Wicked Ugly Bad (A Kinda Fairytale)

by Cassandra Gannon

  “Oh.” Ramona frowned down at her clipboard and made a note of that.

  “Also, he hasn’t made any progress.” Esmeralda muttered.

  “Nobody’s gonna have to tell the rest of the wolves that Letty’s Good.” Marrok retorted. “They’ll be able to scent it on her, just like I did.” He arched a brow at her. “You are ass deep in enemy territory, right now. Whole lotta Bad folk who are locked up in here don’t like your kind. No friends, no powers, no handsome prince… seem like your own people tossed you to the wolves.” He drew out the last part as if he thought it was just brilliant wordplay.

  “For the last time: I’m not Good.” All her life she’d been hearing things like that from her grandmother and they stung. Scarlett knew she could be Bad, if she just had a chance.

  “Well, baby, you’re the closest thing I’ve ever come to finding it.” His face got softer somehow. “The real kind of Good is pretty damn rare and you wear it like a perfume. No wonder I scare you.” Golden eyes stayed locked on blue for a long moment and then Marrok smiled at her. It wasn’t a smirk, he actually smiled. “Letty, do you really not know who I am?” He asked softly.

  Scarlett looked away, unnerved and confused by the gentle tone.

  “This topic is straying from our objective this week.” Ramona flashed Scarlett an annoyed glare, blaming her for capturing Marrok’s attention. “We’re supposed to be discussing ways you can all make amends for you wicked ways and live decent lives. Or, at least, as decent as you’re able, given what you are.”

  “Once again… life plus a century.” Avenant’s tone suggested Ramona had the IQ of a toadstool. “What possible difference could it make what kind of life I lead, if I’m destined to live it here amongst these hillbillies?”

  “Hillbillies?!” Esmeralda threw her hands up in exasperation. “He just said that! Come on, people! Words hurt.”

  “No one ever gets out of here.” Drusilla put in gloomily. Her eyes stayed fixed on the peeling paint. “No one ever has and no one ever will. Prince Avenant is right. It’s all hopeless.”

  Benji’s hand inched up.

  Everyone ignored him.

  “Avenant’s an ex-prince.” Rumpelstiltskin corrected snottily. “Being a prince and getting fired is worse than never being a prince, at all.” He clearly wasn’t over the whole “grimy basement dwellers” comment.

  “I was born a prince and I will die a prince.” Avenant retorted with icy distain. “That usurper may have my crown, but I am the one and only legitimate ruler of the Northlands. You would do well to remember that, troll.”

  Benji waved his hand like a kid wanting to be called on in class. “Doctor?”

  “No, we’re not doing this, again.” Marrok dragged his gaze from Scarlett long enough to glowered at Avenant. “We’re not gonna spend this whole time talking about you and that fucking crown. All we ever talk about is you and that fucking crown. I want to talk about sexual fantasies, for once. Last night, I had one starring a bossy redhead and this huge caldron of vanilla pudding…”

  Avenant cut him off. “Really? The pudding thing, again?” He rolled his eyes. “Ramona, there must be a better share circle I could join. Where was that guy who touches things and they turn to gold assigned? I should be in his group.”

  “Doctor!” Both of Benji’s hands waved impatiently.

  “Alright, Benji.” Ramona clearly would’ve preferred to discuss Marrok’s sexual perversions, but the ogre just wouldn’t let it go. “What would you like to share?”

  “Trevelyan got out of here, so it’s not hopeless.” Benji gave Dru a wise nod and settled back in his chair as if he was satisfied.

  Half the group cringed like they expected lightening to strike at the sound of the name.

  “The dragon got paroled from here and they locked up me and Dru?!” Scarlett shouted. That son-of-a-bitch sold magic and death to the highest bidder.

  “We don’t talk about Trevelyan.” Ramona nervously glanced towards the door. “Just know that he was a problem right from the beginning. I had to start holding special therapy sessions after our group sessions, just to deal with the trauma he inflicted during the first session.”

  “They didn’t let Trevelyan out.” Rumpelstiltskin corrected. “He escaped about five years ago. They try to keep it quiet, but…”

  Scarlett cut him off. “How?”

  “How what?”

