A Little Undead

by Laira Evans

  I sat down on a granite outcropping, not far from the fires. Alfonse would be out to tend them soon, half mad though he was from staring too long into the night, but for now we were alone. I stretched my back against a boulder after taking Holly out of the baby carrier, working out the kinks in my spine. She was definitely getting bigger, unlike me. Soon she'd be making her own way to Cavern Town. I was just glad she could mostly get by on solid foods now.

  As I fed her the beans I tried to point out how many were in each spoonful. I wasn't sure she understood any of it yet but it was as much for me as for her. I understood most of the concepts of addition and subtraction still, but the words continue to slip away when I needed them most. I was getting better though. I was sick, but I was getting better. I had to believe that.

  Zombies teemed outside the fires, down below the ten foot drop that was our only other defense against invasion. During the day they would retreat to their own dark holes, as only rotters could stand the presence of the sun and few of those ever reached the valley through the high passes. For now though, the horde simply waited with gnashing teeth and howls of hunger, ever hopeful that the fires would fade.

  I was better, wasn't I? In here among other humans, rather than out there with the ferals? Humans that hated me, despised me, feared me... But, at least there was Holly, the innocent babe that had called me back from the darkness. I was Julie now, not Angela. This was a new chance at life.

  I took a bite of canned pear, grimacing at the aftertaste. There were times, however, where I wondered if staying with them would have been so very terrible.

  It was day. I stayed motionless, hardly aware of the passing time as light from the bathroom window stretched across the floor. My jaw felt loose, and with a faint glimmer of hope lighting within me I freed a hand from my cocoon. “Normal.” My teeth felt normal, small and dull. I tested each one in turn, just to be careful. My incisors, while still suspiciously pointed, were at least no longer sharp enough to cut skin with a touch. The sunlight no longer blinded me, and it was as if my claws had never been there at all. If only my memory of the previous night could be the same way, dissolving into nothingness.

  A bitter chuckle rasped my throat. All those years wishing my memories would come back, that I could remember my real family, and now I was wishing it all away. As depressing as the dream had been, it had hinted at things still darker. How much was real, how much dark fantasy and groundless nightmare? “Angela,” I whispered. The name did not sound as strange or foreign to me as I hoped. If I had really held Holly as a baby, how old did that make me? I had trouble enough acting nineteen, it was impossible I was in my twenties. 'But you've seen a lot of impossible things lately, haven't you,' I thought to myself.

  It wasn't the only mystery confronting me. Who or what was it that had dragged Jake from the car? Was it Chains? Or was it in fact another killer, another monster, the secret source of all the disappearances. I wish I could believe it was just bad luck that had led to the events of last night, but it would be terribly foolish to assume it was pure coincidence. I could very well be next on their list. Well, there was a way to solve at least one of these mysteries. The mystery woman, Penny. Was it just a guess that had led me to name her that? No, it was more. My intuition told me she was the key to finding out what lay behind my amnesia.

  Path at last decided I summoned up the energy to untangle myself from the blankets. I washed my face before anything, taking off the mask of makeup I used to look like something approaching my age. My eyes had returned to normal, though the iris retained a purple tint. I might have liked the change, if not for what it signified.

  Clothes came next, a pink T-shirt I should have thrown away years ago and a pair of slender blue jeans. A pair of flip-flops completed the look, the only footwear I had without a significant heel. Spinning in front of the mirror, I couldn't have looked any more different from myself – or at least the “self” I'd cultivated for the past few years. Everyone in my class had started growing up practically overnight six years ago and after I'd realized I wasn't going to pull it off naturally I did my best to fake my way through it. But today, for the first time in years, I didn't have to wear a mask.

  I left the apartment with a newly refreshed heart and my last thirty credits. I felt oddly free. Tomorrow I'd be broke, and likely without a home to return to after my prints were identified. But in this moment, I was without worry or care. How strange it was to walk unfettered and unstilted, my posture relaxed, walking however fast or slow I pleased. Even my face felt different as I stopped trying to make it look thinner by pulling in my cheeks. Perhaps this was why I hadn't thrown away the T-shirt, a lingering desire to play at being a child once more, even if it were only for a little while. I smiled, full and uninhibited. For the life of me I couldn't recall the last time I had done so.

  Now if only I didn't feel suddenly nauseous. The sun beat down on me, unnaturally hot. Stumbling under a canopy I marveled at my good luck. It was a clothing store, and a cheap one at that. Moth-eaten and likely salvaged from the abandoned homes of the dead, the goods looked serviceable enough for my purposes. One purchase of a sink-sized sun hat and I was on my way again. The sun on my arms prickled like too much static but if I kept them crossed and close to my body the exposure was bearable. I drew more than my fair share of second glances but I was familiar enough with that by now to pay it little mind. The wide brim of the sun hat had the added advantage of blocking my face from anyone that might identify me to the police. Though, in truth, I wondered if anyone outside my own family would recognize me like this.

