Captain of My Heart

by Giselle Lumas

  I sighed.

  “Teenagers,” Ray said with a little laugh.

  “Yep.”

  We sat quietly for a moment, enjoying our drinks and food.

  “What do you do for fun?” Ray asked.

  I finished chewing, thought for a moment, and then answered, “I honestly don’t know. I mean, my kids are everything to me.” I shrugged. “Max is in basketball and Kyra is in dance. They both have practices almost every day or at least every other day, so that doesn’t really leave much room for anything else.”

  Ray frowned. “That’s not okay.”

  “What do mean?”

  “Well, my wife was the same way. Her life revolved around the boys and me, but I realized a little too late that she needed more time for herself. She needed to do something for just her, and we needed to do more stuff for her.” He sat back in his seat and gazed out the window. “She…” He cleared his throat. His eyes grew misty. My heart swelled a bit. “She did too much. I think when the boys left for college she kind of got lost. Then she got sick. I didn’t know what to do.” He sighed with defeat then cleared his throat again. “I’m sorry. I haven’t talked about her in years.”

  “But you think about her every day?” I asked.

  “So make sure you take time out for you. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s important. And don’t feel guilty about it.”

  “Right,” I said. “Easier said than done.”

  Honestly, I couldn’t remember what I liked to do for myself anymore. I loved reading but never had time. Well, I supposed I actually could read more. I could read while I was waiting for the kids at their practices. That would be a start, right?

  I checked the time on my phone. “Uh, boy, I’m sorry. I’ve gotta get back to work. I have another conference call in fifteen minutes.”

  Ray looked disappointed but pushed back his chair and stood. “Well, thank you for having lunch with me, Cass. I’d love to take you out on a real date,” he invited with a smile.

  My heart raced; my stomach tossed and turned. Surprisingly, I was able to stand despite my trembling, wobbly legs. I glanced over at the kids and gestured them to follow me as we walked toward the exit. When we were outside, I finally answered Ray. “I’d love to go out on a real date with you.”

  “Yes,” Max said with a little too much enthusiasm.

  Kyra squinted her eyes. I couldn’t tell if it was because the sun was in her eyes or if she wasn’t sure how to feel about me accepting an invitation for a real date.

  Ray grinned. That smile seemed to radiate from him straight into my soul. It made me feel warm.

  Kyra groaned.

  “How about Wednesday night? I’ll pick you up at seven. Take you to dinner and a movie?”

  “Does this mean I have to watch Max?” Kyra grumbled.

  I nodded. “We’ll talk about it later,” I said.

  Chapter Five

  On Wednesday evening, Ray held my hand as he guided me toward Jammin’ Jazz Room restaurant in Los Angeles. “I hope you like smooth Jazz,” Ray said as he pulled open the door and held it for me.

  “Yes, I do, thanks,” I said.

  “You look beautiful, by the way.”

  He had no idea how many outfits I tried on and discarded before Kyra and Max finally convinced me that the yellow sundress was the one to wear. Kyra insisted that I wear sandals and also insisted on giving me a personal pedicure and manicure. She painted my nails a bold red, but not before chastising me for not taking better care of my nails. She filed and buffed them before painting. Max watched the entire time in pure fascination.

  “Thank you,” I said. I studied Ray as we waited in line for the maître d’. He was in khaki dress slacks and a white dress shirt. He was clean shaven except his thick gray mustache. I wanted to kiss him. “You look handsome,” I complimented.

  “Thank you.” He grinned.

  A few seconds later it was our turn to speak to the maître d’. “Good evening, Mr. Jackson. How are you tonight?”

  “Great, thank you. I made a reservation for two.”

  The maître d’ glanced at an iPad, then said, “Ah, yes, follow me.” He grabbed two menus and led us through a curtain that surprisingly opened up to a large concert hall with dining tables and a massive dance floor in front of a stage. There were a few musicians on stage warming up.

  We were seated slightly above the stage and close to the middle. “Great table, thank you,” Ray said.

