He had hoped when he saw her again the feminine allure that had hit him in the gut at the boardinghouse had been a fluke. He’d chalked it up to the surprise of seeing her in a dress for the first time.
He’d wanted to believe the stunning bride was a trick of his memory. He’d spent the days apart hoping she wasn’t as beautiful as his imagination kept telling him.
When he came in and saw the sheriff holding her hand, he had been knocked to his knees again.
Riding into town he had been starving, but after seeing his new wife, he didn’t feel so well.
A couple of older women joined him and introduced themselves as friends of Sofia’s mother. “We were devastated when we lost her. Sofia’s been so lost without a mother’s guidance.”
The other continued where the first one left off. “When she disappeared for all those weeks, we were so worried. And to think she was with you the whole time.” They both nodded and looked at him waiting for his response.
He had no clue what to say to that statement. What had De Zavala told everyone? “I know losing her mother was hard. I’m happy to know she has had women like you in her life.” Looking over the crowd, he couldn’t find her. “Speaking of Sofia, I’ve seemed to have lost her. Do you ladies happen to know where she has gone?”
They tittered. “Oh, newlyweds. I remember when William used to get anxious when I was out of his sight.”
“Now they slip away as soon as possible. Oh, there she is!” They pointed to the back wall by a large open door.
What was she doing in the corner by herself? “Excuse me, ladies.”
“Of course.” They smiled and waved him on.
As he walked across the crowded floor, music started to play. People he had never met smiled at him, a few tried to stop him, but he explained he was trying to get to his bride.
His bride. The churning in his stomach went up a notch. I’m so sorry, Lilly.
Everyone nodded with a twinkle of understanding in their eyes. They thought they understood anyway. How could they when he didn’t understand himself? There was not one clear thought in his head or maybe it was his heart.
Either way he was not happy.
As he got closer to her, he noticed she had a panicked look in her eyes as she searched the room. Had she been crying?
“Sofia?” He reached for her shoulder.
She jumped. “Jackson. I thought you were eating.”
“I was until I saw you were hiding back here. Who are you looking for?”
“My father. I need to talk to him.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
He raised an eyebrow. Being married before had taught him one thing—he knew when a woman said nothing was wrong he needed to back off, because something was most certainly wrong.
He scanned the room. “How long is this reception going to last?”
Rory walked up behind him and gave his shoulder two solid hits. “Good to see you, old man. We were starting to think you weren’t coming back.” He laughed.
Sofia clasped her hands in front of her. He hated the uncertainty he saw in her eyes. Knowing he put it there tore at his gut. Why didn’t he realize earlier that he wouldn’t be able to keep his vow to Lilly and not hurt Sofia in the process. He was going to have to pick one.
“We are looking for Señor De Zavala. Have you seen him?” The last thing he wanted to talk about was the reason he was late. He was a coward.
“I see him. Excuse me, gentlemen.” She turned to leave.
“Do you want me to go with you?” He started to follow her.
“No. Stay here and talk with Rory. I need to speak with him alone.” With her shoulders back and chin up, she left.
Rory gave him a side look. “Trouble already?”
He pushed his hair off his forehead. “I’m not sure. It should be a simple arrangement. I’m not sure what is going on anymore.”
A chuckle was his answer. “Our Tiago put on a dress, and everything got complicated.”
That was it. It was all this wedding and reception happenings. Once he got Sofia back on the ranch and on a horse, they would go back to being friends and business partners.
It would go back to normal. “Thanks, Rory.”
Confusion marred the Irishman’s face. “Um...sure. Anytime?”
People had started dancing, so he had to skirt the edge of the room to find his new father-in-law. He saw the man heading straight to him. Unfortunately, alone.
“Where’s Sofia? She went to find—”
“She found out about the trade I made with you for the land. I think she took off to the ranch. I would follow, but I think she needs to hear from you. You need to make this right.”
There wasn’t a thing on this Earth that could make this right. He’d miscalculated, and they were both paying the price.
“I’ll make an excuse for your early departure. You’re newlyweds who have just reunited. Everyone will understand.”
There was no avoiding it. He had to talk to her, alone. He gave De Zavala a nod and shouldered through the happy crowd. Many of the men patted him on the back, and he smiled and nodded.
Acid burned his gut. He tried not to run to the barn. He wouldn’t put it past her to take off on her own across the hills at night.
Her impulsive nature left his world on wobbly ground. His stallion had been brought into town. Was she saddling him now?
Stepping into the doorway, he found the light from behind him made it easy to see her. She was next to Domino.
The relief vanished just as fast when he saw the saddle. She threw a man’s work saddle on the horse’s back. A heart-wrenching sob followed the horse’s grunt. “Sofia. Stop.”
She spun, the twirling of her skirts causing the Appaloosa to sidestep away from her.
Sofia grabbed the reins and calmed the horse. “Did you?”
“Sofia, you can’t ride out to the ranch this late. In that dress you’re asking to get hurt.”
