by Sarah Morgan
It was good to know that, physically at least, he wanted her as much as she wanted him.
‘Talking.’ The corner of his mouth quirked and he shrugged his broad shoulders. ‘OK. Maybe if you sit at one end of the table and I sit at the other…’
Tia slid into a chair and concentrated on the food. Suddenly talking didn’t seem as easy as it had sounded. She could barely keep her body functioning properly when she was in the same room as the man, let alone hold a conversation. She wanted Luca so much it was a physical ache.
‘What shall we talk about?’ Her voice came out as a squeak and she cursed herself as she read the gleam in his eyes. He was totally aware of the effect he had on her.
‘You.’ He leaned back in his chair at the opposite end of the table, thick, dark lashes shielding his expression as he watched her. ‘You are a very private person, Tia. I want to know more about you. A great deal more.’
His speculative dark gaze made her feel like a dizzy teenager. ‘There’s not much to know,’ she hedged, and he gave a short laugh.
‘Tia, we are both in agreement that we have spent insufficient time talking. For example, I know nothing about your family. All you told me was that your parents died when you were young. Do you have no other family?’
She played with her soup self-consciously.
She really wasn’t used to talking about her childhood.
‘No.’ She scrabbled in her mind for a change of subject. ‘Unlike you, who are surrounded by family.’
He inclined his head in agreement, a rueful smile touching his firm mouth. ‘A mixed blessing, as you’ve discovered.’
Tia glanced at him. ‘I bet they’re not too pleased that you’ve chased me to England.’
He gave a careless shrug. ‘I have no idea what they think. I’m not in the habit of seeking their approval. My father died when I was twelve and I’ve been making my own decisions ever since.’
She stared at him, beginning to understand why he was so self-assured.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said quietly. ‘That must have been difficult for you. How did he die?’
‘Living life to the full,’ Luca said wryly, his voice amazingly matter-of-fact as he described an event that must have had devastating consequences for a young boy. ‘He was riding a motorbike. My mother thought that my father took too many risks for a man with children, and maybe he did…’ He shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Fortunately his business was thriving and my uncles were able to carry on running it so she had no financial worries, but my mother had always let my father make all the decisions and suddenly he was gone.’
‘So you took over?’
He nodded slowly. ‘I was barely more than a child myself, but that’s exactly what I did and soon everyone expected me to make decisions for them.’
Tia tilted her head on one side, a smile touching her mouth. ‘Are you trying to justify why you’re so autocratic?’
‘No. That’s probably just a basic character flaw.’ He gave an apologetic smile that was so sexy it made her stomach flip. He really was staggeringly handsome.
‘But you made all the decisions in the family?’
He gave a dismissive shrug. ‘I suppose so.’
Tia nodded. ‘Well that explains a lot about you.’
‘It does?’ His dark eyes shimmered with amusement and she blushed.
‘Well, if you’re used to bossing your sisters and your mother then I suppose it’s hardly surprising that you try and take over my life, too,’ she said quickly, hoping that he couldn’t read her mind. Her thoughts were positively X-rated! ‘The trouble is, I’ve also been looking after myself since I was young and I don’t need anyone to make decisions for me. It’s probably why we clash.’
Luca’s gaze sharpened. ‘How young?’
She played idly with her knife. ‘Eight.’
‘Eight years old?’ His voice was soft. ‘That must have been very hard, cara mia.’
She gave a dismissive shrug. ‘Maybe.’
He sighed and sat back in his chair. ‘Tia, I’m fully aware that you change the subject every time I mention your parents.’ His voice was gentle. ‘Are you going to hide from me for ever, or are you going to trust me?’
There was a lengthy silence. He was right, of course. She did hide from people and she always had. It was a defence mechanism that she’d developed over the years. And as for trusting him…
‘Tia, if you want me to understand you, you have to start revealing some of yourself to me,’ he said quietly, and she swallowed hard, acknowledging the truth of what he was saying.
