Can't Let Go

by David Horne

  The lawyer said nothing. Joshua watched the man’s Adam’s apple bob before he swallowed.

  “Different case, you don’t have to represent her on that case too, do you? I mean it’s one thing to have a murder trial. That’s expensive. As soon as she’s done with one, no matter what the outcome, she’s going to stand trial again for the murder of Gordon Green.” Joshua smiled at Jane. “Isn’t that right, Lydia.” He shuffled paperwork from the file. He handed it over to her attorney. “Lydia’s also being charged with fraud,” he said. “She obtained a new social security card and falsified documents. After the death of her first husband, Lydia applied for and received a new social security card using a forged birth certificate in the name of Jane Stickels.”

  Joshua stood up; he’d exhausted the paperwork from the file. “I think the DA might have a deal on the table for your client. In case you want to avoid two murder trials.” He turned to leave the small room. “I’ll let the officers know to collect Miss Green now.” He snapped his fingers. “I almost forget to tell you. She’s being charged with conspiracy to commit murder because her boyfriend, Patrick Newman attempted to kill Homicide Detective Nora Tamblyn. She’s recovering, by the way. She’ll make an excellent witness.” He opened the door and frowned at Lydia. “What were you looking for in Stuart’s house? What was so important that you and Pat kept going back?” He shook his head. “You know what, it doesn’t matter. I don’t really care. What I care about is you’re going to jail for life, lady. You might get off one murder charge. But I doubt it. Your boyfriend is already singing. When you’re charged with Gordon Green’s murder, you’ll be facing me on the witness stand.” He smiled at her and her attorney.

  “Be seeing you.” He closed the door.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  There was a sense of absolution within the camaraderie of the house. Trevor felt compassion among the people who meandered throughout the house and back yard. There were Fredericksburg police officers, both in civilian clothes and uniforms chortling and talking about the last few days. Some neighbors dropped by invited and uninvited wanting to know why so many police cars lined the street along their homes. Trevor even saw Jim Hocking; the nosy neighbor wormed his way through the open front door without a direct invitation. When Jim saw Trevor, he looked away and shuffled toward the front door again. Trevor managed to catch up to the man.

  “What are you drinking, Jim?” he asked lightly, placing a gentle hand on Jim’s back.

  “Um, beer is fine.” He looked apprehensively at Trevor as if expecting a punch line that included him leaving their house.

  Trevor smiled at Jim. “There is plenty of food out there. A lot of people are bringing too much food for any of us to keep. Please grab a plate out back. Enjoy yourself, Jim. You’re welcome here.”

  He left Jim alone, standing in the living room, surrounded by various members of law enforcement, and hopefully feeling welcomed in their home.

  Shifting through the bodies standing in the kitchen was done with smiles and gentle hands on backs. Trevor was the perfect host, trying to leave no one without a drink in their hand, or snacks available. People helped put together hors d'oeuvres. Trevor didn’t mind the extra hands. He enjoyed the company. Many of the faces were new, and all were welcome.

  He grabbed a glass, poured the recent alcohol concoction from the blender into a pitcher, dumped some into the glass from the pitcher, and moved out of the kitchen.

  Through the sliding glass door, beyond the patio, he watched the only person who mattered most to him — a man he’d loved for more years than it was worth to recall. To Trevor, there was no one else for him. Joshua was a man he modeled all relationships against. He was thought-provoking, limitless, and at times, provocative. Joshua stood in the back yard, on the opposite side of the smoke from the barbeque grill. In the sunshine, he wore a loose, button-down, short-sleeved, cotton shirt and cargo shorts. He was barefoot in the grass, standing beside Nora.

  The woman continued to make a speedy recovery from the gunshot wound to her abdomen. While she didn’t like the confinement of the wheelchair, Nora relented to sitting in it, allowing her body to heal, while others waited on her at the celebration.

  Trevor was part of their life. He wasn’t an outsider looking in. He was a member of their immediate family. He and Joshua had twenty solid years living together, growing together, and sharing secrets and love together. Nora was their daughter. She saw Trevor as a man who her father loved and cherished and brought Trevor into her life with open arms.