  “How did he escape?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t really get a chance to ask him before he escaped.”

  “As if he would lower himself to talk to you, anyway.” Esmeralda scoffed. “Marrok knew him though, didn’t you, Wolf?”

  “We met.” Marrok said shortly.

  “You were in the same cell!” Ez snapped. “That’s more than just ‘meeting’ someone.”

  “Sad really.” Avenant mused. “Trevelyan was part of a majestic race. Doomed and enslaved by lesser beings, but majestic, none the less.” His gaze swept over the rest of the group with a sigh. “I know the feeling well.”

  Scarlett’s mind raced.

  Someone had escaped from here. Someone evil and way more powerful than her, but it could be done. You just had to have the guts to try something bold.

  Letty’s gaze slowly lifted to Drusilla. The royal wedding was in just a few days. This would be the last time Scarlett and Dru were in the same room together before then, so this was Scarlett’s only chance. No way would Charming or her grandmother be able to help her in time. It was all up to Letty.

  She had to do something.

  Now.

  Ramona made another effort to seize control of the conversation. “We really need to concentrate on our group work. Benji, why don’t you tell us about some of the personal goals you’ve striven towards this week?”

  “Well, I’ve been trying not to eat so many light bulbs…”

  He trailed off as Letty rose to her feet.

  “Scarlett, you mustn’t stand during share time.” Ramona scolded around her cigarette. “It doesn’t show good listening-ship.”

  “Ya know what, Ramona?” Scarlett turned and gripped the back of her chair. “I think I’m through sharing with you.”

  Hefting the chair up, she swung it right into the doctor’s head. She’d never hit anyone before, but it was so amazingly simple that Scarlett was shocked she hadn’t tried it sooner. Ramona toppled to the floor in an unconscious heap while the rest of the group gaped at Scarlett in shock.

  She stood over Ramona’s fallen body, the chair held an awkward angle, and arched a brow at Marrok. “Tell me again I’m not Bad.”

  Chapter Two

  A high IQ and delusions of grandeur are dangerous in any Baddie. In this patient, they seem particularly troublesome, though. To my highly trained mind, Scarlett’s firebrand tendencies and inability to know her place make her the most dangerous villain here.

  Psychiatric case notes of Dr. Ramona Fae

  “Wonderful.” Avenant rolled his eyes. “Letty’s killed the doctor. Now I’ll have to start all over with training another one to stand when I enter a room. It’ll take weeks.”

  “Luckily, you have life plus a century to get it right.” Esmeralda retorted. She bent down to pick up Ramona’s clipboard and flipped through the pages. “Geez, look at the shit she wrote about me. ‘Anger issues?’ ‘Lacking empathy?’ ‘Can’t take criticism?’ Hell, I’m glad the bitch is dead.”

  “She’s not dead!” Scarlett peered down at her victim and had no idea what to do next. “I just knocked her out a little bit.” She hesitated and glanced at Marrok. “Right?”

  “How am I supposed to know?” He casually leaned back and arched a brow. “I’m not the one who beat her skull with a folding chair.”

  “But you’re the most experienced criminal here, so I’m bowing to your expertise!” Scarlett inched closer to Ramona’s still form and tried not to hyperventilate. Her grandmother would expect her to stay calm. “I think she’s breathing. Oh, thank God. Don’t you think she’s breath
ing?”

  Marrok barely glanced down at the woman. “She’s breathing.”

  “She’s also unconscious.” Benji said worriedly. “Should we call someone in here to help her?”

  “No!” Rumpelstiltskin cast a frantic look towards the door. “That’s the last thing we need! They’ll blame the whole group for this. Throw us all in the dungeon. We have to get out of here!”

  “Oh, this isn’t going to look good on the weekly report.” Dru lamented. “Letty, you’ll be getting some demerits for sure.”

  “I’m not going to be around to get them.” Scarlett dragged her attention away from Ramona. “None of us are. Rumpelstiltskin’s right. We need to get out of here. All of us.” She nodded, convincing herself of her new plan even as she created it. “We’re escaping the WUB Club. It’s the only way.”

  Marrok’s mouth curved.

  “But, I’m finally making some real progress on my confidence issues in here…” Benji began.

