Outlaw Heart

by Samantha James

  "Pa didn't die for this land, Dillon. He died for you."

  That was the one thing he didn't need to hear, and in that instant, he bitterly resented his sister for that brutal reminder.

  "Look," he said, his voice very low. "I'm doing the best I can—"

  "And so am I, Dillon. So am I. I need someone to help me run this ranch. Someone I can depend on. Someone I can rely on."

  His gaze sharpened. "Are you trying to make me feel guilty?" he demanded. "I just couldn't do things Pa's way. I've got my own life to live, and I'll thank you to stay out of it."

  "And I'll thank you to stay out of mine," she retorted coolly.

  He swore. "Christ, Abby, you're a fool if you sell your soul for a goddamned piece of land!"

  "I'm old enough to make my own choices, remember?"

  His eyes were cutting. "Looks to me like you've already made it." He snatched up his hat and stalked toward the door.

  That had been this afternoon. Abby was still upset when Buck came by that evening. Lately it seemed that whenever she saw Dillon, all they did was bicker and fight. She wasn't about to mention the conversation to Buck, though. They sat outside on the swing that hung from the porch rafters. Darkness gathered all around. Abby was quieter than usual but Buck paid no notice. He was busy talking about the stock he planned to purchase in Denver in several weeks.

  Now she felt the slide of his fingertips against the thin calico of her blouse, around and around the curve of her shoulder. "Ever been to Denver, Abby?"

  "A long time ago with Pa. I was just a kid, though." Abby resisted the urge to squirm out from beneath his touch. It flashed through her mind that she'd never felt that way with Kane. Irritated with the thought, she reminded herself that Buck was a handsome man. Most women would have been proud to have him come calling the way he had lately.

  "Oh, it's a wild town sometimes. Always somethin' going on. You'd like it, I think." He paused. "Maybe you'll get a chance to see it--sooner than you think."

  His tone was low and intimate. Abby found the avid boldness of his look unnerving. "Perhaps," she murmured. She summoned a faint smile. "Buck, I hate to be rude. But I have an early day planned for tomorrow, and I'm sure you do, too."

  "I guess I do, at that." A hand at her elbow, he helped her up. His hand remained cupped there as they crossed to stand in the center of the porch. His fingers tightened ever so slightly.

  "How about a little good-bye kiss to see me off?" he suggested.

  Tall and dark-haired, Buck towered over her by nearly a foot. He really was handsome, Abby noted again with that same curious detachment. Razor-sharp blue eyes gleamed beneath rich brown hair. His features were elegant but masculine. One had only to glance at him to know he was a thorough, capable man. But it was his air of brash confidence that sometimes annoyed her to no end.

  "Well, Abby. How about it?" His words were soft and cajoling. His arms were hard about her back and wholly determined as he pulled her close.

  She hesitated. Again her mind sped straight to Kane. The next instant she berated herself fiercely for her lack of control—and lack of enthusiasm. Certainly it wasn't as if she'd never been kissed before.

  "Very well," she murmured. Closing her eyes, she turned her lips up to his.

  His kiss wasn't the chaste peck she expected. His mouth came down on hers, moist and full. Abby inhaled sharply and attempted to draw back. He caught her chin between thumb and forefinger. "Not so fast," he murmured smoothly. "I've waited a long time for this. Why not make it worthwhile?"

  His mouth again trapped hers. Though his hold was not hurtful, he allowed no retreat. His kiss was stark and sensual, both persuasive and seductive. It spun through Abby's mind that he certainly knew his way around women. Yet while she felt no distaste, neither did she feel any pleasure. Indeed, she felt strangely numb, as if she watched from a distance. The pressure of his mouth deepened. His hands skimmed down her spine, feathering over her buttocks. He urged her against his lower body a scant second before he released her.

  He ran a finger down her cheek, eyes dark and smoldering. "Why don't we have a picnic down by the river tomorrow afternoon after church, just the two of us?" He didn't give her the chance to agree or disagree. "I'll stop by at two o'clock."

