by Diana Fraser
Laura turned away suddenly but not before Max glimpsed a look of shock, which reverberated deep inside him. “Are you okay?”
She brushed the back of her hand across her forehead. “I guess.” She shrugged and looked around, her hand reaching for the silver locket she always wore. “This place, the idea of being trapped here, gives me the creeps.”
“I didn’t think anything spooked you.”
He followed her gaze around the steaming center of the island, the yellow, orange and dun-colored ground, and the ruins of the buildings and jetty which stuck out into the blue sea as if trying to escape.
“Nothing much does. But this does.” Despite the heat, she shivered.
“Why?” He asked the question lightly but he really wanted to know the answer.
She closed her eyes as if trying to understand her feelings, as if trying to make a shape or a form from the swirl of feelings he could see she was overwhelmed by.
“Because I can’t see it.”
He chucked under her chin. “You might if you open your eyes,” he said with a smile.
She opened them and her expression was deadly serious. His smile dropped.
“The fire, I mean,” said Laura. “There are no flames, nothing I can deal with. It’s hidden. Like a time bomb waiting to go off. An unstable time bomb which you can’t control, but is inescapable. It terrifies me.”
Before he could pull her into his arms to try to wipe out that look of fear she turned away and walked toward the jetty. Looked like she was going to sit out the wait for the helicopter on the end of the old jetty, as far away from this island as possible.
While Max phoned the helicopter pilot, he watched Laura and thought that, rather than learning more about her, he’d simply discovered there was a whole lot more to her than he’d realized. And also he’d plumbed depths of his own feelings he hadn’t known to exist. The more he knew about her, the more he needed to know, the more he needed to grapple with his own feelings for her.
Maybe his next challenge would help him there. He’d ticked off ‘fire’, that left earth and wind.
The next challenge didn’t happen until a week later, to allow for Laura’s sponsorship commitments. He hadn’t seen her as she did a whistle-stop tour of Queensland, which was just as well as, since the wedding, the demand for the Lodge’s facilities and for his own appearances had multiplied exponentially.
Chelsey and Kelly’s plans for both their businesses was succeeding beyond everyone’s wildest imagination. They were happy and Max was pleased with the effect on the Lodge. But he was less pleased to find he couldn’t stop thinking about the woman who’d be leaving his life for good in a few short months. Physically, she stirred him, mentally, she engaged him, and emotionally, she intrigued him. To be stirred, engaged and intrigued all at once was something which had never happened before. And he wasn’t sure he liked it. Particularly if it wasn’t reciprocated. And he had no idea what Laura felt toward him. But he was determined, as well as discovering more about what lay at the heart of her, to find out what she her feelings, if any, were toward him.
“I decided to leave the wind until last. It’s earth today. We’re going caving.”
Laura swallowed. How come Max knew what buttons to press, which things she least liked? She’d been down caves before but had never enjoyed it. But she wasn’t about to tell anyone that. In her experience if she admitted to a fear, it usually made it worse.
“So what is it with your choice of challenge—Earth, Wind and Fire?”
“I was brought up listening to 1970s soul music. Earth, Wind and Fire was my mom’s favorite band.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard them.”
“Your education has been sorely lacking. I’ll remedy that as soon as we get back to the Lodge. In the meantime”—he opened the door of the four-wheel drive—“let’s get going.”
“We’re not alone on this one, then,” she said, indicating the two guides who were walking ahead of them through the underground passage.
“No. I’m no expert. I’ve been caving a few times, but you don’t muck about with caves. There’s water down there and not much room to maneuver.
She swallowed. “When you say not much room to maneuver, how much exactly?”
He considered. “Well, there are a couple of places where we’ll have to take our helmets off in order to pass through.”
Nausea washed through her. She turned away so that he wouldn’t see the flush in her cheeks. Take their hats off? How damn narrow was this place?
“It’s fine though, really,” continued Max. “Once you’re inside the cathedral cave it makes it all worthwhile.”
“Okay,” she said loudly, trying to convince herself. “That sounds great. Let’s get going, shall we?”
Adrenaline spurred her on. She kept moving, not daring to stop in case she had a chance to reflect on how many hundreds of meters of rock and earth were above her. She wriggled along the ground on her stomach, following the person ahead of her, took off her hat when she was told to, passed it to someone and wriggled through, all the time thinking, I’m going to have to do this again.
Sheer grit and determination kept her moving forward. It was only when she felt a change in the air, could hear the sound of running water, that she relaxed. Suddenly they emerged into a huge cavern whose top she couldn’t see and her fears were forgotten. The guides moved their torches around the space, highlighting dripping orange stalactites, and stone the color of marble, steel and pale gold.
Max stepped up beside her. “What do you think?”
“It’s amazing! I’ve never seen anything like it.” She flashed her light up high. “I can’t even see the top.”
“It’s hundreds of feet high. It’s part of a huge underground network, only part of which has been explored. It’s not open to the public. It’s too risky.”
“Now you tell me.” She was only partly joking.
“You’re not worried, are you?”
