Return to Paradise

by Laina Villeneuve

  “So Bo is married to Ruth, and they are the ones who raised you?”

  “Yeah.” For some reason laying it all out embarrassed me, like she’d see me as someone who didn’t have real parents.

  “Cool. Mind if I take a look at the doorknob?”

  “No. It’s in my glove box in the truck.” Having sorted the names to the people in my life, Lacey left the room apparently satisfied. I wondered how to introduce Lacey in Paradise. What would happen if I claimed Bo and Ruth with the words Mom and Dad? Charlie had never argued when I used his given name, but Bo and Ruth had never suggested that I call them anything other than that. Ruth’s voice came back to me, the way it had shifted during our conversation. For the first time in my life, I wondered if she had ever wanted me to call her more than Ruth.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Lacey

  I sat on Bo and Ruth’s wraparound porch with Madison’s mortise lock case in pieces. I’d brought it along as a puzzle to tackle during any downtime. On holidays with my family, there were times I needed to step away from the group, and I guessed the same would be true meeting a girlfriend’s parents. I was guessing because it was a first for me. I’d known from the start with Della that we weren’t suited well enough to take that step. She’d made me feel giddy for a few weeks, but too soon, her negative outlook drowned out the sparks.

  After that, I met a woman when I was visiting my family in Chico. I thought we had potential, but after a few months, she declined invitations to meet my family and never suggested I meet hers. We never saw any of her friends. She didn’t need me to be part of her life. I felt like her dirty secret, best left untold. When it became clear to me that she was happy having an occasional lay without a relationship, I walked away. Now I know exactly what I want and don’t see the point in investing time in something not likely to work out.

  And then came Madison. My first impression had made me wary, but there was something about her that kept pulling me back. Despite our rocky start and the fact that we’d only just begun to date, here I was sitting on Ruth and Bo’s front porch. They were lovely, making me feel immediately welcome. I woke to laughter floating up the stairs and had crept down to find Ruth and Madison making buttermilk pancakes.

  The day before, Madison had driven me around the property. After lunch, I’d left Ruth and Madison to discuss curtain rods, and settled on the front porch with the knob and lock cartridge. Though I’d been careful when I removed the screw and separated the plates, the pieces of the internal mechanism spilled out randomly, and I’d been tinkering with them trying to figure out what went where.

  Thus far, I’d made more progress on rubbing off the rust than figuring out where any of the pieces went, but it interested me and kept my fingers and brain engaged. A flash of orange caught my eye, and I recognized the Power Wagon Madison had driven up to Quincy the second time I saw her. A weathered cowboy tumbled out of the driver’s side and ambled toward the trailer Madison had identified as Charlie’s. He saw me watching and pushed his gray hat back on his forehead, squinting at me.

  I smiled and waved. He looked at Madison’s truck and then back to me and changed his trajectory. I started to stand, but he waved off my gesture.

  “Madison here?” he asked, his tongue tracing the inside of his bottom lip.

  “Inside with Ruth. I’m Lacey. I came down with Madison for the weekend.” I wiped my hand on my jeans and extended it toward him.

  He accepted with a gnarled hand, squeezing firmly. “You’re the mechanic she met?” His cheeks were pocked and red, but his eyes friendly.

  Knowing that Madison had told Charlie about me erased the annoyance I usually felt when people used the term mechanic. “I am.”

  His eyes roamed the pieces spread out before me. “You’ve got yourself a nice little project here.”

  “It would have gone faster if I’d seen where each of the pieces went, but they all tumbled out when I opened it up.”

  He nodded and sat on the edge of the porch taking the housing and the bolt first. He slid the bolt in and worked the other bits in without error. The muscles around his neck twitched involuntarily, and seemed to force him to blink, but he still managed to fluidly piece everything in perfectly in less than a minute. He handed it back to me, the only work left to put the top plate on and replace the screw. “Where’d you get this?”

  “It’s Madison’s.”

