by Meg Easton
“Does she?”
“No!” Parker swallowed hard. “Except I kind of did when I ended things with her. But I don’t want things to end.”
Merit picked up his glass of orange juice and swirled it around for a moment before he drank the last of it and set the cup back down. He met Parker’s eyes. “Graham and I are both surprised that you haven’t come to me asking if you can get your flight changed to an earlier time. He’s been texting several times a day, asking if you’ve come to talk to me yet. It’s New Year’s Eve already—why are you still here and not back in Denver, trying to convince her that she doesn’t need to worry about that with you?”
“Because I want her to be with someone who is good enough for her.” Parker swallowed down a lump in his throat. “And I don’t think I am.”
“Do you want to be?”
“Of course I do.”
Merit’s phone lit up with a text, and he typed a response before continuing. “So, I’ve noticed that Kelli is a bit of a perfectionist.”
Parker chuckled. “You could say that. Which is crazy, because she’s perfect even when she’s not trying to be.”
Merit studied him for long enough that it made him flinch. This wasn’t his boss studying him—this was the CEO, the co-founder, and the co-owner of the huge company Parker worked for. This was by far more intense than any time Adam’s focus was on him. It made him feel exposed, like Merit could see anything about him that he wanted to.
“Have you ever noticed that you’re a bit of a perfectionist, too?”
He rubbed his forehead, frowning. He hadn’t ever thought of himself like that.
“Parker, if there’s anything I’ve learned by falling in love with Elise, it’s that Kelli doesn’t need you to be perfect. Nobody needs to be perfect. It’s only ever about recognizing your shortcomings and working to overcome them. You have your own incredible strength of character. Graham and I wouldn’t have brought you on this trip otherwise. Every amazing person I’ve ever met has gotten there by continually working to become better. Never because they’re working to become perfect, only that they’re working to be better than they were the day before.
“So work to be better. Make it a habit to apologize sincerely when you’re wrong. And let her know how you really feel about her already.”
Parker shook his head. “I don’t know.” All of that made sense logically. And he could see it working. But what about the long term? “I’m just...not good at being able to tell when things start to go wrong.”
“This ex-fiancée of yours—from what you told me, you were blindsided when she gave you this list, right?”
“Very much so.”
“Okay. Were you blindsided when things went wrong with Kelli?”
“Yeah.”
His answer had come quickly, but Merit was still looking at him like he was waiting for him to think it through, so he did. Things had been going well. But he’d had his own fears he’d been working through, and looking back, he could easily see when those things were impacting things with Kelli, even before their disastrous conversation. And from what he knew about her mom leaving and her dad’s new family, she had plenty of her own fears she was working through, too. He knew all of that, and knew it could be an issue.
And then he thought about the conversation in his room about her dad. He had looked at her face several times during that conversation and saw what it was doing to her. Yet he still kept talking, still kept saying things about her dad.
Had he even meant everything that he had said? Had he forgotten that she was much more important than any negative opinions he had of her dad? Or had he simply been allowing his own fears to take over, and subconsciously sabotaged everything with a single, terrible, hurtful conversation? He wasn’t sure, and the weight of what he’d done hit him anew.
He shook his head. “I wasn’t blindsided.”
Merit nodded, and then picked up his phone, touching several things while he spoke. “Graham wanted in on this conversation. And since he’s Graham, he sent his contribution in the form of a slideshow.”
Parker chuckled as Merit turned his phone toward him. Graham must’ve had the slides set to a timer, because each one switched to the next on its own. The first slide was of the twelve of them who had come on the retreat—the same bobble-headed images from the slideshow Graham had presented on the first day—standing in front of the limos, holding their luggage, with sounds of cheering.
Most of them had a bag and a suitcase, but Parker seemed to have the most luggage of them all. He had the bag and suitcase, but also wore a huge backpack, like the kind hikers take when they want to stay overnight somewhere and they have to pack in all of their bedding, shelter, clothing, food, and cooking supplies. It was big enough that it even rose higher than his head.
Then it switched to the second slide, and a slow, instrumental song played through Merit’s phone’s speakers as bobble-headed him and bobble-headed Kelli danced, which wasn’t easy with their bodies that were so much smaller than their heads. The luggage was gone, but Parker was still wearing the giant backpack.
The next slide came with the sound of forks clinking on plates, and bobble-headed Kelli was smiling at bobble-headed Parker as they both served food at the soup kitchen. The backpack was still on Parker’s back.
As the next slide came on the screen, the song that Merit and Graham had sung to wake them up Christmas morning—We Wish You a Merry Christmas—played, as all seventeen of them sat around a Christmas tree, including baby Hope in Tessa’s arms. Parker was holding a Christmas present out to Kelli and, of course, he was still wearing the backpack.
The next slide was split into two. On the left was an outline of the state of Colorado, with a bobble-headed crying Kelli in the middle of it; on the right was South Carolina with a bobble-headed crying Parker, still wearing the backpack. He couldn’t say he’d actually cried, but the image still captured how brokenhearted he felt.