Before she could respond, one of the guides shouted something to Max.
He turned to her with a grin. “Lights out.”
“What?”
“We’re turning our lights out to get the full impact of this place.”
He leaned over and switched hers out, then his, as the guides did the same with all of their light sources. From a place of wonder, the cavern turned into a place of fear. Nothing but blackness, silent except for the water, and its cool damp rising to chill her even further.
Laura cried out. She couldn’t help it, wasn’t even aware of it, as Max’s hand gripped her arm.
“It’s okay,” he said through the darkness. He pulled her to him, and switched their lights on. He called to the others who did the same. “It’s okay. Everything’s fine. It’s just a trick they do, to show people just how dark it is down here.”
She couldn’t stop shaking and allowed herself to be folded into Max’s arms, needing his warmth and reassurance. She couldn’t have said how long she stayed that way but eventually Max pulled away. “Time’s moving on, Laura. You okay to get going?”
He turned his torch on her and she nodded, and then grimaced as the memory of the squeeze spaces returned. “Through those tiny spaces again?”
“I think we’ll leave those behind. There’s another way. A way I think you’ll approve of. Come on, I’ll show you.”
They walked carefully along the slippery rocks to where the water rushed by and disappeared down into the rock. There were rubber rings stacked to one side.
“Ever heard of black water rafting?” he asked.
She put her head back and laughed as the sound echoed around them, filling the space with sound of pure relief.
Fully recovered, Laura did a bit of filming before climbing into her rubber ring. She fixed her GoPro onto her helmet alongside the torch and grinned at Max who was getting into his. Holding tightly on to the sides, with one guide in the front, Max and the other guide behind, they were off, shooting through the fast-mov
ing water, the darkness punctuated by the shifting lights from the top of their helmets.
Despite these lights, Laura was overwhelmed by the darkness, and the power of the rock and the rushing water, the currents of air rushing past her face. She’d never known anything like it—in equal parts terrifying and awe-inspiring. They bumped against rocks, protected by the inflatable rings. At times the ceiling was low and her light revealed scrapes from helmets when the water must have been at a higher level. She thanked God that there had been little rain recently and the water was running low.
She thought she’d never forget that short time, spent rapidly descending through the mountain. The sheer thrill, unnerving darkness, shifting images as the lights on their helmets illuminated different parts of the caves, of each other, of the way ahead, all at once as each of them twisted and raced down the column of swiftly flowing water.
Then, suddenly, before she was ready, a light appeared, rapidly increasing in size and the water shot out of it and dumped them into the river. They all laughed as they drifted toward the shore.
Laura was trembling as she stepped out.
Max helped her. “Are you okay?”
“I’ve never been so scared, or so thrilled, in all my life.”
“Cool. Job done, then.”
It wasn’t until later, at dinner, that Max asked the question which had been bugging him ever since they’d returned from caving. They weren’t alone but at least they were out of earshot of anyone else.
“Are you going to tell me what that was all about?”
Laura looked up with a false expression of inquiry, which he’d come to realize she used whenever she wanted to avoid an issue. “What was what all about?”
“Laura McKinney. We may not have known each other long but sometimes I reckon I know you better than most people—Kelly excluded. But you’re hiding something, something which you’re avoiding thinking about.”
“Is that right?” She smiled at the waiter and asked for a top up of water. They exchanged a few words and Laura signed a napkin, ostensibly for the waiter’s daughter, but Max doubted it. There seemed to be no age limits to people susceptible to Laura’s charm. She turned back to Max with a smile. She lifted her glass of Champagne. “So what are we drinking to tonight?”
He sat back and considered her. She’d be gone in a few short months. He could let it go. He didn’t need to go deeper with her. But, as the silence lengthened and her eyes flashed with something like nervousness, he knew he had to.
He raised his glass. “The truth. Can you accept that as a challenge?”
She kept her eyes on his. “Of course. You know me.” Her lips twisted into a wry smile. “The truth!” They clinked glasses and she sat back in her chair and crossed her arms in a defensive gesture.
He sat forward, elbows on the table. It unnerved her further. Good. “What made you so scared down there?”
She shrugged lightly. “In the cave? Who doesn’t have a few irrational fears?”
“You don’t.”
Her lip trembled slightly and then she did something she never did. She averted her gaze.
He reached forward and took her hands in his. A dozen flash lights lit the restaurant. Startled, he glanced around. He’d forgotten the damned paparazzi were still around. Laura didn’t appear to notice. It was back to front, he thought. She only noticed things when she was alone.
“It was so dark when our lamps went out. I want to feel things, you know? I go out of my way to feel, but when it’s dark… it’s like there’s nothing left. All I feel is empty. All I feel…” She looked up with tears in her eyes. It shocked him more than anything. “Is the opposite of alive.”
“Ah,” he said. Something slotted into place. Not the last piece, for sure. But something that made the puzzle that was Laura, more understandable.
“It makes sense. Sensory deprivation is used in torture.”
“But I’m not being tortured.”
“Aren’t you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Seems to me like you’re torturing yourself.”
