Don't Break This Kiss (Top Shelf Romance Book 5)

by Jessica Hawkins

  He glanced at her. “Would you be jealous of my attention?”

  Beau could most likely make any girl feel that way if he wanted. She squinted at nothing. “That would require thinking past tonight, and I don’t want to.”

  “I’ll be out there with other women, Lola. You’ll be with Johnny. Everything will be normal again.”

  Things would never be normal again. Even if Johnny thought they were, or if she faked it until things were as close to normal as they’d get—no, they’d never truly be normal again. The question was whether Lola could live with that. “I don’t know,” she said. “All this has given me a lot to think about.”

  “Will I be there in those thoughts?”

  He already was. She blinked a few times. “How could you not be? You started all of this.”

  “So what’re you saying, Lola? You’re going to go home and still be thinking about me?”

  “Johnny and I…we’re supposed to get through this on our love alone. On nine years’ history. I think I knew we might not, but I called you anyway. When your limo pulled up tonight, it was as if Johnny and I had made some fatal mistake.” She paused. “But I still went through with it.”

  Beau cleared his throat.

  Lola noticed a symphony of crickets she hadn’t before. She looked at him. “I mean, don’t get the wrong idea,” she said, flustered by his silence. This from the man who’d been so vocal, she’d wondered if he was considering going to battle with Johnny over her. “I’m not suggesting I leave him for you. It’s just, the fact that Johnny and I even went through with this means something. Somebody owes somebody an explanation, I just don’t know which one of us is at fault.”

  “I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault,” Beau said. “Not even mine.”

  She shook her head. “It isn’t your fault.” She couldn’t pinpoint when she’d changed over the years, but she had. She’d thought putting her sordid past behind her meant she’d matured. Now she was beginning to question what part of the life she had now she’d chosen. Johnny had become her priority, and his hobbies, friends and work had become her hobbies, friends and work. She wanted more from herself and for herself, except that Johnny, with the greatest opportunity of his life ahead of him, still wasn’t stepping up to the plate. “If things were right between Johnny and me, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

  “I thought you were happy with him,” Beau said. “At least it seemed that way from afar.”

  “I was,” she said. “God, I am—I thought so. I had no idea anything was wrong. But you shook us up like a snow globe.”

  “If you’re expecting an apology—”

  “I’m not.” She glanced at him and away.

  “Lola,” he called her attention back. “Come here.”

  She leaned across the console. He put an arm around her, pulling her close so their mouths nearly touched.

  “Was I a fatal mistake?” he whispered.

  “No.” She shook her head slowly, holding his gaze. “Maybe.”

  He chuckled quietly.

  “But don’t think I’m going all psycho and dumping my boyfriend because of a couple nights of good sex.”

  Beau jerked his head back. “Good? Fuck. That hurts.”

  She rolled her eyes but smiled. “You know what I mean. Amazing.”

  “You can do better than that.”

  “You’ll hold it against me.”

  “Probably.”

  Her smile widened. “Fine. Sex so good I think I went blind for a few seconds. Unparalleled sex.”

  “Unparalleled,” he mused. “Meaning unmatched. Nobody can match it. Meaning…the best sex you’ve ever had.”

  She wriggled in his arms. “Don’t get cocky on me.”

  “Hmm. I’d like to get cocky all over you,” he muttered, brushing hair from her forehead. “Should we go back? Have you had your fill of stars?”

  “Never,” she said. “But it’s not like we have eternity.”

  She went to pull away, but Beau’s arm tightened as he kept her there.

  “What?” she asked.

  “I just wanted to say…I don’t know what’ll happen when the sun comes up—”

  “I go home,” she said, “is what happens.”

  He searched her face. “You should know how real this is for me.” He took her cheek with his other hand. “If ever there were a prize worth winning, you are it. Just know that these stars, this moment—it’s real. Everything I’m experiencing is real.”

