by Diana Fraser
“Maddy?” he called, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice. “Where are you?”
There was no reply. He jumped up and walked into the hall, checking the bathroom, before walking, naked into the kitchen. He looked outside. The house was small, so it didn’t take long to confirm she wasn’t in it. He pushed his hands through his hair and went into the bathroom. He needed to find her; he needed to tell her that she had to stay, that six months wasn’t long enough, that no time would be long enough. He splashed water onto his face and gripped the sink and didn’t recognize the gaze that looked back at him. Gone was the nonchalant, happy-go-lucky persona which was a part of his personality, but not all of him by any means. But it had been easy, it had been convenient, and it had made him and those around him happy. But all that had gone the moment he realized he was madly and deeply in love with Maddy.
Suddenly he heard the front door open and the sound of jandals flip-flopping against the wooden boards in his hall. The door was kicked closed with a foot as if she were holding something. It banged shut. He waited for the panic to subside from his eyes before he left the bathroom and stepped out into the hall.
“Hey, you!” greeted Maddy, eyeing up his naked body. “I thought you’d like something to eat.” She grinned. “Just as well you’re not expecting any patients before nine, otherwise they’d have got more than they bargained for!” Maddy frowned at the lack of a response from Gabe. “Is everything all right?”
He shrugged and walked toward the bedroom. “I’ll go get dressed.”
Maddy followed him into the bedroom as he pulled on his jeans. “What’s the matter, Gabe? Has anything happened?”
“You happened, Maddy. You.” He plucked a clean shirt from the wardrobe.
“And I seem to have made you sad.”
He held her gaze as he buttoned up his shirt. “I thought you’d gone.”
“I wouldn’t go without saying goodbye.”
He grunted and looked at her. “So is that coffee simply for adornment or can I have one?”
She gave a weak smile and passed him a cup. “Amber added an extra shot. She said she thought you might need it.”
He shook his head and opened the door for her. “That woman. I think she knows what’s going on around here before everyone else, including those involved.”
“Yeah,” said Maddy, exiting the door ahead of Gabe. “If I believed in things like that I’d say she had extra-sensory perception. But as I’m a scientist, I reckon she’s simply observant.”
Gabe opened the back door and sat on the step and sipped his coffee. He knew Maddy was talking more than usual because she was nervous. But he wasn’t in the mood for making things easier for her. He knew what was coming, as surely as Amber would have done.
She put down her bag and picked up her coffee and hesitated. “Would you like company?”
“Of course.” He moved along the stone step which was already warm from the morning sun.
She sat down, and he took a deep breath. She smelt of coffee, cinnamon and something altogether richer and more womanly which made his mouth water, but now wasn’t the moment to indulge himself. He had a feeling it would backfire. Instead, he sipped his coffee and waited. Waited for the inevitable.
“Gabe.” Her voice was soft and gentle, imploring even. He hated being implored.
He turned to her. “Yes, Maddy.”
“About last night.”
“What about it?”
“I’m not so sure it was sensible of me to have stayed.”
“I’m not sure sense came into it.”
“No, I guess you’re right.” She took another sip of coffee. “But I’m glad I did.”
“Glad? I’m bowled over by faint praise.”
“You know I’m hopeless at saying important things. And this is important. Last night was amazing.” She looked away with a frown as if trying to figure out how to express something unpleasant, or complicated. He hoped it was the latter. “Making love to you was more than physical. I felt a connection with you which I never—”
She stopped herself abruptly. He reached out and took her hand. “You don’t have to say anything.”
She looked at him for the first time since she’d begun speaking and he was taken aback to see tears in her eyes. “I do, Gabe. I do because…” She trailed off. He thought it about time to lighten the atmosphere.
“Because you want to go back into the bedroom and give me a chance to be on top for a change?”
Suddenly from over the wall came the sound of a throaty cough. “Morning, Gabe!”
