Don't Break This Kiss (Top Shelf Romance Book 5)
Page 68
I just shrug. “It helps distract me.”
He smiles. He has a really great smile.
“Why are you so hell-bent on us staying together? Answer me that.”
His fingers move up to my scalp, working their magic. “Pretty sure I’ve answered you that about a dozen times already. I like your smile. Hell, I like every damn inch of you. And I like who I am when I’m around you. The way I don’t have to be on edge all the time. Especially now that I don’t need to pretend to be someone else. Now that you know all my secrets.”
“Hmm.” My eyelids slide closed. I can’t help it. Nothing like a good massage to render you helpless. Without a doubt, his knowledge of anatomy is top notch. Probably makes him a better killer. My knees turn to water at the thought. The ever-present threat of a panic attack turning my insides to jelly.
But then he moves closer, lips skimming over my cheek, my jawline. He’s with me. I’m not alone. However, I should put a stop to this. Any minute now. “I highly doubt I know all of your secrets.”
“More than pretty much anyone else alive.”
“Maybe.”
“Definitely. You do more than just give me a home. You let me feel things like a normal person. You make me human.”
That might be the saddest, loneliest thing I’ve ever heard. “Thom…”
“Most of the time it feels like I’ve been at war my whole damn life. But not with you. With you, even the fighting is fun. Touch me, Betty.”
His lips graze the side of my neck as he speaks. His hands and his mouth are perfection, messing with my mind. The heat of his body pressed up against mine. Thom never used to be particularly tactile when it came to sex. Though I guess keeping me from feeling his scars made things complicated. Now, however, everything seems to have changed.
“Put your hands on me.”
My hands are fisted at my sides.
“Let me distract you for a little while. Let me please you.”
“You’re seriously persuasive, do you know that? What is this, the full secret agent treatment?”
“Fuck, I love how soft you are.”
“I-I’m not sure about this,” I stutter, my breath coming heavy.
He rests his forehead against mine with a sigh. “It’s up to you. Tell me to stop and I will.”
Only I’m not sure I want that either. I’m frozen. Confused. “You will?”
“Of course. I’m not taking anything else from you that you’re not willing to give. We’ll do whatever you want.” His lips press gently against mine. “You already know what I want.”
“The hard-on pressing into my stomach kind of gives it away.”
“I bet it does. But I can wait.” His chuckle is this deep and harsh sound sending a shiver straight down my spine. His warm mouth on mine delivers light, sweet kisses that go straight to my head. And he smells good. Like some awesome warm and woodsy aftershave and him.
Still, I hesitate.
“Want me to take my hands off you, take a step back?”
Problem is, somewhere along the line, he’s become the balm to all my fears. I’ve never met anyone less like a teddy bear, and yet I want to hold him tight until the monsters under the bed go away.
“No.”
“All right, then,” he says, doubtless pondering the confusion that is my chaotic state of mind. I almost pity the man. “I know… How about once we get this mess sorted, we just go get married? Get on a plane to Vegas and just get the job done. No more discussion. What do you say?”
“What?!” My jaw falls open in surprise, and he’s right there. Tongue sliding into my mouth, rubbing against mine. I was absolutely about to hit rant mode. To tell him he can’t be serious. But now it’s much too late. The man is kissing me stupid. It was all a trick, damn him. And I fell for it.
With his demanding mouth on mine, there’s no mayhem or death or anything outside of this moment. Just me and him connecting on a new level. Never in my life has someone kissed me like this. Like touching me, being here with me, is his sole reason for existing. I know, given our history, there’s every chance it isn’t real. Yet right now, I’m finding it hard to care. Thom and I suddenly have serious chemistry. Like off-the-charts, breath stealing, blazing heat and lust. If he’s faking it, I might just have to kill him. The man makes my heart feel cumbersome. Just generally big and confused and…I don’t know. Pretty sure I need a feelings warning whenever he’s around. That would be useful.
