Finding Eden

by Dinsdale, Megan

  “Shoot.”

  “I don’t want to waste more water than I have to. Could you wet my hair for me?” She handed me the water jug.

  “Um, sure.” I took the jug from her and hesitated. This felt weird and almost too intimate. The last woman’s hair I had washed was my wife’s and that was during a very, very different situation. I closed my eyes for a second and then said, “Lean back a bit.”

  She obeyed and I let her hair drape over my hand. It wasn’t soft or silky like I once expected a girl’s hair to be. It was stiff and gritty. I tilted the jug slightly so only a small stream was emptying from it. I held the lip of the jug to her hair, starting at her forehead, letting the water wet every inch of her hair until it was all soaked through.

  “Done.”

  She smiled her thanks. I didn’t like it too much. I knew what it meant. I didn’t mind that she was happier than usual, but I wasn’t sure that I liked it being aimed towards me. I lacked the realization until now, but I didn’t want to grow close to anyone; I didn’t want a friend or anything of the sort. I liked only having to look after myself and if for some reason she croaked, I absolutely did not want to have to mourn her or blame myself for not protecting her, for not keeping her safe. I began to regret inviting her along. I swallowed the lump in my throat. It was too late now. I ran my hands over my head, sighing.

  “You’re doing it again,” she frowned as she massaged the shampoo into her hair. The sweet smell of the soap seemed to explode all around us. The suds were brown; dirty and soapy water trailed down her forehead and cheeks. “What are you anxious about?”

  Instead of answering her question, I said, “Let me know when you’re done and I’ll help you rinse.”

  She wrinkled her face into a grimace and I wanted to laugh. The expression on her face was hilarious—all wrinkles and a turned up nose. It was getting easier and easier to like her and it pissed me off.

  “Ready.”

  We moved away from the blanket and she tilted her head back for me. I emptied more water into her hair, watching the brown suds splat onto the dirt floor, and just like that, her hair looked a hundred shades lighter and was no longer stiff with a combination of desert dust and oil. She squeezed her hair and let the remaining water drip off.

  “Need help with your hair next?” She laughed.

  I rolled my eyes. “Good one, Kid.” I ignored her protests about her nickname and cleaned myself up. The jug was drained dry. Afterward, I tossed her an MRE.

  “Bon appétit.”

  “The expiration date only adds more flavor.” She tore it upon and we commenced with dinner.

  I could see the mouth of the cave begin to brighten. It was daybreak, the absolute worst time of day. Blondie grumbled; she noticed it too. She stretched out on the blanket and yawned. Her hair was already in its braid and was completely dry. I sat down at the bottom corner of the blanket. It was about the size of a queen bed. I wanted it to be two or three times that size, but even at five-hundred feet wide, it would leave me in too close of a proximity to her.

  “I won’t take advantage of you, Tex. We can share.” I could hear the rolling of eyes in her tone.

  I didn’t want to share, but I also didn’t want to fall asleep on dirt and rocks, especially after I had just washed myself. I gave in and laid down on the opposite edge.

  I quickly faded out, thinking I heard Blondie ask why I kept hiding.

  Chapter 6

  [ Elle ]

  I was a light sleeper, so I woke up when I heard a shuffling noise. It came from deep within the cave. The lantern was burning bright beside us, so when I looked down into the dark, cavernous tunnel, it took a few moments for my eyes to adjust. When they finally did, it was too late.

  An animal, which I quickly identified as a coyote, sprung out from the inky darkness and landed on the unsuspecting Tex. It was all fur and bones. Its ribs were outlined against its body, threatening to poke through the skin. It was desperately hungry, otherwise it wouldn’t have attacked. I remembered my dad telling me that once. Or maybe they had just quickly evolved into murderous creatures over the last few years.

  Tex immediately woke up after the impact of the coyote pouncing him. The animal wrapped its teeth around his throat, its jaw in a deadlock. Tex’s legs flailed and his body convulsed, trying desperately to get the ravenous thing off of him. He pulled, grabbed, and punched at it, causing painful whines to escape the coyote’s muzzle.