  Half-suddenly, the walk came to an end. It was no casual stroll after all, but a quest for knowledge. Shaefer's Iced Goods was in front of me again. It was a good bet that my best path was to just keep walking, hit the bus station a block away and never come back. There were plenty of towns along the frontier that paid only lip service to the new government. I could get lost out there and never be found by the authorities, or anyone that ever knew me, for that matter. But I wasn't ready to give up my sister just yet. Wasn't willing to give up this chance for the truth, for information about my real parents, about who I really was.

  Almost as an afterthought, I snatched up a bit of dust and grit from the edge of the sidewalk. In place of makeup, it would have to do. Grimacing at the abrasion I rubbed it into my pores until I looked less like a wax-skinned albino. I still didn't look at all tan, and now had a strong compulsion to seek out a sink, but oddly the thin shield of dirt and dust made me feel more at ease.

  “Would you like to come in, little miss? I won't bite.” I jumped a little before I caught myself. 'Penny.'

  It was oddly depressing to see her so happy and bright. She was in great shape, tan, tall, and running her own business. Was it really possible that we knew each other from before? Could I have been like her if things had gone differently; been confident, elegant, beautiful? Well, I was never a fan of vegetables. She probably would have had me in the height department regardless.

  “I'd like to speak with you, if you have time.” I thought I had concealed my eagerness to interrogate her but she still looked at me curiously. Perhaps I was too formal for my appearance? Young teens here in the city seemed to speak a whole other language. I'd heard the term 'yolo swag' a week ago and as far as I was concerned it was all still yiddish. “Please? It's important.”

  “Hmm... sure. I was just about to go to lunch anyways.” Flipping the sign and locking the door behind her she was ready go in moments.

  “Uh, Penny? You forgot your apron.” She blushed, but rather than reopen the door she managed to stuff it into her purse. I noticed grimly from her lack of confusion that I hadn't been wrong about her name. What did I even want from this? It wasn't as if her telling me my past would make everything better, even if she knew it in the first place. Still, I just couldn't abide not knowing any longer.

  We walked in silence after that, save for the clacking of my sandals against the pavement. It was difficult not
to stare at her. The longer I spent in her presence the greater was the sensation that I knew her from long ago. A soft warmth rose within me, much like the peaceful comfort I found around Holly. Unlike walking near a stranger, I felt no urge to step away or raise my shoulders like a frightened cat. I pushed aside my pondering as Holly led me through the door of a little sandwich shop. She was apparently a regular – the waitress had her order written down before she even made it to the table. I didn't want to make Penny wait so I just asked for the same.

  We sipped slowly on a pair of lemonades. The awkward silence had gone on so long that now I wasn't quite sure how to begin.

  “So,” said Penny, propping her elbows on the table, “what did you want to talk to me about? And who are you for that matter? If this is about a job I really can't afford to hire–”

  “Do you recognize me?” I said quickly, interrupting her.

  “What? No, you'll have to give me more of a hint than that. Are you Herschel's sister?”

  On second thought that probably wasn't the most coherent way to start this conversation. I felt my palms start to sweat and grabbed my knees. “I met you once before, with my sister. I called you Penny the pixie.”

  The drinks shook as she sat back in her chair, hands falling to cross in her lap. “It is you, isn't it. You looked different last week.” She seemed little interested in her drink now. “How did you know that nickname, anyways? I haven't heard it since... since Before. You didn't just make it up when we met, did you? I didn't think kids even knew what pixies are anymore.”

  A hand-drawn cart clattered along the sidewalk outside as I summoned my courage. I hadn't even told Holly any of my suspicions, and she was closer to me than anyone. “This is going to sound crazy, but I think my name is Angela.”

  “What else would it be?” She flicked her bangs back from her eye as she stretched her back.

  For a brief second I thought she understood, thought she truly recognized me. Then reality kicked in. “No!” Eyeing the other diners warily I lowered my voice. “No, you don't understand. I'm older than I look. I have a, umm, growth problem, or something. I lost my memories eleven years ago from a head injury, so I need to know if you knew me from before the Infection. Please, just look at me, I probably don't look that different.”

  “You're not joking, are you.” Her voice was low, confused. It wasn't quite a question. I held myself perfectly still except for the slight rise and fall of my chest and short gust of warm wind from the kitchen door that sent my unbound hair flying. Finally, after enough time that I'm sure she could have memorized every line of my face, she spoke. “You do look like someone I used to know, but you can't be her.”

  “Why not?” Sorrow warred with resentment and rage. From one moment to the next I couldn't tell which side was winning. 'Why is this so important to me?' It wouldn't bring my real mother and father back, wouldn't take away my memories of drinking that man's blood or fix my apartment. 'But it would tell me one thing.' It would tell me if I was born a beast and had tricked myself into thinking I could be human, or if I was born pure. It could tell if I was capable of someday freeing myself from the bloodthirsty monster that dwelled within me. If my condition was caused by some mutated strain of the Animator virus then it was only a matter of time before I was cured. Scientists were constantly working on an effective vaccine, I would just have to keep my nose clean until they managed it.

  Penny snapped me out of my stupor by swirling her straw around the glass. She smiled a doll's plastic smile as the waitress placed roasted chicken sandwiches in front of us. Then we were alone again, and the smile was nowhere to be found. “I was in a car with her and her father during the quake. I was okay, but the paramedics took her to a hospital deep in Manhattan. She was still asleep when I called later, just as the first corpses started walking around on their own. No one that deep inside the island ever made it out.”