  Avenant cut him off. “It’s impossible to escape. I say we turn Scarlett in and hope that Dr. White only punishes her. It’s our best option.”

  Marrok lazily shrugged. “Or we could blame you and finally get rid of your ass.”

  “I like that idea.” Esmeralda voted.

  “Two minutes ago you guys told me Trevelyan escaped.” Scarlett reminded them, drawing their attention back to her scheme. “It can be done.”

  “Are you also capable of turning into a fire-breathing monster?” Avenant asked snidely. “Because if you are, now’s the time to mention that. Otherwise, I don’t see how you plan on getting passed the guards…”

  “I don’t know exactly, but…”

  “…and the all the alarms…”

  “We’ll have to work out the details…”

  “…and the Lake of Forgetting…”

  “Obviously, that will be a problem…”

  “…and flying monkeys…”

  “Alright! I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but neither is spending the rest of your life locked up in here.” She glared at him. “Do you want to sit there in cheap sweatpants while someone else wears your crown around like a party hat up in the Northlands?”

  Avenant’s mouth thinned.

  “I didn’t think so.” Scarlett said regaining her confidence. She could do this. She just had to convince them that this was the only way. “Life plus a century, Avenant. This moment –right now-- is the only chance you will ever have of seeing your big icy castle, again. You know that.”

  He watched her broodingly, but he stopped talking about turning her in to the guards.

  Encouraged, Scarlett moved on to the others. “Do any of you want to be here? Even you Benji. Wouldn’t you be happier living under a nice bridge frightening trespassers?”

  He gave a dreamy sigh. “I love a good trespasser.”

  “Esmeralda?” Scarlett turned to the witch next. “Don’t you want to do magic, again?”

  “Of course I do! It’s the only thing I dream of. Casting spells… Turning people into frogs… Genetically engineering my gingerbread army…”

  “Well, you’ll never even get to say another hex unless you come with me. Wouldn’t you risk anything to regain your powers?”

  Esmeralda’s expression grew fervent. “Anything.”

  “Alright then.” Scarlett looked over at Rumpelstiltskin. “And you… while you’re stuck in here, who’s looking after all those cute little first borns you bargained for?”

  “Nannies. It’s costing me a fortune.”

  “Right. Don’t you want to get home to the kids?”

  “Mostly, I just don’t want to be here when the guards find out what you did to Dr. Ramona. Right now, I’m all about the running away.”

  “Whatever.” She didn’t care why he agreed, just so he agreed. “Marrok…?” Scarlett finally turned to the wolf, at a loss as to what argument she could use with him.

  He’d be released from the WUB Club soon, if for no other reason than he was the most popular Baddie in the tabloids. He made Good folk money and that was more important than his list of crimes. Why would he want to risk a life sentence on escape when he could just wait it out and be free to go back to his life of fame?

  Marrok arched a brow at her, waiting for her sales pitch. Every time he looked at her, Scarlett felt him seeing straight through to all her secret doubts and insecurities.

  “Just…” She exhaled heavily and didn’t even try for cleverness or subtly. It wouldn’t work to persuade him. Even discounting everything else, she expected him to refuse to go along with this just because he liked screwing with her. “Look, do you want to escape with me or not?” It was the only thing she could think to say.

  He lounged there, considering her with unreadable topaz eyes for a long moment. “What the hell.” He eventually drawled. “I got nothin’ else to do today, so… sure.”

  Scarlett blinked, amazed that it had been so easy to convince him. “Really? Because, if we’re caught, it’s an automatic life sentence.” She wasn’t sure why she was suddenly reminding him of that, but she couldn’t help it. Unlike the rest of them, Marrok shouldn’t go along with this plan. Logically, it was a poor decision, even for someone with such staggering impulse control problems. “In less than six months, your sentence is up anyway.”

  “I’m an impatient guy.” He lifted a shoulder in a lazy shrug. “Let’s start digging a tunnel.”

  If he was sure, she wasn’t about to push her luck. “No tunnel. We don’t have the time.” She looked over at Esmeralda. “If we got that spell inhibitor off your leg, could you blast a hole in the side of this building?”

