Derek (Hunter PI & Security #1)

by Sharon Cummin

  When his message came, I let out a laugh, and some of the stress that had been weighing me down vanished.

  Derek: Don't flatter yourself, I was just making sure you didn't bail.

  Me: You can be such an ass sometimes.

  Derek: So I've been told. How about you get your ass moving so we aren't sitting here all night.

  I shook my head, looked out my window and up into his, and stuck my tongue out. He shook his head and smiled. I never thought I'd miss that smile, but I'd missed it all day.

  I pulled out and headed for my spot, the one I'd shared with him. After everything that had happened the day before and how bad I'd made him feel, he was still willing to be there for me. He really was a great man and a good friend.

  Chapter 43

  Derek

  I'd been a mess all damn day, and that was not something that ever happened to me. The woman was under my skin, and it was driving me crazy. I purposely waited to leave until I knew she'd be gone, but she wasn't. Instead, she was staring down at her laptop, looking lost. I did what I should, and I said goodnight, but she called out, and I stopped. When she asked me if I had time to talk, I couldn't say no. I knew I needed to walk away for her and for me, but I couldn't do it. She needed a friend, and I was going to be there for her.

  I sat outside waiting and couldn't stop wondering what John would have had to say to her. He was one of the three guys that knew about her ex hitting her. Had Doug told him that I'd dug into the guy? Had he told him that I fucked up? Shit! Was he doing the whole protective bullshit too? Was I about to get blindsided and told all over again that I'd screwed up?

  When she sent me the text about waiting for her, I had to put her in her place. There was no way she needed to know that I was making sure she got out of the building and to her spot safely. By the time she was finally on her way, I was smiling. I don't know how she did that shit. I'd promised myself that I was going to stay away from her, give her the time she needed. There I was, driving behind her, being there for her. I knew better than to try to help. That hadn't gone so well the last time. She said she needed to talk, so I would listen. I could do that without screwing up, at least I hoped I could.

  She got out of her car and walked around the front. I pulled around her car, got out of my truck, and let the back down. It had to be better than sitting with a hood under her ass. I motioned for her to hop up, and she rolled her eyes at me. I shook my head, grabbed around her waist, and lifted her. When I hopped up next to her, she looked out into the field ahead of us.

  “Thanks,” she said.

  “For what?” I asked.

  “I'm sure the last thing you feel like doing on a Friday evening is sitting out here with me. I wasn't the person I should have been yesterday. I'm not sure I would have come back out here with me if I were you.”

  I kept my eyes looking up at the sky or out in front of me.

  “You're you,” I said. “That's exactly how it should be. I wouldn't want you to be someone you're not.”

  “When John said he needed to meet with me, I thought he was going to tell me he was worried or try to jump on the whole I know what you need train. When I walked into his office, he told me to sit down. I didn't want to. I knew I'd need to get out of there as soon as I could. Then he warned me that I really should sit. I did, even though I didn't want to. I was glad I did.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Does he call you into his office often?”

  “Never,” she answered. “That was what had me freaking out inside.”

  She looked out into the field.

  “You're not going to believe what he told me,” she said, as she shook her head.

  “Oh yeah,” I said.

  “He told me that he got a call from an insurance company, the same one he'd gone through for all of Gabe's and the company's insurance. He said he wasn't surprised, thinking it was about one of the business accounts. Then he said they started asking him questions about me and how to get in contact with me. I don't have insurance through them, and my information is unlisted. That's my own personal shit, and it doesn't matter right now. Anyway, I guess he didn't give them my information right away. He wasn't totally sure why they were asking. The guy that called him told him he wouldn't normally try to find someone that was beneficiary on a policy, but that he was making an exception since Gabe's company was still using them. John said he was completely lost. How was I beneficiary on a policy? He knew about all of Gabe's and the company's policies, so it wasn't making sense to him.”

  I could feel her looking over at me, but I didn't turn to her.

  “The man told him there is a life insurance policy for Gabe that wasn't cashed in yet and that I was the beneficiary listed.”

  “Seriously?” I asked, as I finally looked over at her.

  She nodded.

  “You didn't know about it?” I asked.

  “Not at all,” she said.

  “That's good, right?” I asked. “Maybe you could go on a trip or get a new car or do something you've always wanted to do.”

  “It was a two million dollar policy,” she said, and I knew that my face didn't hide my shock.

  “Two million,” I said, more to myself than to her.

  “I know,” she said. “It doesn't make sense.”

  “He did love you,” I said.

  “John knew about all of Gabe's business. He knew about all of his policies. Yet again, I was hidden. He said the policy had been paid in advance for ten years. That was why John didn't know about it. No money ever came out of Gabe's accounts toward it. I don't get it. I'm not sure how I feel about it.”

  “You should feel happy,” I told her. “Maybe now you could quit your job and be home with Gabe.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me but didn't say anything.

  “I guess he found a way to still take care of you,” I said, without thinking.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Nothing,” I answered.

  “Tell me,” she snapped. “I've said things to you I definitely shouldn't have said. When it comes time for you say something, you don't. Tell me how you feel, Derek. Tell me what you're thinking. Do not sit here and shut me out.”