“Did you marry me for the ranch?”
Jackson rubbed his eyes. He wanted to lie, to give her the answer that would take away the hurt. But in the long run, a lie now would just hurt her more.
He wanted to reassure her, to apologize, to tell her everything would be all right. He flexed his jaw.
The ugly truth sat between them, growing in the dark silence. His gut, his heart wanted to be the hero she needed. Wanted to hold her and kiss—
No! He slammed the door on that thought. He was not the hero, for Lilly or Sofia. All he managed to bring to their doors was death and pain.
He should have stayed away. Being with her just made everything more complicated.
“It’s true isn’t it?” The last word was lost in a sob.
“I married you to save your reputation. I had made a vow over my dead wife’s grave to stay true to her. To never marry again. I broke part of my vow to her. I can’t break it all. I can’t. Yes, your father signed over the land to me. It was to protect your future.”
* * *
No. No. No. She was not going to cry in front of him. Sofia tightened the girth with one last pull and tied off the cinch on the old working saddle she found in the tack room. She was not going to ride in the dark in that one-sided death trap. She was finished with being a lady.
Men acted as if women were weak and couldn’t think for themselves. When in reality, they had to work twice as hard and be twice as smart.
Encased in layers of material, she was forced to balance on the side of the horse. The act of giving birth alone should prove how strong women really were.
The soft green-and-pink material was in her way, so she twisted it and tried to figure out the best way to mount without killing herself.
Perhaps she could just r
ip the top layers away. It was dark, and she was going straight to the ranch. Air lodged in her throat, not able to move up or down.
The ranch her father gave to Jackson in exchange for her reputation. With one hand on the saddle horn and the other on the back ridge, she pressed her forehead against the side of her horse and cried.
Her father gave away the ranch.
Jackson married her for the ranch.
“Sofia. What are you doing?” At her back, the low and steady baritone voice was less than an arm’s length away now.
He had no reason to be emotional. His world was not falling apart.
“Darling, you need to stop. You’re going to get yourself killed riding at night.”
Wiping her face with one hand, she threw her shoulders back. With a lift to her chin, she turned to face him. The light from the community hall created an outline of his tall frame.
“Don’t call me that and don’t come any closer. You lied to me! Did you know the whole time?” Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her breathing. “Did you know who I was? Was this all part of your plan? Ruin me, then force my father to hand over the ranch to you?”
“Whoa!” A harsh expression seized his face. His mouth opened as if he wanted to say something else. He gently wrapped his warm fingers around the exposed flesh on her arm, then he stepped back.
Swallowing hard, she didn’t give in to the urge to close her eyes and lean into him. Why had he betrayed her? “I thought we were friends?”
“We were friends, but you lied to me first. You dressed as a boy. Pretended you didn’t know English. Told me you were an orphan.”
She wiped at her face again. That seemed a lifetime ago. “I told you I lost my mother and brother. That was not a lie.”
He snorted and put some distance between them, turning his back. Good. She didn’t want to look at him. Her brain worked better when she didn’t see him. She focused on adjusting the stirrup.
He started pacing. Maybe he wasn’t as calm as he appeared. “Sofia, I never misled you or lied. You’re the one who brought this on yourself.”
“Uh.” If she had something in hand, she would be tempted to throw it at him. “This is my fault?”
“What did you think would happen when you returned to the ranch? You didn’t think anyone would question what you were doing alone with a group of men? Did you really think you’d just be able to waltz back in and your dad would let you run the ranch?”
A sob escaped. She squeezed her eyes shut and turned back to Domino. Jackson stopped in front of her horse and rubbed the flat spot between its eyes. Before she realized what he was doing, he took the reins from her hand.
“Give those back to me.” She refused to reach for them. Her brother used to play “keep away” with her. He would laugh every time she jumped to get her item back, but he’d move it out of her reach. She bit down hard on her teeth. Santiago, why aren’t you here?
“Sofia, you can’t ride out alone, in the dark. I wouldn’t let Rory, either. It’s dangerous.”
“I just want to go home.” She wanted to ask him if he even liked her or if it was just about the land. But she was afraid to ask for the truth. She had fallen in love.
Once again her impulsive nature had her jumping in, then dealing with the consequences. With her back to him, she had to ask. “Jackson?” Her throat burned. Silence gripped the night.
“What is it, Sofia?” His voice almost sounded like he cared. Maybe he did. Maybe she overreacted. “I want a real marriage and family. Can we find our way to make this work? If not now, sometime in the future.”
“Oh, Sofia.” For the first time, she heard a crack in his voice. “I told you this would be a business deal. We’re partners in the ranch and raising the horses. But I... I can’t be a real husband to you. I buried anything left of my heart with my wife and babies. I don’t have anything to give you. The thought of bringing more children into this world. Into a world where I can’t protect them? I won’t do it.”
Her body went agonizingly numb, and she clung to the saddle. She was married to a man who couldn’t love her or ever want a family with her.