  I couldn't breath, throat seizing up as my lungs sucked in and out to no effect. My chair clattered to the floor behind me. Breathless though I was, my biggest concern was getting away. I punched open the door, rushing until I reached the alley. I fell to my knees, strength leaving me as I emptied my stomach near the rusted dumpster. “I'm an idiot.”

  I'd forgotten something very crucial in my quest for truth. Now there was no going back, my blissful ignorance that I had failed to appreciate shattered beyond repair. What use was it to know that I had likely once been human, been a normal child and friends with Penny, if it meant knowing that the dreams that haunted me were all true. What a bitter poison to swallow. A hospital deep in the city she had said, just like my first dream when I arrived in Boston. Had it been then that I turned? After all, how else would I have gotten through the massacre? Or perhaps it had been later when I– “God damn me, how could I have eaten that man's leg.” Diseased and gangrenous, freshly hacked from a man I apparently knew and had traveled with in the world of the dead, and I had actually taken a bite of the cursed thing. The smell of the meat from the sandwich had been all the extra push I needed to lose all composure.

  'I truly am a monster, aren't I.'

  A pair of soft foot steps rang in the alleyway. Penny had followed me. She looked at me like I was a half-drowned puppy, but I didn't want her pity.

  “Listen, I'm sorry if I upset you.” She hesitated a moment before walking into the alley. “Can I call your parents or someone for you? This isn't the worst area in the city but it's still not a good idea for a kid to hang around in a dark alley alone, if you catch my drift.” She touched my arm softly. “Here, let me help you up.”

  “Don't touch me.” My body shook as I held back a sob. All my fantasies were spinning into the ground.

  “Fine. Don't say I didn't try.” I peered sideways as she walked away, watching her out of the corner of my eye. Then came the sodden thump as she fell backwards like a marionette with snapped strings. It was a strike to the kidneys, the agony so powerful she couldn't even scream. Like ink in water, the blood blossomed on the white fabric of her blouse. My shameless fangs extended as the smell reached me through the stench of the dumpster, telling me this was no illusion. A foul-featured man with sweaty ringlets of black hair knelt at her side. His hand descended, but it wasn't to save her. Tugging at the purse he swung his blade at the leather cord when it failed to part.

  My hand flew to my hip but my gun wasn't there, left behind as part of my foolish disguise. My knife was strapped to my thigh, accessible through my torn-out pocket, but by the time it was in my grip it was already too late. The man was gone without a word, and Penny lay gasping for breath on the ground. What rotten luck was this? Did it follow me like a plague to strike so suddenly and senselessly?

  I crawled to her then, thoughts flitting faster and faster as I drew closer. The world brightened into painful intensity as the scent of blood fanned my hunger. I could see sparks of life energy leaving the wound like a fountain, even as the rest of her faded into darkness. Though strong, the hunger was but a pale shadow of what I had felt the night previous. I was still in control of myself, even if she did smell infinitely more alluring than the sandwich. Almost like... lilac.

  “Please don't die,” I whispered, pressing my hands against the wound. It was no use. She was hardly breathing now, her remaining life energy moving chaotically, sparks flaring before snuffing out forever. 'I can leap a fence twice my height and I can't do anything to save her?' No, I refused to believe that was true. 'Think!' There had to be a way. My reaction to the sun meant there had to be some truth to the old legends about vampires. If a vampire could raise someone from the dead, perhaps restoring someone not yet dead was possible as well. 'My blood.' It had to be good for something. If it could heal her, this woman who was once my friend, then all the other difficulties were worth it.

  I'd set my knife aside, but my claws proved sharp enough for the task. Slashing open my wrist I let my blood trickle into the wound. “Nothing's happening... why isn't it working!” The blood loss was making me hungrie
r, but the haze of bloodlust at the back of my mind was still weak enough to hold back from overwhelming my reason. A thought came to me then, prompting me to move my wrist to her mouth. My cut was already half-healed, mocking my failure to heal her with my own unnatural healing, so I slashed at it again. I hissed as the pain hit me, using my other hand to keep my wrist steady. The blood trickled between her lips, but it was too late. She was still.

  I tilted backwards as the shock hit me, the sharp gravel against my back like the buzzing of flies a mile away. It was just so absurd. She was talking to me just seconds ago, and now, she was gone. It was daytime yet, so it would be at least five minutes before she rose again as a zombie. Too short a time, and too long. The world seemed frozen, even my heart, but I knew time was passing, and all too quickly. I couldn't leave her here. Couldn't have it on my conscience if she killed someone.

  'I can't kill her.' It didn't matter to me if she was already dead. To take a knife to her head now, it would break me. Calling the cops was out of the question, and even the brief flutter of a plan concerning throwing her in the dumpster made me feel lower than scum.

  “Hey, are you two alright?” A voice called from the shadows at the other end of the alley. So jarring was my release from my state of horrified contemplation that I did not at first recognize that faint tinge of familiarity with this voice. Our eyes met. 'Bruce. What the hell is he doing here?'