by Diana Fraser
Kelly shrugged. “Maybe someone who wants to win the challenge?”
“But that so isn’t fair.” She read through the challenge. “How could anyone—” She stopped suddenly as she looked at the person who’d posted it. “Max!” She frowned. “Really? Max?”
“Yep.”
She read through the challenge more carefully, aware of the sudden, familiar thrill coursing through her body, just as it always had when she’d read through prospective challenges.
“Wind. The last of the three challenges. Wind. But he’s not saying what it is. This is some kind of notice of a challenge. I’m not going to find out what it is until a few hours before it happens. What should I do?”
“Prepare, and then accept it when it comes. Simple.”
“No, it’s not simple. I’m sick.”
“You’re not sick anymore. You’re on the mend.”
“Maybe, but not on the mend enough to deal with a challenge like this. Wind? What can he mean?”
“Only one way to find out.”
Laura slumped back in the bed. “I don’t know.”
“What don’t you know?”
“Max. I mean, the wedding is due to be annulled soon.”
“No one is going to sue you if you don’t accept that challenge, you know.”
“I know.”
“Do you want to annul your marriage?”
She looked up into Kelly’s eyes and shook her head. “No, I don’t.”
“Does Max want to?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it. In fact, he’s studiously avoided it. I don’t know what he’s thinking.”
“I’ve a pretty good idea. He doesn’t want to annul the marriage and he doesn’t want you to leave.”
“You’re guessing. How could you know?”
“Because I see how he is with you, and I see how you are with him. You’re the same.”
Laura narrowed her gaze. “For some reason you want me to stay with him, don’t you?”
“I can tell you the reason if you haven’t guessed it. I think you’re good together. I think he’s opened up a part of you which you’ve kept locked down for too long. I think you’ll be happier with him, than without him.”
Laura just looked at Kelly, stunned. “You’ve never said anything like that before.”
“Because I didn’t think I needed to. Because I wanted you to get there on your own.”
“I have. At least I think I have.”
“You don’t have to run anymore, Laura.”
“Is that what you think I’ve been doing?”
“No, it’s what I know you’ve been doing. Do me a favor and talk it through with Max. It’s time to make a few changes. Okay? Just talk with him, that’s all I’m asking.”
Laura nodded. “Okay. I will. I mean, I’ve been trying to figure out a way of bringing it up but with Mom and Dad nearby, we haven’t had a minute on our own.”
“Now’s your moment so grab it with both hands. Starting with this challenge! Signal your interest and then accept it when he tells you what it is.” Kelly leaned over to the keyboard and was about to signal Laura’s interest but Laura took her hand and pulled it away and met her gaze before resolutely leaning forward and entering a smiley face with a thumbs-up.
“There, happy now?”
“Not yet.” Kelly rose with a smug smile and walked toward the door. “But I will be.” She opened the door and turned to her. “And so will you. Oh, and if you want anything just phone.”
It wasn’t until after Kelly had closed the door that Laura realized the phone was over by the door, at least half-a-dozen steps away. “Kelly!” she called. But there was no response. She’d moved the damn phone on purpose to get Laura out of bed.
Annoyance gave Laura strength and she swung her legs off the bed. She quickly looked away from her legs which she could see had become skinnier beneath her pyjama pants. She gripped the side table and pushed herself to standing. She stood for a few seconds to let a slight dizziness pass and then took a step forward. Her foot rolled and her knees and legs took the strain, remembering what they had to do, despite the fact she’d grown weaker over the past months. But her heart was fine. All the doctors had agreed on that. She wouldn’t make herself worse by moving. By exercising, she’d make herself better. She took another step and then another and grunted with relief when she gripped the table and picked up the phone. She dialed Kelly’s number.
“And Kelly? I need physios. I need to get strong again.”
Max had been as good as his word. The day of the challenge he posted what it was actually going to be.
“How the hell does he expect me to sled through the Southern Alps, and at night, too?” She pushed the laptop away. “It’s impossible!”
“Nothing’s impossible, Laura. You’ve proved that. Let’s look through the challenge carefully, see if there’s anywhere where we can tweak it.”
“I don’t tweak challenges,” Laura replied darkly.
“You do now,” Kelly said absently as she re-read it. “If you want to win this challenge, you’ll have to.”
“Give it here.” Laura took the laptop and typed “ACCEPTED!!!” at the bottom.
Then she sat back and bit her fingernails. “I have no stamina! How the hell does he think I’m going to sled down a slope?”
“I guess you just sit there, do you? I don’t know, I’ve never sledded. I’ve always sat and watched you from the sidelines.”
“No! You have to move. You have to lean into the curves, you have to steer the damn thing. You have to move muscles which I don’t have anymore.” She chewed her lip as she thought it through. It would be suicide. She didn’t have the strength. But there was a stubborn part of her that wouldn’t give up. “I’m going to the gym.”
“You’ve spent the morning with the physios.”
“And I need to work harder, if I’m to survive this damn sledding descent.”
Kelly helped her get dressed in her gym gear, which was now loose on her. She’d lost muscle. She’d have to work to get it back, that was if she didn’t collapse in the process.