My fingers fist in the fine cotton of his button-down shirt. While his big hand slides down my back to grab ahold of one of my ass cheeks. He’s grinding his hard cock into me, turning us both on, no doubt. Dry humping has never been so exciting. Our teeth knock together and he all but eats at my mouth. Nothing about this is sweet or slow. The cool and calm operator is nowhere to be seen. It’s good to know I’m not in this alone.
We need to be skin to skin. This is all that matters right now. However, my hands are trembling over the buttons on his shirt. It’s frustrating as all hell.
Thom kisses me once, twice, then pulls away.
“Hang on, babe.” He grips the back of his shirt, tugging it over his head. Buttons go flying. Oh well. Next, he grabs the hem of my knit top, pulling it up and over my breasts. I lift my arms and he gently eases it over my head. “God, I love your tits. Have I ever told you that?”
“I don’t think so.”
“No?” he asks, voice husky. “Shit. Sorry. You have the most magnificent fucking breasts I’ve ever seen.”
I tug at his belt, getting it undone and out of the way. Then the button and zip on his pants. Thom quite helpfully toes off his shiny shoes, trying to kiss me all the while. Coordinated, we are not. Though we sure make up for it with dedication to the cause. In a frenzy of motion and need, our clothing disappears piece by piece. It sits pooled at our feet, soon kicked aside. Turns out I couldn’t care less about looking after designer goods when getting naked with Thom is on the line.
Soon, we’re both standing there in our underwear. Or at least I am. He pushes down his boxer briefs, the hard length of his cock jutting out, pointing straight at me.
“Don’t get shy on me now,” he says with a smile. There’s something hesitant about it, and a softness to his gaze I haven’t seen before. Like I’m not the only one feeling things here. As if getting real with me is a big step for him too. God, I hope I’m not misinterpreting this. Not projecting or imagining things.
I swallow past my dry throat. “I-I’m not.”
“So beautiful.”
His hands slip around my sides to undo my bra. A gentle touch slides the straps off my shoulders, tugs the underwired cups away from my body. Then, it, too, is on the floor. Eyes heated, he takes the weight of my breasts in his hands, thumbs flicking over my nipples. Electricity shoots through me. My panties are the only thing standing between us now. A damp thong that doesn’t stand a chance.
“Babe. Jesus. Look at you. This is what I missed out on in the dark, huh? I’m a damn moron.”
“Yeah.”
He laughs and kisses me slow and deep. A sensual exploration of my mouth that doesn’t stop until he’s got my head spinning. And all the while, he’s maneuvering me onto the bed, getting me beneath him. Without breaking the kiss even once. He has skills.
Clever fingers glide down my chest, between my breasts and over my belly. Then he’s cupping my sex in his hand, grinding the heel of his palm against my clit.
“Oh,” I gasp.
“You don’t usually get this hot and wet for me.” He rests his forehead against mine, rubbing the side of my nose with his own. It’s weirdly intimate, having our faces this close together. Gazing into his eyes.
“You don’t usually care this much.”
“I’m an asshole.”
I smile. “Yeah, that too.”
Fingers part my labia, sliding inside while his thumb plays over my clit. My eyes just about roll back into my head. Everything between my thighs is dripping wet. Swollen and oh-so-sensit
ive. He gently thrusts two fingers into me, building my need into something out of control.
“But I’m your asshole, if you’ll have me,” he says, licking over first one hard nipple and then the other. “Betty, will you have me?”
“I need…”
“I know what you need.”
Every muscle in me goes tense, on edge. My hips squirm against the mattress. It’s all too much and yet not quite enough. I tug on his hair as he sucks on one nipple, teasing it with both his tongue and teeth. Holy hell. He definitely knows things. Doing this for myself usually takes much longer and some serious mind porn. But the things he’s doing to me…I can’t keep up. Total body overload. My heart’s pounding, every nerve ending rioting. It’s a little scary, feeling this much.
“And I’m the man who’ll give it you,” he says, voice rough. “Every time without fail.”
His hot mouth on my breasts grows more insistent. The prickle of his stubble against my skin is verging on painful. Then he works a sweet spot inside of me. No hesitation, he really does know exactly what I need and where I need it. Like all his previous explorations were just investigations, marking out the terrain for the moment when it would all matter.