  “I know. I took them pieces apart when she was just a little thing.”

  “You broke it?”

  He nodded so slightly I almost missed it. “Had to.” The muscles along the side of his jaw twitched.

  Something had happened, surely with Madison, and I would have liked to ask about it. He rubbed his hand over his pained face, wiping his expression clean.

  “You know I grew up in that house?” I said for something to say.

  “Madison might’ve mentioned it.”

  “This was on my bedroom door. I always hated that it didn’t work, but when I asked my dad about fixing it, he said I didn’t need a bedroom door that locked. When I tore out the bedroom walls to add another bay to my garage, I gave all the old hardware to the woman who owns the antique shop next door. Madison must’ve bought it from her.”

  His lip twitched upward under his thick grayed mustache. He looked away from me, so I couldn’t read what he was thinking. I replaced the screw and fit the beautiful red and black swirled handle through the plate.

  “She’s using it at the ranch?” Charlie asked.

  “Yes, she’s finished painting her room and is planning to use it there.”

  He stood, but his haunted eyes stayed on me. “I guess it’s all right for a grown girl to have a locking door.”

  I sat flummoxed as he started to walk away. “She’s right inside, sir.”

  “Maybe I’ll see her a bit later. Pleasure.” He tipped his hat to me before settling it firmly down on his head for the short walk to his trailer.

  * * *

  As the evening wore on I waited for Madison to suggest that we drop in on Charlie. She didn’t mention it before dinner, and after Bo slipped off to his office and Ruth dismissed my offer to do the dishes, I couldn’t hold back my thoughts any longer.

  “I saw Charlie’s Dodge earlier.”

  Madison nodded, refolding her cloth napkin.

  “Did you want to say hi?”

  “I don’t need to. Did I tell you that Ruth is letting me have her mother’s headboard and dresser for my room? I was telling her how I haven’t found anything I like as much, and she said it never gets used here, and I’m welcome to it. Isn’t that amazing?”

  I wondered if she realized the significance of Ruth’s gift, that it was one a mother made to her daughter to make sure that heirlooms stayed in the family, but I didn’t want to lose track of the conversation I’d started. Ignoring that I’d spoken with Charlie earlier, I said, “I’d like to meet him.”

  Madison glanced at the clock although she had mentioned that Charlie hardly ever slept. “Okay.” She stood and took my hand and paused at the kitchen doorway to let Ruth know we’d be back shortly.

  Ruth’s eyes bounced down to our joined hands and back up again. She dried her hands on her apron. “Hold on a minute. I’ll make a plate for you to take over. That man doesn’t feed himself properly.”

  Since she hadn’t introduced me as her girlfriend, I was surprised by how much Madison touched me. Waiting for Ruth, she wrapped her arm around my waist, pulling me flush against her body. If that didn’t announce couple in neon lights, I didn’t know what did. I was already buzzing with pleasure at the contact with Madison and flushed all over again when Ruth smiled warmly at me when she returned.

  With a foil-covered plate we walked in silence across the drive toward the trailer. She pulled back the screen and held it in place with her body and rapped on the door. She waited for Charlie to answer it, and the two didn’t hug when she stepped inside.

  “Ruth sent this,” was the first thing Mad
ison said as she handed the plate to Charlie.

  He nodded and walked to the kitchen to set it down on the counter. They seemed more comfortable with the counter between them.

  “This is Charlie,” she said, standing a few feet from me. She introduced me and reminded Charlie that she’d stopped at my shop the first trip up to Quincy, and we all three stood there staring at the plate of food.

  I didn’t know what to say or do and felt the awkwardness press in on the small space. Dark curtains hung on dark paneled walls. He had a low bookshelf stuffed with books and a tiny TV in the corner. A tattered couch big enough for two took up one wall, and two old stuffed chairs faced the bookshelf with a table and lamp between. A book sat open on the table, and I wondered what we had interrupted.

  “You’re the reason there’s a car door in the bed of Madison’s truck.”