  “Would you like a bottle of the house wine tonight?”

  Ray glanced at me questioningly.

  “Um, sure,” I said, even though I really wasn’t much of a wine drinker. Who was I kidding? I wasn’t much of a drinker period.

  “You have a choice between a Chardonnay, Merlot, or Pinot Noir.”

  Ray glanced at me again.

  “I… um, you decide,” I urged Ray.

  “We’ll try the Pinot Noir,” Ray answered.

  The maître d’ nodded, then disappeared.

  “This is a beautiful restaurant, Ray,” I said, the surprise evident in my voice.

  “I figured for our first date I’d take you somewhere fancy-schmancy. Maybe next time we’ll go for burgers and beer.” There was a twinkle in his eye.

  “Thinking mighty highly of yourself, aren’t you?” I teased.

  “Oh, there will be lots and lots of dates for us, Cass. I guarantee.”

  I felt that familiar flutter in my stomach whenever I was with Ray. It felt a little stronger than usual this time.

  “So, you come here often?” I asked.

  Ray tilted his head and chuckled. “Are you throwing me a pick-up line on our first date?”

  I rolled my eyes and smiled. “The maître d’ knew your name.”

  “Oh, right.” He cleared his throat. “A buddy of mine owns the place. So, yes, I come here often. Plus, the food and music are a good combination.”

  I nodded.

  “What do you recommend?” I asked, opening the menu, which listed mostly meat and seafood.

  “I highly recommend the filet mignon with the loaded baked potato and greens,” Ray offered.

  The waiter returned with the wine and poured them each a glass, leaving the bottle on the table. When he asked if they were ready to order, Ray looked at me. “Are you ready?”

  I nodded and passed the waiter the menu. “I’ll try the filet mignon, well done, with the loaded baked potato and greens.”

  Ray smirked and said to the waiter, “I’ll have the same.”

  As the waiter walked away, an announcer appeared on stage. He teased the crowd, stating that a special guest would be performing in about an hour. He encouraged the crowd to stick around for a while and get ready to dance. A conductor approached the stage, and soon we heard the sound of live smooth jazz. I swayed to the music and tapped my foot to the beat. We enjoyed listening to the music until our food arrived.

  While eating dinner, we chatted about music, movies, and books. I periodically checked my phone to see if Kyra or Max had sent me a text. It was the first time I had left Kyra completely in charge. “Worried about the kids?” Ray asked.

  “Always,” I admitted.

  He nodded.

  “Mind if I send them a text?” I didn’t want to be rude. I had no clue what the protocol was for dating single parents.

  “Of course not. I’d question your character if you didn’t.” Ray smiled.

  “Thanks,” I said. I sent a group text to Kyra and Max asking if everything was okay.

  They posted the same reply: “We r ok.”

  I sent a quick text back. “Send me proof. Photo?”

  Less than a minute later, Kyra sent a selfie of the two of them together. She was smirking while Max was grinning ear to ear.

  “Okay, love u,” I texted.

  They both replied, “Love u2.”

  I relaxed my shoulders.

  The announcer returned to the stage and said, “Ladies and gentleman, Jammin’ Jazz Room is proud
to announce our special guest tonight is Cedrick Winfield.”

  Ray’s eyes widened, and he stood up. “No way!” He cheered enthusiastically along with the audience.

  I had never heard of him but stood and clapped, too.

  The lights dimmed, and a trumpet began to play. The audience quieted. A man slowly walked on stage blowing the horn. It was pure and kissed the soul. As he continued, I recognized the song as one my father used to play for my mother: “All the Things You Are” by Ella Fitzgerald. We were still standing when Ray glanced my way with a twinkle in his eye. He extended his right hand to me. I sighed softly and accepted it. He led me to the dance floor near the stage, spun me slowly, and embraced me as we slowly swayed to the music.

  Mmm. I wanted to savor this moment. I closed my eyes, mesmerized being held by this man. I wanted to remember his scent: pine, soap, and just… Ray. His strong arms held me tightly but gently. My head rested on his shoulder. I felt so secure with him.

