Jacaranda

by Mandy Magro

  ‘Stop sucking in air, you big boofhead,’ Molly said, as she tightened his girth strap. Buck sighed, as if understanding what she was saying, blowing his lips gently in defeat. Molly motioned for Rose to join her and Rose come running, her face lit up.

  ‘You ready, Rose?’

  ‘Ready as ever!’ she shrieked.

  ‘Right then, stand on this drum here and let me help you up.’

  Rose slid into the saddle with ease, her year at pony club giving her confidence as she took hold of the reins. Buck stood quietly, ready for instructions. Rose beamed down at Molly, the sun’s glare making her squint. ‘What should I do first, Mum?’

  ‘Just walk and trot him around the yard, sweetheart, and get him used to you being on his back. See if you can get him to back up and drop his head. Show him you’re the boss, okay? Then, once you’re comfortable together, you can get him into a canter.’

  Rose gave Buck a squeeze, edging him forward, talking soothingly to him. Molly stood back, giving her daughter space, proud of the way Rose was handling him. She made her way over to the shade of an enormous paperbark and got comfortable, leaning back against the white trunk, happiness filling her with the thought that she had made at least one of her little girl’s dreams come true.

  Molly handed Rose a warm cup of Milo and snuggled up beside her on the couch as Heath put the movie Flicker into the DVD player. A bowl of popcorn sat on the coffee table along with a few blocks of chocolate, so they were all set for the movie night Heath had planned. Molly was impressed with his thoughtfulness – he’d even made sure to bring along a horse movie for Rose and a girly flick for her. She wasn’t sure how they would make it through two films, considering it was already eight o’clock, but it was lovely to sit back and relax.

  ‘Night, you three. We’re off to bed to watch the telly in our room,’ Alice said, giving Rose a kiss. ‘Gary’s staying over at his mate’s tonight too – saves him driving when he’s been drinking – so no need to leave the door unlocked for him.’

  ‘Oh, okay. Aren’t you and John joining us?’ Molly said.

  ‘No, love, we’re old farts now and need our beauty sleep. We’ll catch you all bright and early in the morning.’

  Rose fell asleep halfway through her movie so Molly gently lifted her from the couch and carried her off to bed. She wandered back out to Heath and got cozy beside him, pulling a blanket from the back of the couch and spreading it over her. Even though it was hot during the day in the outback, at night it got very chilly.

  She felt a little strange snuggling up on the couch beside him, especially after what Alice had said. Because deep down she knew Alice was right. Heath was falling in love with her and she could be falling in love with him; she just didn’t want to admit it. She was comforted by Alice’s words, which echoed Jade’s and Aunty Cheryl’s. Jenny had loved Molly like a sister. Maybe she had been thinking about it all the wrong way? Maybe it was okay for her to love him. Molly sighed mentally. She just needed a little time to mull it over, to really allow herself to the freedom to sense her true feelings.

  ‘Right, you ready to watch the next movie?’ said Heath, the remote control at the ready.

  Molly smiled. ‘Sure am.’

  ‘Hang on a tick, I might just go and grab a blanket for myself, it’s bloody freezing.’

  ‘You can share mine if you like, there’s plenty of it,’ Molly replied, spreading the blanket out over Heath. She groaned as she moved over, her back still sore from mustering.

  ‘What’s up?’ Heath asked as he got comfy beneath the blanket.

  ‘Oh, nothing, it’s just my back. It’s still a bit sore. I reckon I must have strained a muscle when we were out mustering.’

  Heath grinned, wriggling his fingers in the air. ‘Right then, time to cash in on that raincheck, I reckon.’

  Molly felt her body temperature instantly soar as she imagined him touching her bare skin. ‘Ah … only if you’re sure.’

  ‘Of course I’m sure.’ Heath leapt from the couch, dragging the blanket from Molly then placing it on the carpeted floor. He pulled the cushions from the couch and strategically scattered them about the blanket, then patted it. ‘Come on, lie down here. I’ll give you the massage before we start the next movie.’

