by Meg Easton
He missed lunch.
He missed Kelli.
It was late afternoon before he finally managed to drag himself out of his room and down to the beach. Not to run—he didn’t have the energy to do that. Instead, he just walked along the same section of beach that he and Kelli had walked so long ago. Although it hadn’t actually been that long ago. Somehow, it already felt like she had been a part of his life always. He was so grateful that Stephanie had broken off their engagement, or he would’ve never gotten this second chance with Kelli.
He just wished he hadn’t blown that chance.
He should’ve been working on the list that Stephanie had given him from the moment she’d put it in his hands. Right at the very top of her list had been Not putting me as the #1 thing in your life. He hadn’t understood why she would’ve had that on the list at all at the time, because he thought he had been putting her first.
But now he got it. Now that he realized he did the same thing to Kelli. If she had been the number one thing in his life, then his own issues about her dad wouldn’t have taken the driver’s seat. He would’ve done everything possible to keep her radiating with that happiness that had seemed too big to contain when she’d first come into his room to tell him about her dad.
In looking back with the benefit—or the curse—of hindsight, he could see so very clearly how much damage he had inflicted when he’d said the things he had.
On the woman he loved.
He couldn’t walk any further, so he just sat on a nearby bench, staring out at the ocean as wave after wave came into the shore. The entire sky was filled with gray clouds that seemed to pull the color from the ocean, and the cool breeze bit into his skin.
He thought back to the carriage ride and how it felt to have her snuggled up into him, her head on his chest, her breath on his neck, his arms wrapped around her. He thought about sitting next to her on the bench in the center of The Royal Palm’s grounds in the middle of the night, the two of them huddled together for warmth, spending hours sharing their hopes, their fears, their pasts, and their dreams.
He would give anything to have her sitting next to him on this bench now.
Or to see the way she quirked one eyebrow when she was amused, or pulled on the corner of her bottom lip with her teeth when she was concentrating. Or to watch the way she led with her heart on every decision. The way she looked out for others. The way she let herself feel everything deeply, yet never dwelled on the shortcomings of others. The way she immediately saw the best in others, whether it was her first time meeting them or someone she had known her entire life. No matter how many times she got knocked down, she stood back up. Even at times when most people would’ve stayed down for a while.
And then his breathing hitched when he thought about the moment he’d looked across the Christmas Village and saw her holding baby Hope. He had known his whole life that he wanted to be a dad and have kids, but he’d never actually been able to picture anyone he dated as being the future mother of his children, until that moment.
She was soft and compassionate, organized and playful, trusting and non-judgmental. She was terrified of spiders and complete darkness, yet she showed an incredible inner strength and resilience time and time again. She was someone not to be underestimated. She was an enigma that he wanted to spend his life figuring out.
Sam had said he thought Parker was ready to open his heart again. And the surprising thing was, Sam had been right. There was one missing piece still, though. Parker hadn’t already become the man who was worthy of her.
Chapter Twenty-One
A knock sounded on Kelli’s front door, but she was too sick to get out of bed to go answer it.
Then she heard “I’m using my old key and coming in” loudly enough that she was pretty sure any neighbors who were home heard Valeria’s voice, too. A moment later, her friend walked into her room.
“How are you feeling?” Val asked, while setting bags down and putting things on her nightstand.
Kelli paused the Hallmark Christmas movie she’d been watching. “About as awful as I look.” And then a coughing fit hit, and she grabbed a tissue to cover her mouth, her brain feeling like it was getting beat up inside her head with every cough.
“Well, I guess getting the world’s biggest cold is one way to distract yourself from the heartbreak.”
Kelli shrugged and dropped the crumpled tissue on her floor with the others. It hurt her soul to have them all just making a mess of her floor, but she had been too exhausted to get out of bed and move her trash container closer. “If I’m going to feel awful, I might as well deal with them both at the same time.”
This was the worst cold she had gotten in a whole lot of years, though. On second thought, she probably wouldn’t have chosen it to double up with anything.