  He watched father and daughter chatting and laughing with her immediate supervisor and a man who stood on the other side of the chair, next to Joshua. Trevor saw the man’s hand resting on Nora’s chair near her shoulder. There was intimacy there and Nora, the strong independent woman who held rank above her lovers, didn’t brush off the affection.

  Joshua responded to something. Trevor saw him dig the phone out of his pocket. It was Friday afternoon, and his face stopped smiling when he read the text he received. Joshua looked up from the phone and found Trevor standing on the patio watching him from a distance.

  Joshua broke away from his daughter and moved toward Trevor.

  “What’s up?” he asked when they were a few feet apart. He followed Joshua move through the house, heading to a place he could have some privacy. Trevor followed.

  “It’s a text from the doctor. He wants me to call him.”

  “When?” Trevor’s heart skipped.

  “Now, I guess.”

  The phone rested in the palm of his hand like something that had the power to destroy him entirely.

  Trevor took Joshua’s face in his hands. Face to face; he smiled at him. “You know I love you.”

  “Yes,” Joshua replied. “I love you too.”

  “I know that. You know whatever you find out, we’re in it together. It doesn’t matter to me what the doctor tells you.”

  “I know you say that—”

  Trevor’s lips pressed against Joshua’s mouth stopped him from saying anything more. He embraced Trevor; arms wound tight around him. They held each other in the master bedroom. The door closed; the rest of the celebration went on without knowing Joshua’s condition. Only three people knew about what he’d been through over the last few weeks.

  The rest of the people at the party were celebrating the closure of Stuart’s murder. The department honored Joshua for his work in solving a twenty-year cold case, linking Stuart’s murderer to Gordon Green’s death.

  “Make the call. I’m right here with you.”

  ***

  There was music playing, the summer scent of barbeque heavy in the air. Joshua and Trevor moved from the bedroom together. Joshua sought out Trevor’s hand as they walked through the house, passing between and around officers that saw Joshua as a great man, an excellent detective, and an inspiration to the police department. Trevor held tight to Joshua’s hand. While the man was indifferent, mostly distant about public displays of affection, for that moment, to Trevor, it felt as if Joshua wanted his former colleagues, and the rest of the world to know they were together, forever.

  Nora watched them emerge from the house. The look between them she picked up immediately. She handed off a bottle of beer to her date and started rolling the wheelchair across the lawn to meet her father and Trevor.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Josh got a call from the doctor,” Trevor said.

  Joshua bent over Nora, held her and kissed her cheek.

  “Are you okay?” she whispered in his ear. Trevor stood beside them. There were others around, he noticed, who had picked up on their interaction.

  “I’m going to be just fine.” Joshua went on to explain. “They want me to keep checking back with them. I have to go through some more testing, but there’s nothing they see to worry about.”

  Nora made a face at her father. “Are you really going to go to the doctor’s like you’re supposed to?”

  “I have someone right here
who will make sure I do.”

  “I will,” Trevor added.

  “I love you, Dad. I worry about you?”

  Joshua stood up straight, looking at her. “How can you worry about me? Who just solved an old murder case?”

  “Don’t gloat,” Trevor said.

  “This isn’t the start of something, is it?” Nora asked. “You’re not going to start looking at other cases you didn’t solve.”

  Trevor and Joshua shared a look between them as if they’d been caught in a conspiracy.

  “Look, I don’t need the two of you—”

  “This is a celebration,” Trevor started. He’d raised his voice and threw out his hands. She had nothing to add to her statement. The glowering look was enough.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The party was over, the guests all went home. Joshua felt they’d made some new friends with neighbors. He helped Trevor collect the rest of the available dishes, put away the leftovers, and turned off the outside lights.

  “I don’t think there’s any more room in the fridge.” Trevor stood up, wiped his hands on a dish towel after he closed the refrigerator door.

  “We’ll be eating leftovers for a while.” Joshua put away the glassware. “I hope you were able to unload some of the casseroles and salads.”