Max held the door open for Laura who froze on the doorstep and looked back at him with panic written all over her face. It made him sad and determined at the same time.
“Max! I thought you told me no one would be here.”
“Did I?” he grinned. “I must have lied.”
But Laura didn’t smile and Max didn’t waver. “I can’t face them, Max, I can’t.” She tried to step back but Kelly, who exchanged glances with Max, blocked the way. “They’ll all be looking at me.”
“You never found that a problem before.”
“That was then. I’m not the same person.”
He took her hands. Bravado wouldn’t cut it. Maybe talking would. “You’re exactly the same person, deep down. You’re just a little more afraid now. And you know, as well as me, the only way to beat fear is to face it. You can’t stay inside, away from people forever. Come on. Trial by fire. I won’t leave your side.” Still she didn’t move. He suddenly remembered the words to her favorite David Bowie song. “We can be heroes…” he said.
“Just for one day,” Laura whispered, finishing off the lyric. It did the trick. She nodded and he took her hand and opened the door.
“Laura!” The shouts came from all around. She smiled as she recognized some of the voices. They were all there, encouraging her, willing her on. Max hoped it would be enough.
“Hey!” She smiled and turned to them, letting go of Max’s hand. He knew she didn’t want people to think he was supporting her and he felt even more proud of her.
“How are you feeling, Laura?” called a photographer.
“Great, thanks. You?”
She chatted with the photographers and her fans and accepted their best wishes before moving on, guided by Max. They walked slowly across to the SUV and stopped. “So we’re not sledding here at the Lodge, then?”
“No. Hop in the car and we’
ll get going.”
“Hop?” She gave an adorable lop-sided grin. “Clamber ungracefully, more like.”
Strange, Max thought, she seemed softer somehow now. Her collapse might have knocked her for six, shaking the bravado with which she’d always faced life, but he felt, in some strange way, he could see the real her now. And he liked what he saw.
As she raised one leg on the high step to enter the vehicle, Max automatically reached out to help her. But one determined glance from Laura and he stepped away. A collective hush settled around the place, as if everyone was holding their breath, as Laura pushed off and stepped with apparent, but studied, ease into the vehicle. She sat down and looked around triumphantly. “What are you waiting for?”
The breath was released and a few cheers drifted on the cold icy air. Max smiled and closed the door behind her and jumped in the driver’s seat.
“Better buckle up, the road’s icy.”
She whooped as he drove quickly but expertly down the gravel road and turned right, not toward Wanaka, but up to the top of the Crown Range road—New Zealand’s highest main road.
They turned off the road up a snowy track and pulled in at a barn in which a half-dozen Alaskan Malamute dogs stood barking. She pressed her forehead against the windscreen, peering out across the white expanse. “Dog sledding?”
“Yeah. You didn’t think I’d let you go on a normal sled now, did you?” He grinned and jumped out the car and opened her door for her. She stepped out carefully and walked up to the dogs and petted them. It was darker now and the sky above was a blue indigo, in which a sliver of moon didn’t outdo the light of the emerging stars. He turned on the sled’s headlamp.
“Don’t tell me.” She looked up at him with flushed cheeks and bright eyes. “I’m driving one of these sleds.”
“No way, lady. You can do that next year. For now, you’re in there.” He pointed to the sled he stood behind, a pile of fake furs ready for her. She burst out laughing and the laugh curled its way into his heart and gave an almighty tug. He had to swallow down the lump. This was what he wanted, wasn’t it? For Laura to get better, to be happy again, to move on. The problem was with each passing day her growing strength would help her leave him. And that made him sadder than he thought possible.
* * *
Laura had been to many places and seen many things but nothing came close to that night run through the snow, high in New Zealand’s Southern Alps—just her and Max, and six Malamutes.
The only sound was the dogs’ feet, the runners of the sled slicing through the freshly fallen snow. The white of the surrounding land shone dimly under the starlight and the breath of the dogs misted in the light of the sled’s headlamp. And then there was what this challenge was all about—the wind on her face, teasing out her hair from beneath her hat, filling her lungs with its tingling freshness. By the time they reached the bottom, thirty minutes later, she felt the wind had blown something away from her, something she’d been wanting to leave behind for some time. Fear. And with it something else she’d been fighting with all her life had been released—her heart, her feelings. By the time Max helped her out of the sled, she knew exactly what she wanted. She took hold of his hand firmly, not through a physical need now, but an emotional one.
“How do you feel?” Max asked.
The expression in his eyes was kind, caring. But she didn’t know if there was anything beyond that and there was no point in asking. What could she say? Do you love me? Do you want to stay married? Even if the answer was yes on both counts, she’d be leaving in a few days anyway. She agreed to return to the US with her parents to finish recuperating and also to spend some time with them and she couldn’t change on her mind on that point.
No, she only had this moment, this evening to hold on to and experience something she’d never before experienced and she was determined that nothing should get in its way—least of all questions for which there were no satisfactory answers.
“I feel… good. So good. Thank you.”