  He disappeared into the night. The sound of hoofbeats filled the air. Abby blinked, just a little stunned. She'd been feeling rather guilty that his kiss left her so unaffected—and he hadn't even noticed!

  "What the hell did you think you were doing letting him paw you like that?"

  She froze. Her eyes strained, sifting through the gloomy shadows surrounding the house. Just when she was convinced she'd conjured up that silk-steel drawl out of some perverse longing, he stepped forward. The light spilling out through the parlor window caught him in its glow.

  Kane.

  Her heart had forgotten how to beat. Her legs felt like Dorothy's fresh-made jam. His features were drawn, his clothing dusty and travel-stained. He looked leaner than ever. Even as her eyes drank in the sight of him, all she could think was that it was just like him to forego the courtesy of a greeting.

  Her spine straightened. Her chin came up. "A gentleman would have made his presence known instead of spying on us like that!"

  He shook his head. A smile rimmed his lips, a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you, sweetheart? I'm no gentleman."

  Lord, he was as maddening as ever. "I am not your sweetheart and I'll thank you to stop calling me that once and for all!"

  He hitched his chin to the west, where the other man had ridden off. "I'm curious, sweetheart. Was that Buck Russell?"

  He was coming up the steps now. She sensed something hard and dangerous in his manner, something that made her want to turn tail and run for all she was worth. Instead she stood her ground with uneasy caution.

  "What do you know about Buck Russell? How do you even know who he is?"

  "Midnight threw a shoe just outside of town. The smith was just bursting at the seams when he found out I was headed out here. He was only too willing to bend my ear with some mighty interesting gossip."

  Abby surveyed him warily. Kane's easy tone belied the tempest in his eyes.

  "He said you and Buck Russell are real tight these days. Rumor also has it there might be a wedding real soon."

  Abby felt like grinding her teeth. Was Buck responsible for that rumor? She had the sneaking suspicion he was, the arrogant fool!

  "Well?" Kane demanded. "Has he asked you to marry him?"

  Abby's temper began to simmer. Who did Kane think he was to reappear in her life again like this—making demands, insisting on answers—as if he had every right to do so!

  She glared her dissatisfaction. "I don't see what business it is of yours."

  "I'm making it my business," he said between his teeth.

  "Well, don't!" She spun around and marched into the house.

  Kane was right behind her. When she realized he had followed, she whirled and gave him a look designed to make him feel lower than a snake.

  He grimaced. As if he didn't already .. . They stood just inside the parlor. It took every ounce of willpower Kane possessed not to reach for her. A muscle in his cheek contracted.

  "Dammit, Abby, tell me. Did he ask you to marry him?"

  Too late Abby realized her silence had given her away. God, how she hated the satisfied gleam in his eyes.

  "Just because he hasn't yet doesn't mean he won't. In fact, I expect he'll propose any day now. And when he does," she informed him heatedly, "you may rest assured you won't be the first to know. Because I'll say it again, Kane—what I do or don't do is none of your affair!"

  She was angry. Kane glimpsed it in the defiant tilt of her chin. "And what if I make it my affair?"

  Even as he spoke, his gaze roved her face hungrily. She was thinner, the hollows in her cheeks more pronounced. Even in the dim light, he could see how pale she was, her eyes bigger and bluer than ever. Was it worry over him th
at caused the changes he saw? The thought sent his heart soaring.

  The next minute she was ripping it to shreds.

  "I can't think why you would want to. You made your choice the night you left here, Kane. You were so eager to leave. You could have stayed on but you didn't. . . Well, this time I don't care. Go. Stay. Do whatever the hell you like. Just stay out of my life!"

  For the longest time he didn't say anything. He just stared at her, his eyes as anguished as hers.

  "I can't do that, Abby."

  She gave a brittle laugh. "Oh, yes, you can. You already proved you had no trouble at all walking away from me and not looking back. After all, I had it from your own lips—you're a drifter! Why I expected anything more is beyond me. I guess I'm just the world's biggest fool!"

  "No. You're no fool, Abby. But you will be if you marry Buck Russell."

  She went white about the mouth. "What do you know about it?"