The next slide was of a plane on a runway. An animated Parker threw off the backpack, and then ran with his suitcase to the plane. Then it switched to bobble-headed Parker and bobble-headed Kelli kissing, a love song playing in the background.
The visuals, fun and cartoony as they were, hit him hard. But at the same time, they filled him with hope.
Merit smiled, shaking his head, as he closed out of the slideshow. “Graham is nothing if not theatrical in his slideshows. I think the point he got across without using a single word was that it’s easy to project the baggage from a past relationship onto the next, Parker. We’ve all done it. Just remember that Kelli and your ex aren’t the same. You aren’t even the same. So don’t let your past ruin something pretty great in your future.”
Parker swallowed, letting Merit’s words and Graham’s pictures sink in. “I can see why ZentCube is so successful. You’re pretty wise.”
Merit laughed. “I wouldn’t go that far. It just wasn’t that long ago that I made my own monumental mistakes when it came to falling in love with an incredible woman, and I was grateful to have someone step in and help me get past it.” He reached into the pocket of his jacket and then slid a folded piece of paper across the table. “The earliest flight I could get you leaves this afternoon. A car will be by to pick you up at two.”
“Thank you, Merit.” He couldn’t express how grateful he was, but he hoped Merit could see it on his face. He seemed to be good at that.
He picked up the paper without opening it, his mind racing to figure out what he should do once he landed in Denver.
Chapter Twenty-Three
A knock sounded at Kelli’s door. She glanced at her clock—it was after eleven p.m.—then shook her head. She thought she’d fully convinced Valeria that she was just fine and didn’t need her babysitting all night, and that she should go celebrate New Year’s Eve with Rhett.
Before the trip to the Royal Palm Resort, before the plan to extend the trip over New Year’s, before everything with Parker happened, and before this cold deci
ded to take up residence in her body, she had planned to go to the same party and had been excited for it. The place was even going to have a light show in the ballroom as they counted down to midnight, and as much as she didn’t want to be alone tonight, she didn’t want Valeria to miss it even more.
She cleared her throat the best she could in its current state and called out, “Come in! And you better be coming back just because you forgot something!”
She heard the key turning in the lock, but she started coughing because yelling that loud had been too much for her poor, scratchy throat. The coughing made her head pound and angered her sinuses. She was just blowing her stuffy nose when Parker appeared in her bedroom doorway.
“Parker!”
She stared at him with her mouth open, wondering if she was really seeing him standing in her doorway, holding bags, snow in his hair and on his shoulders, the light she’d left on in her living room backlighting him and making him look like an angel. Was she seeing things?
“What are you doing here? Aren’t you in Myrtle Beach? You don’t even know where I live! And how did you get into my house?” More and more questions filled her mind, but they were coming too fast to get any of them out of her mouth.
He took one tentative step into her room. “I just got back an hour ago. I emailed Valeria to see if she knew where I could find you. She had me meet her at some party and gave me your key. She told me you were sick and that I should definitely come tonight and let myself in so you didn’t have to get out of bed.” His eyes quickly scanned the room, and then fell back on her. “Is it okay that I’m here?”
Kelli gave him a slow nod, and then closed her eyes, thinking about how much she wanted to strangle her best friend. Just because Valeria thought Kelli needed to realize that she didn’t have to be perfect didn’t mean that she wanted Parker to see her like this. She had managed to shower last night, but hadn’t even blow-dried her hair; she had just let it do whatever it wanted to do, then pulled it into a crazy bun on top of her head.
She hadn’t so much as put on moisturizer, let alone the makeup she always put on before ever leaving the house. She was sure her nose was red and dry, especially from blowing it right before Parker appeared in her doorway. And her eyes were probably giant bags from crying earlier. Likely bloodshot, too, based on how itchy they had been and how terribly she’d been sleeping.
And she was wearing flannel pajamas, in bed, and her room looked like a bomb went off in a tissue factory. This was not the way she had wanted to see Parker again, especially after so many embarrassing things had happened in his presence.
But he was here. When he was supposed to be celebrating New Year’s Eve on the beach. What did that mean? Her brain was feeling too sick to be able to figure out things like that. She needed Valeria here to translate.
“Can I come in?”
She nodded and motioned to a reading chair she had on the other side of her nightstand. He put his bags down and then sat, but he scooted the chair so that he was facing her. Her overhead light wasn’t on, just her two lamps, but it was plenty to see his face in their soft glow.
So many emotions were battling it out inside her, right alongside her massive cold. A thrill had gone through her at seeing him, and it was coursing through her even more madly now that he was so close and his eyes were on hers. An overwhelming sadness that he had ended things. Panic and embarrassment were also fighting for dominance and making her wish she never would’ve said he could come into the room to see her like this. And curiosity as to why he had come. That one seemed to be winning.
“I’m sorry you’re so sick.” He reached a hand forward, like he was going to brush his knuckles down her temples. He pulled his hand back, unsure, but her skin was still on high-alert and practically tingling with anticipation of his touch. “When did it hit?”
