Managing Expectations

by Erin R Flynn

  “It is,” Taeral agreed, scrubbing the back of his neck. “We’ve been too—there is too much to focus on to get much of anything right.”

  I snorted. I felt that way all the damn time. “I tried to talk to him about it and he flipped that I wanted to lock him up and take power myself. I think that’s why this idea is so upsetting. It was so easy for him to go there and he wants… He can have the fucking power and crowns. I don’t care. I never wanted any of this. I won’t survive being locked away inside myself.”

  “I won’t let it happen, Tamsin,” Lageos promised before pulling me in his arms. I heard Taeral say the same. It helped somewhat, but I was still freaking and dying to run.

  Fear wasn’t rational, and what Neldor wanted to do was truly terrifying.

  16

  Several changes were made after people figured out what I was really feeling and what was going on with me. First, Lageos was read in on the situation with school and came up with some meter that combined with a reservoir. Just made it.

  Holy fucking demigod.

  The best way I could describe it was like a chess timer, but also a reservoir. I would hit it to start when I began a potion and then again with magic throughout what I was doing and it would track times. Also, the levels in line with my magical range. My “low” was ridiculously high compared to the others in my class. But this gave the readout I did it, even if I couldn’t complete the potion.

  After Lageos explained it all to Professor Kramer and promised to go through the first assignment I messed up to show how it worked, the teacher accepted the idea. He was a bit too curious how it was made and about Lageos, even if the demigod was wearing a glamour and rune to seem like a dragon. But at least we had an answer.

  “And you are never to be alone with Tamsin,” Lageos warned, his tone deadly. “I don’t care if you’re a teacher and keeping yourself in check. Your feelings are bordering on obsession. You need to accept your role in this that made her life more difficult. If she was a different student, you would have helped her in class, but you didn’t trust yourself.”

  “You’re right, and I was going to apologize, simply not in front of my bosses,” Professor Kramer replied, his tone not happy either.

  “I understand, but refer to my statement you are not to be alone with her.” Lageos didn’t give him a chance to reply, glancing at Craftsman. “You will observe these other makeup assignments to make sure this man behaves. And I will show you how to make and adjust this device for anything else she might need. It’s specific to her.”

  “I understand,” Craftsman agreed, looking like he was trying not to smirk at Kramer.

  And just like that, the problem was mostly solved. Sure, it would get all over that I was blowing potions because I was too powerful but… Yeah, people already knew that. Oh no, more might come after me.

  Uh-huh.

  Next, Lageos admitted he’d handled the thing with Neldor all wrong. He’d wanted to keep the dark prince close to watch him, but having him under my roof when I was so scared of this new idea—and how far Neldor would go—was a mistake.

  After we finished with the school, he went right to the hotel with the dark fairies and announced Neldor needed to get his shit—all of which I generously provided—and move out of my house. He was done with this perception Neldor was giving off like we were a team and he was able to speak on my behalf while I was getting “caught up” and educated.

  That wasn’t reality, and it ended.

  There was me. And there was him. He could work on my team if I allowed it. All were welcome to work on my team, as I was the future of Faerie. If Neldor wanted to do his own thing with dark fairies for their realm, that was their thing, but him acting like he was in charge of it all, or me, was over.

  Or Lageos would put him in the ground, so the dark fairy leadership needed to get their prince in line.

  “What brought this all on?” one of the Dark Guardian commanders demanded.

  “It’s a culmination that has left my unshakeable daughter fearful of your prince and the lengths he will go to in his quest for power instead of freeing all the trapped fairies,” Lageos answered. “And she is not the only one worried. So as her father, I’m done watching him try to wear down her resolve and emotionally abuse her into getting his way.”

  Neldor was not happy at any of it, nor how publicly it was all being done, acting like Lageos was overreacting and jumping into the business of fairies.

  Which pissed me the fuck off.

  “How many warnings did I give you before I even managed to unfreeze Cluym?” I seethed, everyone quieting down to hear me. “How many did the hobgoblins give you that you ignored? My dogs want to burn you for the way you treat me. There are dozens of witnesses that you repeatedly demeaned me, talked down to me, and told my mates they were nothing but what you would allow if I behaved.

  “So don’t make this about Lageos and him not being a fairy, you racist. He mated Queen Meira, and that made him a prince of her realm just like you. Or King Consort. He’s Prince or King Father—however it works, so just stop the bullshit. This has nothing to do with anything besides you still think my place is below you and before you on my knees like you said right after we met!”

  I honestly hadn’t meant to say that last part. I truly hadn’t, but I’d been so upset about all of this and the day that it came out.

  It was like tossing a flame thrower on a stockpile of powder kegs. There were several beats of shock and then Lageos launched for Neldor.

  And he wasn’t the only one.

  Taeral went for him, along with Iolas and a few of the other Light Guardian brass that were there.

  Well shit.

  I threw up barriers around them and Neldor before they managed to get him, Neldor doing the same around himself from the resistance I hit.

  “I never said that!” Neldor defended as people raged at him. “I never did.”

