Always There

by Tiara Inserto

  The force in which she flung the door open forced him back a step. He searched her face, but she kept it neutral. Barriers were up. He had to make this right.

  “I’m sorry. I was interfering,” he said. “Look, I know you need to go. But I don’t want you to be angry with me.”

  “I am angry. I’m angry at you. But I’ll calm down in a few hours, and maybe we can have a reasonable conversation about this another time.”

  “May I bring your suitcases down?”

  “I carry my own things,” she snapped.

  “Can I at least walk you down?”

  She paused then nodded abruptly, walking past him without a glance. Jay looked up from the stovetop when she entered the kitchen. “Hey, look at this! You were right, Liana. The ginger changes things enough that it’s a whole new dish. Did I mention that my wife swears eternal loyalty to you for teaching me to cook something that does not contain the words ‘Sand’ or ‘wich’ in them?”

  Liana smiled as she reached for a hug. To Mitch’s surprise, Jay returned it. “I’ll keep emailing new recipes,” she promised.

  “We’ll stay in touch, and not just for the cooking tips, eh? Come and visit me up when all of this is done. You have an open invitation. Meet the family; get to know other parts of New Zealand.”

  Liana bit her lip. She recognized what the invitation actually meant. “I promise, when all this is done, I’ll visit.”

  Mitch followed her out of the apartment, aware that she was ignoring him.

  “Liana?”

  Liana stared at steel doors in front of her. “I don’t know what to say to you right now, Mitch. I’m still upset. I thought you understood me, that we were friends, and... I guess I’m disappointed that you would think I could be leading Blake on.”

  The lift doors opened.

  Once inside, Mitch leaned against a wall. A hundred thoughts and words were running through his head, but none seemed appropriate. He wasn’t sure what to say, but he had to say something. She was leaving. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t assume anything. And we ARE friends. I guess I’m just... jealous.”

  Liana’s eyes finally met his. They were still distant, but she was listening.

  Encouraged, he continued. “I’m about to start the most intense part of the Championship, Liana. I’m jealous that Stanton is so clear about what he wants from knowing you. I don’t. But I can’t even think about that, right now. I wish I could.”

  When the lift doors opened, they exited and walked to her car in silence. He watched her add two suitcases to the various boxes that were there already, his offer to help once again rebuffed.

  After Mitch shut the boot, Liana handed the house keys over. Mitch reached for them but held on to her fingers. He didn’t want to let go. “I don’t want to lose our friendship because I’m confused, Liana.”

  Liana took a deep breath before she met Mitch’s gaze again, her eyes still masking any emotions. “Mitch, right now, your priorities are clear and correct. You are New Zealand’s captain. Get through the Championship. Do the job you’re meant to do. Fulfill that legacy.” She pulled her hand out from his and entered her car.

  Mitch wondered if she looked back in the mirror to see him. He hoped she did. He hoped she saw that he was watching her. She wasn’t out of his life entirely. He could still see her at New Harbor. But he wanted more, and he didn’t know how to tell her that.

  She was right; Stanton had more balls than he did.

  He slammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and walked back to the lift.

  When he entered the condo, the aroma of Jay’s culinary experiment was still in the air. Jay was at the sink washing up. He didn’t turn when he heard the door close.

  “Eat,” Jay commanded. Mitch noticed a plate on the counter. He slid onto the barstool, ate but didn’t taste anything.

  “I don’t know much,” Jay said, his back still to Mitch. “You are one of the best to be playing this sport, mate. Probably ever. You’re a legend. But we’re all the same when it comes to love. It takes belief that we deserve it. You deserve it. She deserves it. And that’s all I have to say.”

  “It’s the wrong time for me to think about anything but the World Championship, Jay.”