‘My parents were actors,’ she said, quickly outlining the bare facts. ‘They married very young—too young, I suppose. My mother was crazy about my father and she thought that he felt the same way about her.’
Luca’s eyes were fixed on her face. ‘But he didn’t?’
Tia’s mouth tightened. ‘It would seem not. He had one affair after another and my mother started to drink. Too much.’ She broke off and glanced at him briefly. ‘She died when I was eight.’
He let out a long breath. ‘And your father?’
Tia played with her spoon. ‘My father made it clear that he couldn’t look after me so I went into care.’
‘Care?’ He looked blank. ‘You stayed with family?’
‘There was no family,’ Tia said simply. ‘I went into foster-care and then a children’s home while I waited for someone to adopt me. But they didn’t.’ She gave an overly bright smile. ‘And who can blame them? You think I’m reckless now, you should have met me then. I was your average teenage nightmare.’
His gaze didn’t falter and she knew that her bravado hadn’t fooled him. ‘So you never had a proper home? Family?’
‘No.’
‘That must have been difficult.’ His voice was even, as if he knew that too much sympathy would be hard to cope with.
She stirred her soup slowly. ‘Well, it made me very independent. It’s probably the reason I don’t take kindly to people telling me what to do,’ she told him with a smile. ‘I’m used to having to work things out for myself because I’ve always been on my own.’
‘But you’re not on your own now.’
She lifted her eyes to his and her heart squeezed tightly at the expression in his eyes.
‘No…’
‘But you are finding it hard, are you not,’ he said calmly, ‘to learn to trust another person? Presumably because of what happened to your mother and because you have been let down so many times in the past.’
‘Yes,’ she said honestly. ‘I—I didn’t think I’d ever be able to trust a man. Even now I’m worried that you—that you…’ Her eyes slid away from his and she stumbled slightly over the words. ‘Might be keeping all sorts of secrets from me.’
There—she’d said it. Now she just had to wait for Luca’s response.
She looked at him, searching for signs of guilt or discomfort but she saw nothing but sympathy in his expression.
‘Tia, you can trust me,’ he said quietly, his dark eyes trapping hers. ‘But I can understand that, with your experiences, my word is not enough to stop you worrying. Only time will do that. So let us tackle another issue. How do you feel about being pregnant? How do you feel about having my baby?’
Her heart thumped steadily as she looked into his eyes. Could she tell him the truth? That she was terrified? That she wasn’t sure she’d be a good mother.
No.
She couldn’t threaten the fragile peace that had settled between them by admitting that she’d never thought she’d get married or have children. ‘I’m pleased about the baby,’ she whispered at last, concentrating her attentions on the plate of ham in front of her. ‘Very pleased.’
There was a long silence and she could feel his gaze sweeping her pale face.
‘Are you sure? This isn’t the time for secrets between us. I want you to tell me the truth.’
Secrets?
He was a fine one to talk about secrets when he still
hadn’t mentioned Luisa.
‘I’m pleased,’ she repeated firmly, poking at her food. ‘What about you, Luca? How do you really feel now that you’ve had time to get used to the idea?’
‘I still would have chosen to have more time alone with you,’ he admitted, his accent almost unbearably sexy, ‘especially in the light of what you’ve just told me, but I am very pleased, Tia. Very pleased indeed. I love children.’
Tia added some salad to her plate, her hands shaking slightly. Of course he loved children. All Italian men loved children, didn’t they?
‘But if I hadn’t got pregnant? What then?’
He shrugged. ‘Then we would have had more time to get to know each other properly. But it is pointless to dwell on what might have happened. We need to concentrate on the present. You still haven’t seen a doctor. I want you to register with Dan.’
She opened her mouth to accuse him of being autocratic but then closed it again. Luca was right. Dan was easily the best consultant. Everyone knew it. And he was kind and approachable too. Which helped when you were absolutely terrified.
‘I’ll talk to him,’ she offered, and Luca lifted an ebony brow.