“Not long after I got back. Hopefully I didn’t give it to you before I knew I had it.”
Awkwardness was crowding in the room, causing uncomfortable silences and uncertainty. Like they both were bursting with so much to say, but didn’t know to say it. Like they didn’t remember how to be around each other since they had officially broken up.
“How’s everything with your dad?”
“Good. Some crazy weather delayed his flight, so he doesn’t get home tomorrow afternoon now, but we’re going to spend the evening together.” Just like her dad had promised. He might not make choices that she agreed with, especially when it came to JoAnn, but he didn’t lie. He didn’t make promises he couldn’t keep. She wished that Parker understood that about him.
Before it had a chance to turn into another awkward silence, she hurried to ask him a question. “When do you start working at your friend’s company?” She didn’t want to hear the answer. She didn’t want to face the idea of him not being at ZentCube daily becoming a reality. But she had to know how much time she had left. Hopefully his answer wouldn’t be the day they were supposed to go back to work after the holiday break.
What she wanted to do was ask him to explain why he ended things. She wanted to tell him that she was working on her fears and that she loved him and wanted him to be with her through it. And if he had his own fears, that she wanted to be with him as he worked through them. That she wanted to keep trying to make it through whatever they faced together. That she loved him for who he was.
But she couldn’t seem to think straight. Not with this cold and not with him unexpectedly here, sitting so near. She grabbed a tissue and rubbed at her nose. She’d asked Valeria what she needed to do, and all her friend had said was for her to get better. Since she hadn’t done that step yet, she hadn’t worked out what came next.
Parker moved to the front of his seat, barely sitting on it, leaning forward with his arms on his legs. “Kelli, I was wrong. About so many things—most of which I hadn’t even realized at the time. I was wrong to say all the things I did about your dad. You were right. I didn’t know him well enough to say what I did. But I did know you well enough to know that I shouldn’t have doubted you. I shouldn’t have worried that you would get hurt. I should’ve just been there for you.”
Her breath hitched and a warmth spread through her as his earnest words wrapped around her. He stood up and moved to the edge of her bed, sitting by her knees, like he was too far away and needed to get closer, and she could barely breathe.
“Kelli, I am so sorry. I know that what I said hurt you, and I don’t ever want to hurt you again. I want to be the one to protect you from anything that could possibly ever harm you. I am every bit as scared that I’m not nearly good enough for you as I was back in my room at The Royal Palm. I wish I was already the kind of man you deserve. All I can do is to promise you that I’ll never stop trying to be.”
Maybe it was the cold, but she was so confused. She reached a hand up and touched his face. “But you’re perfect already.”
He smiled and leaned into her hand. “I think that’s the cold talking.”
She laughed. “You were perfect before I got sick.”
He just looked at her in a dazed awe, like he thought she might be perfect, too, instead of looking like death came by for a visit. “And I think you’re amazing every second of every day.”
“Even if I cover your work area with cats? Or steal the conference room?”
A smile spread across Parker’s face, showing his dimple. “Even then.”
He reached for her hands, but she jerked hers back. “Wait!” She was sick, and she definitely didn’t want Parker to risk getting what she had. She grabbed the bottle of hand sanitizer from her nightstand and rubbed a generous amount on her hands, then waved them back and forth so they’d dry.
Then she reached toward him and, chuckling, he took her hands in his. “I love you, Kelli. Please tell me that you’ll give me another chance.”
I love you. He’d said I love you. The emotion swelled up in her so much that she could barely keep the tickle it had caused in her throat from turning into a cough.
&
nbsp; “Well,” she said, “I think that’s a distinct possibility, because it just so happens that I am madly in love with you, too.”
The look of joy on Parker’s face made her feel warm down to her toes, and made her wish that she had mistletoe hanging right above her bed. And that she wasn’t sick, obviously. Because she also wanted to get up and pretend that they were at The Royal Palm Resort like they had planned, dancing the night away—this time as an actual dating couple. Her first dance with him had been so amazing that she wanted to spend every chance she could get for the rest of her life dancing with him.
Instead, she motioned to the bags. “What did you bring?”
Parker smiled like she imagined he did when he was fifteen and his little brother realized that Santa had come, and he pulled the bags toward him. From one, he pulled out a mini Christmas tree and set it on her night stand. She scooted closer to look at the ornaments under the glow of her lamp.
“I found a shop on the boardwalk that had a bunch of unique ornaments.”
There was an airplane, a person sleeping, a couple dancing, a cooked turkey, a lamppost with Christmas lights wrapped around it, a train, reindeer antlers, a gingerbread house, a little bottle with sand and seashells inside, a horse and carriage, a group Christmas caroling, a cat, and even a mushroom. Seeing all of them made her want to laugh and sigh and cry happy tears and snuggle up in his arms.
“This is amazing, Parker. I’ve—” She was speechless. Words couldn’t express all that she was feeling.