  ‘Can I go and put my sarong on first? It’ll make it easier to get to my back.’

  Heath shrugged. ‘Whatever makes you comfortable. I’ll set the little fan heater up so you don’t freeze to death. Hey, I’ll even warm up some oil. I think there’s a bottle of almond oil in the bathroom cupboard.’

  A few minutes later, Molly groaned pleasurably as Heath poured warm oil onto her back then began to firmly massage her sore spots. His hands felt like they were leaving red trails, the heat coming from them decadent against her bare flesh. She could feel his hot breath on her back as he exhaled deeply, the sensation sending luscious shivers all over her. With skin on skin the yearning inside that she had controlled until now began to grow, pleasurable tingles igniting places that made her want to roll over and tear all Heath’s clothes off. But she couldn’t; not yet, not here. So, in the privacy of her mind she imagined herself making unrestrained, passionate love to him, her strength of will no longer able to ward off the cravings. She thanked God he couldn’t read her mind.

  ‘There you are,’ Heath whispered in her ear, his voice so husky she could tell he too was fighting off unknown desires.

  She bit her bottom lip as she gathered her sarong and rolled over, her eyes searching for his in the dimly lit room. Heath sat beside her, wiping his tattooed hands on a towel to rid of the excess oil. ‘Did that do the trick?’

  Molly nodded coyly. ‘Uh-huh. It felt unbelievable. Thank you.’

  She wriggled up to sitting and tied her sarong in a knot at the front, Heath only centimetres from her. The atmosphere between them was electric, the sexual tension in the room irrefutable. All Molly wanted to do was to kiss him all over, but instead she stood and made herself comfortable on the couch once more.

  Heath got comfy beside her, smiling wickedly, the longing in his eyes almost choking her. ‘Shall we watch the movie now?’

  Molly’s voice evaded her, her stomach doing backflips as she fought hard to catch her breath. ‘Mmhmm.’

  The movie started and all Molly could think of was how close Heath was to her, and how good he smelled. Her eyes drooped and she realised she was falling asleep, and tried to open her eyes wide to concentrate on the screen. The next thing she knew, she jerked awake, a heartbeat thumping softly against her cheek and an arm draped over her. The movie had finished and Heath had fallen asleep too.

  She suddenly remembered where she was, feeling self-conscious that she had fallen asleep on Heath’s shoulder. She slowly edged herself off the couch, trying hard not to wake him, part of her wanting to stay in the comforting warmth of his arms, but the level-headed part of her reminding her that she wasn’t ready to make this decision. She gently pulled the blanket up over him and stood for a few moments watching him as he slept, imagining what it would feel like to kiss him again, to make love to him.

  ‘Stop torturing yourself, girl!’ She tore her gaze away from Heath, turned off the television, and tiptoed down the hallway to join Rose in bed. Heath Miller’s magnetism was winning her over, and she wasn’t too sure how much longer she could deny it.

  Chapter 16

  As Mark’s dirt drive came into view, Molly fought the urge to turn around and drive straight back home. It was ten in the morning on a Thursday, so she was sure Mark would be up and about; most country people were out of bed before the sun had even had time to rise and he only played in the band on Friday and Saturday nights so it wasn’t like he’d been out working late. She mulled over what she would say to him when he opened the door to her – that is, if he had the balls to. It had been two weeks since she had spoken to him last and that was when he’d stormed off and left her crying by the dam. She felt as though she had given him more than enough time to cool off, and as the
days passed without a word she couldn’t help thinking it was selfish and gutless of him not to face the reality of the situation. She had left a couple of messages for him over the last couple of days, since coming back from Ironbark Station, but he hadn’t responded. Molly was torn between fury and despair. How could Mark choose to ignore the fact that he had a beautiful little daughter?

  Her maternal instinct had clicked into top gear now and she was feeling extremely protective of Rose. She couldn’t care less if Mark didn’t want anything to do with Molly herself. It was a realisation that had surprised her at first, but she had come to the conclusion that she could never love a man as selfish as he was anyway. All she wanted to do today was explain to Mark how important it was to Rose to know her dad.

