by Stewart, Ann
Driving away, I notice he’s headed towards my apartment and not his house. I quickly hide my grimace. I guess I just assumed we would be going to his house, but now that I think about it, why would we? His grandmother and Delores are there. Of course he would want to come to my place. I can’t hide the flirtatious smile that instantly replaces my scowl.
“Is that a smile, Ms. Hart? Did you have a good time?”
“I had the best time, Mr. James. Best birthday ever. Thank you,” I gush, grabbing his hand resting on my left knee. Returning the gesture, he grins wickedly, possibly giving me a glimpse into the rest of our night. I hope.
The remainder of the ride home is quiet. There isn’t much that can be said about tonight. Our perfect night. Remembering his text sends chills down my spine and I suddenly can’t wait to get home.
Turning into my complex, I peer out through the corner of my eye, confused when Alex doesn’t park. What’s going on? Pulling up to the curb closest to my apartment, he turns off the engine and places his hands on his own knees. Frowning, he looks like he’s about to apologize. Would it be childish of me to plug my ears? Why is he doing this? Tonight was…“I hate to do this to you, but I have to go.”
Wait! What? What happened to him wanting to see my dress on the floor? What happened to him wanting to fuck me into submission? My face drops. I know I should say something, but after a night like tonight, I don’t want to cave in and be the bigger person. I want to be selfish. Tell him to stay. But, because I am that person with him, the one that caves, I manage to let him know that I understand. I don’t, but what else am I supposed to say? He knows I’m disappointed, rubbing it in won’t do either of us any good.
Still being ever the gentleman, Alex opens the car door for me and walks me to my apartment. Approaching the door, he turns me around and pushes me against it. His body flush against me, he presses his sweet, hot lips against mine. As our kiss deepens, I allow my body to feel every inch of him, wrapping my hands around his neck, grasping his disheveled hair.
Panting, Alex pulls away. “Goodnight Elyssa. Tonight was…well, tonight was perfect.” I stare at him not knowing what to say; lack of oxygen to the brain will do that to you. I watch him walk away. Away from our perfect night.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Golden rays escape through my curtains as I slowly open my eyes to a new day. My mouth is dry and I long for a glass of water. My body, however, has other plans and doesn’t respond to any of my attempts to sit up. My head aches, making me squint as I peer over my pillow, searching for the clock. 2:00 p.m.! Are you kidding me?! I don’t even remember the last time I slept this late.
Making a last ditch effort to sit up, I’m once again shot back down with the dull ache all over my body. Is this from the dancing or from the inappropriate sex? I place my hands over my face, as I try and hide. The memories rush, full force, back to me. His hands…his mouth…his…just the thought awakens me. Ugh…he is literally driving me crazy!
Bringing me out of my heat induced fantasy, I scramble to grab my phone from the charger resting on the side of my bed.
“Hi Rach,” I mutter groggily.
“Are you still sleeping?! You sound awful!”
“Well, hello to you too. I just woke up.” Okay, that was a little too depressing, and nothing of how I’m actually feeling. I had the best time last night, possibly the best night of my life, and I need to show it. “Remember, I had a date last night? And it just so happens, I was out late.”
“Please tell me you’ll come over for dinner,” she pleads, sounding hopeful. “I want to hear all the juicy details, and see your face go red when you tell me.”
“Well, I wouldn’t want to deprive you of such fun. What time do you want me there?”
“Five. Or wait, is that too soon? You know, I wouldn’t want to impede on your beauty sleep.”
“Ha ha, very funny, Rach! I’ll see you soon. Love you.”
“Love you more.”
I rush Rachel off the phone in hopes to have a few more hours before I have to function like a real human being. I haven’t had a day off in a while, and sleeping in feels almost too relaxing, like I’m cheating life or something. But, now that I know what time it is, the need for a shower overwhelms me.
