“Go!” Halo snaps with a commanding tone, but the smile on her lips is playful. I quickly lean down and rub her tummy. She isn’t showing yet but we found out last month that she was pregnant. Brandon is going to have a sibling.
She was very nervous to tell me about the pregnancy since it wasn’t planned and we have yet to remarry. She was recuperating from the accident and I used condoms when we slept together, but I guess it proved ineffective for my swimmers. I was so overjoyed by the news I wept like a baby and held on to her as tight as I could. War had been a part of my life for as long as I could remember and losing those dear to me made me realize how important it is to make good with the time we have been given on this earth.
The only thing I worried about was her weak physical state from the accident. We saw the family doctor and he reassured us that her injuries and healing wouldn’t affect the pregnancy, but he set us up with a specialist ob-gyn that deals with special health cases. It’s better to be safe.
“Go!” she repeats again, pulling me from my daze. The cabbie is honking and he’s started the meter for sure. Paying extra is nothing compared to the few extra minutes I get with her.
“We’re planning the wedding the minute I get back.” I point my finger at her and she giggles, nodding. Then she literally pushes me out the door and slams it behind me. I can picture her smiling on the other side.
I climb into the cab, as ready as I’ll ever be to take this journey. I’m going to see Montgomery’s family first. He asked me to tell his daughter stories of what a hero he was and that’s exactly what I plan to do. That and give his wife my gold trident. It’s a SEAL ritual to put it on the casket of our fallen comrades and I never made it to his funeral.
My next stop after New Jersey will be Cleveland to see Rover’s wife and children. I was stateside for that funeral, only I was too fucked up to get myself there physically. I owe my brother this final honor.
Hanson didn’t have a family and Halo and I will honor him as best we can on our own.
Bob thought it was a good idea to go on this trip to gain some closure. I’m done with the navy. It’s a reality I’ve come to accept. I’m happy with my life, which is surprising because I always feared returning to civilian life wouldn’t satisfy me.
Two hours later I’m exiting a plane in Newark. I send Halo a quick text message that I arrived and she texts me back that Brandon just woke up. I take a cab to Montgomery’s home. The cab ride gives me time to figure out what I will say or do. This isn’t an easy visit and I was the last one to see him alive. The cab stops on a street of row houses. Nice brown brick, green grass, trees. It looks like a nice family neighborhood. A part of me wants to break down on the front steps because we have sacrificed so much in our lives. But I will one foot to walk in front of the other and when I reach the door I press the bell.
A young blond woman—I know her name is Avery—opens the door and looks at me warily. We’ve met before but I’m not sure if she remembers me. I salute her. “Ma’am, I’m Petty Officer Second Class Thomas Wells.” I hold still. A small girl who looks like she may be about three years old comes running up behind the woman saying, “Mamma, Mamma.” The little girl is beautiful with dark brown hair and blue eyes just like her daddy’s.
“You must be Jessy,” I say softly.
“Who are you?” she asks, drawing her tiny brows together. She is confident just like her daddy was.
“I knew your daddy,” I say.
Avery’s eyes look a little watery and dazed. She blinks and then says, “I’m sorry, where are my manners? Come in please. Of course I remember you, Thomas.” She takes a step back, welcoming me to her home. It hurts to be here, but I know it’s the right thing to do. I step into the living room. There’s a picture of Montgomery on the wall and another of him and Avery. Then another of the three of them as a family.
“Would you like a cup of tea, coffee, maybe a sandwich? You’re coming from Chicago, right?” Her voice is shaky and nervous.
“Yes, I’m from Chicago. I hope it’s okay that I came. I was uh…” I pause, not sure what to say.
“Liam spoke about you a lot. I know you guys were close. I know you were on his team,” she says, almost as if she’s reassuring me.
I let out a breath of air. “Yes. I, uh, I came to give you a trident. I’m sorry I didn’t make it to his funeral. I was injured. I had amnesia…” I pause, willing myself to get to the point.
“Take a seat on the couch. I’ll make coffee.” She sounds a little more relaxed. She places Jessy on the floor and Jessy walks toward a box of toys she has in the corner. It makes me think of Brandon and I get excited about waiting for his first steps. It makes me sad thinking of all the things Montgomery won’t get to see.
“Hey there.” I smile down at Jessy. She keeps her distance while assessing me. “I knew your daddy. He was the bravest soldier I ever did see.” She drops the toy in her hand and takes a few steps toward me. Avery places a cup of coffee on the table in front of me, her hands shaky. I thank her.
