A3.
There was a light knock on the door and Georgina popped her head round. ‘Is it okay for me to come in?’
He stopped pacing and beckoned her in. Heart in his mouth, he asked the question he knew she’d come to answer. ‘Did the chauffeur pick anyone up?’
‘Yes.’ Her smile held both sympathy and understanding. ‘Two boys and a woman. They should be here any minute.’
Relief flooded through him. Finding his legs slightly shaky he went to sit down on the small leather sofa. ‘Thank you.’
She nodded, eyes looking down at the floor before meeting his again. ‘She’s a very lucky woman.’
Oh crap. He wanted to run out of the room but he made himself stay where he was. Hold her gaze. Confront the issue. ‘Thank you, though it’s not her who’s the lucky one, it’s me. Jessie is one of a kind. If I have my way I’m never letting her out of my life again.’
‘Then I hope it works out for you.’ Walking towards him, she handed him an envelope. ‘That’s my letter of resignation. I’ve found myself another job, starting in two weeks.’
Shocked, he took the envelope from her. ‘I’m sorry to hear that, truly I am. You’ve been…’ He searched for the right words. ‘You’ve been a tremendous help these last few months. I’m not sure how we’ll manage without you.’ Deliberately he used we, not I. ‘Is there anything I can say to persuade you to stay?’
‘You could try inviting me back to your place tonight.’ An uncomfortable flush crept up his neck and she laughed. ‘Don’t worry, I’m only kidding. I know by now where your heart lies.’
As he rose to his feet she took three paces towards him. He went hot and cold as he saw what she was intending to do, turning his face deliberately so her mouth would find his cheek, not his lips. But she simply smiled, whispering, ‘Oh no you don’t. Let me have this, at least.’ And then her mouth was on his and she kissed him.
It was light, platonic almost, and he exhaled in relief as she drew away. ‘See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?’
Patting his cheek, she turned and walked out of the room. Her hips swaying beneath her short, tight skirt. When she shut the door, he collapsed onto the sofa, a strange mixture of relief and regret rushing through him. Regret, because he’d never find anyone else so efficient. Relief, because ever since that night she’d so blatantly come on to him, he’d felt even more uncomfortable around her.
His next PA was going to be male, or married and over fifty.
His door opened again and for a split second he worried it was Georgina again, back to kiss him properly this time.
‘You okay in here?’ Robert barged in and took one look at Michael’s flushed face. ‘What the blazes are you looking so guilty about?’
‘I’m not.�
�� Going to the mini fridge he grasped a bottle of water. ‘Since when was a star’s dressing room open house half an hour before a performance?’
Robert frowned, looking round the room. ‘Nope, don’t see a star anywhere.’
‘Funny boy.’ When he glanced back at Robert though, his expression was no longer mischievous. It was sombre. ‘What’s wrong?’
Robert went to sit on the chair in front of the mirror and pointed to the sofa. ‘Sit down.’
Fear wrapped round his insides and he began to panic. ‘Please God, don’t tell me there’s been an accident.’
‘No.’ Robert’s reply was sharp. ‘Nothing like that. I just wanted to warn you that Jessie didn’t come.’
Shocked, he ran a hand through hair the make-up artist had carefully styled. ‘But Georgina said the chauffeur had picked them all up.’
‘She said he’d picked up two boys and a woman. I’ve just been to welcome them and the woman isn’t Jessie. She said her name was Annabel.’
Another wave of fear trickled through him. ‘Is Jessie sick?’
Robert shook his head. ‘That’s what I asked, but no.’
Which left only one possible reason why she wasn’t here. ‘She didn’t want to come.’
‘We don’t know that. She might have had another commitment.’
Michael laughed bitterly, his chest feeling hollow, as if someone had just snatched out his heart. ‘Of course, because we know how much she loves leaving her sons.’
‘She left them for you once. Don’t make assumptions.’