Valeria reached out and placed the back of her hand on Kelli’s forehead. “No fever still. That’s good, because I brought soup.” She pulled from a bag two containers of soup, a stack of napkins, and two spoons. She glanced once at the Hallmark movie watching blanket that was spread across Kelli, but instead of bringing it up, she asked, “Have you heard back from Liz yet?”
Kelli was grateful Valeria wasn’t bringing up Parker. Everything was still too bright and painful and fresh. Liz, she could talk about. Liz, she could even smile about. “I did. She hadn’t already gone in to look at the ad campaign yet, but she looked and told me not to stress out, that these things happen. It’s all part of the game. You win some and you lose some, and I have a track record for winning more than I lose, so it’s all good.”
Valeria grinned as she carried the soup around to the other side of Kelli’s bed and put them on the nightstand furthest away, then climbed onto the bed and sat down next to her and adjusted the pillow behind her back. “I told you it would all be fine. Now push play.” She grabbed both containers of soup and handed one to Kelli.
They watched and ate soup, commenting only on the movie, for several long minutes before Valeria said, “Remember when Rhett and I broke up and I barely got off the couch for three days?”
“I think I’ve got your look beat. But yeah—you were a mess.”
“Yet that didn’t stop you from loving me, and it didn’t make you kick me out of BFF status.”
“Of course not!”
“And I still love you. Your name is practically tattooed as my BFF.”
Kelli grinned at her, unsure why she was getting all sentimental on her, but liking it all the same.
“Since I was your roommate for two years, I’ve seen you be imperfect plenty of times.”
Kelli’s looked back at her, wary. Whatever turn Valeria was driving this conversation down, she didn’t like it.
“I mean, it wasn’t often. But you think your less-than-perfect moments only happen when Parker’s around? What about that time you decided to make scones for the first time and thought the oil needed to come to a boil to show that it was ready? I’m surprised you didn’t burn the kitchen down when you dropped that first one in. And I’m pretty sure that we could find something in the apartment that still carries the stench of The Smoke that Permeated Everything.”
Heat flamed to Kelli’s face just remembering it. Now it seemed so stupid that she ever thought the oil was supposed to boil, yet at the time, it had made perfect sense.
“And the time you couldn’t sleep during the night so you got up and rearranged all the furniture in the living room, but didn’t tell me. So when I woke up and shuffled, groggy and still half asleep, toward the kitchen, I stumbled into the corner of the armchair and fell and nearly sprained my wrist.”
Maybe she did have a fever, because her face was on fire. “Thanks, Val. I had been doing a pretty good job of repressing those things.”
Valeria put her soup container on the nightstand and turned to face her, sitting with her legs crossed. “The point is, I still love you. In fact, those things made me love you more, because I got to see the real you. I like when you’re imperfect.�
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Kelli smiled. And might have gotten a little teary. But that might have just been the watery eyes from her cold. “That’s why you’re the best, Valeria.”
“It’s not just me.” Valeria huffed out a breath, her eyes aimed at the ceiling, thinking, like she was frustrated that she wasn’t getting her point across and trying to figure out how. “Okay, do you know what? I’m just going to come right out and say it.” She took a deep breath. “Your mom didn’t leave because you’re imperfect. She did because she is imperfect.”
Kelli gasped as the blow of talking about her mom hit her.
“Your dad didn’t have Christmas with his wife and stepdaughters without you because you’re imperfect. They did because they are imperfect. We all are. Every single one of us. That’s what makes us human and beautiful and yes, even lovable.”
Tears were falling in earnest now. Kelli set her soup on her nightstand.
Then Valeria whispered, “And Parker isn’t going to stop loving you because you’re imperfect or because you make a mistake. And he isn’t going to stop loving you just because he’s imperfect, too.”
Kelli grabbed a tissue and started wiping at her eyes. “I want to believe you, Val. I do. I just don’t think that I can.”