  “I know that. She knows that. But the truth is you are thinking about other things. You’re thinking about her.” Jay finished wiping down the sink and turned around, a dishcloth thrown over one shoulder. “Listen, mate, I’m the last person to give any advice about feelings and shit like that. And while you are a bit of a superman on the field, you have your feet planted on terra firma. I think she’s just thrown you off because you feel you need to do something different for her. Forget about Liana Murphy, the glamorous cover girl from England. If she were just Liana Murphy, the girl next door, what would you say to her?”

  Mitch stared at Jay. Jay held the stare. What would he say if Liana was the girl next door? Felicity had pointed out that Liana would be one of the few people who could understand what he was going through. Why didn’t he remember that the same would hold true for him? He knew what it was like to have the world think it knows who you are.

  He had spent the last month getting to know the Liana Murphy who wasn’t on the covers of magazines or invited to chat shows. The Liana Murphy with big-name endorsements wasn’t who he had breakfast with on weekends, nor was she the one who’d introduced the word “julienned” to the previously cooking-averse Jay Morrison.

  The woman with whom he had shared his condo this past month brought a lot of work home with her. She would be up past midnight designing plays and watching hours of football footage. She kept a cup of tea close and ended her days on the balcony, no matter the temperature. She chatted with her grandparents on Skype. She spoke to her players every week and checked in on their families. She wore ugly sweatpants and socks with holes in them. And she loved chocolate biscuits.

  “Aren’t you going to open it?” Jay asked.

  “Open what?”

  “She got you something, too.”

  Mitch saw the small box next to the vase of daisies. He hadn’t noticed it, so blind with anger when he first walked into the condo. He opened the box: inside was a framed photo of the Southern Cross. He read the note:

  So you’ll always see something from home no matter where you are. L.

  He looked back at Jay, who had been watching him. “I have to go. Don’t wait up.”

  Jay grinned. “I never do.”

  * * *

  Liana had just parked her car when Mitch left the Meriton. She didn’t remember the drive. She told herself that her feelings of sadness were illogical, that her desire to cry was irrational, that the tears that were threatening to spill were from allergies.

  We can still be friends. He said so. And that’s what you want, too, Murphy. Snap out of this self-pity! If it were you, you would have chosen the rugby, also.

  So why did she feel so alone? She never felt alone.

  “Didn’t you want to ask me out, Mitch?” she whispered. “I would have said yes.”

  The street was quiet and deserted. Light streaming from the units in front of her kept the area from being completely dark. She thought she heard the sound of laughter coming from one of the balconies. Liana walked toward the townhouse she had only been to once before.

  She opened the front door. It was fully furnished with generic pieces that neither pleased nor offended her. She scanned the room quickly before switching on the rest of the lights. Resisting the urge to sit on the sofa and binge on something mindless on TV, she began to empty the car of her belongings.

  Similar to Mitch’s condo, the townhouse had an open floor plan with a small eating area and a galley kitchen. She pulled the curtains that hid the sliding doors that led to a cement patio. It would give her some outside private space. Nothing was there right now, but there was room for a small barbecue and an outdoor seating set.

  Who would you invite, Murphy?

  No one, she decided. She should go back to
her original plan of being there just to work. But she knew that wasn’t going to happen either. She was starting to feel comfortable in Auckland. She was beginning to make friends.

  “I’ll get a cat,” she announced to the empty space, knowing in her heart that it wouldn’t be fair to the cat.

  An hour later, she was dressed comfortably in her old university sweatpants and a loose top. She had started a fire, and the soft notes of her favorite bossa nova CD filled the house. She wouldn’t have to worry about disturbing her roommates with her choice of music, one of the many benefits to living alone, Liana reminded herself.

  Hair tied loosely into a bun, Liana made herself a cup of mint tea. She checked her emails quickly. There were a few things to tie up before her return to England, followed by a quick trip to the U.S. Phil had identified a few players studying in America as potential recruits. She needed to see them in action.

  “Take that, Mitch Molloy. I can still be productive!”

  The doorbell interrupted her monologue. Liana frowned. She walked to the door and checked the peephole in disbelief. She felt her heart pounding as she opened the door. “What on Earth are you doing here? I just left you.”