  She looked back and forth between his eyes, trying to read him. There was truth there, but it wasn’t the only thing. Something else brewed deeper. Something she didn’t recognize. What did he want to tell her? To leave Johnny for him? He couldn’t ask her to do it, but it was written on his face, woven in his touch.

  “You don’t have to say anything,” Beau said. “We both knew what we were getting into. I just hope we each find what we need come sunrise.”

  What we need. Foolishly, she rarely considered what Beau needed, because he was always a pillar of strength. Maybe that was how Johnny saw her. Someone strong who didn’t need much, and who was better at taking care of herself than anyone else would ever be.

  She pushed Beau gently back against the driver’s seat, keeping her eyes on his face. She felt under his T-shirt and up his flat stomach. He was warm and hard under her hand. His head fell back, and his eyes closed. His Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed. “When’s the last time someone touched you like this?”

  He didn’t answer.

  “Not to get anything,” she said. “Just to feel.”

  “A while,” he said. The gravel in his voice made his answer almost unintelligible. “Maybe never.”

  She caressed his chest. To hear him say never made her heart sink, made her feel lucky for the years of tenderness Johnny had given her. “Let’s go back to the hotel, Beau.”

  He blinked his eyes open, looking up for a minute. “We have a few hours. Maybe we can get some sleep.”

  “That’d be nice,” she said.

  He started the car.

  She didn’t tell him that she had no plans to sleep. That all she wanted to do was lie in his arms and try to stay awake.

  Chapter 26

  The drive back to Beau’s hotel went quickly with the absence of traffic. On their way to Mulholland, there had been promise in the wind—now, just finality.

  They took the exit for the hotel, and Beau pulled into a gas station and up to a pump. “I didn’t feed you tonight,” he said through her window once the tank was filling. “I’d planned on room service again.”

  Lola shrugged. “We had the Cheez-Its.”

  “Which is not all that bad of a dinner, but hardly fit for a queen.” He winked. “Since I doubt there’s French toast inside, how would you feel about gas station hotdogs?”

  “Best with relish,” she said.

  “Then relish you will get. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  Lola watched him walk away, enjoying every second of his firm behind in blue jeans. She caught herself grinning—over hotdogs. It lit her up from the inside that eating hotdogs was such a normal thing to do, as if they had all the time in the world. She didn’t even particularly care for hotdogs, especially not ones that’d most likely been sitting on a rotisserie for the better part of a day. It was that she’d be having them with Beau.

  But then she did start to think about the hotdogs themselves and how she actually was hungry, having eaten very little all night. Whenever she and Johnny took a trip, they’d stop for gas and sweets on their way out of town, even if they didn’t particularly need gas. Johnny would get M&Ms but her cravings came in waves. She never knew what she was in the mood for until she saw it all in front of her. That was why she’d be the one to go get the candy while Johnny filled up the tank.

  Now she couldn’t stop thinking about chocolate, and Beau would have no idea what to get her. She didn’t even know herself. She unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. He’d paid for
so much so far—dessert would be her treat. Beau probably had an old favorite, like Johnny. Men were like that. They found something that worked and stuck with it.

  She pulled open the gas station door, walked in and stopped cold. Beau stood frozen at the counter, and a large, bearded man held a gun to his head. Beau’s hands were clenched at his sides. The gas station attendant transferred cash from the register into a garbage bag.

  “I told you, there isn’t a single thing in my car,” Beau was saying, his head slightly tilted as the barrel pressed into his temple. His eyes flickered to Lola and back. Slowly, he signaled with his hand for her to leave. “Everything’s on me. I have plenty of cash. I just need to reach in my pocket and get it.”

  “Which pocket?”

  “Back right,” Beau said.

  Every beat of Lola’s heart was acute. Rabid. She ached. He wouldn’t hold her as she lay awake tonight. There wouldn’t be a heartbreaking decision to make in the morning. They had fought each other, themselves, those around them—why? For it to end this way? She would’ve run to him if she could move. Her mouth was open, but she hadn’t even been breathing.

  “There’s nothing here,” the man said.