  Tex lurched and the two tumbled to the side, knocking over the lantern. Glass broke underneath their weight and I briefly hoped that it broke under the coyote and not Tex. A red splotch caught my eye on the blanket beside me. It had to have come from Tex’s neck. I heard a guttural yell and I knew the coyote had sunk its teeth in deeper.

  It had only been seconds since the animal appeared, but I knew if I waited any longer that it might be too late. I pulled my knife out of its sheath and gripped the handle. My knuckles were white. It was a technique that Tex had taught me only a day ago. The blade was aiming downwards, sharp and ready. I lunged at the beast and sunk the blade into its neck, hoping that I pierced every important artery. I pulled it out and sunk it in again. The knife plunged in until the handle was flush with the animal's skin. It yelped in tortured pain. I continued to stab it, over and over again. Blood oozed from every wound, coating me up to my elbows. I sunk the blade once more into its side, hoping that was where the heart was, and the coyote finally stopped resisting and fell limp on top of Tex. I shoved it off of him with my foot. Blood pooled around the dumb creature. As I watched its chest stop moving, I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

  “Tex!” I yelled, scared out of my wits. “Say something! Are you okay?” I cupped his face between my hands. I prayed he wasn’t in shock; I wouldn’t know how to deal with that.

  I knelt beside him, giving him a once over. He had a diagonal laceration that split the skin in a straight line across his blind eye. Blood formed along the wound, but it wasn’t bleeding profusely. I assumed it wasn’t a deep cut, but it would probably scar. He had bite wounds on either side of his neck that were bleeding as well. Once again, it didn’t look too deep or damaging.

  He was unblinking and breathing heavily. I noticed his arm was spread out to the side and his fist continually opened and closed; he was trying to reach for his axe.

  “It’s dead. You can relax now. Can you get up?” I grabbed both of his arms.

  Tex sat up and I nodded towards the blanket. We relocated to it after I retrieved my first aid kit from my pack.

  I opened up the small kit and took out a couple of alcohol wipes. I opened one foil wrapper and reached towards his damaged eye. He flinched.

  “I’m not going to hurt you, although it might sting a bit.” I tried to give him a weak smile.

  He seemed to awaken. He blinked a few times and relaxed his shoulders.

  “Shit,” was all he said.

  I laughed and replied with, “Brace yourself.” I pressed the alcohol soaked square above his eye. I could just barely see his brown iris underneath the damaged, milky-white layer. I let my thumb graze just underneath his bottom lashes, removing dirt as I went. My breathing hitched and I pulled my thumb back.

  He just closed his eyes and pressed his lips firmly together. I padded the cloth on his eyelid, then below his eye, trying to remove the blood and all traces of dirt that entered into the wound uninvited. I squeezed some antibiotic ointment onto my fingertip and gingerly applied a layer along the offending mark. I stuck a bandage on the cut above and below his eye. I did the same thing to the puncture wounds on both sides of his neck, sticking small, circular bandages over those.

  “All set.” I smiled and patted his shoulder.

  “Shit,” he said again. “Thanks.”

  “Of course.” I smiled; it was less weak this time. I got up and walked over to my pack to put away my first aid kit. I needed a moment to myself. I took a shuddering breath and let my face fall into my hands. I squeezed my own e
yes shut. Playing the strong one had taken its toll on me. Until now, I hadn’t realized my hands and forearms were covered in the coyote’s blood. I cursed and tried to get the crimson off of me, scratching and rubbing my flesh. It was already dried and wouldn’t come off. I was instantly pissed and cursed again. I scratched and scratched at my skin and the blood began to flake off, but what was left behind burned. I hadn’t realized I was crying until salty tears fell into my self-inflicted wounds, but it didn’t stop me. I had to get this crap off of me and I became vicious in the attempt to do so.

  I felt arms wrap around me, pinning my elbows to my ribcage. My hands were clawed, aching to meet my forearms again. I struggled against Tex and he tightened his arms so that any attempt to free myself was futile. I tried to choke back the onslaught of sobs I knew were coming, only to fail.