The irony was not lost on her that future generations were the reason her father wanted her to marry. There would be no grandchildren, ever.
“Let me take you to the house in town. You can stay there for the night, and then we can talk in the morning.” He went to a stall and got his stallion. “Right now you’re too upset.”
“My mother’s house. Did you get that in the marriage agreement too?” She bit the inside of her cheek. Now she just sounded petty. Please, God, don’t allow me to become a bitter woman. “I want to go home.”
“It is your home. If nothing else, think about your horse and your father.” He threw a saddle over the large black horse. The animal turned and pressed his muzzle into Jackson’s arm.
She hated his calm voice. Her world was collapsing all over again, and he just carried on like everything was fine. “I’m done talking to you.”
Great. Now she sounded like an ill-tempered five-year-old. All she needed to do now was stomp her foot.
Reins in hand, he walked over. Stopping next to her, he frowned at the saddle. “How are you going to ride astride in that dress?”
“It’s dark, and I didn’t think anyone would see me anyway. I’m not getting back in that sidesaddle ever again.” She lifted her skirt and put the delicate silk shoe in the worn leather stirrup. When she went to put her weight into it, her foot slipped. Even her shoes were against her.
“Here let me at least help.” The warmth of his hands circled her waist.
She wanted to protest and tell him to move away, but she needed him. She hated needing help. Without even a grunt, he lifted her into the saddle.
The monster butterflies in her stomach had run out of room and were looking for an escape.
“I’ll take you to your mother’s house.” With one jump, he was in the saddle.
“Easy when you’re allowed to wear pants.” She muttered the words under her breath, but the way he looked at her told her he had heard her.
“You know I don’t have a problem with you in pants,” he said. After turning in a circle, his horse leaped to the door, eager to go.
She pressed her heels into the Appaloosa’s ribs. “What did you tell everyone?”
“Now you’re worried about how leaving early looks? We’re newlyweds who were just reunited. They don’t expect us to stay long.”
Now the heat climbed her neck. How could she walk into church on Sunday knowing her marriage was a complete lie?
Chapter Twenty-One
Rafael De Zavala filled the stall door. “Sofia, it has been a month. You need to talk to your husband.”
Without looking at him, she continued brushing the mare. She paused when she felt a kick against the horse’s extended ribs. The unborn foal was active today.
“Sofia, look at me.” She pushed her flat wide-rimmed hat off her head, and it hung against her short braid. Maybe if she ignored him he’d leave.
It had worked with Jackson. After their reception four weeks ago, she decided to go about her business on the ranch. If he wanted to talk to her, he knew where to find her.
She had new clothes made. Split skirts and cropped jackets made it easier to work on the ranch.
Hand on the mare, she checked her pulse. The foal would be coming soon. It was the last baby of the season.
“There was a... What is happening between you?” Her father didn’t seem to get the hint that she didn’t want to talk about her marriage. “You never eat meals together. He sleeps in the bunkhouse. How will I get any grandchildren if you don’t even talk to one another?”
Snorting, she shook her head. “He’s not a prized stallion that will just do your bidding. No matter how much you
paid him.”
“Sofia de Zavala! That is inappropriate speech for a young lady.”
She gave the pregnant mare one last pat before pushing her way past her father. “Well, I’m a wedded woman now. You saw to that.”
“But I don’t understand. When I spoke to him, and the men riding with you, he liked you. I thought he’d treat you well. What happened?”
It felt good to slam the brush into the bucket. She spun to face her father. “You offered a man a ranch to marry me. Who would turn that down?” This was why she had avoided her father. The anger had been simmering, and now it boiled over. “So now that we aren’t following your orders, you’re upset?”
“I’m not upset. I’m concerned. Don’t you want a real marriage and a family? You will not get that by living apart.”
Hands on her hips, she stood in the middle of the stall and stared at her father. The only family she had left. This was it. Because of her marriage, the De Zavala family would come to an end.
“He doesn’t want to be my husband.” A sob tore from her throat. She buried her face in her hands. “He won’t—” a deep painful hiccup “—have children with me.”
Arms pulled her into a tight hug. “Mija.” His hand stroked her hair. “Shhh.”
She shook her head. He didn’t understand. Her husband blamed her for breaking his vow to the woman he loved. He hated her.
“We will fix this. Do you want to end the marriage?”
The gossips would love that. “What about the ranch?”
“Congress voted to protect the land rights of any grants held by men loyal to the new Texas. The ranch remains safe. He can be paid off. We don’t need him anymore if you want to be free.”
“Shouldn’t I be included in this conversation?” Jackson stood a step outside the door. His big stallion was next to him.
Her heart fell to the bottom of her stomach. They hadn’t talked since the night he made sure she was safe at her mother’s house. She pulled at the edge of her cropped jacket, and took a deep breath. There was no reason for her to feel guilty.
She wasn’t the one who misled him. Okay, she did, but that was before she realized what he actually meant.
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