‘Just like that.’ His mouth twitched at the corners. ‘No arguments? No accusations of trying to run your life?’
‘It just so happens that on this occasion I agree with you, that’s all,’ she said primly, and he laughed.
‘Well, that is definitely a first. Maybe we’re making progress.’
Maybe they were.
The next morning she was sick again and Luca was by her side in an instant. He murmured something soothing in Italian and held her until she finally collapsed against him, exhausted.
‘Oh, Luca.’ She felt pitifully sorry for herself and he tightened his grip.
‘Remind me to be more sympathetic the next time a woman tells me she is suffering from morning sickness,’ he said gruffly, wiping her face with a flannel and helping her to her feet. ‘I never realised how awful it can be. Go back to bed for a few minutes and I’ll bring you a drink.’
She did as she was told, knowing that she shouldn’t be leaning on him but unable to help herself. She had to admit that for a very macho male, he was surprisingly undaunted by her antics in the bathroom.
He walked back into the room and she noticed for the first time that he was wearing nothing but a pair of loose-fitting tracksuit bottoms.
‘I was still in bed when I heard you get up,’ he said, intercepting her look and proffering an explanation. ‘I’m not in the habit of wearing clothes to bed.’
She was well aware of that and the sight of his tanned, muscular chest was a tantalising reminder of what the rest of him looked like.
Incredible…
He had the perfect musculature of an athlete and she averted her eyes and took the glass of water he brought her with a murmur of thanks.
The bed sagged slightly under his weight as he sat down next to her. ‘I don’t suppose there’s any chance I can persuade you not to work today?’
‘None at all,’ she said, putting the glass of water back on the bedside table. ‘I feel much better now.’
‘Right.’ Luca rolled his eyes and gave a wry smile. ‘Has anyone ever told you that you’re difficult to handle?’
‘Yes. Lots of times.’ Tia swung her legs out of bed and reached for her dressing-gown, taking deep breaths to calm her stomach. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to use the bathroom. Hopefully to wash this time.’ She walked towards the door, deliberately avoiding looking at the powerful muscles of his shoulders.
The no-touching rule was becoming harder by the minute.
Luca drove her to the hospital and Tia found herself working in the antenatal clinic for the morning.
‘Do you mind, Tia?’ Sharon immediately apologised. ‘I’m moving you around everywhere, I know, but I’ve got a midwife off sick and we’ve got a busy clinic. You should enjoy it—your Luca’s working down there this morning.’
He was?
Tia’s heart lurched uncomfortably. On the one hand, concentrating was difficult with Luca around but, on the other hand, she was intrigued to learn more about him as a doctor. What she’d seen so far had certainly been impressive.
She made her way to the clinic and introduced herself to the sister there.
‘Could you do a booking visit?’ Janet handed her a pile of notes and leaflets. ‘First baby, she’s down the end on the left. Karen King.’
The booking visit was the first time that the pregnant woman attended the hospital and it took longer than other appointments.
As Tia walked briskly along to the room she found herself looking for Luca and gave herself a firm telling-off.
Why, oh, why did he have such a powerful effect on her?
Pushing thoughts of him from her mind, she opened the door and smiled at the woman seated by the desk.
‘Hello, Karen, I’m Tia.’ She shook the other woman’s hand and settled herself comfortably at the desk. ‘This is your first trip to the hospital and this visit does take longer the others. I’m afraid I’m going to bombard you with questions.’
‘I don’t mind at all.’ The other woman’s eyes sparkled and she placed a protective hand on her abdomen. ‘I’ve been longing for this appointment. You really feel you’re pregnant once you’ve been to the hospital, don’t you think?’
Her excitement and enthusiasm made Tia’s heart twist. Why didn’t she feel the same way?
‘Then I gather you’re pleased about the pregnancy,’ she said, her voice slightly gruff as she opened the notes and pulled a pen out of her pocket.