  His lips twisted. "All I need to know. You said it yourself. Your half-ownership of the Diamondback makes you a wealthy woman—and rather attractive in the marriage market, I'd say. Looks like you won't have to worry about not being courted after all, sweetheart. Even if you turn down Buck I imagine there'll be a dozen others just waiting in line after him."

  Abby gasped. He inferred too much—that no man would want her for herself. Before she had stopped to think, she'd dealt him a stinging, open-handed blow to the side of the cheek.

  Stunned at the extent of her own violence, she pressed a shaking hand to her mouth. "Damn you!" she cried, her voice breaking at last. "Damn you anyway, Kane! Why did you come back? Why didn't you just stay away?"

  Kane steeled himself inside and out. "I had to come back," he said, very low." "We were... together more than once, Abby. Don't you know there could have been ... consequences?"

  She lowered her hand slowly to her side. "Consequences?" she whispered.

  He made a disgusted sound. "A baby, Abby. A baby!"

  "Oh." She glanced away, certain she was as red as the sunset had been earlier. "You don't need to worry," she announced in a high, tight voice that sounded nothing at all like her own. "Besides, what were you going to do? Make an honest woman out of me?"

  Hot color crept beneath the bronze of his skin. "What if I was?" Guilt seared him, like acid eating away at his insides. There was a time when he had wanted to walk away. Until that last incredible night, he'd had every intention of leaving Abby—and never coming back. And he might have been able to, if only she hadn't said she loved him.

  But he couldn't lie to himself forever. His time with Abby had awakened a long-dormant need inside him. His whole life he'd longed for nothing more than to be accepted, the same as everyone else. He wanted a home, roots, and a family. All the things he'd never dared dream about before. But now it was all he thought about.

  Only now this wasn't coming out at all like he'd planned. She was furious. He'd expected that, but he hadn't expected the situation with Buck Russell. Damn, but she hadn't wasted any time either! And now his own temper was riled.

  Abby was too shocked to notice his defensiveness. Her mind was spinning. Was he asking her to marry him? She sank into a chair, suddenly too weak to stand any longer.

  "You came back here to see if I was expecting a baby ... to marry me?"

  "Yes, goddammit! Why is that so hard to believe?"

  Marriage—to Kane. Lord, it would have been everything she wanted. But there was a rending pain in her heart. He hadn't come back because he loved her—not even because he cared, just a little. He'd felt obliged to marry her.

  "Oh, my." An hysterical laugh bubbled up inside. "Well, you don't need to worry, Kane. There's no need for you to even try to be noble. There's no baby—no need to make such a sacrifice as marrying me. Besides, you're hardly a good catch—here one day, gone the next. And you're an outlaw, no less! Buck is a much better prospect, don't you agree?"

  He hauled her up and out of the chair so fast her head spun dizzily. "Aren't you going to ask me why I disappeared, Abby? Where I've been all this time?"

  "No!" Defiance blazed in her eyes. She tried to jerk free. He wouldn't let her.

  "I'm not an outlaw," he said harshly. "Do you hear me? I'm not a wanted man anymore! I went back to New Mexico to see if I could clear my name. I didn't murder Lorelei and I figured it was time I stopped paying for a crime I didn't commit. Thanks to a friend, I found out her ranch was put up for auction after I escaped—and guess who bought it? Her attorney, Allan Mason, and dirt-cheap, too! He set me up, Abby. He framed me for her murder just to get his hands on her ranch!"

  His fingers bit into her shoulders. "Maybe I was wrong to leave the way I did," he went on roughly. "Maybe I should have told you. But I didn't know if I'd be able to clear my name. Hell, for all I knew, I could have been shot down the minute I walked into town! And I thought you'd try to keep me from leaving and I didn't want that! I remember you said that night that if I stayed, it would be a chance to start over for me—and you were right!