Hands tangled in his hair, I climb higher and higher, reaching for bliss. My whole body is strung tight until it breaks and splinters and falls apart. Pretty sure I officially no longer exist. It’s too much. All of this light rushing through me. Just a mess of molecules are left lying on the bed in a vaguely womanlike shape.
R.I.P. me. She died happy.
Before I finish coming down, he thrusts into me with a groan. His thick length sets off even more aftershocks. Kneeling between my legs, Thom looks down the length of my body, gaze possessive in a way I’ve never seen before.
Hands wrap around my thighs, his grip unbreakable. Again he shows no hesitation. Just keeps thrusting in deep and forcefully, as if he’s branding me for all time. While he might be mine—it’s still open to question—in this moment, I’m undoubtedly his. Because this certainly isn’t lovemaking. But it isn’t just rough sex. His body demands and mine gives. Each sigh and moan I make, he owns. The sweat and fever of us fucking. The chaos of emotions.
It could never be like this with someone else. Whatever happens, I have the worst feeling he’s ruining me for anyone else. Dammit.
“Your pussy feels fucking perfect,” he says. “So wet and hot. Made just for me.”
“Watch your ego.”
In response, he changes his angle slightly, hitting something wonderful inside. I can’t come again so soon. Not possible. But he obviously doesn’t agree. The man has something to prove. So he stirs that big cock of his deep inside of me, setting off all sorts of shakes and shivers. Everything below my waist is being worked into a frenzy. Way overexcited. Meanwhile, his fingers dig into my thighs, doubtless leaving marks. Jerking my body onto his cock time and again. Making me take him deeper. I clamp my legs tight around him, because my body knows the facts even if my mind isn’t quite sure. I want more. I need more. And he’s the one who’s going to give it to me.
“You’re going to come again,” he says.
I just nod. When Thom said he knew things, he wasn’t kidding. And the bastard held out on me all this time.
His hard body is slick with sweat, the man looking like some sort of god of procreation towering above me. The strength in his thighs and the set of his wide shoulders. All of the rippling going on in his chest region. The intense raw look on his face. It’s a whole lot of shock and awe. Meanwhile, as wonderful as I am, I’m no petite doll. As much as I hate it, I can’t help but wonder sometimes what he sees when he looks at me. And there goes that insecurity. Nearly everyone has parts that jiggle or wobble. I will not allow stupid stray doubts to get me down. They can fuck right off. I am a curvy goddess.
“Your mind is wandering,” he mutters. “That won’t do. Come back to me, babe.”
He does some swivel-type move with his pelvis before proceeding to pound into me. Holy shit, it feels good. So good. My mouth falls open on a gasp and the heat is coursing through my bloodstream, building shockingly fast inside of me once more. Muscles tightening, electricity running up and down my spine. Someone is whimpering, and I have the worst feeling it’s me.
Then it hits me and it just doesn’t stop. Wave after wave of light and sensation. The orgasm just goes on and on. My vision blanks, my mind empty. Every part of me goes weak.
Thom groans, thrusting into me once, twice more. His cock jerking deep inside of me. Shoulders slumped, panting, he remains kneeling between my legs. Damp tendrils of hair hang in his face. Meanwhile, the throbbing between my legs persists. All of those delicate inner muscles still fluttering around his half-hard cock.
All of a sudden, I feel horribly exposed, lying naked on the bed. Not just my flushed, sweaty body is on display, but it feels like all of my emotions are too. My heart and mind are lying open for his perusal. And I’m not sure it’s safe. I need armor immediately. Emotional walls at least ten feet deep.
I open my mouth, close it, and open it again. “That was—”
“That was what? Where’s the snappy, irreverent comment, hmm?” He pushes back his hair, inspecting me. “Oh shit. Betty, don’t freak out. Everything’s fine. Well…everything’s not fine. But here, you and me, we’re good. Okay?”
I have nothing.
