Don't Break This Kiss (Top Shelf Romance Book 5)

by Jessica Hawkins

  Cookies. Several different kinds, and I knew what would go perfect with them.

  “Excellent choice,” I told her as I found a spoon and some vanilla ice cream.

  “That’s rainbow chip.” She was staring at the one in my hand.

  With the pint open, I scooped some onto the middle of the cookie and held it out to her. Instead of taking it from my hand, she ducked down and surrounded the edge with her lips.

  She had no makeup on. It had all washed off in the shower when I carried her there after we had sex by the fire. Her hair had dried messy.

  She had never looked more gorgeous.

  While she chewed, I got closer, brushing my mouth across hers, and then I licked the spot where we had touched. A hint of vanilla teased my tongue.

  I took out a cookie that looked like a mix of Oreo and chocolate chip, added ice cream, and extended it in the same direction as before.

  Her mouth opened again, and with her eyes not leaving mine, she took a bite.

  It was so fucking good to see her eat without hesitation. To chew and swallow without looking like she was forcing it down.

  “Billie …” I growled as her gaze deepened, setting the cookie down.

  My hands returned to her ass, and I pulled her to the very edge where she was straddling the counter. I stood directly in front of her, and I unbuttoned the four buttons keeping her shirt closed, watching it fall open.

  “So fucking beautiful.” I cupped her tits, thumbs grazing her hardened nipples. “Do you want me to kiss you, Billie?”

  Her reaction was slow but clear.

  “Where?”

  Earlier tonight, I had been selfish. I didn’t kiss all the spots on her body that she needed. And even though she had come several times, I hadn’t taken it slow.

  Now, I would.

  Her hand lifted from the counter, landing on her navel, lowering until it stopped between her legs. “Here.”

  “Exactly what I wanted,” I replied, and that was where I put my lips, sucking her clit into my mouth.

  Her toes were bent around the ledge of the stone, and she was glancing down her thighs, a stare that wasn’t moving from mine. So, while she watched me lick her back and forth, I gave her two of my fingers, driving them into her, curving them up to reach that spot that would make her scream.

  It didn’t take long before that happened.

  Within a few turns of my wrist, using harder pressure with my tongue, I felt her start to contract.

  She clasped my hair, tugging it from the roots as she shouted, “Jared!”

  Her stomach shuddered, and I continued to lick, bringing her straight through the build and far past it. And when I knew her body had turned so sensitive, I raised and circled her legs around my waist. My tip pushed through my boxer briefs, positioning me perfectly.

  I grabbed her face with both hands, holding her while I kissed her. I could feel the pleasure still spreading through her as each of her breaths continued to end in a moan.

  When I finally pulled back, I kept my fingers in place and took in her eyes. “Is there a reason I need to use a condom?”

  I’d put one on earlier, but if I didn’t have to leave her right now, I didn’t want to.

  “No.”

  I gave her the same assurance. Then, I dropped my boxers and immediately sank into her warmth. “Goddamn it,” I hissed, her tightness and wetness fucking swallowing me.

  My hands dropped, and I pinched her nipples on my way to her ass where I dug into her cheek. The other hand went to her clit, which I rubbed while I shifted my hips back and forth.

  She clung to my shoulders, breathing into my neck, her legs gripping me so hard that I could lift her right off the counter.

  “Oh my God,” she groaned, her head falling back.

  She began to move with me, using her arms to rock her body. I met her in the middle, grinding my fingers simultaneously so she could feel the combination of both sensations.

  Breaths were fucking pounding through my lips as she got wetter, and after each thrust, she got louder. Her clit was hardening, and I knew she was so close.

  Her nails stabbed my skin as I felt a pulsing inside her, and knowing she was losing herself, I let go.

  We were lost at the same time, and I moaned, “Billie,” again and again while streams shot from my body.

  She bucked her hips, emptying me to the point where I grabbed her and held her so tightly. My face went to the side of her breast where I caught my breath. I felt her heart pound beneath me, her chest heaving. Her hands went from grasping my hair to running through it.

  I just took it in.

  Every moment.

  And when I eventually looked up, I stared into her eyes and said, “Come to bed with me?”

  A smile slowly crept across her lips. “I would love to.”

  Honey

  Winter 1986

  “Turn it off,” Honey whispered when Andrew came into the doorway of the bathroom and flipped on the light.

  He had just arrived home from Logan Airport after a three-day conference in Atlanta. Honey was supposed to be excited to see him.

  She wasn’t.

  “Turn it off?” he asked, ignoring her request.

  As he came inside the bathroom, she lifted her arm, shielding herself from the brightness of the light. It didn’t make the toilet seat any more comfortable, the spot where she’d been resting her face for most of the day.

  Her skin reeked of vomit, and the movement sent her that smell, causing her to gag. She was hoping nothing would come out.

  This time, it was just spit.

  Still, it hurt.

  It all hurt.

  “Baby,” Andrew said, now kneeling at Honey’s side, “are you all right? Is this just morning sickness?”

