Cecilia; Or, Memoirs of an Heiress — Volume 1

by Fanny Burney

  CHAPTER v

  AN ASSEMBLY.

  Mrs Mears, whose character was of that common sort which rendersdelineation superfluous, received them with the customary forms of goodbreeding.

  Mrs Harrel soon engaged herself at a card-table; and Cecilia, whodeclined playing, was seated next to Miss Leeson, who arose to returnthe courtesy she made in advancing to her, but that past, did not againeven look at her.

  Cecilia, though fond of conversation and formed for society, was toodiffident to attempt speaking where so little encouraged; they both,therefore, continued silent, till Sir Robert Floyer, Mr Harrel, and MrArnott entered the room together, and all at the same time advanced toCecilia.

  "What," cried Mr Harrel, "don't you chuse to play, Miss Beverley?"

  "I flatter myself," cried Mr Arnott, "that Miss Beverley never plays atall, for then, in one thing, I shall have the honour to resemble her."

  "Very seldom, indeed," answered Cecilia, "and consequently very ill."

  "O, you must take a few lessons," said Mr Harrel, "Sir Robert Floyer, Iam sure, will be proud to instruct you."

  Sir Robert, who had placed himself opposite to her, and was staringfull in her face, made a slight inclination of his head, and said,"Certainly."

  "I should be a very unpromising pupil," returned Cecilia, "for I fear Ishould not only want diligence to improve, but desire."

  "Oh, you will learn better things," said Mr Harrel; "we have had youyet but three days amongst us,--in three months we shall see thedifference."

  "I hope not," cried Mr Arnott, "I earnestly hope there will be none!"

  Mr Harrel now joined another party; and Mr Arnott seeing no seat vacantnear that of Cecilia, moved round to the back of her chair, where hepatiently stood for the rest of the evening. But Sir Robert still kepthis post, and still, without troubling himself to speak, kept his eyesfixed upon the same object.

  Cecilia, offended by his boldness, looked a thousand ways to avoid him;but her embarrassment, by giving greater play to her features, servedonly to keep awake an attention which might otherwise have wearied.She was almost tempted to move her chair round and face Mr Arnott, butthough she wished to shew her disapprobation of the Baronet, she had notyet been reconciled by fashion to turning her back upon the company atlarge, for the indulgence of conversing with some particular person: afashion which to unaccustomed observers seems rude and repulsive,but which, when once adopted, carries with it imperceptibly its ownrecommendation, in the ease, convenience and freedom it promotes.

  Thus disagreeably stationed, she found but little assistance from theneighbourhood of Mr Arnott, since even his own desire of conversing withher, was swallowed up by an anxious and involuntary impulse to watch thelooks and motions of Sir Robert.

  At length, quite tired of sitting as if merely an object to be gazed at,she determined to attempt entering into conversation with Miss Leeson.

  The difficulty, however, was not inconsiderable how to make the attack;she was unacquainted with her friends and connections, uninformed of herway of thinking, or her way of life, ignorant even of the sound of hervoice, and chilled by the coldness of her aspect: yet, having no otheralternative, she was more willing to encounter the forbidding looks ofthis lady, than to continue silently abashed under the scrutinizing eyesof Sir Robert.

  After much deliberation with what subject to begin, she remembered thatMiss Larolles had been present the first time they had met, and thoughtit probable they might be acquainted with each other; and therefore,bending forward, she ventured to enquire if she had lately seen thatyoung lady?

  Miss Leeson, in a voice alike inexpressive of satisfaction ordispleasure, quietly answered, "No, ma'am."

  Cecilia, discouraged by this conciseness, was a few minutes silent; butthe perseverance of Sir Robert in staring at her, exciting her own intrying to avoid his eyes, she exerted herself so far as to add, "DoesMrs Mears expect Miss Larolles here this evening?"

  Miss Leeson, without raising her head, gravely replied, "I don't know,ma'am."

  All was now to be done over again, and a new subject to be started, forshe could suggest nothing further to ask concerning Miss Larolles.

  Cecilia had seen, little of life, but that little she had well marked,and her observation had taught her, that among fashionable people,public places seemed a never-failing source of conversation andentertainment: upon this topic, therefore, she hoped for better success;and as to those who have spent more time in the country than in London,no place of amusement is so interesting as a theatre, she opened thesubject she had so happily suggested, by an enquiry whether any new playhad lately come out?

  Miss Leeson, with the same dryness, only answered, "Indeed, I can'ttell."

  Another pause now followed, and the spirits of Cecilia were considerablydampt; but happening accidentally to recollect the name of Almack, shepresently revived, and, congratulating herself that she should now beable to speak of a place too fashionable for disdain, she asked her,in a manner somewhat more assured, if she was a subscriber to hisassemblies?