Maddy swore under her breath and ran inside, leaving a trail of coffee after her. Gabe liked having close neighbors—he really did—but there were times when he wished he lived in the middle of nowhere, like at Belendroit.
“Morning, Fred. How are you this morning?”
“Not as good as you, I reckon!” laughed Fred.
Gabe groaned. “Pretend you didn’t hear any of that, for my sake, will you? Or else that’s all my patients will be talking about.”
“Sure thing, Dr. Gabe, whatever you say.” Fred went laughing back inside his house, and Gabe knew that the news Dr. Gabe had a thing going on with his accounts clerk would be broadcast far and wide as soon as Fred entered the pub. Gabe had three hours.
With a sigh, Gabe went back inside. Maddy was standing at the kitchen sink, pouring the remains of her coffee down the sink. He closed the door firmly behind him.
“Sorry about that. One of the downsides of having close neighbors.”
But she wasn’t smiling when she turned around. “You don’t mind about that, do you? You don’t mind about living your life in full view.”
He shrugged. “No. I’ve nothing to hide, so why should I mind?”
She smiled then. “I had a similar conversation once with someone who replied with the same comment.”
“Wise man.”
“Yes, he was.”
There was something in the way she said that which made Gabe’s stomach sink. He opened his mouth to speak, but his mouth was too dry. He licked his lips. He had a feeling that she was about to tell him why she couldn’t stay. He cleared his throat. “Who was he?” But even so, the words came out hoarse.
“He was Jonny, Gabe. Jonny, your brother, your twin.”
He opened his mouth, but no sound emerged. He felt weak and sat down on the arm of a chair and just stared at her. “You knew my brother Jonny?”
“Yes.”
“You knew, and you didn’t tell me? You’ve only just decided to tell me now? What the hell?”
“I couldn’t tell you.”
“Couldn’t, or wouldn’t?”
“Couldn’t. He didn’t want me to. Not until the six months were up, anyway.”
“Six months? So this was all some weird plan concocted by you both?”
“No. It was the weird plan he concocted; I just agreed to it. He made me agree. He began talking about it when he’d reached rock bottom mentally after being off his medication. He was convinced he was going to die. He was obsessed with the idea, and he wouldn’t let up about it until I promised him I’d come here.
“What?”
“To come to Akaroa, to meet you, and the rest of his family, and to stay for at least six months.”
“Why the hell did he want you to do that? Hey?” He gripped her arms now, wanting to force the truth from her. “Why?”
“He wanted me to give you something. Please, let go of me, and I’ll get it.”
He hadn’t even realized the force with which he was holding her. He looked down at his hands and dropped them to his side. “I’m sorry.” He turned and pushed his hands through his hair. He gripped the kitchen bench and closed his eyes, his mind full of Jonny’s face. His twin, his best friend, the brother who’d left New Zealand full of rage, never to return. He felt his brother’s betrayal all over again, with double force this time. Because it included Maddy.
“Here.”
He turned ar
ound, hardly remembering what it was she was doing. She was holding something out to him. He shook his head. “What is it?”
She hesitated. “I know what it is. What I don’t know is what it means.” She continued to hold it out, but he didn’t take it. Just looked at the wrapped lump in her hands without interest. “But I’m guessing it means something because Jonny didn’t do things on a whim.”
“Except leaving here. No, wait. That wasn’t on a whim. He’d always said he was leaving, and he had no idea why I wanted to stay.” He looked at her. “But then I’m guessing you’d know that. How long did you know him?”
She dropped her hand and placed the object on the table between them. “I knew him for two years.”
“Two years!” He hadn’t expected that. He shook his head in his hands. What the hell was happening? It was like a Pandora’s box had opened up, and he had no clue what would happen next. “How could you be with me for the past few months, with me, with Amber, with us all, and not tell us that?”
“He didn’t want me to tell you. He expressly asked me not to tell you until I was about to leave.”