“Thanks for the analysis. But I’m fine. Nothing I can’t handle.”
He paused and thought back to what she’d told him about her past. “So… how long is it since you were sick? When you were a child?”
She sighed. “I don’t know what made me tell you that. I shouldn’t have.”
“Yes, you should. I’m not going to tell anyone. I’m simply trying to understand. How long?”
“Around seven years.”
“And you’ve been moving around for?”
“Seven years.”
“What is it you’re looking for?”
She sat back and opened her arms, exasperated. “Isn’t that obvious?”
“Not to me, it’s not.”
“I want to feel alive… I want to feel everything.”
“And it’s working okay? This feeling ‘alive’ and then moving on. Never stopping to look at yourself. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look in the mirror.”
A flare of panic lit her eyes. She shrugged. “So?”
“It’s pretty unusual for a beautiful woman not to ever look in the mirror.”
She didn’t speak and he suddenly realized he still had hold of her hands.
“Laura. I’m sorry for probing, but I want to get to the bottom of this because I feel there’s something you’re running from.”
“But that’s not your problem. I’ll be gone soon.”
“So there’s no point in hiding anything from me. I like you. I really like you. Why not open up? You never know, it might help.”
“Help you or me?”
“You.”
“I don’t like seeing my image in the mirror. It makes me panic.” She mumbled the words, sending darting looks across the room as she spoke. “I know it’s weird. I make a joke of it to Kelly, but it’s real.”
He was surprised but he didn’t show it. “What do you see when you look in the mirror?”
“I see someone who looks like me but who isn’t me. I don’t know who it is.” Her eyes were wide with fear.
“I don’t know what that means. But I sure as hell can find out. But I’d bet whatever you like, that it’s associated with your childhood illness. You’ve been running from yourself. You need to stop.”
As Laura remonstrated briefly before rising to talk with some of her fans, Max sat back and watched her. He’d gotten closer to understanding her. For all her beauty and bravery, she was wounded, at the core. He’d known something was amiss from day one and it had intrigued him. Now he’d uncovered it he’d discovered, to his dismay, that while the intrigue had been solved, his need to do something about it hadn’t. He was in deeper than he’d imagined.
9
“A family wedding! Will Laura stop avoiding her gorgeous husband and accept the invitation?” @TellTaleGirl #anotherwedding
Max tapped the gold-embossed invitation against the back of his old sofa. Seems he wasn’t the only one with marriage on his mind. His sister Lizzi and good mate, Pete, hadn’t wasted any time before becoming engaged and he and Laura were invited to the wedding at Akaroa at the weekend. He’d go—he wouldn’t miss it for the world. But Laura? He had no idea. As soon as they’d returned from the caving trip, she’d disappeared—out chasing challenges, trouble and avoiding anything that smacked of emotional issues. And not necessarily in that order.
He knew the trip had affected her deeply and he’d hoped she’d open up about her problems. He knew they had no future, but during the few months they’d be together he’d hoped to get to know her better, and maybe even help her to face whatever was bugging her. But she’d run. And Max had no clue when he’d see her again.
When he’d received the invitation he’d let Kelly know, but Kelly had been evasive about Laura’s movements. And he hadn’t received a reply from Laura. He’d had enough.
He grabbed his phone and sent a text through to Lizzi. He’d respond to the i
nvitation. Only him, not Laura. Besides, he thought, chances were that Laura and her entourage would derail the wedding. It was Lizzi’s day and he wanted only the best for his kid sister. He shot another text through to Kelly before tossing down the phone. Job done.
Laura flopped down into the chair and stretched her aching limbs. Weird, she hadn’t felt this tired in years. Must be all this aggro she was receiving from Kelly.
“Satisfied?” asked Kelly, twisting the screen so Laura could see the comments streaming through on her YouTube channel. Laura glanced over and looked away. She didn’t like reading the comments which called into question her relationship with Max, not least because she agreed with them. She was avoiding him—but not for the reasons her fans were putting forward.
“It’s fine. They’ll come round.”
“You think?” Kelly rose and came over to Laura. “You’re not invincible! Your career could stop just like that.” She snapped her fingers. “And then what?”
“And then…” She shrugged. “I’ll do something different.”
Kelly gripped Laura by her shoulders. “You have to listen to me. You can’t keep on running. I thought this time, with Max, you might actually accept the challenge of allowing yourself to feel something for someone.”
Laura frowned. “The challenge was nothing about feeling, it was about marriage.”
Kelly shook her head and let Laura go. “Only you could think that they were two different things.”
Laura didn’t reply because Kelly was wrong. Laura might have thought once that they were different things, but not now. She did feel things for Max, things she didn’t want to feel, things she was determined to walk away from.
“We’ve got to put this right, Laura. No more running away. Now, Max has declined an invitation for you to attend Lizzi and Pete’s wedding in Akaroa.”
Laura looked up, all attention. “Lizzi? Akaroa? Oh!” The strength of the appeal of seeing Max’s siblings again, as well his father, and Akaroa, surprised Laura.