“All right. I’m going to list off all the embarrassing things that have happened around Parker, just on this trip alone. Now, you might have to help me if I don’t remember all of the ones you told me. But in my defense, the list is long.”
Kelli laughed through her tears and swatted her friend with the back of her hand. Then she blew her nose.
“The water landing in your lap on the plane, making it look like you didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. Drooling all over him when you accidentally fell asleep on him. Taking your poor row-neighbor’s luggage, flinging a mushroom into his water, tripping with the cookies while caroling, singing the wrong verse while caroling, twisting your ankle at dinner—”
“Okay, stop! You don’t need to name them all—I think we’ve established that lots of embarrassing stuff happened.” Her face was flaming hot all over again.
“But he still kept falling for you, through it all.”
Kelli closed her eyes. He had. No matter how many embarrassing things happened, he still kept wanting to be with her. Right up until the end, when he ended things with no real explanation. “Val?” she said, her voice quivering. “He was so upset about my dad.”
“Kelli.” Valeria paused until Kelli met her eyes. “It’s because he’s in love with you and doesn’t want anyone to hurt you.”
She studied her friend’s eyes, trying to figure out if what she was saying felt true. “I don’t know if he’s in love with me. He broke up with me, Val. That’s not what ‘in love’ people do.”
“Sometimes ‘in love’ people get a little scared.”
Kelli flinched back in surprise. “Why? That makes no sense.”
“When Rhett and I broke up, part of the reason was because he was scared and a little insecure. I didn’t find out that part until after we got married and he told me.” Valeria shrugged. “Maybe Parker worries that he’s not good enough.”
Kelli shook her head. “He’s perfect. That can’t be it.”
Valeria chuckled. “How much do you want to bet that he feels the same way about you?”
Kelli’s head was pounding and her sinuses ached, so it was a little more difficult to think, leaving her feeling slightly bewildered. “We broke up, Val. He broke up. Do you really think there could still be a chance for us?”
Valeria got off the bed and walked back around to Kelli’s side. “Sweetie, I think you’re two amazing people who are perfect for each other, and soon you’ll both figure that out.”
Kelli studied her friend for a long moment, and then grabbed a tissue just in time to block a gigantic sneeze. “So what do I do?” Her nose was stuffier from the sneeze and the words didn’t come out quite right.
“Get better. Right now, getting better is your only job.”
Valeria crouched by the sacks she had set on the floor. “Now, I don’t know if you’ve noticed the passage of time as you’ve been dwelling here in your cave of broken hearts and mammoth cold, but it’s officially New Year’s Eve, and I,” she said, pulling items out of her bags, “brought decorations!”
Chapter Twenty-Two
When Parker finally pulled himself out of bed, he went downstairs to the mansion’s kitchen to try to find something for breakfast. He didn’t want to leave the place to go find food—there was so much festiveness going on at the resort, and he felt anything but festive.
Addison was sitting at the island counter on a barstool, reading on her phone and eating an apple. She glanced up as he walked in. “Hey, Parker.”
“Morning.”
She sat her phone down. “Parker. It’s been three days, and you’re still looking like you belong in a movie about an apocalypse.”
He let out a single huff of a humorless laugh. “It’s not a movie.” He turned his back to her, looking on the rear counter for any more fruit.
“I might have been a little jealous of Kelli when we first got here.”
Parker turned around at the mention of Kelli’s name.
She shrugged. “But I’ve gotten to know her, and the truth is, she’s a pretty cool person.”
“I know.”
“And she deserves a good guy.”
He was very painfully aware of that. “I know.”
“And it was obvious from day one that you’re a good guy, Parker.”
He studied Addison for a moment. The comment seemed genuine, but she hadn’t known him well enough to know all of his shortcomings. Instead of responding, he opened the fridge.
“Read this before you look for food. It was here on the counter when I came down.”