  I rolled my eyes. “No, you never did, but I’m not an idiot. Looking at the ground in front of you while speaking of my place says it all.” I shook my head. “Iolas, Taeral, please. Just don’t. Can we—Lageos, don’t kill him. I didn’t mean to say it.”

  “We should know his filth,” Iolas bit out.

  I sighed. “Oh please, like that’s the worst I’ve had said or done to me. It was stupid and I kicked his ass.”

  “It was stupid and I’m sorry,” Neldor cut in before anyone could yell at him again. “I’m incredibly sorry. I was angry and disoriented and you were… There is no excuse. I acted abhorrently and—”

  I met his gaze with one of hate. “And are only apologizing because other people are around. Fairies. You had months to apologize and never did. You were rude and demeaning to me at every turn, making it clear you would be king and I would serve you however you allowed. Be king of the dark. I don’t fucking care, Neldor. My position is clear. No more wars, and you will never have me.”

  I dropped the barriers and headed to the portal to leave, freezing with what Lageos said next.

  “And as Queen Meira’s mate, this going to Tamsin with everything ends now. You all badger her and have access to her in ways that you know you never would otherwise. Just because the circumstances are irregular and beyond any you would ever have fathomed, you will remember how to treat her. She did none of this, and you are only here because of her. Enough of this disrespect some of you treat her with.”

  “Agreed,” several people said at once, one of the Dark Guardian commanders who liked me speaking. “Some of it is truly unintentional and forgetting she—she is unlike any heir or royal we’ve known. I mean that not as a slight, but that she is supremely approachable. That has helped us all settle with these troubling times and adjust better than we thought possible, but it’s too much on her.”

  “Thank you for acknowledging how hard this is for me,” I whispered. “I leave the rest to you, Lageos. Thanks for taking this all on.”

  “Of course. I’m sorry I didn’t step in sooner, but I wante
d to assess the situations better first.”

  I shrugged. “I didn’t know how to handle any of it. Getting Neldor out of my house so we have peace there will be a big help.”

  “Tamsin, wait, we can—”

  “Shut it before she decides to cut us all off, Prince Neldor,” someone growled.

  I wouldn’t ever do that, but it was nice that people were on my side of this.

  Or at least for now.

  All I wanted was to thank Katrina again, recharge with gobs of food that was bad for me, and rest… But instead, Craftsman was waiting for me in my room.

  “I was worried when you ditched class,” he said when I simply stared at him, not even greeting him as my brain spaced.

  Right, his class was the one I had ditched. “Sorry. Crap. I didn’t even…” I sighed, scrubbing my hand over my head. “I wasn’t thinking. I just didn’t want Zack to freak out and sound the alarm. I didn’t think it would be a big deal to ditch.”

  “Well, yeah, because the only time you’ve done it, you spiraled out and scared us all,” he said, an edge to his voice. “And it’s just my class. The class you should place out of.”

  So we were finally going to talk about this? We hadn’t since we’d been on decent terms and certainly not since we’d been back together but… Why now? I swallowed another sigh.

  “I did place out of it, but I understand the logic of keeping me in. I was validly upset on the way it was handled, and it hurt me to have to—that wasn’t what this was today, Doc. I’m sorry. I should have sent you a text too. Your class is not a blow off. I worked my ass off to learn the runes I have. I’ve been going through something and—”

  “Which you didn’t tell me,” he snapped, clearing his throat when I flinched. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I shrugged, going over to the bed and sitting down. “I didn’t tell anyone.”

  “That doesn’t make it better. The wrong person learned you were blowing potions and—”

  “I’d be in danger?” I drawled. “Oh no, not that.”

  “Don’t be dismissive with me,” he bitched.

  “Sorry,” I whispered, blinking back tears. It wasn’t what I really wanted to say but if I told him what I wanted to, he would have changed course to do whatever I wanted. He’d apologize and make sure I wouldn’t leave him.

  I was so tired of being in a relationship like that and the guilt it made me feel.

  “Hey, hey, I’m not that upset, love,” he murmured as he moved to sit next to me. “It’s okay. Don’t be upset. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh.” His arm moved to my shoulders but froze when I flinched away. “Tamsin?”

  “I’m sorry, I can’t,” I rasped, pushing to stand.

  “Can’t? No, please, love. No, don’t—”

  “Fuck, Julian, I’m not breaking up with you!” I choked out, backing away from him. “I won’t break up with you ever, okay? Not ever. I’ll stay until it kills us both if you want, but just be you again. I can’t keep—the guilt of doing this to you—to still wanting you back when you’re right here is gutting me. I can’t talk to you. I can’t—you just give me whatever I want, and I feel disgusting all the time.”

  I wasn’t even sure if that made any sense, but I couldn’t think of what else to say. I couldn’t handle anything else. I was beyond my limit with my life.

  And then I teleported again.

  I blinked and I was standing in front of my bike… Which seemed about all the signal I needed. I had my keys and wallet in my pocket, but not my phone.

  Perfect.

  I jumped on and took off the moment the engine revved. I put up all the barriers I knew, blocking myself from fairies, cloaking myself from people, and just… Yeah, all of them.