“My pleasure.” He narrowed his eyes. “You look like your old self.”
“Old self? No. I feel like my new self.”
“And that’s good? I quite liked the old Laura.”
“It’s most definitely good. I’m the same… yet different,” she said with a small smile and a tilt of the head. Seems she hadn’t left the old flirtatious Laura behind.
“Hm, sounds interesting.”
She touched his cheek with her gloved hand. It was as close as she could get to him but it wasn’t close enough. “Take me away from here, and I’ll show you exactly how interesting it is.”
He didn’t reply, but gripped her hand with his and they walked through the crisp snow back to the waiting car.
* * *
Once back at the Lodge, Max, for once lacking in patience with the waiting crowds, texted Chelsey who emerged from the main building and dealt with the public, allowing Max and Laura to enter the building unseen. His grip on her hand hadn’t lessened its hold as they walked through to his study, where a fire was roaring. He switched on a side light and she looked around.
“I haven’t been in here before. It’s very…” she grinned. “You.”
“You mean there’s nothing much here?”
“I mean,” she said, stepping up to him and looking into dark eyes. “That what you see is what you get. That what is here, is what’s important. Nothing else. You can trust a person like that.”
He put his arms around her and pulled her to him. “You know you can trust me.” She nodded, her cheek brushing the soft stuff of his shirt. She was about to speak but instead, stupid tears which never seemed far away now, sprung to her eyes.
“Laura?” He pushed away and lifted her chin. He frowned. “Are you crying?”
She tried to pull away but it suddenly felt impossible to hide anything from those dark penetrating eyes. She lifted her chin instead. “Yes.” A hot tear tracked down her cheek.
“Why? Have I done something wrong?”
She swallowed. “Yes. You haven’t kissed me yet.”
He didn’t need any further encouragement and his lips met hers in a kiss which was full of repressed need, and sent any lingering doubts about her intentions flying into the ether. For once she didn’t fight it. Instead their bodies came close and she followed her instincts—instincts which had been too long been suppressed. Her hands found his hot skin, briefly flinching under her searching fingertips; her tongue found his, and her hips fitted against his, showing her that she wasn’t the only one aroused.
When they pulled apart, both were breathless.
“Make love to me, Max,” whispered Laura, in the husky voice of desire.
He groaned, a noise full of need and desire which made her melt further. “No way.” He pulled back and gripped her shoulders.
She was shocked. She hadn’t expected this response, especially when she had felt his body respond to her. “No?”
He gave a brief smile. “No. You’ve made it clear you’re leaving, besides, you’re a virgin.” He opened his hands wide in reluctant defeat. “How can I?”
“I am a virgin, there’s no disputing that. But it’s not a permanent state, you know.”
He looked at her for one long moment in which she could have sworn her breathing stopped. “No. You have to leave. You need to go back and heal your relationship with your family. You need to sort yourself out.”
Disappointment bit deep but she’d be damned if she’d let it divert her from her course. “You think I’m not sorted?”
“I know you’re not.”
“Okay, I’ll leave. But…”
He tilted up her chin. “Yes?”
“The annulment.”
The word fell like a stone between them.
“What about it?”
“It doesn’t have to happen… does it?”
“Nothing has to happen, one way or another. But… you know, I think it does have to be annulled. It was wrong. It all happened to
o fast, and for the wrong reasons. I want you to take this time to heal, to think and…”
“Yes?” She pounced on his hesitation, hoping there was some glimmer of hope.
“And… I don’t want to hear from you, not during that time.” He turned to the wintry view with a stony gaze.
It was like a stab to her still damaged heart. But maybe the scar tissue there was making it more resilient, because it made her more determined than ever to get what she wanted, despite the fact he wanted no future with her.
“Okay, but it still doesn’t alter the fact that I want to go to bed with you.” She pushed her fingers up through the short hair that grew above his collar, sweeping up into the longer hair before swirling her finger around in it and pulling it, trying to get him face her. He resisted though and continued to look out the window. She let her finger slip through his hair. He was like the mountains outside—immovable. She had the weird sense that she could only have the same connection with him, as the very mountains—could play, admire, but ultimately not affect them. The thought panicked her.
“Are you ignoring me, Max?”
He snorted. “That’s pretty hard to do, Laura. I’ve seen people cheer you on, I’ve seen people laugh and talk to you, I’ve seen them react in all different ways, including anger, but I haven’t seen anyone able to ignore you.”
“You are.”
“Laura. I want you to go.”
For one long moment they stood there looking at each other. She’d read about heart aches, heard about them in love songs, but had never believed them to be real. Not until that moment. Looking at his eyes—boring into hers with an intensity she’d come to need—at his lips, opening as if to speak, as if to kiss, as if to stop her. But they didn’t. Instead the details of his face became blurry until all she could see was his outline, obliterating the light, contrasting sharply to the cold white outside the window. Dark, light. Need, emptiness. Hope, despair. Being with Max was like standing before a fire—anything else felt cold and empty. Only with him was there enough heat to survive. But she knew about survival, didn’t she?