  "Yes, ma'am."

  "Do you go to them constantly?"

  "No, ma'am."

  Again they were both silent. And now, tired of finding the ill-successof each particular enquiry, she thought a more general one might obtainan answer less laconic, and therefore begged she would inform her whatwas the most fashionable place of diversion for the present season?

  This question, however, cost Miss Leeson no more trouble than any whichhad preceded it, for she only replied, "Indeed I don't know."

  Cecilia now began to sicken of her attempt, and for some minutes to giveit up as hopeless; but afterwards when she reflected how frivolouswere the questions she had asked, she felt more inclined to pardon theanswers she had received, and in a short time to fancy she had mistakencontempt for stupidity, and to grow less angry with Miss Leeson thanashamed of herself.

  This supposition excited her to make yet another trial of her talentsfor conversation, and therefore, summoning all the courage in her power,she modestly apologised for the liberty she was taking, and then beggedher permission to enquire whether there was anything new in the literaryway that she thought worth recommending?

  Miss Leeson now turned her eyes towards her, with a look that implieda doubt whether she had heard right; and when the attentive attitude ofCecilia confirmed her question, surprise for a few instants took placeof insensibility, and with rather more spirit than she had yet shown,she answered, "Indeed, I know nothing of the matter."

  Cecilia was now utterly disconcerted; and half angry with herself, andwholly provoked with her sullen neighbour, she resolved to let nothingin future provoke her to a similar trial with so unpromising a subject.

  She had not, however, much longer to endure the examination of SirRobert, who being pretty well satisfied with staring, turned upon hisheel, and was striding out of the room, when he was stopt by Mr Gosport,who for some time had been watching him.

  Mr Gosport was a man of good parts, and keen satire: minute in hisobservations, and ironical in his expressions.

  "So you don't play, Sir Robert?" he cried.

  "What, here? No, I am going to Brookes's."

  "But how do you like Harrel's ward? You have taken a pretty good surveyof her."

  "Why, faith, I don't know; but not much, I think; she's a devilish finewoman, too; but she has no spirit, no life."

  "Did you try her? Have you talked to her?"

  "Not I, truly!"

  "Nay, then how do you mean to judge of her?"

  "O, faith, that's all over, now; one never thinks of talking to thewomen by way of trying them."

  "What other method, then, have you adopted?"

  "None."

  "None? Why, then, how do you go on?"

  "Why, they talk to us. The women take all that trouble upon themselvesnow."

  "And pray how long may you have commenced _fade macaroni?_ For this is apart of your character with which I was not acquainted."

  "
Oh, hang it, 'tis not from _ton_; no, it's merely from laziness. Whothe d---l will fatigue himself with dancing attendance upon the women,when keeping them at a distance makes them dance attendance upon us?"

  Then stalking from him to Mr Harrel, he took him by the arm, and theyleft the room together.

  Mr Gosport now advanced to Cecilia, and addressing her so as not to beheard by Miss Leeson, said, "I have been wishing to approach you, sometime, but the fear that you are already overpowered by the loquacity ofyour fair neighbour makes me cautious of attempting to engage you."

  "You mean," said Cecilia, "to laugh at _my_ loquacity, and indeed itsill success has rendered it sufficiently ridiculous."

  "Are you, then, yet to learn," cried he, "that there are certain youngladies who make it a rule never to speak but to their own cronies? Ofthis class is Miss Leeson, and till you get into her particular coterie,you must never expect to hear from her a word of two syllables. TheTON misses, as they are called, who now infest the town, are in twodivisions, the SUPERCILIOUS, and the VOLUBLE. The SUPERCILIOUS, likeMiss Leeson, are silent, scornful, languid, and affected, and disdainall converse but with those of their own set: the VOLUBLE, like MissLarolles, are flirting, communicative, restless, and familiar, andattack without the smallest ceremony, every one they think worthy theirnotice. But this they have in common, that at home they think of nothingbut dress, abroad, of nothing but admiration, and that every where theyhold in supreme contempt all but themselves."

  "Probably, then," said Cecilia, "I have passed tonight, for one of theVOLUBLES; however, all the advantage has been with the SUPERCILIOUS, forI have suffered a total repulse."

  "Are you sure, however, you have not talked too well for her?"

  "O, a child of five years old ought to have been whipt for not talkingbetter!"