He flinched as if he’d been struck. It was the final stab in his heart. “Why don’t you go now?” He rose and turned his back to her. “Just go now.”
“Don’t you want to know more about Jonny? About our life together?”
“Why? So I can think of the two of you together after you’ve gone? Think of you making love to him as you have done to me.” He laughed hollowly. “Christ, what a fool I’ve been. It was some last trick of his, wasn’t it? He always wanted the last laugh, and he’s got it now. And he’s not even alive to see it. He sent you to deal it to me. Go. Go now.”
She reached out and took hold of his arm.
“I’m sorry, Gabe. I’m so sorry.”
He frowned. “For what?”
She didn’t speak.
He gripped her hands in hers. “For what, Maddy? For what? For being in Akaroa, for flirting with me, for me falling in love with you?”
She shook her head and tried to pull away from him but he wouldn’t let her go.
“What’s the matter? Surprised to see that the easygoing Gabe Connelly has feelings?”
“No, of course not. I know they’re there. And I know that you hide them from so many people, but not me anymore.”
“Maybe I should have done,” he said quietly. He closed his eyes and swore under his breath. “Go now.”
He walked outside and waited until he heard the front door close and the flip-flop of her jandals hit the hot dry pavement in the street outside.
“Didn’t expect to see you back outside so quick!” said his neighbor who popped up with a bright grin on his face.
“Yeah, well some things don’t always go to plan,” said Gabe. “See you later, Fred.”
He returned inside and poured himself a large whiskey. He rarely drank spirits, and never so early in the day. He’d seen too many of his friends become slowly addicted to it. But he needed a shot of something to dull the pain that coursed through his body and throbbed in every cell, every fiber of his being. He was in pain, and he felt stupid, humiliated by a brother with whom he’d always competed, tricked by a woman with whom he’d fallen in love. He’d been had all right.
10
It wasn’t until much later, after hours of ignoring knocks at the door, of texts, of phone calls, that his friends and family left him alone, presumably thinking he’d gone away. Luckily there was no medical emergency, and the other medical practice was open. So Gabe was eventually left alone to watch the day fade.
The sun lowered in the sky, sending its searching beams across the room. Gabe poured himself another whiskey. He’d spent all day looking at the object which still sat on the table where Maddy had left it.
Maddy, or Jonny’s fiancée, as she should have been known.
It was a further hour before he picked it up. After he’d unwrapped it, he’d placed it back on the table again. He’d known what it was before he’d unwrapped it. He just hadn’t wanted to admit it.
The antique eighteenth-century astrolabe had been found buried on the shore near Belendroit. The astrolabe—the ancient forerunner to a compass—must have been a treasure owned by one of the captains, rather than relied on for navigating the southern ocean, because it had been superseded by the time European boats had found their way here. For centuries before the exploration of this land, it had been used to help sailors find their way—to faraway adventures, and then home again. The significance of Jonny returning it to Gabe wasn’t lost on him.
Years ago, they’d argued over which of the twins had discovered it. Jonny had claimed it was him that had found it washed up. But it hadn’t been that way, and Jonny knew it. It had been Gabe, who’d been digging for Pipis, who’d found it. It had been his treasure, and he’d cherished it. Their mother had insisted they share it. From their early teens Gabe and Jonny had fought all the time, being so close and yet so different. But when Jonny had packed to leave, Gabe had given him the astrolabe. Jonny had accused him of giving it to him to weigh down his luggage, but he’d known, he’d understood. Gabe had given it to Jonny because he loved him, and he wanted to share in the thing he cherished most, the thing that they’d squabbled over most.
A knock at the door followed by the rattle of a door key broke Gabe’s reverie. He groaned. The only person who had a key was his father. Gabe didn’t move but heard the familiar stomp of his father’s footsteps down the hall.
“Gabe!” came the peremptory bark. “Gabe? Where the hell are you?”