  “You left sad. And I was angry,” Mitch said simply. “I didn’t want you to move out that way.”

  “Mitch...”

  “Here.” He thrust a bouquet of daisies in front of her as if holding flowers was something he’d never done before. “Jay noticed these were always in the house. I was too... I don’t know... stupid to see them. Jay also reminded me that I’ve had the privilege of getting to know the real Liana Murphy this past month.”

  “Jay seems to know a lot.” Liana took the daisies. She stepped aside, indicating he should come in.

  “He does.”

  “What else did Jay notice?”

  “That I’m making this complicated when all I really needed to say—to you—is that I like you.”

  Whatever Liana thought he was going to say, it wasn’t that. She stared at Mitch. He was smiling. Her hearing must be going. Did he say—?

  “I do. I really do. I like you. A lot. And when I say that I need to finish the Championship first, before I can ask you out, I know you would be one of the few who would understand why... that I’m not leading you on.”

  “I wouldn’t think you would lead anyone on. That’s not your style, Mitch.”

  “No,” he grinned. “But your reputation sort of intimidated me.”

  “My reputation?”

  “Whenever I thought I was beginning to know you, something unreal would happen: my sister cries at meeting you; you get flowers from an earl; Mark Johnson is your date. Things like that. I became distracted by that instead of trusting what I know of you. Does that make sense?”

  She nodded slowly. “Yes... to me, it does.”

  His smile grew wider. “I hope so. Look, I should go. You need to settle in, and I’ve two days to get ready for the next game.”

  “You just arrived. Would you like some tea?”

  “No, it’s all right.” He pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I didn’t want the last image I had of you to be sad. In my mind, you should always be smiling.”

  Liana reached for Mitch’s hand. “Thank you for the flowers and for wanting to make sure I was smiling again tonight.”

  She didn’t think twice. She stood on her toes to kiss him on the cheek and wrap her arms around his neck. His arms responded, encircling her waist, pulling her closer. He lifted her slightly off the ground. They stayed in that position for a few minutes, each savoring the feel of each other’s body... almost needing it.

  Mitch slowly let Liana down and looked at her one last time before walking out of the townhouse.

  Liana kept her smile all evening.

  * * *

  If Liana thought the excitement at the start of the World Championship was crazy, “crazy” seemed like an understatement, now that the New Zealand team had progressed to the next stage.

  The expectation for a successful rugby championship was building everywhere. Newspapers devoted pages on the event, detailing everything from facts to gossip. The magazines were running features on anyone and anything remotely related to the National Team. Even at work, the nation’s football headquarters, the TV in the conference room was on twenty-four hours, updating fans on every possible angle. God help the non-rugby fans.

  England lost to France in the quarterfinals. It was awful to see Guy so devastated on the field and even more gut-wrenching to see him sit through some tough questions at the post-match interview.

  She hated losing, but more than that, she hated to see her friends lose. Trying to comfort one friend was tough. Liana wasn’t sure how she’d face living in the country if New Zealand didn’t win the title. She was now personally invested in the team: Jay Morrison, Connor Dane, Mano Palua, Blake Stanton, and Mitch Molloy weren’t just names on a roster. She knew them. She had shared meals with them. She had laughed with them. She now shared their dreams.

  Almost seven weeks after she’d been at Eden Park for the first match of the Rugby World Championship, alone in her townhouse just an hour away from the stadium, Liana watched Mitch lead the New Zealand National Team onto the field to play for the title against France. There wasn’t a spare ticket to be found. This was it. No diehard Kiwi rugby fan was going to miss the chance of watching their team capture the title that had been eluding them for over two decades.

  Billions worldwide saw the two teams sing their national anthems, pride etched in each player’s face. She knew Cat and Kelly were among the sea of black in the stadium, as were Felicity and Blake’s grandmother. The cameraman panned each team slowly. The “Kapa O Pango”—the haka created for the National Team—was thrown down as the challenge to the French, with the final shot on Mitch’s face. The crowd went wild as a close-up was shown on the stadium screen: his eyes were hooded and his nostrils flared.