Remnants of the night before still lingers as I stare at my reflection. Suddenly, all I can think about is the unabashed sex we had in a very public place. The very erotic, sexy, and shameless sex that I would never do again. Well okay, maybe not never. I breathe in and exhale loudly, trying to regain my composure. You’re an adult, Ely. What you do with your boyfriend should not embarrass you! No one saw what you did! Boyfriend might not be the right word to describe Alex. I shake my head, pushing thoughts of him to the corner of my mind. Determining the status of our relationship is not going to occur in the confines of my bathroom this Sunday morning. I try and give myself a moral pep talk to shake off the indulgent behavior of last night and finally discard my pajamas as I step into the shower. Closing my eyes, tilting my head, the water engulfs me. The cascading heat feels utterly refreshing against my achy skin.
Taking too long in the shower, I finish washing and rush out to get ready. I don’t have long before I’m due at Rachel’s and I have a sudden need to reach the inner, self-assured me. The me that may have lost herself a little last night. After drying and curling my hair into loose curls, I stand peering in my closet for the perfect outfit. The free flowing carroty kimono romper I picked out has a v-neck that plunges to my cleavage, making me feel very sexy. As I tie the belt around my waist, I glance at myself in the floor length mirror. My curves accentuated, my long legs exposed. Smiling, I step into my brown sandals, and then sigh. I finally feel like myself again; confident, attractive, and ready to tackle my day. Even though technically, it’s almost over.
I arrive at Rachel’s right at five, and take a few deep breaths before exiting my car. I’m so afraid she’s going to know what I did last night. And if she knew, she would be so disappointed in me. She raised me better than that and she knows how I view sex. It’s not the game Alex makes it out to be. Not that I minded much, nor did I say no, but it’s still not a game. I flush at the thought of Rachel knowing what naughty things I did with Alex. But, she did say that I needed to have more fun, which I did, but at what cost? She won’t know what you did last night. Besides, you liked it. Get over it, already!
Bryan greets me at the front door, only after one knock. He’s always eager to see me and never ashamed to admit it. Rachel couldn’t have picked a better man to fall in love with. His big smile and easy eyes are the first trait most people notice about him. He’s a man’s man, tall, auburn hair, and he loves Rachel with all his heart. What I love about him, besides everything, is that he never has a mean thing to say to or about anyone. Even when I tease him.
“Butt face!” I exclaim, remembering the first time I called him out on the dimple in his chin. He’s always hated his nickname, he’s anything but unattractive, but I can’t help but tease him. It’s always there, smile or no smile, fitting him and his personality.
Reaching down, he engulfs me in a giant bear hug. “Hey E!” Placing me gently back on the ground, he starts in on me, like usual. “About time you show your face around here. I was beginning to think you forgot where we lived. That or you’re too good now that you have your hoity-toity big girl job.” I smile and follow him in, knowing he loves to tease me any chance he can.
Rachel comes bolting across her small living room and practically tackles me, taking me into another bear hug. My heart warms being in their presence…the presence of my family. Having my own place is nice, but when I come here, I feel like home.
Sitting down for dinner at their mahogany table, the food looks and smells delicious. Rachel has gone out of her way to make one of my favorites, lasagna with meat sauce, salad and bread. She always thinks of everything. “So El, where did Mr. X take you last night?” And the interrogation begins.
Enjoy the show, Rac
h. I blush and look down at my plate, pushing my food around with my fork. “Alex took me to dinner and then to the club, Suscita. It was….fun.” I can’t hide my excitement and it shows in the ear to ear smile plastered on my face. I want to tell her everything, okay well not everything. I’m sure my sister doesn’t want to know my dirty little secret; dirty being the key word.
“So are you guys….together? Like together, together?” Rachel asks, tapping her fingers on the table.