  When it was too painful to hold her head up, she would rest it on the seat like she was doing now, alternating the positions so the ceramic would eventually cool down her face again. She could only stand one way for so long before the rottenness returned, and then she would be open-mouthed and throwing up.

  Her eyes were burning even though she couldn’t see the light. “No.”

  “Is it the flu?” His hand was on her back, but he moved it to her forehead and then the side of her neck. “You’re not running a temperature.” He turned her face, lifting her arm away, opening her eyelids. “Swollen and red but clear.” His gaze deepened. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

  His hand dropped down, and when it reached her belly, she slapped it away. Then, she leaned into the bowl, and bile began to come through her lips.

  Andrew held the hair out of his wife’s face, and with the softest voice, he said, “It’ll subside once we put something in your stomach. The reason you’re so nauseous is—”

  “No.” Her face was now resting on the ceramic seat, but she turned her head to look at him.

  The back of her throat burned; her tongue felt almost too thick to speak. During each breath, Andrew would rub a circle over Honey’s back, every arch of his fingers making her feel queasier.

  “Andrew …” The tears were taking ahold of her now, and she felt them move past her chest and into her stomach. “It’s gone.” Her hand went over her mouth right before she choked out a sob.

  He searched her eyes, clasping her cheek. “No, baby. Not from throwing up. It can’t happen that way.”

  It felt like Honey’s chest was cracking down the center. Seeing his eyes made the breaking of her skin hurt even worse.

  “It didn’t happen from throwing up, Andrew.”

  Pain shot across his face as fast as a bullet.

  Honey didn’t just see it; she felt it.

  And when it hit, it felt the same way as when she had been in the doctor’s office this morning.

  He still rubbed, but his circles came harder and faster. “I’m sure it was just spotting. There’s no reason to panic.”

  “Andrew …” Honey gasped, the burning in her mouth becoming too much. “Dr. Katz confirmed it.”
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br />   Suddenly, there was stillness.

  “My love,” he said so softly, and his head dropped.

  Honey wanted to cry out with the loudest wail, but she kept it in, and her body shook from it.

  “Why didn’t you call me, baby?” His fingers moved to the back of her head.

  “You were at the airport.”

  He gently lifted her away from the toilet and pulled her into his arms, holding her against his body while he swayed back and forth.

  “I was walking,” she whispered, her face hidden between his shoulder and neck. “Just getting outside for some fresh air.” She’d told the story to Dr. Katz because she needed to know if she had done something wrong. Now, she was telling her husband because she wanted him to know how her body had failed them once again. “Something felt wrong.” She shook her head in the little space she had. “Like I had wet myself …” She held him so tightly; she knew she was making him tremble. But she had to go on, and this was the way she had to do it. “I was a block from Dr. Katz’s office. I went there.” She wanted so badly to look at her husband, but she couldn’t bring herself to. She couldn’t see his eyes at the same time she felt the emptiness in her stomach. “And that’s when she told me … I’d miscarried, and I had a D and C.”

  She didn’t say anything to Andrew about the after. The part where her clothes had been too bloody to wear home and the nurses had helped her cover in several dressing gowns and one had driven her to their condo. How she had taken a shower and watched the white tub turn pink.

  She said nothing about returning to the bathroom floor, a place she knew all too well, a corner where she’d rocked for many, many months.

  “I love you.”

  She rubbed her eyes over him, feeling the fabric of his shirt become soaked.

  “We’re going to get through this.”

  The nurses and doctor had told her miscarriages were common.

  But to Honey, it was just a reminder that her body couldn’t have a baby.

  “I promise.”

  That was the last thing he said to her that night.

  It was also the first time she ever doubted him.

  Billie

  The ringing of my phone was what woke me up out of a dead sleep. I rolled away from Jared, making sure the sound was the one I had programmed specifically for my father, and when I heard it again, I got up. I followed the noise until I found my phone several feet away on the floor.

  “Hi, Dad,” I whispered, holding my cell against my ear. “Is everything okay?” I didn’t want to wake Jared, so I tiptoed into his bathroom and shut the door behind me.

  “Sweetheart, it’s eleven in the morning. Why wouldn’t everything be okay?”

  Eleven?

  I pressed the button for the Home screen where it showed the time and saw that he was right.

  Jared had lowered his blackout shades before we went to bed, but I never thought I’d ever sleep this late again. Not when, most mornings, I was up long before the sun. Eleven was the time my father called every morning when he was on his way home from the gym.

  “How’s Peter?” I asked, referring to his trainer.

  While my father answered, telling me the latest bit of gossip circulating the gym, I paced between Jared’s shower and toilet. During each trip, I saw my reflection in the mirrors above the sink. Ally would be so proud. I looked freshly fucked. And I certainly was.

  “Are you going to be able to come home?”

  And then that thought completely drained from my head, the sound of my father’s question causing me to pause in front of the shower.

  Home.

  “Dad …” I shook my head, holding the handle of the shower door, knowing what he was really asking. He just didn’t need to say all the words. “Of course I’ll be there.”

  He sighed. “We just didn’t want to put too much pressure on you to visit after everything that happened.”