  That was the beginning of us dancing, and dancing, and dancing.

  During the reluctant truck ride home, Ray turned on the stereo, and Van Morrison’s “Someone Like You” played over the speakers. Ray began to sing the lyrics and reached for my hand. My heart melted.

  Thirty minutes later Ray pulled into my driveway. We both just sat there. Neither of us wanted the date to end. He was still holding my hand, and then he began rubbing my thumb with his. He heaved a heavy sigh. “Well, Cass…”

  “Well, Ray.” I leaned back in my seat and admitted, “I don’t want this night to end.”

  “Tell me about it,” Ray agreed. He leaned over to me, and we kissed.

  The center console was in the way. We both groaned. I wanted so much more than a kiss. He gently held my chin but continued to explore my mouth with his tongue. Finally he pulled away.

  He unhooked his seat belt. “Come on. I’ll walk you to your door.”

  I unhooked my seat belt, too, then reached for my purse. I opened the passenger door and looked at the ground. It felt like such a long way down. I hopped out of the midnight-blue Dodge Ram, huffing, “Geez, Louise!”

  Ray rushed over to my side of the truck. “Are you okay?” he asked with genuine concern.

  “I’m not used to jumping out of a car,” I joked.

  “Oh.” Ray reached for my hand and led me to the front door.

  We stood on the front porch. Ray held my hands and said, “So, this is where I say good night. Thank you, Cass, for a very memorable evening. I look forward to our next date. It’s your turn to take me out. You pick the day and place.” He smiled.

  What if I don’t want it to end here? I wanted to ask but didn’t.

  He didn’t let me respond. He kissed me again. This time he pulled me close and let me feel that he definitely did not want the night to end here, either. His arousal only made my hormones race into overdrive. One arm was wrapped around his neck and I was tousling his hair; I don’t know what my other hand was doing. I was out of control. He held the back of my head and wrapped an arm around my waist.

  We jumped when the front door opened and we heard Kyra’s panicked voice. “Oh, gosh, Mom!” The door slammed shut.

  A feeling of dread washed over me. “Well, um… right” was all I could manage to squeak out.

  Ray chuckled. “Yep,” he mumbled. He backed away slowly. “Good night, Cass.”

  “Good night, Ray.”

  My heart danced.

  Chapter Six

  The next Saturday, I sat in the bleachers at the recreation center once again watching Max and his team practice. Kyra was at dance practice. She did not want me to watch since she was concentrating her energy on her recital that night. I would not see her until she appeared on stage. Cathy, the mom I met at Max’s last game, waved to me. I waved back, and she climbed her way up the bleachers to sit next to me.

  She was breathing heavily when she said, “Hi, Cass.”

  “Hi, Cathy.” I smiled.

  “So.” She took deep inhalations and exhalations in an attempt to catch her breath. She dug into her large purse and pulled out a bottle of water. She took a huge swig, then admitted, “I’m not going to lie to you. I gossip. Okay, I gossip a lot. Way more than I should. I can’t help it. It’s in my blood. My mom wrote the gossip column for the town paper back in the day, so it’s not my fault. But I never lie to my friends. I consider you a friend even though we just met.”

  I squinted at her. “Um, thank you. I think.”

  She waved her hand. “You’re welcome.”

  She took another swig of water.

  “I hear you had a date with the captain.”

  I immediately felt uneasy, but at the same time, I felt the familiar butterflies in my stomach that appeared whenever I thought of Ray. Ray and his kiss. I sighed.

  “By the sigh, I’m taking that as confirmation.”

  “Yes, I did,” I admitted.

  “Well.” Cathy moved closer and glanced around to see if anyone was within listening range. She began to talk in a whisper—well, as low as one could in a gym with squeaking tennis shoes, bouncing basketballs, and coaches yelling. “You need to know a little bit about Ray’s past.”

  My shoulders slumped. “Do I have to know right now?” I wanted to keep the happy memory of Wednesday’s date a little bit longer. I wanted to believe that love was still possible, that age didn’t matter, that Ray was like fine wine—better with age.