“Babe, E will tell us about him when she’s ready,” Bryan chimes in and just in time. He winks at me, saving me from my own sister. I smile sweetly at him mouthing my thanks. Bryan is the only father figure I have in my life and he plays the role well. He’s always looked out for me, and the best part is he knows how to handle Rachel. Especially, when she gets into Mommy mode and tries to pry. Rachel scowls at him, but a smile returns to her face when he leans over and gives her a swift kiss, effectively ending her pout.
After devouring our meal, we finish discussing whether or not the Dodgers will win against the Rockies tonight. Bryan is a big Dodgers fan, so of course the Dodgers will win. Once we’re all done with every last morsel on our plates, Bryan clears the table and heads into the kitchen to get dessert. Patting my stomach, I must have gained five pounds between all of the celebratory meals in the past few days.
Not wanting to get caught, Rachel drags me into the living room, stealing a peak towards the kitchen. Leaning in she whispers, “So this guy…”
I knew that wouldn’t take long. Shaking my head at her, I sigh. If I don’t talk to her now, it will eat at her, and me. I want her to know about Alex, about how he makes me feel weightless and absurdly happy. About how he’s such a gentleman and how much he loves his grandmother. It’s all still so new and exciting and for that reason I give in. She beams at me, already knowing she’s about to get her way. “Rach, what do you want to know?”
“How did you meet?” she clasps her hands together in excitement, jumping up and down in her seat like a little kid who just got a bowl of her favorite ice cream.
“We work together.”
“A workplace love affair; how exciting! Is he totally gorgeous?” Thankfully, she doesn’t mention or even think about Arianna. I would hate for our relationship to come up in a personal conversation and ruin everything. What am I worried about?! Rachel and Arianna don’t talk and for once in my life, I’m glad that I have nothing to worry about in regards to Arianna.
“He’s unbelievably beautiful. He’s almost too good to be true.” In a moment of verbal diarrhea I spill my soul to Rachel, giving every detail of his perfect face and gorgeous body. “He’s sweet and sexy and thoughtful, but…”
“But?” she pulls back, anxiously.
“But, I don’t know how this relationship is going to work. It’s hard to see where it’s going. Everything feels so different with him, Rach. I’m in undiscovered territory and I can honestly say I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Elyssa Jane Hart, you deserve to be happy and have someone to spend your time with. Why not look at things for what they are instead of worrying that everything is some life shattering moment?”
Carrying in two dessert plates with chocolate cake that looks to die for, Bryan joins the discussion. “Am I interrupting something?”
“El was just telling me about her guy.”
“So, what about him? Do I need to rough him up a little? Show up with a shotgun?” Bryan jokes, as he sits next to Rachel on their leather love seat, sharing their chocolate cake.
“No, Bryan!” I put my hands up in defeat, giggling. “I was telling Rach that he’s perfect, but I just…I don’t know. It’s hard to gauge where it’s going.”
“Does he seem to be into you?” he asks, notably interested.
“As far as I can tell, but my experience with relationships and men are lacking. At least past the initial attraction.” Taking a bite of my cake, I can’t help the moan that escapes my lips. “This is delicious, Bryan.”
“You were with Cole for awhile so you have some experience. Don’t discount yourself, El,” Rachel chimes in.
“This guy is different than Cole. He opens doors for me, has the gentlest touch and when he kisses me my knees feel like they’re going to buckle.” Bryan makes a gesture of vomiting, just as Rachel slaps his arm. “I’m completely infatuated with him. I spend my day wondering when I’m going to see him again, and my nights wishing he was with me. I’m starting to feel a bit stalkerish. This is not how I felt for Cole.”
“Wow that seems intense, El.” She grabs my hand, looking over at me lovingly. “One way or another, everything will work itself out. Just take it one day at a time.” I love my sister, she always says the right things.
“You want my advice?” I nod in Bryan’s direction. “E, don’t talk about your relationship. Not yet at least. You guys haven’t known each other for very long and you don’t want to freak him out by bringing up the big ‘R’ word. Just ride it out and see where it leads. But, don’t let him use you. And I mean it! Just say the word and I’ll be there with that shotgun.” He grins, shoving another bite of chocolate covered chocolate in his mouth, like he didn’t just threaten to shoot someone. Playfully Rachel reaches up, brushing away a smudge of chocolate with her thumb before licking it off her finger. And that’s my cue to leave.