‘Don’t assume she didn’t want to see me? Don’t assume she’s seeing someone else?’ Michael jerked to his feet. ‘Hard to think of any other scenario here.’
Robert let out a deep sigh. ‘We’ll talk to them after the show. For now, get your head in the game. There are over two thousand people out there expecting you to deliver a performance worthy of the price of their ticket. Don’t let them down.’
He wouldn’t, Michael thought as he sucked in a deep breath and began his vocal exercises. He knew all about being let down and it bloody hurt.
Michael sat with his three guests in a nearby restaurant. He hoped Annabel didn’t think he was ignoring her, but he found it too hard to look at her and not think who should have been sitting there instead. He hadn’t had the balls to ask her outright why Jessie hadn’t turned up, but he’d established she wasn’t ill, so it left only one glaring reason.
Determinedly he focussed on Luke and Jack. ‘How is the football season going?’
‘We’re not the top and we’re not the one after that.’ Luke screwed up his face, and Michael felt his heart stir. Jessie hadn’t just ended his hopes of marriage. She’d snatched away any dreams of a family, too. ‘We’re the next one.’
Jack gave Michael a look one adult might give to another. A sort of amused exasperation. ‘We’re third but we haven’t played as many games as the first and second teams.’
The waiter arrived with the food he’d ordered – it was too refined a place for hamburgers but he’d ordered what he thought they might like; garlic bread, calamari and a huge side order of chips.
‘Are those all for us?’ Luke’s eyes boggled at the chips. ‘We already had tea.’
‘You don’t have to eat them if you don’t want.’
Luke grinned and reached for the bowl. ‘Don’t tell Mum.’
And just like that, the pain was back again. Annabel caught his eye, her expression full of sympathy. ‘I won’t if you don’t.’
‘So.’ He cleared his throat, desperately reaching for a topic that wouldn’t require a mention of the lady who’s lack of presence they had to all feel, though none as keenly as he. Because they all got to see her again. ‘Are you still having piano lessons, Jack?’
Jack nodded as he reached for a chip. ‘Been practising a bit, since Paris.’
‘You have?’
‘Yeah. I want to play as good… err… as well as you.’
A band tightened across Michael’s chest. To think he’d inspired this boy to want to play, to practise. Christ. ‘That’s great. Really great.’ His voice sounded choked, and Annabel gave him another sympathetic glance. He wanted to add that he hoped to hear him some time, but that would never happen now. The thought gutted him. ‘Maybe I can send you some music, the things I used to play when I was your age. If your mum won’t mind.’
‘I’m sure she won’t.’
He nodded at Annabel, aware if she looked at him with any more kindness, he was going to breakdown. Talk to the boys. Funny how he’d had so many insecurities about doing just that, yet now it was the only thing keeping him going. ‘Have you tried the calamari, Luke?’
Luke stared at the battered ring he held out. ‘What is it?’
‘Deep fried squid.’
‘What’s a squid?’
Michael smiled, anticipating Luke’s reaction. ‘It’s a bit like an octopus.’
His jaw dropped open. ‘OMG, gimmie that. I want to tell school I went to London in a limo and ate an octopus.’
They all laughed, and Michael felt another clutch at his heart.
Jessie leapt off the sofa when she heard the limo pulling into the drive. She opened the door to a chorus of excited chatter.
‘We had a meal in a posh restaurant and I ate a whole octopus.’
‘The limo was awesome. We felt like real celebrities getting out of it at The Palladium.’
‘Someone asked us for our autographs ’cos they thought we were famous.’
Jessie put her hands over her ears. ‘One at a time, please. You’re giving me a headache.’
Annabel, who’d yet to speak which was unusual for her, gave her a knowing smile. ‘Hurts, doesn’t it, hearing what you missed out on.’
She refused to acknowledge the jibe, though she had to concede its accuracy. She felt like an outsider, her nose pressed against the window watching, aching to join in.