  “Yes, sir. I picked it up for a client.” It occurred to me that Shawneen might have owned the Nova back when they’d been together. I glanced at Madison, still focused on the food. Was she thinking about Shawneen as well?

  “I thought you worked on motors,” Charlie said.

  “I usually do. I got suckered into helping out.” I had to be careful with what I said. In any other situation, I’d have been explaining Shawneen’s ability to coerce me into doing what she wanted, but I wasn’t about to talk to her ex-husband in that way.

  “Careful what you say yes to. You lie down, a person’ll walk all over you.”

  “I couldn’t let her boyfriend weld the driver’s side door shut. It didn’t seem right.”

  He tipped at the waist, his shoulders jumping a bit, and I realized he was laughing. Madison looked at me in wonder. When he stood again, the skin at the edge of his eyes was puckered in amusement. “As long as you’re doing it for the car, I suppose you’re fine. You girls get enough to eat up there? I hate to eat in front of you if you’re hungry, but this sure looks good.”

  “We ate already.”

  The way she was turning to me, I could tell she was ready to go, but his last string of words gave me the impression he enjoyed our company. “But I’d sure like a cup of tea or coffee if you have it.”

  He put one hand on his hip and the other behind his head, and I was struck by the resemblance to Madison. “I’ve got it. Have a seat. Have a seat.” He ushered us to the table in the kitchen, pushing papers into a hasty pile. “It’s been a long time since I had company,” he said, “but coffee I can do. Madison. You want a cup too?”

  She looked from him to me like she was unsure of the right answer. “Sure,” she finally said.

  I butted her knee with mine under the table, happy she’d brought me home.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Madison

  “Are you okay?” I asked. Lacey hadn’t seemed like herself since we’d left Paradise. She was unusually quiet, staring out the window as I drove. I thought the visit had gone really well, especially considering the warm hugs Bo and Ruth had given Lacey, but beyond asking after Charlie, who was out in the pastures at sunrise, she hadn’t said a word.

  “When are you going to tell Shawneen who you are?”

  Her words threw me completely. “What in the world brought her up?”

  Lacey scooted sideways to look directly at me. “Do you know how hard it was talking about why we were at the junkyard getting that door knowing it’s Shawneen’s car and who Shawneen was to Charlie? Things like that just spill out of my mouth, and I don’t want to be the person who drops that bombshell. It’s exhausting to dance around to keep it secret.” Her eyes returned to the road, but I could tell she had more to say. After a few minutes, she added, “That’s how it was when we saw Shawneen before we left.”

  “That was days ago.”

  “And it’s still eating me up. Even if she’s blind to you being her daughter, at the very least, she should remember she met you at my shop. How can you let that go?”

  I kept my eyes on the road, not wanting to answer her question. “I don’t know. Maybe it bothers you because you have all the pieces, and she doesn’t, so I don’t expect anything from her. She’s caught up in what’s going on in her life today, not what happened nearly twenty years ago.”

  “Still, she didn’t even acknowledge that you were there at the grocery store the other day. It’s like she’s purposely ignoring you. It was all I could do to not say ‘How can you not recognize your daughter standing right in front of you?’”

  “I’m glad you didn’t.” I could only imagine the scene it would have caused in the checkout line. To be fair to Shawneen, I had been grateful that I was putting the snacks we’d picked up for our trip on the conveyor belt when Shawneen walked up behind us. I happily kept Lacey in between us because I didn’t know how to act around her. “However little you think of her, she doesn’t deserve to have her longlost kid drop a bomb in a supermarket.”

  “You have more restraint than I do,” Lacey grumbled. “You have to tell her soon, or I will blurt it out. I swear. She already pushes my patience to its limit. Seeing the way she continues to ignore you just about makes me explode.”

  I laughed at that. “I’d hate to be responsible for that. Did your parents have short tempers?”

  “My mom had a pillow that said I can’t cope.”

  “What would she do, scream into it?”