  Molly pulled up under the shade of the enormous old mango trees, out of sight of the house, and looked at herself in the rear-vision mirror. She gave herself a quick pep talk about staying calm and strong, even though she felt a bit silly for doing so. She took a deep breath before heading towards the front of the house. An old, blue Nissan Patrol caught her eye as she rounded the side. It was parked up beside the Fiat tractor under the shade of a big steel shed. Something twigged in her mind: she had seen the car around town before, and she racked her brain trying to remember whose it was, but couldn’t. She shrugged her shoulders, deciding it wasn’t any of her business anyway.

  Molly’s boots clomped on the timber verandah as she approached the front door. She strained her ears, listening for any signs of life in the house, hesitating for a moment before she knocked in case Mark was still in bed. Her bursting in on him asleep might put him in a bad mood even before she got to talk to him. She stood with her hands deep in her jeans pockets and pondered what to do. She felt a sudden rush of necessity to talk it all out with Mark so she reached out and rapped hard on the door.

  Molly stood there for what felt like ages before she heard rushed footsteps coming towards the door. She held her breath, her stomach churning. She could hear the door being unlocked from inside and when she opened her mouth to say hello to Mark, was shocked when she was instead greeted by a young woman.

  The woman was dressed in skimpy knickers and a man’s Bonds singlet. She had obvious bed hair and smudges of black mascara beneath her eyes. She stared at Molly with disdain, visibly annoyed that she had been woken up. Molly realised it was the new woman who worked at the fish and chip shop in town and swiftly regained her composure.

  ‘Hi. Is Mark about?’

  ‘Yeah, he is, but he’s still asleep. I was too, until you came knocking,’ the young woman replied with a forced yawn. Molly guessed she’d be in her early twenties, if that. She got a strong whiff of stale alcohol on the woman’s breath and stepped back a little. ‘Well, um, maybe I’ll come back later then.’

  ‘That might be a good idea, maybe at a decent hour next time. Some people do like to sleep in, you know,’ the woman retorted with irritation, looking Molly up and down as if she was the one standing at the doorway with hardly anything on.

  Molly felt her temper flare and she swallowed down hard, determined not to yell at this rude girl standing before her; it would be a waste of her breath if she did. ‘Actually, now I think about it, I reckon you should go and wake him up. I have to talk to him about something very important,’ Molly said as calmly as she could.

  ‘Oh yeah? Well maybe I don’t want to wake him up.’

  ‘Fine, I’ll wake him up myself,’ Molly hissed, her anger finally getting the better of her as she pushed passed the woman and into the house, bumping straight into Mark, who was standing in the hallway in his boxer shorts looking very hung-over.

  ‘Have you been standing here the whole time?’ Molly gasped, astonished that Mark had stooped low enough to get this woman to open the door so that he didn’t have to talk to her.

  ‘Yeah, I have been, Molly. I give up. You caught me,’ he replied as he threw his hands up in the air in defeat. ‘I thought you’d have gathered I wasn’t ready to talk to you after not returning your calls, but obviously not, seeing you’re here at my house, waking me up too, I might add.’

  Molly could feel tears threatening to fill her eyes but she held them back, refusing to let Mark see her cry again. All she wanted to do at that moment was run, but she stood her ground and took a few deep breaths before speaking, very slowly, through gritted teeth.

  ‘Well, now that I am here can we at least talk? If you decide you never want to speak to me again after you’ve listened to what I have to say then I promise to leave you alone. But at least hear me out. This isn’t about me and you, Mark; this is about Rose, our six-year-old daughter. So how about acting like an adult and not being so goddamn selfish?’

  ‘Oh my God! You have a child!’ the woman shrieked.

  Mark nodded, his annoyance plain to see as he rolled his eyes and sighed loudly. ‘Okay, Molly. I don’t want an argument this early in the morning and I think you need to hear some home truths about me too. Let me at least go and wash my face so I can wake up first. Have a seat out on the verandah, if you like. I’ll make us both a cup of coffee – the stronger the better, I’m guessing.’