“Your daddy was a hero,” I tell Jessy. “He fought all the bad guys and he told us what a perfect daughter he had. He missed you a lot when he wasn’t home.” I feel the tears welling in my eyes and I try to gain some control. “If it’s okay I would like to come back again when you’re older and tell you more stories about your daddy. He was a selfless man and gave his life to keep America safe.” She takes a few more steps, extending her hands for me to pick her up. I lift her in my arms and place her on my knee. “You look like your daddy, only you’re a pretty version of him.” That buys me a sweet smile. When I look over at Avery, she’s swiping tears from her eyes. Now I’m crying too. “I’m sorry.” I wipe my own tears away. “I was close to your daddy. He was a real-life superhero.”
“You mean like Superman,” Jessy interjects.
“Exactly like Superman.” I smile through the tears and Avery does too. She mouths, “Thank you”. After our little chat Avery makes me an egg sandwich and she asks me some questions about that day. Of course some information is classified but I tell her what I can.
“I’d like to return when she’s a little older and she can understand the stories I’m telling her. I’d also like it for you guys to come stay with my wife and me in Chicago, if you’re ever visiting or would like to visit. I have a son—” The guilt I feel about being the sole survivor crawls back up my throat. I cut off the rest of my sentence. I’ve been given a chance at a life and I know I need to make the best of the gift I’ve been given.
“That would be nice, Thomas. Thank you,” Avery replies with a soft, sad smile. I pat little Jessy on the head. Avery moves in to give me a hug. It takes everything inside me not to break down. Bob’s words ring in my mind: We were never guaranteed that life would be fair. We just need to live with the cards that we’d been dealt. We say our goodbyes and I leave to board my next flight.
I arrive in Cleveland, Ohio a few hours later. I’m feeling drained and emotionally spent. I send Halo a text message and she says she just finished feeding Brandon. She was feeling tired so she was going to nap with him. I take a cab to Rover’s house. I’ve met Janice before. When I show up at her door unexpectedly, she breaks down in tears and I’m not sure I made the right decision. I give her a gold trident and speak to his children who are slightly older than Jessy. I promise them I’ll return one day to remind them of the stories about their daddy. I also invited them out to Chicago.
On my way home I think of my future. This trip was hard and painful and I know I’ll be living with the pain of loss for the rest of my life. The amnesia was a way to deal with that pain and although life as Ryder was easier, I would never want to erase the memories I shared with my wife or my brothers and comrades. Each memory holds a place in my heart and I wouldn’t give it up for anything.
Years ago when I first enlisted I had something to prove. Now, after serving my country and honoring the loss of my brothers, I realize I’m a man worth respecting, worth loving and
worthy of being alive. I have so much to live for and I plan to make each moment count.
Epilogue:
Christmas 2009
Thomas
“Halo.” I lean over and whisper in her ear. She’s sleeping like a rock. I’ve quickly learned that pregnant Halo is often very drained and tired. It makes me feel guilty for not being here the first time around, so I work extra hard now trying to make it up to her.
She doesn’t budge and I hear Brandon pattering away in his crib so I go into the nursery and change his diaper. My boy will be one next month and Halo is planning a big bash for him. It’s crazy how much our lives have changed in just over a year.
With Brandon on my hip, I walk back into the master bedroom. Princess Belle, a.k.a. Mommy, is still sleeping with her beautiful auburn hair sprawled across the pillow.
“Brandon, it’s Christmas morning, buddy. We have to wake up Mommy so we can go open presents.” I’m not sure who is more excited—me or Brandon. I have a feeling it’s me. I tend to turn into an excited little boy this time of year. I think it’s all the Christmases I missed as a child. Since I don’t have the heart to wake Halo, I place Brandon on the bed and he crawls over to her.
“Mamma, Mamma,” he coos. It’s the cutest thing ever. He reaches over and climbs on top of her, rubbing his wet mouth along her cheek. She smiles with her eyes still closed and mutters, “How’s my beautiful boy this morning?”
“Gah. Gooh,” Brandon replies.
I lie back in bed and Halo opens her eyes. She turns on her side. She has a round belly but she isn’t due until March. We renewed our vows. We went down to city hall with Dave and Jenny and all our kids and had a small ceremony followed by a big dinner at our house. The holiday season felt like the right time to do it—we felt blessed for getting our second chance at life and love.