  “You want to know how I feel?” I asked roughly.

  “I do,” she said. “I want you to talk to me.”

  I hopped down from the back of my truck, and I turned to her.

  “It fucking bugs me that Doug is all over you, trying to protect you, like he's your father. I thought for sure that was John's deal too when you said he wanted to talk. I don't like that shit. You have that money for Gabe that Gabby and Doug gave you. That's great. I know it is, but there's something about it I don't like. Now you find this out. Gabe took out a two million dollar policy in your name. He's fucking taking care of you. He's not even here, but he's still taking care of you. I don't like it. Right or wrong, I don't know. I'm sure I'm wrong, but I do not like it.”

  She jumped down from the back of the truck and stormed over to me.

  “Do you think I like it?” she growled out. “Do you? Well, I don't. I don't want to be taken care of. How many damn times do I have to say that? I do not want anyone to take care of me, especially not because they feel they have to. That's why Doug does what he does. He doesn't want to. He does it because he feels he has to now that Gabe is gone. I don't want or need that shit from anyone. I don't want the money. Do you know what I fucking wanted? I wanted him to say that he loved me. I wanted him to claim me as his and not hide whatever it was we had. Don't you see? He was embarrassed of me. He had to be.”

  “I don't think,” I started, but she brought her finger up over my lips.

  “I don't care what he thought. It's what he did. His financial guys, his lawyers, nobody knew he'd taken out a policy in my name. He hid it, just like he hid us. His own best friend didn't know we were together. Do you see that? We worked together and hung out all the time, yet nobody knew we were anything other than friends. You want to know something else? He'd taken t
he policy out five years ago, when he brought me on at the company. We weren't fucking then. Nothing was going on between us then. Do you know what that means?”

  I didn't respond to any of her questions. Her finger was still over my lips, and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do.

  “That means that he did it because he felt bad for me. He did it because he felt that I needed taken care of. It wasn't out of love, Derek. It was out of pity. I'm so fucking tired of their pity.”

  “Bridget,” I said, as I reached up and took her finger from over my mouth. “They don't pity you. They care about you.”

  She shook her head.

  “No,” she said.

  “Yes,” I said, as my other hand went behind her head to stop her from shaking it. “Those men care about you. Believe me, no man is going to go through everything they have because they feel obligated, not for years anyway. That shit would have worn off a long time ago.”

  “I don't need pity,” she said, as she looked into my eyes. “I don't want to be looked at any differently than anyone else.”

  “How can they not look at you differently?”

  “What?” she asked.

  “You're an amazing woman, Bridget. Even if some asshole didn't hurt you the way your ex did, you'd still be just as amazing. Gabe still would have been drawn to you. Doug would have still been your friend.”

  “I don't know,” she said.

  “There's something about you that's different, but it has nothing to do with that fucker touching you.”

  She kept her eyes on mine but didn't speak.

  “Not one person other than you knows the shit I've told you about my life. I don't know how you do it. You squeeze into places nobody else can. I told myself this morning that I wasn't going to talk to you. I said I was going to give you space. The moment you asked me to talk, I knew I was going to. If you needed me, I was going to be there. You even made me smile. You're special, Bridget, and it's not because of what happened to you.”

  “Then why didn't he want anyone to know?” she asked.

  I held her face in my hands and looked into her eyes.

  “Kind of how you feel about me,” I said.

  She tried to pull back, but I held her still.

  “That is bullshit,” she snapped from between my hands. “You don't want a relationship, Derek. You've said it over and over again. What do you want me to say? This is the guy I fucked twice when I couldn't think of anything but him being inside of me. This is the guy I meet with for coffee every Monday. This is the guy I tell everything to that I can't tell anyone else. He's my best friend, but that's all. Is that what you want me to say? You want me to say that I know you? They fucking know that I know you. We're both so damn different. Neither one of us would even move because our places were our ex's. We're friends. Is that what you want me to tell them?”

  I grabbed the back of her neck and took her mouth. My teeth pulled her bottom lip down, and my tongue dove in aggressively and took control. Every feeling flowing through me came out in that one kiss. Then I let her go and took a step back. She sucked in a huge breath and stood frozen, looking up at me.

  “I've been through this before, Derek,” she said. “Life's too damn short to walk around not knowing where I'm going. I spent years with a man that I think could have possibly loved me. Then he was gone, and I'll never know for sure. I'm making a promise to myself right now to never go down that road again. When love comes my way, I'm not going to hide from it. I might get hurt, but I'll know that I did everything I could. I'm going to go all in, but I expect the man I love to go all in as well. That's not you, Derek. We both know that's not what you want. You're a great man, the best I've ever known. Jenny, Jean, and Joe are so damn lucky that you love them.”

  “Bridget,” I said, already feeling the loss that I knew was coming.