  “Mostly it sat on the couch as a reminder for us to not push her buttons. She would pick it up and shake it at us when we were at our worst. Probably kept her from shaking us. If that didn’t work, there were a few times she threw it. We knew to back off if it got that bad.”

  We sat in silence for a few minutes. Just because she was on the verge of exploding didn’t mean that I had any better idea about announcing my presence to Shawneen.

  “Nice try at distracting me, but it doesn’t make me any less annoyed with your mother.”

  “Shawneen,” I said before I even registered that I was talking.

  “But she is your mother.”

  “I know, but the way you said it…It’s like you hold me responsible for her, and I don’t want any part of that. She is who she is, and she chose not to be my mother.”

  “Why come back to Quincy? Are you wanting her to be your mother now? You do plan on telling her eventually, don’t you?”

  I took a deep breath, calming the nerves that made me feel sick to my stomach. I couldn’t really say what it was that I wanted from her now after all these years.

  “Soon?” she pressed.

  “I know that’s what you want.” I downshifted for a particularly steep, tight turn in the canyon. When the road straightened out, I continued. “I don’t see how it’s going to happen. I can’t sit down at her station and say ‘Hey, what are the specials, Mom?’ or stop by her house. I’ve thought about calling her, but she’s going to ask what I want or what I expect, and I don’t have an answer for that beyond feeling like something was calling me to Quincy.”

  Lacey was still looking out the window when I glanced to check out how my destiny-coated answer had gone over. “I could introduce you,” she suggested after a long silence.

  “You don’t think that would be weird?”

  “I don’t think there’s any way around weird.” She reached over and tickled the hair at my neckline. It felt so good, that simple touch, and I wanted to keep my attention there. The last week, all I’d wanted to do was forget about my mother and believe that Charlie’s property was calling me back so I could meet Lacey. That was enough, wasn’t it?

  My mind drifted back to Steve’s phone call and the sting that had pushed me to pursue buying the place my dad had worked. “People don’t pick me,” I said softly. Lacey’s hand stilled.

  “I pick you.”

  I chanced a quick glance at her and read concern in her eyes. I didn’t want her pity, but I did feel like I needed to explain. For myself as well as her, I needed to try to put into words what I was doing. “Whatever happened with Shawneen and Charlie, neither one of them picked me. All throu
gh school, I sat at the edges, never getting picked. I invited friends for sleepovers, but they never reciprocated. When I was worried about dating in high school, Ruth told me that it would be better in college, so I was patient. I figured I would meet someone, but I didn’t. I want to know why Shawneen let me go. That’s not exactly an easy question to ask.”

  “Did you ever ask Charlie?”

  “We don’t really talk. Not like the two of you did last night. I’ve never heard the stuff he told you. That Rocky Mountain oyster story? I’d forgotten he had teeth until he told you that.”

  We hooted again, though my laughter was tinged with hurt that Charlie chose to share his past so easily with Lacey. He’d told us how a girlfriend had pulled him along to a branding party, and he had felt like he’d contributed to the day’s efforts until the crew dumped the calf testicles right on the coals. He thought it was how they disposed of the bits, not how they cooked their dinner. It had been great fun listening to him tell how hard it was for him to finally put one in his mouth and chew. And chew. And chew some more as he tried to convince his belly that he was about to swallow it down.

  “It’s a good thing he ended up spraying it all over her brother’s boots.”

  “Because it makes for a good story?” I asked.

  “No, because it meant he didn’t marry that girl. Where would you be if he had?”

  “He probably would have told that kid the story about the first day he spent with his future in-laws.”

  “I’m glad he got the kid he did.”

  “Thanks,” I croaked through a throat that had closed down on me.

  “He seems to like sharing his stories…if you ask.”

  She said it like it was so easy, but what did she have to lose in striking up a conversation with him? “If he wanted to talk to me, don’t you think he would have kept me? He was so relieved for Ruth and Bo to take me in. What if I say the wrong thing, and he disappears forever?”