  “Must be the left pocket.” Beau widened his eyes at her, nodded once and mouthed, Go. She barely registered that he was trying to distract the man from turning around.

  “You’re fucking with me.” He reared back to hit Beau with the gun.

  “I have it,” Lola cried out. She couldn’t even remember what she was supposed to have, her mind spun so fast. He wanted something. She would give it to him. Anything to change the picture in front of her—Beau, her strong, solid Beau, with a gun to his head.

  The man whirled to her. “On the ground,” he said.

  He waved the gun back and forth, and when it stopped on her, her scalp went cold. His matted gray beard matched his leaden eyes, matched the pistol aimed at her face. His oversized army-green jacket had holes.

  “Down,” Beau ordered through his teeth. He gestured again, this time for her to lie on the floor. His dark eyes bore into her, willing her to submit.

  She had to be brave. If she lay down, Beau would remain the target. She couldn’t have that. Her breath came short as she looked between them.

  “Listen, bitch.” He put the barrel to Beau’s head again. “This will be you if you don’t get the fuck down.”

  Beau thrust his hand into his front pocket. “She’s lying. My wallet’s in—”

  The man cocked the gun and shoved it harder into Beau’s skull. “I told you not to move, motherfucker. Put it in the bag and do it slow.”

  Beau slid it out and dropped it in with the rest of the money.

  “Now you,” he said, nodding at Lola. “Throw your purse over here.”

  As long as the gun was on Beau, she saw nothing else. All it would take was a slip of the finger, a burst of anger. “Not until you put the gun down.”

  “Who the fuck you think’s in charge?” the man asked.

  She held up her purse, waving it as if he were a bear and she had his dinner. The man was off—he could snap at any moment, but if he did, she’d make sure that gun was pointed anywhere but at Beau. Even if it was aimed at her instead. “If you want it, come take it from me.”

  “Throw the fucking purse,” Beau said sharply.

  Purse. Wallet. Money. Her brain began to thaw. “I have cash.” Her legs wobbled. She took a step back and raised her chin. “I just came from the ATM.”

  He looked from Beau to Lola and back before walking toward her.

  Beau lunged, but the man was fast. He spun around and trained the weapon on Beau again. He backed his way to Lola, feeling for her with the same hand he clutched the garbage bag in. She couldn’t tell how lucid he was. She didn’t want to test him, so she stayed where she was. He grabbed her shirt and pulled her in front of him, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and jamming the cold muzzle under her chin, forcing her head up. He slid his hand down her stomach. “Give it to me.”

  The barrel pressed into her throat when she swallowed. She tried not to cough and instead inhaled a wilting blend of urine, body odor and hard alcohol. Without moving more than she had to or looking down, she surrendered the purse.

  “She and I are going to walk out,” he said to Beau. “If you want to keep her alive, don’t make any moves until I’m gone. Got it?”

  “I lied,” Beau said hastily. He was below her line of vision, on her peripheral, but there was clear desperation in his voice. “About the car. And what’s in it. I can get you anything you want. I have more money than you can dream of.”

  The man released the gun just enough for Lola’s head to drop. Beau flexed his hands in and out of balls, imploring her with his eyes. She couldn’t read him, and that made her stomach churn. She had no idea what he might do.

  “How much we talking here?” the man smacked in her ear.

  “Millions. All yours if you just let her go. I’ll go out to the car with you instead.”

  Lola held her breath, sucking in her nostrils to prevent smelling anything.

  He laughed. “Now I know you’re fucking with me.” He pulled Lola backward with him.

  Beau, as if connected by a string, walked forward also. “Look outside,” Beau pressed. “That’s my Lamborghini. You can have it too. Outrun the cops, no problem.”

  Lola didn’t dare check to see if the man looked.

  The man whistled in Lola’s ear. “You weren’t kidding. Keys in the car?”

  Beau patted his pockets. “Yes.”

  “You stay here while we check,” he said, dragging Lola backward with him. “Everything’s good, I’ll let her go.”