To make it worse, she’d been the one who’d slammed the door shut, locking herself out.
She listened to Jack and Luke’s chatter as they got ready for bed.
‘You should have come, Mum,’ Luke said finally as she kissed them goodnight.
‘I told you, Annabel hasn’t been to one of Michael’s concerts. I thought she’d enjoy it.’
‘But he sent the tickets to you.’
Luke’s eyes accused her, making Jessie feel even more awful. ‘I know.’ What could she tell him? Going would have been too painful? Opened wounds she’d hoped were starting to heal.
‘We liked it when he was your boyfriend.’
‘You did?’ Jessie looked first at Luke, then at Jack. ‘But you hated me going away.’
Jack looked pointedly at Luke who grinned sheepishly. ‘Yeah, I know. But when we all went together, like Paris, it was awesome.’ A smile lit his face. ‘Best day of my life.’
Jessie laughed softly, emotion clawing at her. ‘I agree,’ she whispered, kissing the top of his head.
‘Course we don’t know why he likes you and not a babe like Taylor Swift,’ Jack added, his expression deadpan.
Until they both started giggling.
Swatting them playfully she walked back downstairs to where Annabel was waiting for her in the kitchen. A stern expression on her face.
Jessie sighed. ‘You’re mad at me, aren’t you?’ she asked as she slipped onto the chair opposite her.
Annabel shook her head. ‘I’ve been picked up in a limo, watched an incredible performance from the best seats in the house. Taken out to an expensive restaurant for what Michael referred to as supper but which included a bowl of fries so huge the boys’ eyes were out on stalks.’ Her expression turned soft for a moment. ‘I guess he wanted an excuse to chat to them. Anyway, it’s hard to be mad at you after you’ve given me an evening like that.’
‘He really made a fuss, didn’t he?’ And why did the thought make her ache?
‘He did.’ Annabel gave her a considering look. ‘You know we weren’t expe
cting to see him afterwards. The fact that he bothered to take us out when he must have been exhausted and you weren’t even there, tells me it isn’t just you he’s missing. He has a soft spot for Luke and Jack, too.’
And they for him. ‘Did he…’ she faltered, scared of hearing the reply. ‘Did he ask after me?’
Annabel scoffed. ‘Of course. He asked if you were keeping well, I guess hoping I’d say you were ill to explain your non-appearance.’
‘But you didn’t give that excuse,’ Jessie said flatly.
‘I didn’t know what to say. Jack and Luke were there so I couldn’t lie and say you were ill in case they ratted on me. I told him you were fine, though you didn’t feel up to coming out tonight, which was sort of the truth. Then there was this awkward pause.’
Guilt lay heavy on her shoulders. Guilt and shame that only added to the misery she was feeling. ‘I shouldn’t have brought you into this.’
‘I told you, I’ve had a fabulous evening. It’s you I’m worried about.’ Jessie felt the weight of Annabel’s scrutiny. ‘How long have you been crying tonight?’
‘Oh, you know, not much. Just when I watched you go, and when I thought about what I was missing out on.’ She took in a shuddery breath and tried to smile. ‘So I guess most of the evening.’
Annabel reached out across the table to clutch her hand. ‘It’s not too late for you to reconsider.’
‘What am I supposed to do, phone him up and say oops, I made a mistake, please can we start again?’
‘Why not?’
‘Because for all I know he only invited us to be kind.’ She hesitated. ‘Was Georgina there?’
‘The super bitch PA?’ Jessie nodded. ‘Not that I could see. It was just me, Michael and the boys.’
Jessie unfolded a tissue and blew her nose. ‘No turning back has always been my motto. I intend to keep to it.’
‘No regrets has always been mine,’ Annabel replied, rising to her feet and squeezing her arm. ‘It might be more suitable in this case.’
Annabel let herself quietly out of the house, leaving Jessie with a world of thoughts buzzing round her head.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Reach for a Star Page 27