  “I gave away what I could.” The conversation was ordinary and light. The kind of wordplay couples have when they’re not worried about MRI results, or murders next door. “I’ll go across the street tomorrow and give more to Jim.”

  “That’s a good idea.” Joshua nodded. “You know, he’s an interesting guy. I learned a lot about his military career.”

  “So, you think you’re interested in maybe going to New York with me in August.”

  “What’s in New York?”

  “I have a colleague who’s having a lecture on Spanish-American art. They’re having a show at the museum.” Trevor wanted Joshua to accompany him. Sometimes he traveled alone when an interesting art show came up. It wasn’t that Joshua didn’t appreciate art; Trevor knew he sometimes felt out of place when socializing with people in the art world. He teased him with, “Maybe there’ll be a major theft during the show and you’ll have to solve the mystery.”

  “Are you being funny at my expense?” Joshua grinned at Trevor.

  They moved from the kitchen, turning off lights inside the house as they went. When they reached the bedroom, Trevor left the bedroom door open as Joshua turned on the light.

  “I’ll go with you,” Joshua finally said. “But only because you might need to solve a mystery.”

  “And not because of the beautiful artwork you’ll encounter.”

  “Nothing like that.”

  They began to undress.

  “I think you’ve lost weight,” Trevor noted once Joshua unbuttoned and shed his shirt.

  “Are you saying I was fat?” he joked.

  Trevor smiled but refused to play along. He slipped off the deck shoes, pulled off the t-shirt and wandered to the bathroom. “Come shower with me,” he said.

  Joshua followed Trevor, shedding the rest of his clothes as he walked.

  In the shower, they took turns washing each other’s back. When they were clean, having rinsed away the smell of grilled hotdogs, Joshua stood before Trevor and smiled.

  “What’s on your mind?” Trevor asked seeing the smile.

  “Everything, actually,” he responded. “It’s refreshing to think clearly, without the worry that something might be going on inside here.” He tapped his temple. “I was worried I’d continue to live but forget who I am.”

  “I’d take care of you.”

  “I know.” He pressed a hand on Trevor’s shoulder. “You know what worried me most about all this. I was worried I’d lose you.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Joshua closed his eyes and shook his head. “No, I meant I’d lose you inside. I’d see this elegant, handsome man looking at me with adoration and I’d lose you to the point where I’d see you but not experience you.”

  “You think you’d stop loving me if that happened?” Trevor smiled, trying to keep it light.

  “Every time I see you, I see the man I fell in love with the first time I saw you. I see this tall, attractive man from across the room, the kind of man I can’t take my eyes off. I think if I had to see you every day it’s the same as it is now. I just fall in love with you every day.”

  “I don’t mind having to relive our time together if it came to that. We can talk about the past and make plans for the future.”

  Joshua regarded Trevor for a long quiet moment. Trevor turned off the shower. The water dripped from them. “I think we should start making plans for the future.”

  “No more solving old mysteries?” He gave Joshua a bath towel after he opened the shower door.

  “You can’t fault me for that,” Joshua said defensively. “It just fell into my lap.” He toweled off. “I had no idea the homicide department wanted to hire me to follow-up on other cold cases.”

  “I like falling into your lap.” Trevor smiled at Joshua. “And I’m glad you’re going to do something you want to do.”

  “We should do that more too.”

  “Which part?” Trevor asked.

  “Well, both,” Joshua said. “I loved having you with me when we went to talk to the pathologist. But I was commenting about falling into each other’s laps.”

  “If I had a choice, I don’t think I want to visit the coroner’s office again.”

  “Not even as a consultant for cold cases?”

  Trevor wrapped a towel around his waist. Joshua continued to dry off. He felt Trevor taking in his body, felt the stirring in him. The smile was too hard to fight. They moved from the bathroom to the master bedroom and turned off the light.

  In the subtle glow of the nightlight in the room, they made love. They were young again, filled with the spirit and vitality they gave to each other. It was a love that was everlasting and a life together that had no end.