  “I think you do.”

  “What is it?” I asked.

  Cathy touched my shoulder and explained, “Ray is a womanizer.”

  Of course he is. That’s the kind of men I seem to attract, right? I didn’t say a word. I just stared at Cathy, waiting for more, because why wouldn’t there be more?

  “See, his oldest son was engaged, and, well, Ray slept with his son’s fiancé.”

  My eyes widened, and my mouth dropped open.

  I felt my heart harden a bit. A little wall was beginning to build around it. But another part of me wanted to believe there was more to the story, that there were several versions of one story.

  “How do you know this?” I managed to ask.

  “Oh, everyone knows it. It’s why Ray doesn’t talk to Junior. They haven’t spoken to each other in years. They had a very public argument a couple of years ago, and then Junior just up and left. No one has seen him since. Well, except his brother, of course. You know his brother is getting married soon. Bless his heart.”

  “You’re right. You really do gossip, don’t you?” I asked bitterly.

  She rubbed my shoulder a bit. “I’m sorry. I just think you should know before you get your heart broken.”

  Too late. I stood and brushed off imaginary dirt from my denim shorts. “I just remembered I need to call Kyra’s dance instructor about something. If you’ll excuse me…” I reached down and grabbed my purse.

  “Oh, of course,” Cathy said. She shifted so I could pass by her in the bleachers.

  I’d lied, of course. In reality I went into the bathroom and cried, then I walked out into the parking lot and sat in the van. I hid there for the duration of the practice and sent Max a text to let him know I would be in the car when he was done. There was no way I was going back in there to face the other moms. No way.

  I didn’t really think through the idea of hiding from other moms and the town. I still had to face people during Kyra’s recital that night. At least the recital was in a dark theater, so no one could really see me unless they tried really hard. I have to say that I was super proud of Kyra’s performance. She did a lyrical solo, a group jazz performance, and a group hip-hop performance, all of which she’d learned in less than a month.

  I hadn’t heard from Ray since our date on Wednesday night. I thought maybe it was because we were both busy, but I started to wonder if it was more than that. Maybe he had other dates. We went on one date, so it wasn’t as if I could assume we were suddenly a monogamous item. I had no right to get upset that he’d slept with his son’s
fiancé. Or did I? Yes, I did, because in his words, Ray sleeping with his son’s fiancé made me question his character and who he was as a man.

  I tried not to think of Ray. I needed to focus on Kyra and her moment. Tonight was all about her and her star performance.

  While I was waiting outside one of the theater dressing rooms with Max by my side, one of the other moms came up to me and said, “Honey, you should watch your back if you think Ray will be faithful. That man couldn’t keep it in his pants if his life depended on it. And besides, he’s way too old for you.”

  “Mom?” Max asked, worried.

  “Don’t worry, Max. Some people feel they need to comment on things that don’t concern them,” I said, a little louder than necessary.

  The woman huffed and stalked off.

  I thought it was a small victory, but another mom muttered loud enough so I could hear, “You should listen to her.” The woman shook her head and left with her daughter.

  “Great,” I said.

  “Mom, are you okay?” Max asked.

  “I will be,” I replied. Because I don’t have a choice.

  Chapter Seven

  Ray had left me a couple of voice-mail messages and a few text messages throughout the day on Sunday. I successfully avoided them all. On Monday night, Max had his basketball game at the rec center. There was no sign of Ray, even though his grandson played on one of the courts next to Max’s game. I admit I was disappointed. Even though I was cautious of Ray, I was still intrigued and still very much attracted to him. I was a female. What could I say?

  While I was watching Max play, I began to think of the other firefighters who had taken time on their day off to remove the brush surrounding my house. I hadn’t said a proper thank-you. My mom had raised me better than that. I knew I should bake them cookies and take them a card. I nodded to myself. Yep, that’s what I’m going to do. Bring ’em cookies. I sat up straight in the bleachers at the thought.