Setting my plate in the stainless steel sink, I return to the living room to say my goodbyes. “Thanks for the advice guys, and the dinner, but I really need to head home. You know, have to go to my hoity-toity big girl job tomorrow, and I still need some beauty sleep.”
Bryan and Rachel follow me to the door, each bringing me into another embrace before releasing me to the mugginess that is the Las Vegas fall.
My drive home is short, they don’t live too far from me, but it gives me a chance to think about their advice. I’m torn about not talking to Alex about our relationship because I’m not sure how long he plans on keeping me his secret or how long I’m willing to go along with it. Right now it seems to be working, but I wonder how long I can keep up the charade. I’m afraid to lose myself in something I don’t fully understand. Trust me, I understand the ramifications of our work relationship and how bad it would look if we were out in public together. But, what I don’t understand is how a man, like Alex, can keep his personal and professional life separate without them running into each other.
Oh bother. I should have asked Bryan more questions. But if I did, I might have given it away that I am a secret. And, I don’t think that would have gone over too well with my sister. Girl power and all! Startling me, I hear a chime announcing an incoming text. At a stop light, I peak at my phone almost willing it to tell me it’s from Alex. My heart skips a beat, just looking at his name staring back at me.
*Are you home? I want to see you!*
**I’ll be home in 10 minutes.**
My heart flutters, getting all giddy. Just the thought of spending time with him warms my heart. I catch myself speeding several times, rushing to get home knowing he’ll be there. Pulling up faster than I should, I hurry out of the car and speed walk towards my door.
And, there he is. Seeing Alex sitting at my doorstep is like an out of body experience. With the sight of him, I experience a bit of déjà vu, recalling the first time I found him outside in the rain…the first time we had sex. Looking a little tense, he’s not dressed in his normal business attire, which is a treat. I haven’t seen him this casual. Ever. It’s a nice surprise. Wearing a blue and white button up shirt, he looks surprisingly young with his light blue jeans. With his hair more disheveled than normal, he looks frustrated.
“Hi, have you been waiting long?” I continue my walk, meeting his severe gaze.
“About 15 minutes. Where were you?” He eyes me waiting for a response.
“I was at dinner with my sister,” I respond, only to erase the frown on his face. I didn’t know I had to check in with him every moment of day.
His mood changes instantly. “
Were you now…did you talk about me?” he smirks, standing quickly, walking in my direction. Reaching me, he wraps his arms around my torso and nuzzles my neck, like he hasn’t seen me in a week. “You look lovely.”
Returning the gesture, I wrap my arms around his neck, giving him a gentle kiss on his delectable lips. “Actually, we did talk about you. I didn’t give her all the juicy details, but enough to pacify her for a while. Do you want to come in?”
“Not unless you want to have sex on your door step.” I blush at the thought of him taking me directly on my front stairs, making my insides tingle. Dismissing the thought, I reach for the door and open it quickly, refusing to let him manhandle me outside. Not again.
My thoughts go back to Bryan’s advice about not letting him use me. How does one know if they are being used? And, is he using me if I’m a willing participant? The last few times we’ve been together, we’ve had mind-blowing sex, but I can’t discount how he’s treated me. He’s been very sweet, attentive, almost like he cares. My mind is in a blur with all of the confusion.
In a moment of panic, I think of the first question to ask him; just something to get my mind off of his body and taking him on my couch, again. “Alex, what’s your favorite color?” What am I, fifteen?
Sitting on the love seat, he cocks his head to look at me, while I walk into the kitchen for a glass of water. “Currently, a pumpkin slash ginger color,” he admits, eyeing me up and down, looking like he’s ready to consume me. God, this man has a direct line to libido.