  "But first I had to free myself of my past. I had to stop looking over my shoulder!" He floundered, searching for the right words. "I wanted to feel worthy of you, Abby. So I had to leave—I had to go back to New Mexico and finish what happened there once and for all. I never meant to be gone so long, but I had to stay and testify at Mason's trial. And once he was convicted, the judge declared me the rightful owner of Lorelei's ranch. It took a while, but I sold it because I didn't want to come to you with nothing but the clothes on my back. I didn't want you to think I was after your money or your half of the ranch. Maybe you can't understand it. You've never had anyone treat you like dirt! But I wanted to come to you with my name as clear as my conscience. Don't you see, I did it for you!"

  In an anguished kind of way, Abby did understand. His pride had forced him to it. But if he hadn't been so stubborn, if he had listened to her just once, he'd have known that his past didn't make one whit of difference in her feelings for him! And right now all she could see was that salvaging his pride had been more important to him than she was.

  "You did it for me," she choked out. "Kane, how can you say that? Do you have any idea what you put me through? I was out of my head with worry. You left before Dr. Foley even took the stitches out. I had visions of you lying dead alongside the road! That night... I thought we had something special ... I thought you felt it, too ... God, I—I told you I loved you ... And what did you do ...? You just left me without a word!... Do you know what it was like, knowing I'd never see you again... thinking you didn't care ..."

  The words were a torment for them both. He felt the deep, shuddering breath she drew. He knew she was convinced he'd been unforgivably cruel. Maybe he had. His guts twisted. But he'd make it up to her, if only she'd give him the chance. He started to tighten his embrace, to soothe with lips and hands all that he had laid bare, but she thrust herself away.

  With the back of her hand she wiped the tears from her cheeks. The angry hurt she felt was like fire in her lungs. "You thought I was spoiled and pampered, Kane. All the time we were after Stringer Sam, you were convinced I thought only of myself. But who were you thinking of when you left? Did you ever think how I might feel? No! You were the selfish one, Kane—you!"

  His eyes never left her face. "What do you want from me, Abby? You want me to beg? Fine. I'm begging you. Marry me." His voice was gritty, as gritty as his vision. Fear had a stranglehold around him, the awful fear that he was about to lose the only thing he'd ever really wanted. "I—I can't live without you. I don't even want to try. Being with you... it changed me. Maybe because you believed what I couldn't believe anymore—that I wasn't the devil's own hand. Maybe because you saw what I thought was gone forever."

  Oh! So now he was proposing out of gratitude? For saving his soul from damnation? Abby wasn't sure if she should laugh or cry. Yet his manner was anything but humble. He looked as if he were fighting mad.

  Inside her heart was breaking. She'd been a fool. She had trusted hi
m with her life and with Dillon's. But trusting him with her heart was something else entirely—and something she wouldn't do again!

  Her breath came raggedly. "You're mad to think I would even consider becoming your wife! Why, my pa would never have considered you a fit husband! So just get out and don't come back!"

  Kane went rigid. His eyes pierced hers, as if to see clear into her heart. "You mean that, don't you?"

  "Yes!"

  There would be no reasoning with her, he realized. She was dead-set against him, and he knew from experience she wouldn't relent.

  An icy tightness settled around his heart. His lips barely moved as he spoke. "Have it your way, sweetheart. You usually do anyway." He whirled and stalked out of the parlor, slamming the door behind him.

  Only then did Abby realize what she'd done. .. She collapsed in a flood of angry tears.

  Chapter 21

  Dillon wasn't surprised to see Buck Russell's sorrel stallion hitched in front of the Silver Spur. His mouth curled in disgust. The hard line of his jaw thrust forward, he shoved aside the slatted wooden doors and stepped inside.

  As always, the crowd was noisy and rambunctious. A half-drunk barmaid warbled an off-key tune to the trill of the piano. An occasional shout from the poker table punctuated the uproar. Dillon's gaze drilled through the smoky haze, finally settling on the table in the far corner. Sure enough, Buck Russell was there along with several of his cowboys, his long legs lazily sprawled beneath the table. Polly, a buxom brunette, sat on his lap, her hand inside his shirt.

  Dillon cussed under his breath, a long, fluent curse that did little to vent his frustration. This was the man Abby wanted for a husband? The rutting bastard couldn't keep his fly closed if the damn thing were nailed shut!