  "But it is not capacity alone you are to consult when you talk withmisses of the TON; were their understandings only to be considered,they would indeed be wonderfully easy of access! in order, therefore, torender their commerce somewhat difficult, they will only be pleased byan observance of their humours: which are ever most various and mostexuberant where the intellects are weakest and least cultivated. Ihave, however, a receipt which I have found infallible for engaging theattention of young ladies of whatsoever character or denomination."

  "O, then," cried Cecilia, "pray favour me with it, for I have here anadmirable opportunity to try its efficacy."

  "I will give it you," he answered, "with full directions. When you meetwith a young lady who seems resolutely determined not to speak, or who,if compelled by a direct question to make some answer, drily gives abrief affirmative, or coldly a laconic negative---"

  "A case in point," interrupted Cecilia.

  "Well, thus circumstanced," he continued, "the remedy I have to proposeconsists of three topics of discourse."

  "Pray what are they?"

  "Dress, public places, and love."

  Cecilia, half surprised and half diverted, waited a fuller explanationwithout giving any interruption.

  "These three topics," he continued, "are to answer three purposes, sincethere are no less than three causes from which the silence of youngladies may proceed: sorrow, affectation, and stupidity."

  "Do you, then," cried Cecilia, "give nothing at all to modesty?"

  "I give much to it," he answered, "as an excuse, nay almost as anequivalent for wit; but for that sullen silence which resists allencouragement, modesty is a mere pretence, not a cause."

  "You must, however, be somewhat more explicit, if you mean that I shouldbenefit from your instructions."

  "Well, then," he answered, "I will briefly enumerate the three causes,with directions for the three methods of cure. To begin with sorrow. Thetaciturnity which really results from that is attended with an incurableabsence of mind, and a total unconsciousness of the observation whichit excites; upon this occasion, public places may sometimes be tried invain, and even dress may fail; but love--"

  "Are you sure, then," said Cecilia, with a laugh, "that sorrow has butthat one source?"

  "By no means," answered he, "for perhaps papa may have been angry, ormama may have been cross; a milliner may have sent a wrong pompoon, or achaperon to an assembly may have been taken ill--"

  "Bitter subjects of affliction, indeed! And are these all you allow us?"

  "Nay, I speak but of young ladies of fashion, and what of greaterimportance can befall them? If, therefore, the grief of the fair patientproceeds from papa, mama, or the chaperon, then the mention of publicplaces, those endless incentives of displeasure between the old and theyoung, will draw forth her complaints, and her complaints will bringtheir own cure, for those who lament find speedy consolation: if themilliner has occasioned the calamity, the discussion of dress willhave the same effect; should both these medicines fail, love, as I saidbefore, will be found infallible, for you will then have investigatedevery subject of uneasiness which a youthful female in high life canexperience."

  "They are greatly obliged to you," cried Cecilia, bowing, "for grantingthem motives of sorrow so honourable, and I thank you in the name of thewhole sex."

  "You, madam," said he, returning her bow, "are I hope an exception inthe happiest way, that of having no sorrow at all. I come, now, to thesilence of affectation, which is presently discernible by the roving ofthe eye round the room to see if it is heeded, by the sedulous care toavoid an accidental smile, and by the variety of disconsolate attitudesexhibited to the beholders. This species of silence has almost withoutexception its origin in that babyish vanity which is always gratified byexciting attention, without ever perceiving that it provokes contempt.In these cases, as nature is wholly out of the question, and the mindis guarded against its own feelings, dress and public places are almostcertain of failing, but here again love is sure to vanquish; as soonas it is named, attention becomes involuntary, and in a short time astruggling simper discomposes the arrangement of the features, and thenthe business is presently over, for the young lady is either supportingsome system, or opposing some proposition, before she is well aware thatshe has been cheated out of her sad silence at all."

  "So much," said Cecilia, "for sorrow and for affectation. Proceed nextto stupidity; for that, in all probability, I shall most frequentlyencounter."

  "That always must be heavy work," returned he, "yet the road is plain,though it is all up hill. Love, here, may be talked of without excitingany emotion, or provoking any reply, and dress may be dilated uponwithout producing any other effect than that of attracting a vacantstare; but public places are indubitably certain of success. Dull andheavy characters, incapable of animating from wit or from reason,because unable to keep pace with them, and void of all internal sourcesof entertainment, require the stimulation of shew, glare, noise, andbustle, to interest or awaken them. Talk to them of such subjects, andthey adore you; no matter whether you paint to them joy or horror, letthere but be action, and they are content; a battle has charms for themequal to a coronation, and a funeral amuses them as much as a wedding."

  "I am much obliged to you," said Cecilia, smiling, "for theseinstructions; yet I must confess I know not how upon the presentoccasion to make use of them: public places I have already tried, buttried in vain; dress I dare not mention, as I have not yet learned itstechnical terms--"

  "Well, but," interrupted he, "be not desperate; you have yet the thirdtopic unessayed."