  “Leave her,” Beau said levelly.

  “Nope. She’s my collateral.”

  “The car is nothing.” Beau’s jaw clenched and unclenched, causing his face to contort. The gun was still on her, between her and Beau, putting them on opposites sides of danger. “I can get you so much more. We don’t have to get the cops involved. Just let go of her.”

  Lola couldn’t hold her breath anymore, and she gagged.

  “What’s wrong, little lady?” the man asked tauntingly. “You know, there’s one thing you’ve got that he can’t give me.” He squeezed her more tightly against him.

  She’d die before she let that happen. Before she could gag again, she grabbed his forearm. “Let go of me.”

  “Shut up,” he said with a hard shake.

  Beau’s hands had stopped moving. His expression smoothed as any emotion drained away, leaving his eyes colder than she’d ever seen them. His back became unnaturally straight. “You might want to rethink who you’re pointing that gun at,” he said. “I don’t think you realize how much you’ve just pissed me off.”

  A wave of panic crashed through Lola. He had the same indifferent look he’d had the night Johnny had gone after him at Hey Joe. It was the complete inability to predict his next move that terrified her—not that he’d do anything to jeopardize her, but that he wasn’t thinking of his own safety at all.

  Beau strode forward, each step longer than the last. The man pushed the gun into Lola’s throat then pulled it away. It wavered in the air a split second as he seemed to hesitate. He pointed it at Beau and shot. Lola screamed. Shoved back into a display stand, she lost her footing and fell as it crashed around her. Beau was at her side in an instant, yelling at her, but all she heard was the reverberation of the gunshot.

  Frantically, she reached up and felt his chest. “He shot you?”

  He grabbed her arm, checked her over and left her on the ground. He ran back to the counter and lunged over it, reaching for the attendant.

  “Beau,” she said lamely, unsure he could even hear her. “What are you doing?”

  Beau grabbed the kid by his shirt and pulled him forward. He was tearing something from the guy’s hand—a gun. He was going after the man. Dread rose up her throat.

  He bolted for the door. She scrambled to her feet, hurtling i
nto his path. “It’s just money. It’s not worth it,” she cried.

  He went to move around her, but she grabbed his shirt in two tight fists. Now that she had him back, she couldn’t risk losing him again. “Please, I’m begging you. Don’t do this.”

  “It’s not about the money,” he said, his face bright red, his chest heaving. “I won’t let him get away with this.”

  “I need you here,” she said. “Don’t abandon me.”

  He glanced anxiously behind her. “I can’t just do nothing. I’ll come right back.”

  She couldn’t shake the thought that he’d been shot. Her chin wobbled. “You might not come back.” Her strength seeped away, leaving her knees weak. His arms automatically went around her waist, and the gun pressed through the back of her T-shirt, cold even through the fabric. “Let the police handle it. Stay.”

  “He deserves to pay,” Beau said through clenched teeth. “You’re asking me to let it go? People don’t just get away with this. He could’ve killed you, Lola. He deserves to run for his life—from me.”

  He was like a wolf separated from fresh meat with only Lola in between. His heartbeat was strong under his chest, and all his muscles were tensed as if he might break into a sprint at any instant.

  He wanted payback. Why couldn’t he see the gift they’d been given? A second chance? He would risk his life to make an insane man pay—for what? They were both unharmed. She shook him by his shirt. “I don’t deserve to lose you. Not after all this. I need you here where I can see you and touch you. If you go, I go with you.”

  He opened his mouth, trying to speak but nothing came out at first.

  “If you go, I go,” she repeated.

  “But he…and you…” His face closed. “What the hell were you thinking?” he demanded. “Why didn’t you leave when you had the chance? Why didn’t you just do what he said?”

  She would take all of Beau’s anger if it meant keeping him there in that building. Her fingers loosened with her relief. “Why didn’t you let him take me outside?”

  He looked up at the ceiling. “You know why.”

  “Then you know why I couldn’t leave you here.”