Gently, he pulls out of me, and lies down at my side. One arm slips beneath my head, the other sliding over my hip and gathering me up against him. We’re cuddling. Only Thom doesn’t cuddle. Normally, it’s an all-out race to the shower to wash off any body fluids or evidence of possible intimacy. And the bathroom door is shut firmly against me every time. My presence neither required nor requested.
The Thom of here and now presses a soft kiss to my forehead, the tip of my nose, a final one on my lips. Quite a change from all the finesse and fury of hammering me with his cock a minute ago. Now he’s all sensitive and sweet. I can’t keep up.
Oh man. Am I going to have hot rough-sex-with-Thom flashbacks when I masturbate? I am. I know it. He’s doomed me for all time.
“Please don’t cry, or I’ll have to cry too,” he says, tightening his hold on me.
I snort.
“It’s okay if you want to cry. Pretty normal after coming, actually. Your muscles relax, all of the tension you’re carrying in them gets released. And with all of the stress and shit you’ve been through lately…”
“I’m fine.”
“You sure as hell are.”
I try not to smile. It doesn’t quite work. “Stop trying to make me laugh. You’re not funny.”
“Sorry,” he says, not repentant in the least.
For a while, we just lie there, legs tangled together. His fingers draw circles on my back, trace the curve of my spine. It has been a beyond-crazy few days. That’s the only reason I’m indulging in this weakness with him. My nemesis—intelligent, wise, and together Betty—would be getting her ass into the shower, locking him out for a change. Pay him back for all of those extra Kegel exercises, expensive sex toys, and the sheer embarrassment of suggesting we do it in weirder and weirder positions in an effort to fix things in the bedroom.
Only I don’t want to move away from him. Not right now. So instead, I lean in and fix my lips to his collarbone, digging my teeth into his flesh. Just because. And I don’t stop until I taste blood.
“Ow, babe.”
“That’s for all of those months of fumbling and shitty sex,” I say. “Making me think there’s something wrong with me when you were deliberately sabotaging things between us.”
He growls low in his throat. “There’s never been anything wrong with you, and I will happily spend the rest of my life proving it to you. Or being tortured by your vicious, gorgeous self if that’s what’s required. Your choice.”
I frown, resting my head on his shoulder. Silence fills the apartment. The distant sounds of the street are muffled by the snow. We could be the only two peo
ple in the whole wide world. That would be nice.
“If you want, we can just disappear,” he offers, somewhat hesitant. “I can get us out of the country easy enough and we’ve got money. We could settle somewhere quiet. Off the grid. No guarantees we wouldn’t have to move around periodically, though.”
“You mean we’d be on the run for the rest of our lives.”
“Most likely.” He swallows. “I can’t make any promises until I know more about who’s trying to kill us.”
“I’d never be able to see my family or friends ever again.”
“No, you wouldn’t. Or at least, not for a while,” he says. “But we’d be together, if that’s what you want.”
I listen to his heart beating harder beneath my ear. Feel the slight tensing of his hold. As if he’s afraid, maybe. The super-spy who’s been all over the world killing bad guys and righting wrongs is worried about losing me.
It’s a big leap to trust this man. He did me wrong and then some. And yet…my heart might be confused and wary due to our history, but it’s also all soft and mushy at the idea of him. Despite the biting. Which he totally deserved. I want more of his scent, his touch, the sound of his voice. I need it.
So I guess the truth is, I don’t want to leave him anymore.
“I have no idea if this is going to work or not,” I say. “But, yes, I want us to try and stay together.”
He exhales hard in relief. “Okay. Good.”
“But no more lying. I mean it.” I rise up on one elbow, giving him my best, most serious face. “And we’re not going to run. We’re not going to live like that, always looking over our shoulders. We’re going to stay. We’re going to fight and we’re going to fix this.”
Chapter 6
“This is not good.”
When I get out of the shower, Bear has arrived. He and Thom stand in front of the TV, gazes glued to the screen. It’s a news report about an English lord’s death, his body found only hours ago in a mansion in London. Their complete focus on the news report, combined with their utter stillness, gives the room an edgy vibe.