Gabe took another swig of whiskey and pushed his hands through his hair, irritated to have his seclusion broken. “In here.”
He heard his father’s equally irritated grunt as he stopped by the door, hands on hips, and looked at his son. “Drinking,” he said with derision. “As if that’s a cure for anything.” He stepped into the room, picked up the whiskey bottle and squinted at the label. “Hm, quite a good label though.” Without asking, he took the bottle to the cupboard and plucked out a glass and poured himself a healthy measure.
“I hope you’re not driving,” said Gabe.
“I’ll catch a lift with Amber later.” He sipped the whiskey and narrowed his eyes as he swirled it around the glass. “Hm, not bad.” He set it down on the table, made himself comfortable in the chair, and looked directly at Gabe. “Well then?”
“Well then what?” Gabe wasn’t in the mood for surrendering his innermost thoughts to his father. He’d have to work for them.
“Why are you holed up here on your own with only a bottle of whiskey for company?”
“I like whiskey.”
“No you don’t. Not this much anyway. It’s Maddy, isn’t it?”
Gabe shrugged. “Now why would you think that?”
“Because Maddy told me about her and Jonny.”
Gabe stared at his father as if he was seeing him for the first time. Jim flicked an imaginary speck of fluff from his trousers and casually swirled the whiskey and took another sip.
Jim gave Gabe a double take. “Don’t look at me like I’m an alien. I do know what’s going on around me, you know.”
“Really?”
Jim grunted. “Well, maybe not all the time, but this time I do.”
“So tell me what it is you think you know.”
“I know that Madeleine was with Jonny when he died, that they were,” he paused, “together.”
“Together,” repeated Gabe with derision. “Of all the words that you could have chosen to describe their relationship, you bailed out and didn’t. Instead you chose a non-emotional one like ‘together.’ ‘Together’ doesn’t begin to describe their relationship.”
“If you’re the expert, you tell me then.”
“Maddy was living with Jonny.”
Jim didn’t say anything.
“Maddy was Jonny’s lover.”
Still, Jim didn’t speak.
“Dad! Don’t you understand what I’m sa
ying?”
Jim pressed his lips together and reached out for Gabe as he stormed past, pushing his fingers through his hair, his mind and heart ablaze with fury and confusion. But Gabe continued walking, ignoring his father’s hand which tried to stay the movement and the fury.
“I understand what you’re saying, son.”
“Then how come you’re not reacting?”
His father again didn’t say a word. But his eyes spoke for him. Gabe suddenly understood.
“You knew before Maddy told you.” He shook his head and looked around, unable to believe it. “You damn well knew and didn’t say a word.”
“I promised Madeleine I wouldn’t.”
“You’d rather promise someone you hardly know than reveal such an important secret to your son?”
“It wasn’t my secret to tell.”
“No,” Gabe said, unable to prevent a bitterness creeping into his tone. “It was Maddy’s. And Jonny’s. But you knew, too, somehow. Tell me, how was that?”
“I remembered her surname. It was in your brother’s will. I only remembered it because it’s the same as a friend of your mother’s. No relation of course, but still, it stuck in my head. And that, together with the fact that she’d been living in Amsterdam, and had turned up here. Just one too many coincidences.”
“Yes.”
Gabe sat down, his head in his hands, all fight gone, only despair remaining. “I can’t believe it. The only time I fall in love, it’s with Jonny’s ex.” He grunted. “Some way for Jonny to bridge the gap of his parting, sending his fiancée as a token of his love for me.”
“Is that what you think that was? A token of his love for you?” Jim shook his head. “No, boy, don’t you see? He obviously adored Maddy and wanted her looked after. And who better to look after his most cherished treasure, than the other person he loved most in the world?” Gabe began to remonstrate, but Jim put up his hand. “Let me finish. You boys were twins, and as a doctor you know full well what that means. You began life together which made the split which followed harder to bear than most. You were close, son, closer than anyone I know.”