  Security had no idea I ever blew buy them besides maybe feeling the breeze of air displacement. My barriers kept the sound of my bike from reaching them.

  I had a full tank of gas and was spiraling out of control. I punched it to the max and simply drove for a while. The further away I got from campus, the more the pressure in every cell of me started to ease. The thudding in my head dialed back to a dull roar and I felt like I could breathe again. Maybe focus enough to count if I needed to.

  I wasn’t sure why I would need to, but I knew I could handle something that basic. Only that.

  It was a start.

  I was still spiraling though. There was too much wrong. Too much to handle. School was messed up. I had a father now and he was a demigod. Mel was gone. My relationships were… I didn’t even know half the time. And then there were the fairies and Faerie.

  Where did I even start there?

  Too much was wrong and I wanted some right.

  Thinking that weird roundabout thought was like a light bulb over my head. I knew what I needed. Or at least where to start and get some of this out.

  Feel like me again. At least for tonight.

  I opened a portal and drove right through so I came out in Seattle. I’d read over the some of the reports from Ainsworth’s interrogation and one address popped into my head. There was a place for the black market in Seattle that handled a lot of the goods and more. Tons of the operation had gone dark in light of Ainsworth’s arrest, but this was like a safe house few knew about.

  Which meant it was the perfect place to get tons of intel from.

  And kick some ass.

  I parked a block away and changed my essence charm to register me as a human before adding a glamour so I looked like a little lamb who’d walked into the wrong part of town. I cloaked all my magic, but kept myself hidden from being found and headed out to do some hunting.

  It took about thirty seconds. Apparently, I hadn’t lost my touch.

  “This one looks tasty,” a guy chuckled as I walked towards them, elbowing his buddy. “No pickup required.”

  “The stupid ones aren’t my taste,” he muttered, glancing around.

  “Funny, I say the same,” I purred, using the runes to restrain and gag them before they could blink. Then I glamoured the area to look like they weren’t there as I read their thoughts. I almost laughed when the way to get in was a secret knock.

  For real? Sometimes supes were so overly confident they were so much better and could handle anything, they were idiots.

  I knocked the secret knock and walked in when the door opened. The guy did a double take when he registered me as human, but my fist was already connecting with his face, the snap of his nose satisfying as could be. I used the same runes on him and tucked him in the corner before locking the door again.

  Rage filled me as I felt fairy magic pulsing from one corner. There had to be a bunch of stolen magical objects. I was about to go right for them when an ear-piercing scream echoed through the gutted factory.

  Barely even thinking the fairy rune, I raced over there and almost tripped over my feet as horror filled me. This place wasn’t simply where deals went down for goods the black market had, but where they sold people.

  Women. And that scream had come from a woman a vampire was savagely feeding from as he raped her.

  While a few dozen others watched.

  And dozens of other women were chained up or caged to go next. That was what the guy had meant about my looking tasty. They were selling human women to rape and drain.

  Just like Jordan Holmes and those other monsters had done to that fox shifter.

  I probably couldn’t have stopped what I did next. Maybe. I know I didn’t want to, all of this darkness and upset inside of me needing to find an outlet.

  And I just fucking did.

  I froze them all and walked over to the guy who was raping the woman and carefully pulled his fangs out of her… And snapped them off.

  “You’re going to be okay,” I promised her as I healed her from the blood loss.

  “They’re monsters,” she sobbed as she scrambled to detangle herself and try to cover up. All of it hurt me to watch but… There was no good way to handle this, and I thought letting her get free of
that part was best.

  I pulled off my sweater and gave it to her, glad it was huge on me and she was much smaller, so it would be enough. “I know. I know they are, and I’m going to take care of the monsters.” I waited until she managed to put it on, remembering how I never wanted people to touch me after I was sexually assaulted.

  It was awesome it had happened more than once and all, but right then, it helped me know what to sort of do. At least I hoped I wasn’t making it worse.

  “Can you stand? I’ll handle them and call for help, okay,” I muttered, glancing around for a safe spot so she was out of the line of fire.

  “Who are you?” she whispered. “Thank you. Thank you for saving me.”

  “You’re welcome.” I watched her manage to get off the table and hobble off. “I’m sorry you went through this.”

  She nodded, simply thanking me again before collapsing on a large shipping crate and muttering she wanted to go home as she folded into herself. I remembered that feeling. I remembered how much I wanted to be swallowed up when I’d had bad things happen to me.

  And she’d just gone through something so much worse, it felt almost not even able to be on the same scale.

  I focused on the men there, reading their thoughts to see who was guilty and scared of what I would find out. A dozen of them had raped women before, so I gave them the celibacy rune, not caring how much magic it took.

  I wouldn’t need much for this next part.

  I put up a barrier so none could get away and then unfroze them, focused on the one with his pants still open. Apparently, he could give lots and lots of pain, but not take much because five good shots that broke bones and he passed out.

  Damn. I had wanted to draw that out more.

  Oh well, I still had a lot of prey who deserved what they were going to get and couldn’t escape me. Some had been trying to jump me while I’d been distracted with the first, but the smart ones had opted for simply fleeing.