  “Calm down! Calm down, Kid.”

  “Let me go,” I growled.

  “Not until you stop. You saved me from that animal; now it’s apparently my turn to save you from yourself. Quit it.”

  I shuddered against him. He was so big compared to me. He engulfed me and I felt like I disappeared into his arms and chest. He dwarfed me and it frightened me. I didn’t want to cease to exist again; that’s what I used to be, living on my own, underground, non-existent. I almost lost him and I didn’t realize that I needed him until that fact. I had been alone for so long and I was scared to death of it happening again. I refused to eat anymore meals and play anymore games alone. Now that I had a taste of the opposite, I was suddenly repelled at the thought of living my life by myself.

  “I don’t want to be alone anymore,” I confessed as I relaxed against him. His arms loosened around me.

  I felt him take a deep breath, but he didn’t let it out until what seemed like forever. The intake was sharp, like I had said something that either surprised or scared him. I chewed on my bottom lip and decided to create a new mantra: never be alone.

  “I’m so scared that—”

  “You won’t be.” His voice sounded tortured and tired, as if it took all the strength he possessed to say those three words.

  I woke up when it was still light outside. I was surprised to see that Tex was up and I was even more surprised when I realized what he was doing.

  “Are you skinning that animal?” I blanched, my eyes widening at the sight.

  “No, Blondie. I am gutting this animal. I, in fact, skinned him earlier—yes, it’s a him—his pelt is over there.” He pointed towards the opening of the cave. “Oh, and I borrowed your Bowie knife, by the way.” Big. Toothy. Grin.

  “What if that,” I shivered, pointing to the carcass, “attracts more of them?”

  He laughed now, pulling something that resembled a stomach or spleen from the gaping hole that used to be the coyote’s underside. “I’m sure he resorted to coyote cannibalism long ago.” He said coyote like ky-yoat.

  I grimaced at the thought and for some reason Tex laughed again.

  “And now, ladies and gentleman, the main event!” Tex made a large, exaggerated gesture towards the naked and gutless body. I found it odd that he knotted a rope around one of the coyote’s legs.

  “Oh, God,” I squeaked, afraid to know what came next if the disembowelment wasn’t the main event.

  “I’ll need your help though, Kid.” I decided to give up on him calling me Elle, so I kept silent and stood next to him.

  “Grab the back feet and I’ve got the front. Let’s bring him towards the front of the cave.”

  Realization hit me and my jaw metaphorically hit the ground. “You’re kidding me, right? You’re not going to…”

  There was that big grin again. “We can’t miss a chance at freshly cooked meat, now can we?”

  We both carried the coyote carcass to the cave entrance, making sure to steer clear of the light. When we stopped, Tex instructed, “Now, let’s swing him back and forth and toss him out into the oven AKA daytime.” He held the other end of the rope.

  I could already feel myself sweat just being so close to the light. “Let’s just get this over with,” I murmured.

  “On the count of three…” Tex grinned, and I couldn’t help but mirror his emotions. It was a complete one-eighty since this morning—for both of us. What happened was something we had to put behind us if we wanted to go on. I thought we were friends, and if he felt the same, for some reason that was a big step for him.

  Tex yelled, “Three,” and we tossed our meal into the burning sunlight. The rope yanked, but didn’t come loose from either end. I could hear the skin sizzle and watched the color change from a fleshy pink to brown. The smell wafted in and it reminded me of when my dad cooked chicken on the grill. My mouth watered with anticipation.

  It only took a few minutes and Tex pulled the rope, tugging our meal into the cave, a little at a time. He dragged it beside the blanket and we sat down in front of it. Tex took my knife, sliced a small piece off, and blew on it. He gave it to me; I sniffed it.

  “Aah,” he sighed. “Revenge is so sweet!”

  I hesitated and then took a bite. I instantly enjoyed the flavor and the fresh taste. I laughed at Tex’s remark and added, “And meaty!” I passed the knife back to him, so he could have a slice; it continued that way until we were both satiated.

  “That was a rare delicacy.” He rubbed his stomach. He looked pleased with himself.