She tossed a piece of paper his direction, and he caught it before it drifted off the edge of the counter. It was a note from Merit, asking Parker to meet him at the Green Olive in the clubhouse at nine for breakfast. He glanced down at his watch—it was already eight forty. He probably shouldn’t have chosen this as the one day to sleep in.
He thanked Addison, hurried upstairs to shower and change, and then jogged over to the clubhouse, trying to ignore all the work going on to get the place set up for the New Year’s celebration going on tonight. The dinner, live music, and dance that was going to be outside under the stars, with fireworks and a toast to the new year, along with kissing at midnight. The event that he was supposed to attend with Kelli.
Sam, and Adam, and several other friends, had texted or called since the morning Kelli flew back home. He hadn’t responded to any of them—he just hadn’t been ready to talk. Yet Merit was sure to bring everything up. Was he ready enough to talk now?
He glanced down at his watch as he stepped into the lobby. It was a few minutes after nine. The place still had the Christmas tree and a most of the Christmas decorations that had been here when he came with Kelli, but some had been switched out for gold, silver, and black New Year’s decorations, and somehow, all of it looked right together.
The hostess directed Parker to a table where Merit sat, just as the waiter was setting down several plates of food.
Merit looked at Parker and said, “Oh, good, you made it,” before thanking the waiter. “I’m glad you got my note. I ordered food already. I hope that’s okay.”
“Of course.”
An empty plate sat in front of each of them, and all the plates with food were in the middle of the table, filled with eggs, bacon, pancakes, hash browns, fruit, and toast.
“I didn’t know what you’d like, so I got a little of everything. Dish up.”
As they got food on their plates and started eating, Merit asked him questions about the retreat. It felt mostly like small talk, but he figured the guy probably wanted to know if things needed to be tweaked for their next retreat. So he pushed his feelings of sadness and remorse aside and focused on the conversation and answered everything hones
tly and openly. It was better to talk about this stuff, anyway. He could convince himself that they were just two guys chatting about a work thing, without a care in the world.
So he was caught completely off guard when Merit asked, “So have you made a decision on whether or not to take that other job?”
He had almost forgotten that he had told Merit about the job offer. Not that he couldn’t remember telling him. It was just that neither Merit nor Graham had brought it up a single time on the retreat, so he just hadn’t thought about it. He nodded. “I turned it down. I’m going to stay at ZentCube.”
A smile spread across Merit’s face. “We’re glad you’re staying. You’re good at what you do, and we’re fortunate to have you.” Merit looked down at his plate for a moment, a small smile on his lips, before he looked back at Parker. “Although I’m sure it wasn’t just a matter of us convincing you that this was a good company to stay with. In fact, I’d bet that Kelli had more to do with your decision than we did.”
“You convinced me,” he reassured Merit. “This is a great company.”
Merit raised an eyebrow in a look that told him that he didn’t like when people just said what they thought he wanted to hear. He liked when they told it straight. Parker knew enough about Merit to know that already; his response had been less about protecting Merit’s feelings and more about protecting his own.
“Okay, she did have a lot to do with the decision. If I can someday be good enough for her, then I want to see her while I’m at work, too. If I can’t, then I deserve to be reminded daily of what I lost.”
“Ouch.” Merit flinched, like that pain hit him, too. “Do you love her?”
Parker’s nod came quickly. “More than I ever thought I could love another person. She’s funny and thoughtful and has the most incredible inner strength. Just being around her makes me want to be a better man.”
“So what happened?”
Parker exhaled slowly, trying to figure out how to tell Merit. He was embarrassed and didn’t want to admit how foolish he’d been, but he realized that not responding to any of his friends who had reached out hadn’t been working out so great for him, either. He just really needed to talk it out. “If you would’ve asked me what Kelli’s biggest fear was before we came on this trip, I would’ve guessed spiders. But now I’ve realized that it’s actually a fear of people walking out of her life. But I didn’t understand that until I said some stupid things that made her believe that she needs to fear that with me.”