  I moved over to the sinks and put my butt against the counter. “It’s not pressure at all.”

  “I can come pick you up if that makes things easier.”

  “No, Dad.” I wrapped an arm around my bare stomach. The last thing I wanted was for him to go out of his way, and coming to get me would be just that. “I don’t need a ride. Please don’t worry about me.”

  “All right, baby girl. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  I smiled. “I know.”

  We said good-bye, and I used the bathroom, washing out my mouth before I returned to Jared’s bed. He stirred when I climbed in, and I pressed my face into his back, hugging my arm around his chest.

  “Don’t get up.”

  He laughed a deep morning chuckle. “It’s too late for that.”

  “You’re going to die when I tell you what time it is.”

  He didn’t have a clock in his room. It was one of the things I’d noticed when I got in his bed. And with the shades drawn, unless he checked his phone, there was no way of him knowing.

  “It’s eleven.”

  “Jesus Christ.”

  I laughed, kissing between his shoulder blades. “That should be a, Hell yes.”

  His hand went to mine, and he turned onto his back. He pressed something on the nightstand. A small overhead light came on, giving the perfect amount of glow for us to see each other.

  “Everything okay?”

  I nodded. “It was just my dad.”

  His finger went to my chin and slowly dropped down my breast until it rested on my hip. “What are your thoughts on breakfast?”

  Goose bumps covered my skin, and I found it hard to inhale. “Would it require leaving?”

  He traced lower, going down to my thigh. “It doesn’t have to.”

  “Then, how about we find something in your fridge to make, so neither of us has to get dressed?”

  “I like that idea.”

  I smiled and started to get up from the bed.

  His hand tightened around me, pulling me onto his chest. “Not yet.” His lips were on top of my head. “I need a minute of you just like this.”

  I was lying across his pecs and the patch of hair that covered them, and I smelled nothing but his scent. My eyes closed. “I could fall asleep again.”

  “Me too.”

  I knew you were supposed to take new relationships slow, keeping certain things to yourself until it was the right time to say them. But when you had been in a plane that crashed and it was a miracle you and the man you were cuddling had survived, those rules no longer applied.

  “Jared,” I said, glancing up so my eyes were on his, “I could stay like this forever.”

  His hands surrounded my sides, and he pulled me up his body until my lips were on his.

  And his kiss was better than any answer he could have given me.

  Jared

  Watching Billie heal was a journey, one I refused to rush, so I took my time in getting to know this gorgeous woman. I learned the different curves of her smile and the way she reacted when I kissed all the spots on her body. I learned the things that saddened her, the topics that really got her to eat.

  And I savored each second.

  You see, time was something that had almost been taken away from us, and now, we were spending most of it together.

  We had moved fast, and I’d even met Ally.

  When the three of us had walked away from that dinner we’d had together, I had known Ally thought I was the most perfect man in the world for her best friend.

  I wished like hell that were true.

  I wanted it to be.

  I wanted to be everything Billie needed.

  I wanted to be her end.

  But that could never happen. That was where time was working against me. No matter what, this would always be a temporary situation that could never become permanent. So, I made sure to wrap myself around every moment we had together, the same way I was doing right now, grasping her waist as we walked through SoHo.

  The air was crisp for spring, but both of us wanted to be outside. T
here was a coffee in my other hand, a tea in hers. We’d spent the morning cooking in my condo and come out to do some shopping. Not my favorite thing, but I’d learned it was one of hers, and I enjoyed the part where I got to watch her model the outfits.

  We weren’t a block past my place when she led me into a boutique. I knew the store well; we’d been several times. When she brought me inside, I assumed she would go to the women’s section, but instead, she went to the men’s. I followed her to a table of ties where she was running her fingers across them.

  “Stop.”

  She looked at me, and I nodded toward the one her hand was on.

  “It’s sharp.”

  She smiled as she held the black-and-white-striped tie in her hand, and then she set it against my neck, keeping it there while she gazed at me. “It’s perfect.”

  “For what?”

  Her smile grew even larger. “Next weekend.”

  I’d reached for her waist at some point, holding it while she set the tie on me. Now, my grip was threatening to tighten like my fucking jaw was doing. “What’s next weekend, Billie?”

  “I’m going home to visit, and I was hoping you’d come with me.”

  Every time she mentioned leaving the city for this trip—and at this point, it had been a few times—I didn’t like it.

  Here, I could protect her.

  There, I couldn’t.

  But this was the first mention of me coming with her, and her face told me she wanted it more than anything.

  She pulled the tie off me and rested it across her arm in a way that inferred she was going to buy it. “It’ll be fun. My family is amazing, and they’re dying to meet you. I promise, you’ll have the most wonderful time.”

  She had told me all about them.

  I knew their names. Occupations. Hobbies.

  I even knew the names of the family who had passed.

  As Billie looked at me to give her an answer, she stared with so much adoration in her eyes. So much emotion. With me, that girl couldn’t hide her feelings, no matter how hard she tried. She showed it all, and I ate up every goddamn expression.