  “A rare delicacy, indeed, Chef.”

  He cleaned off my knife with the edge of the blanket and returned it to me.

  “Man,” he laid back, both his hands on his stomach. “I haven’t had fresh meat in—wow—three or four years.”

  “It’s been longer for me.” I changed the subject. “It’s nice having company.” I was still sitting up, my knees against my chest.

  “Hmm…” He said, like he wasn’t sure how to reply to that.

  “What are you afraid of?” I didn’t look at him. I just stared down at the half-eaten coyote body. It seemed morbid. He might have been the last coyote on this dead planet and we just caused the extinction of an endangered species. Hell, at this point, I was an endangered species—survival of the fittest. It was starting to smell. I blamed the uncooked side and thought about dragging it back to the cave entrance.

  “What exactly are you asking?” His tone was devoid of emotion.

  “You seem hesitant to open up to me in the least bit. Anytime I ask a semi-serious question, you laugh it off, change the subject, or ignore it all together.” I wished I had Teffy right about then. I didn’t want this to turn into an argument, but it seemed I didn’t have a choice.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, and besides, it’s none of your business.”

  This man was exasperating and quickly pissing me off.

  “Well, at least give me your name.”

  “No, Blondie. Leave it.”

  “Why? Tell me.”

  “I said it’s none of your business.” Okay, he was getting angry. I hate that I had to go and ruin our perfectly good meal, but I couldn’t help that I was curious; I wanted to understand him better.

  “I’m tired of thinking of a stupid gas station every time I say your name. I want your real one.” I stood up and looked down at him.

  “I’m positive I said that I don’t do names. Leave it at that.” He turned away from me, but I didn’t miss the fact that his face was turning red with anger.

  “I noticed. By the way, my name is Elle. Elle Stevens, to be exact. What’s yours? John? James? Brian? William? Peter? Steven? Say when, Tex.”

  “Stop.” He stood up and walked deeper into the cave where the coyote came from. I followed him.

  “You’re not running away. Stop hiding already. You have the right to your own secrets, but if we’re going to be friends, if we're going to try to live together for a while, you’re going to have to let me in. There’s no better way to start than telling me your name.”

  “Go away, Blondie.” He stopped. Darkness surrounded us; it was thick and inky. I al
most ran into the back of him, and before I knew it, I was flat against the cave wall. The jagged rocks dug into my back. Tex’s hand was against my chest, pinning me. I couldn’t move without the crags digging deeper and more painfully into my back. I showed no fear.

  “I want to help you.” I rested a hand on his forearm. “Just let me.”

  “We have to go if we’re going to make it to the next safepoint in time.”

  “Fine, but at least tell me why you won’t tell me your name.” I didn’t know why this mattered to me so much, but it did. He was my friend and I had this desperate, innate need to protect and heal my friends. It had always been that way. It may have been in hibernation the last four years, but it just came back in full force.

  He was silent for several seconds and then said, “Because it was the last thing out of her mouth.” He walked right by me, packed his things, and waited for me at the entrance. “And I don’t want it to be the last thing out of your mouth or anyone else's.”

  Night had come and so had his first confession.

  [ Tex ]

  I was furious. I was full to the brim with memories I refused to remember. They threatened to spill over and weaken me, but I wouldn’t allow it, especially in front of someone I had just met. I was pissed at myself for giving away as much as I had. It was none of her damned business. That didn’t seem to faze her a bit though. She was clawing at my barriers, desperate to save me. I didn’t need saving, and if I did, I had no desire to be.

  With around an hour left until sunrise, we were almost to the next safepoint. The kid had stopped nagging me and I greatly appreciated it.

  “Tex?” She had been trailing behind me since we left, giving me the space I needed to reflect. After giving her that little tidbit of information earlier, I thought it would have been bombs away with the inquisition. I heard her pick up her pace until she was walking beside me. I pretended to be looking down at the map. “I’m sorry about hassling you earlier.”

  “Don’t worry. There’s no point in holding grudges.” I rolled up the map; there were only a couple of miles left to go.