  “No. The second I do anything that big, the magic sensors will go off and the whole place will get shut down with purple gas.” She gestured towards the vents in the ceiling. “They’ll pump it in here and everyone goes to sleep for a decade or two.”

  Rumpelstiltskin paled. “Oh God.” The purple fumes of the sleeping spell could only be broken by a True Love’s kiss and those were hard to come when you were sealed in a padded cell. He glowered at Scarlett. “You’ve completely fucked us over! They’ll never believe that you did this on your own! If we get caught, all seven of us will be gassed and locked up.”

  Scarlett ignored him, her attention on Esmeralda. “Could you conjure something smaller that wouldn’t set off the alarms? Could you maybe whip up a tiny spell to make yourself look like Ramona?”

  Esmeralda smirked. “I’m a level six witch. I could do a simple, undetected glamour that would fool Ramona’s own mother. But only if I get this bling off of me.” She pointed to the manacle on her ankle.

  “You think no one’s thought of cutting off their restraint?” Avenant snorted. “The second you remove the monitor, the guards will know it. It’s all hooked up to the computers. My first day here, I had that figured that out and you people still haven’t…”

  Scarlett interrupted him, her mind whirling. “We want the guards to know.”

  “We do? Are we stupid?”

  “Some of us aren’t.” Scarlett kept her eyes on Esmeralda. “If you make yourself look like Ramona, can you make Ramona look like you?”

  “Of course.”

  “Good. Benji?” She turned to the bridge ogre. “Are you strong enough to break that ankle cuff off of Ez?”

  “Oh, he’s strong enough.” Dru volunteered hazily. “Remember how he shared that he once lifted the entire Eastlands Bridge to get those bratty goats?”

  Benji winced. “I’m not supposed to use my strength to do evil, though. It’s part of working my steps…”

  “This isn’t evil!” Scarlett insisted. “We’re saving the Four Kingdoms by escaping.”

  Benji blinked. “Saving them from what?”

  “From my wicked stepsister Cinderella, of course! Trust me, okay? This is the only way.”

  “It is?” Benji hesitated and glanced over at Marrok. “Are you sure Scarlett’s really Good?”

  “Oh, she’s Good enough to eat.” G
olden eyes glowed hot as Marrok watched Scarlett pace. All this rule breaking was like a lupine aphrodisiac. “My journal entry about today’s meeting is gonna be epic, by the way. I’m feeling a lot of personal growth in some real interesting areas, Red.”

  “Just sit there and be quiet.” Scarlett jabbed a finger at him, all her focus centered on her rapidly developing plan. “I’m about to make you a hero.”

  ***

  “So that’s when the witch somehow pulled off her own restraint and flung herself at me like a beautiful and deadly panther. I think she’d seen my stupid clipboard and realized that I’d been writing down sordid lies about her mental state. I’m very jealous of her, you see, and use my middle management position…”

  “Dr. Ramona.” Scarlett bit off. “The guards just want to hear how we stopped Esmeralda from escaping. Not about your hard work here in group.” She shined a smile at the two security dwarfs who were taking a report on the incident. “They’re very busy men.”

  “Oh, right.” Esmeralda, in her magically created “Ramona” disguise, flipped back her hair and frowned when the move didn’t come off with her usually flair. Ramona’s short blonde pixie cut didn’t swing like the witch’s long curls. “So anyway, while the magnificent Esmeralda attacked me --looking super glamorous, by the way-- I cowered to the floor, praying for my own quick death.”

  “We were all praying for that.” Avenant concurred.

  “We’re all going to be gassed.” Rumpelstiltskin muttered, rocking back and forth in his seat. His gaze stayed fixed on the real Ramona’s unconscious form.

  Magic now had the doctor looking just like Esmeralda usually looked, right down to the red sweat suit. The broken manacle was strategically arranged next to her body. Unless you were a wolf, and could smell the difference in the woman’s scent, no one would be able to tell who she actually was.

  “That’s when Marrok heroically stopped her rampage.” Scarlett put in. “He knocked Esmeralda unconscious with his Wolfball skills and saved the day. Didn’t you, Marrok?”

  “Nope.”

  Damn it! She’d known his brief moment of cooperation wouldn’t last. Scarlett’s teeth ground together. “Yes, you did, remember?”