‘I’ve never been so pleased about anything in my whole life,’ Karen said softly, her eyes shining with tears. ‘I just can’t believe we’re going to have a baby. Nigel and I can’t stop hugging each other. We’ve been trying for almost a year. I was really starting to think I wouldn’t be able to have my own child and that’s a terrible feeling for a woman, isn’t it?’
Was it?
Tia stared at her. ‘Well, I—’
‘All your life you just assume you’re going to have children,’ Karen continued, ‘and then you get married and you assume that you can choose to have a baby when you like, so you try and then nothing happens and it’s as if your whole life is over. Do you know what I mean?’
No.
Tia swallowed hard. She didn’t have a clue what the other woman meant. Her situation was the complete opposite to Karen’s. All of her life she’d assumed that she wouldn’t have children. That she would never want to have children. Then she’d become pregnant without even intending to…
‘Well, I’m pleased you’re pleased,’ Tia said quickly, trying to move the consultation away from the emotional side. It was making her feel odd inside.
‘How have you been?’
‘Pretty sick,’ Karen confessed, ‘but I read somewhere that if you’re sick it means that your hormone levels are high and you’re less likely to miscarry. If I lost this baby I don’t know what I’d do.’
She looked at Tia anxiously and Tia gave her a reassuring smile. ‘You’re fourteen weeks now, Karen, and you had a normal scan at twelve weeks. It’s unusual to miscarry at this stage.’
Karen gave a shaky smile. ‘I hope you’re right.’
Tia checked Karen’s menstrual history and estimated the date of delivery and asked questions about her obstetric history.
‘This is your first pregnancy?’ She scribbled in the notes as Karen chatted away, asking questions about Karen’s general health and her family history.
‘We’re all very healthy,’ Karen said.
Tia stood up. ‘Great. OK, I need to do some tests. Weight, height, test your urine and take some blood. All very routine.’
When she’d finished the tests she sat down and discussed the options with Karen. ‘What most people opt for is shared care,’ she explained, ‘so you visit your GP and community midwife for most antenatal checks and just come to the hospital for k
ey visits. Then obviously you come here to be delivered.’
Karen nodded. ‘I definitely want to have this baby in hospital. It’s so precious, I wouldn’t dream of having it anywhere else.’
She placed a protective hand on her abdomen again and Tia looked away quickly.
Why couldn’t she feel like this woman? The truth was, she spent most of her time pretending that the baby wasn’t there—worrying about Luca.
But she was pregnant.
Panic surged inside her and she stumbled to her feet, suddenly desperate to get away from Karen.
‘I just need to arrange for you to see the doctor,’ she said quickly as she made for the door. ‘I’ll be back in a moment.’
Breathing rapidly, her palms damp with sweat, she hurried out of the door and bumped straight into Luca who was walking past.
‘Slow down!’ His hands shot out and steadied her, his long fingers tightening on her arms as he held her firmly. ‘What’s happened?’
‘Nothing.’
Except that she was having a baby and she didn’t have any of the normal feelings.
Luca gave her a searching glance and then guided her into a nearby consulting room which was empty.
‘Now, tell me the truth.’ He stood with his back to the door, blocking her escape, his dark eyes locking onto hers. ‘Something has upset you. What, Tia? Tell me.’
She shook her head, feeling totally foolish. How could she possibly tell him?
He said something in Italian that she didn’t understand and closed the distance between her.
‘Stop hiding from me.’ He cupped her face in his hands and tilted her face up to his. ‘You’re as white as a sheet and you’re shaking. I want to know what has happened.’
Luca’s jaw was tense and she sensed that he was angry. With her? For being ridiculous?
‘I—It’s nothing, Luca,’ she said quickly. ‘But now you’re here, I need you to see a patient in Room 2.’ She pulled away from him before his nearness demolished her self-control.
Whatever had possessed her to impose a no-touching rule? What she really needed now was to feel his arms around her.
‘You know something, Tia?’ His tone was conversational but his gaze was strangely intense. ‘We could be married for a hundred years but we won’t ever get to know each other unless you start trusting me with your feelings.’