  He was the last to turn away.

  Mitch Molloy, captain, was ready to battle.

  * * *

  Mitch woke up the next morning sore, bruised, and numb in parts of his body. Not new sensations the day after a match. But something was different.

  It was gone.

  The burden he had been carrying for four years was gone.

  It was over.

  He had captained his team to the finals of the Rugby World Championship—and they had won.

  There would be no more questions about their early exit four years ago. The team—his team—had fulfilled a nation’s deepest wish.

  Whatever happened next in his career, he had this. He had achieved the pinnacle of success in his sport.

  Mitch smiled as he remembered the tears in his parents’ eyes when they finally caught up with him. Even Felicity, who had words for everything, couldn’t do more than hug him. Timothy couldn’t stop grinning. Getting off the field after the medal ceremony took about an hour. Then there were press, photos, more press. The team also made it a point to see the fans. No one minded. Everyone was on an adrenaline high that would last for days. So much better than losing, and he remembered those feelings well enough.

  He automatically reached for his phone to turn it on. He knew it would be full of messages in all forms—voice and texts—but he was looking for one in particular. He scrolled down before reaching Liana’s, sent the exact minute the final whistle had blown.

  Liana: Congratulations. So happy for you!

  That’s all it said. But it was enough. He wasn’t expecting any more. He just wanted to know she was thinking of him. He had settled one part of his life with last night’s win. He had one more unknown to face. And only the beautiful woman with an English accent could help him unmask it.

  * * *

  Liana sipped her tea as information about the upcoming parade was announced on the morning news. Two days later, and the National Team’s win was still the top story in the country.

  Liana glanced at the TV one more time. They were playing a new int
erview featuring Mitch. Liana smiled at his image. He looked so much more relaxed, less guarded.

  She hadn’t heard from him, other than a quick, “Thanks—will call soon” to her congratulatory text. That hadn’t stopped her from checking. Blake had sent her a message the night of the Final, no doubt a little drunk because he professed his undying love for her. Connor and Cat had called the day after. Jay had also called and reminded her she was supposed to visit him “now that all this shit was over.”

  The doorbell rang. Liana looked through the peephole, surprised and delighted. She opened the door quickly, “Mit—”

  She was swept into his arms. His foot shut the door behind them. Before she could say anything, he kissed her, a raw, urgent, searching kiss that spoke of his need for her. He pushed her against the nearest wall, easily carrying her so she was face to face with him. Every part of her body was in contact with his. She vaguely felt a bandage on one of his hands, his left. Goosebumps erupted up and down her body as he pressed against her, emphasizing his need. His desire for her only flamed her own need for him; she pulled him closer, almost frantically, desperate to satisfy what she couldn’t have previously.

  Wait! What are we doing? She wanted to ask. But all she could do was respond and answer his unasked questions. There was no need for words. They were communicating in the purest, basest of forms.

  Slowly, as if he understood her unspoken feelings—that she wanted this, that this was good—his kisses became less urgent. They were gentler, still searching but no longer fueled by a sense of desperation.

  When he finally moved away, he rested his head on hers. Their heavy, shallow breathing eventually became quieter. She hadn’t realized when or how, but her arms were around Mitch’s neck. She touched his scarred face, still bruised from the match. He was sporting a black eye. She rested her palm on his cheek. He turned his head into it, instinctively seeking the comfort of her touch. His eyes opened, brown, bright, and full of emotions she wasn’t sure she understood.

  “I’ve wanted to kiss you almost from the first time I saw you. But I was scared. I’m not scared anymore.” Gently, he moved away a little, his arms now around her waist. He held her gaze. “I was going to ask you out on a real date before doing that. But Cat said you’re leaving for England? Today? Why didn’t I know?”