  "O, that," returned she, laughing, "I leave to you."

  "Pardon me," cried he; "love is a source of loquacity only withyourselves: when it is started by men, young ladies dwindle into merelisteners. _Simpering_ listeners, I confess; but it is only with oneanother that you will discuss its merits."

  At this time they were interrupted by the approach of Miss Larolles,who, tripping towards Cecilia, exclaimed, "Lord, how glad I am to seeyou! So you would not go to the auction! Well, you had a prodigiousloss, I assure you. All the wardrobe was sold, and all Lady Belgrade'strinkets. I never saw such a collection of sweet things in
my life.I was ready to cry that I could not bid for half a hundred of them. Ideclare I was kept in an agony the whole morning. I would not but havebeen there for the world. Poor Lady Belgrade! you really can't conceivehow I was shocked for her. All her beautiful things sold for almostnothing. I assure you, if you had seen how they went, you would havelost all patience. It's a thousand pities you were not there."

  "On the contrary," said Cecilia, "I think I had a very fortunate escape,for the loss of patience without the acquisition of the trinkets, wouldhave been rather mortifying."

  "Yes," said Mr Gosport; "but when you have lived some time longerin this commercial city, you will find the exchange of patiencefor mortification the most common and constant traffic amongst itsinhabitants."

  "Pray, have you been here long?" cried Miss Larolles, "for I havebeen to twenty places, wondering I did not meet with you before.But whereabouts is Mrs Mears? O, I see her now; I'm sure there's nomistaking her; I could know her by that old red gown half a mile off.Did you ever see such a frightful thing in your life? And it's neveroff her back. I believe she sleeps in it. I am sure I have seen her innothing else all winter. It quite tires one's eye. She's a monstrousshocking dresser. But do you know I have met with the most provokingthing in the world this evening? I declare it has made me quite sick.I was never in such a passion in my life. You can conceive nothing likeit."

  "Like what?" cried Cecilia, laughing; "your passion, or yourprovocation?"

  "Why, I'll tell you what it was, and then you shall judge if it was notquite past endurance. You must know I commissioned a particular friendof mine, Miss Moffat, to buy me a trimming when she went to Paris;well, she sent it me over about a month ago by Mr Meadows, and it's thesweetest thing you ever saw in your life; but I would not make it up,because there was not a creature in town, so I thought to bring it outquite new in about a week's time, for you know any thing does till afterChristmas. Well, to-night at Lady Jane Dranet's, who should I meet butMiss Moffat! She had been in town some days, but so monstrously engagedI could never find her at home. Well, I was quite delighted to see her,for you must know she's a prodigious favourite with me, so I ran up toher in a great hurry to shake hands, and what do you think was the firstthing that struck my eyes? Why, just such a trimming as my own, upona nasty, odious gown, and half dirty! Can you conceive anything sodistressing? I could have cried with pleasure."

  "Why so?" said Cecilia. "If her trimming is dirty, yours will look themore delicate."

  "O Lord! but it's making it seem quite an old thing! Half the town willget something like it. And I quite ruined myself to buy it. I declare, Idon't think anything was ever half so mortifying. It distressed me so,I could hardly speak to her. If she had stayed a month or two longer, Ishould not have minded it, but it was the cruellest thing in the worldto come over just now. I wish the Custom-house officers had kept all hercloaths till summer."

  "The wish is tender, indeed," said Cecilia, "for a _particular friend_."

  Mrs Mears now rising from the card-table, Miss Larolles tript away topay her compliments to her.

  "Here, at least," cried Cecilia, "no receipt seems requisite for thecure of silence! I would have Miss Larolles be the constant companion ofMiss Leeson: they could not but agree admirably, since that SUPERCILIOUSyoung lady seems determined never to speak, and the VOLUBLE MissLarolles never to be silent. Were each to borrow something of the other,how greatly would both be the better!"

  "The composition would still be a sorry one," answered Mr Gosport,"for I believe they are equally weak, and equally ignorant; the onlydifference is, that one, though silly, is quick, the other, thoughdeliberate, is stupid. Upon a short acquaintance, that heaviness whichleaves to others the whole weight of discourse, and whole search ofentertainment, is the most fatiguing, but, upon a longer intimacy, eventhat is less irksome and less offensive, than the flippancy which hearsnothing but itself."

  Mrs Harrel arose now to depart, and Cecilia, not more tired of thebeginning of the evening than entertained with its conclusion, washanded to the carriage by Mr Arnott.