  Molly didn’t answer him; she couldn’t speak another word, the shock of the situation getting the better of her. She could feel the woman behind her sticking daggers into her back and she desperately needed to get outside and breathe some fresh air before she turned around and punched her lights out. ‘Nice meeting you,’ Molly muttered sarcastically as she pushed past her and back out onto the verandah.

  She glanced at the cozy chairs on offer but found it impossible to sit down, choosing to pace the hardwood floor instead as she waited for Mark to emerge from the house. She sounded like a horse with her boots clip-clopping on the timber boards, but the rhythm of the movement strangely calmed her down a little.

  Mark came out fifteen minutes later, looking a little more decent now he was dressed, with two steaming cups of coffee in his hands. He handed one to Molly before sitting down in one of the cane chairs. ‘Are you going to sit down, Molly, or are you going to keep pacing? It’s making me uncomfortable,’ he said, tapping the chair beside him.

  Molly pulled the chair so it was as far away from Mark as it could be without her resorting to sitting out on the lawn and yelling to him over the rails. ‘Sure, I’ll sit. Now tell me, why have you chosen to completely ignore the fact that you have a daughter?’

  ‘I thought you were the one who was going to do all the talking. So go ahead, talk. I’m all ears,’ Mark replied gruffly, taking a sip from his coffee.

  Molly cleared her throat. ‘Okay then, I’ll go first. Maybe I was wrong not telling you about Rose straightaway, but I didn’t know you from a bar of soap and I wanted to make sure you were decent enough to be in Rose’s life. I thought, after spending a few weeks with you, that you were a reliable, honest bloke, so I decided the time was right to tell you. I must admit now, though, I’m starting to question my judgement. Was I was way off course?’

  Mark glared at her but Molly ignored him and kept talking, needing to get it all out now that she had begun. ‘I love Rose and she means the world to me. I thought I was doing the right thing. It’s not her fault that I chose to wait, Mark, so don’t make her suffer the consequences. It was just me being protective of her heart. She always talks about how she would love to meet her dad one day and I know it would make her so happy if she could.’ Molly gently shook her head. ‘But that day down by the dam, the way you reacted, and then not returning my calls … I’m concerned that you’d rather not be in her life. I need you to at least try to think about how much it would mean to her if you got to know her and shared her life with her. Please, at least do that.’

  Mark looked down at the floor, clearly uncomfortable. He was silent for a few moments, as if trying to find the right words. ‘I suppose I need to say this without beating around the bush. I never wanted to have children, Molly. I really like my free and easy lifestyle. It suits me. That’s who I am. I don’t kno
w if I can handle the responsibilities of fatherhood and it scares me to death just thinking about it. I’m just not cut out for it. I don’t know what else to say to you. That’s why I reacted the way I did and haven’t rung you back. I knew what I had to say wouldn’t be what you wanted to hear. I’m sorry.’

  Now Molly was the one who was silent. Her mind was spinning and she felt like her heart was about to tear in two. She pointed towards the door of the house. ‘So, you’d rather have the freedom to bring home random girls like that, and party all night. Is this what you’re trying to say to me, Mark?

  Mark nodded ‘I suppose, in a way, it is. I really do believe that Rose will be better off without me in her life. For more reasons than I’d like to admit.’

  ‘So why did you want to take me out on a date when you knew I had a child, given you don’t want children cramping your style?’

  ‘Well, to be frank, I hadn’t thought that far ahead, Molly. I wasn’t looking at having a serious relationship with you. I’m not one for commitment. Sorry if you felt any differently.’

  Molly was disgusted that she had kissed him by the dam. He was just another one of those guys who only wanted one thing, ruled by what was between their legs. What had she been thinking going anywhere near him? He’d had her completely fooled, that’s for sure. ‘So, what you’re saying is that you don’t want to get to know Rose?’

  Mark took a sip from his coffee and contemplated what Molly had just said, taking his own sweet time to answer. She wanted to reach out and shake him, tell him that he didn’t know what he was giving up, but instead she tucked her hands under her legs as if sitting on them would control her urges.