“Christmas morning,” she finally says and her eyes gleam with excitement. She takes Brandon by the hand and waddles toward the stairs.
“Easy there.” I follow swiftly behind them as we make our way to the Christmas tree in the living room. This year we added an extra ornament with Brandon’s name on it. “So who wants to go first?” I ask.
“Let Brandon go first,” Halo suggests. We pass him the green box with the large red ribbon on top and his dark blue eyes widen. We both help him rip it open and he kicks his feet out in anticipation. We finally get the box open with the three of us tearing at it.
“You do the honors,” Halo suggests, holding the box up. I pull out the little train tracks and the train and I set it on the floor. I push the button for the train and it sings a melody while making its way around the track. Brandon crawls over to it in awe.
“So who’s next?” I ask, looking down at Halo.
“You,” she says, passing me a little red box with a silver bow.
I unwrap the box like an eager child. When I finally rip off the wrapping paper, my heart jerks in my chest. It’s my dog tags. The ones I left behind the night I left for Afghanistan. Afterward I kept worrying because I believed those tags brought me luck. I hated not having them with me. I wasn’t sure what had happened to them. Halo had given them to me exactly six years ago when I left on my first deployment. They’d always rested on my chest, close to my heart.
I take them out of the box and look at the engraved words. I will always love you. You are the light in my darkness. I close my eyes, feeling those words sink in. Then I notice that she’s wearing the locket I had given her that same Christmas.
She turns her locket over and reads, “You are my Halo, my light.” Then she giggles. “Do you think it was karma?” she asks, throwing me off.
“What do you mean?” I ask, feeling a little confused but then I get it. “I think it was a prayer, Halo. I think our joint prayer is what brought me home. It’s what led me back to you.”
“You’re right. It was a silly thing to say. We’ve just been through so much.”
“We have, and we’re stronger for it. Our family is growing and we’re in a good place.”
“I know, baby.” Her palm brushes the stubble on my chin and we turn our attention back to the presents. As much as I loved making love to her in front of the tree on Christmas morning, Brandon makes that an impossibility now.
“Don’t give me that look now, Thomas Wells. That isn’t happening.” She drops her hand and chides me, reading my thoughts.
“Damn, woman. I know that. I’ll wait for him to take his nap this afternoon.” I smirk at her as if that was my original thought. Not.
We spend the rest of the day playing with Brandon by the tree. Singing Christmas carols and drinking eggnog.
In the evening we hang out on the couch and read. After Thanksgiving I decided to reread The Lord of the Flies and now I see it in a new light. I understand Ralph’s despair now, for I’ve seen evil. I’ve seen how uncivilized man can be. Despite my experiences—and unlike Ralph—I now realize that there’s also goodness in this world and undying love and devotion that’s worth fighting for.
It was Halo’s light that had guided me home. I may have wandered, but I wasn’t truly lost. Home wasn’t a structure or building—home was with my Halo, my son and my future baby. They are my guiding light. My halo.
THE END
Acknowledgements
Wow! I feel so emotional this time around when writing my thanks. This story came to me in a dream one night and then the characters simply came to life. I loved telling this story about a boy who was broken and followed the hard road before finding his path. This story is so meaningful to me on so many levels.
I have so many people who helped me tell this story. Thank you to my beta readers Karen Lawson, Marion Archer. Your comments and feedback not only put a smile on my face during my read throughs but helped me take this story to the next level. To Karen Hrdlicka you are so dedicated to my work that I am truly honored to have you in my corner. Thank you to Karen Isopi. Honestly, I could not have written this book without your medical wisdom.
To Edie my editor, thank you for putting up with all my grammar issues. To Renita, thank you for proofing the MS for me. To James, I am so grateful you were able to do a last read through for me. You saved my sanity from having to read through the story another time.
To all the readers and bloggers that have read this story, you have my heartfelt thanks. I am very aware of all the wonderful books out there and it warms my heart that you have chosen to dedicate your time to this story. I hope it was as meaningful to you as it was to me.
Sincerely,
R.C.
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About R.C Stephens
R.C. Stephens was born in Toronto, Canada. She graduated from York University with a Master’s Degree in Political Science.
R.C. is an avid reader, so when she isn’t cooking for her clan or on her laptop writing, she’s snuggled tight with her Kindle devouring any romance novel she can. She’s a fan of drama and suspense but she’s also a sucker for a happy ending.
Her husband was her first teenage love. They live together with their three children in Toronto. Loving Canadian winters she could never think of living anywhere else.
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