  “I have you to thank for everything,” she said. “You did help me yesterday. I was pissed. You did something I begged you not to do. The things you told me hurt, but they also changed my life. You were right, he was holding me back. He had control of me, and he didn't even know it. I'm taking that control back. I have you to thank for that. You've been there when I needed you, and you will never know how much that means to me. If it weren't for that group, I'm not sure what I would have done. Our Monday night coffee stops were even more valuable than those meetings. You listened to everything I had to say and never once judged me. You even let out some things about yourself, and I felt honored to be the one you told them to. Being with you those two times were honestly the most explosive, sexiest moments of my life. When we've kissed, I've felt things I've never felt before. You are a great man, Derek Hunter. I know deep down that I have to step away from you, and it hurts so fucking bad just thinking about. I know it's what's best for me and for you, but that doesn't make it any easier. Thank you for coming here with me. I needed someone to talk to, and you were here. Do you see the pattern? I'm always the one needing, and you're always the one giving. You have a company that's doing so well it's bursting at the seams, and you have a family that loves you so much. I'm just adding more stress to your life, and that's not what you need. For once, I'm going to make the right decision, the one I don't want to make. I never did that for Gabe or Doug, but I'm doing it for you. Thank you so much for always being there when I needed you. You are an amazing man.”

  When she took a step back, it took all I had not to reach out and pull her into my arms. It took all I had not to take her mouth again. It took all I had to let her go, but she was right, I didn't want a relationship. I didn't want love. In that moment, as hard as it was and as bad as my chest hurt, I had to let her leave. When I got in my truck, I didn't drive away. It was her place, and while it was beautiful, I knew I could never go back there again. She needed that spot for herself. It was the place she went to get away and think. I'd never take that away from her.

  I'd never felt as empty in my entire life as I did driving home that afternoon, and that scared the shit out me. Maybe she was right, I thought. Maybe it was what was best, not just for her, but for me too.

  The next two weeks went by slower than any I'd had in a long time. Bridget wasn't joking, she'd truly walked away. I got a good morning each morning, but they were different. They were the same good mornings she gave to everyone else, and not once had she looked up when she'd said it. Other than that, we hadn't spoken at all. She'd missed both of the meetings. Stephanie asked about her with a smile on her face, and that one guy asked about her with a bummed look on his. Since she hadn't been to the meetings, we hadn't gone for coffee either. The guys didn't give me shit, but I felt them wanting to say something, especially Taylor. For all I knew, the fucker could have been talking to her behind my back. While that thought pissed me off, it also gave me a bit of relief as well. It meant someone was there for her, and that was what she really needed.

  I'd picked up my phone at least a hundred times, but each time, I'd fought the urge to text or call and set it back down. I'd thought about her and Gabe and wondered how they were and what they were doing. I'd even driven by her house a few times. I didn't do it in a stalkerish way. It was more like wanting so damn badly to stop and talk to her but knowing I couldn't and driving away. I'd done what she'd wanted for two whole weeks. I'd left her alone. I was doing great. Then I got a call, and no matter how hard I tried not to, she was the first call I made.

  Chapter 44

  Bridget

  I'd struggled for two weeks. I said hello without ever looking up at him. I couldn't see him. If I did, I knew I'd cave. There were so many times I wanted to text and tell him something, but I didn't, and that was truly hard. Time was all I needed. In time, it would get easier. I told myself that every single morning.

  I hadn't gone to the meetings, and I knew Stephanie was all over that shit. Gabby made sure she was home each Monday night. She didn't ask me anything, and I could tell it was hard for her. We'd just sit and talk or watch a show. She'd never know how much those moments he
lped me. I missed the coffee the most. Not the coffee, but seeing and talking to him. It was only an hour a week, but I missed that one hour more than anything else.

  He didn't know it, but I was asking Taylor about him. How was he? What he was doing? Where he was going? I was a freaking stalker. That was okay, as long as he didn't know. Shit! I was even texting back and forth with Jean. They both told me he was doing well, but Taylor wasn't hiding anything. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was lying through his teeth. Either that or it was wishful thinking on my part. Did I want him to miss me as much as I missed him? Was he having even half as bad of a time as I was? I found myself forgetting things I normally would not forget. It was taking all I had to hold it together. I was a total mess, but I was doing everything I could to try and hide it.

  It was Monday morning, I'd made it through another weekend and was not looking any more forward to seeing him than I was the Friday before. It wasn't getting any easier. More time, I thought. I just needed more time. Gabby had just walked in with a huge smile on her face. Then she walked around my desk and hugged me.

  “You look amazing this morning,” she said. “You were already gone by the time I came into the kitchen.”

  “I don't have a man keeping me in bed,” I said, and her eyes widened. “Oh, Doug.”

  Yeah, those two lovebirds didn't help my situation at all. They were far from quiet and going at more than ever. Either that or I was just so damn sad and pitiful that I was noticing.

  “It was not like that,” she said with a laugh.

  The phone on my desk rang, and I picked it up without even looking at it.

  “You were begging that man more than ever this morning,” I whispered with a laugh, before putting the phone to my ear.

  Gabby was bent over laughing hysterically.

  “Sounds like you're having a good morning,” I heard Derek's voice and froze.

  “Good morning,” I said in a completely serious tone.

  “I need to talk to you,” he said, with his voice so deep it sent a shiver through me.