Still Married to Her Ex!

by Lucy Clark

  Molly reached for a tissue and dabbed the tears that had somehow started trickling down her cheeks. She blew her nose and shrugged. ‘What am I supposed to do? What if I get pregnant again and lose the baby again? What if Fletcher reacts the way he did last time? Can I trust him to be there for me? To support me?’

  ‘I thought you’d forgiven him for the way he behaved?’ Stacey asked.

  ‘Oh, I have, but that still doesn’t mean I’m not nervous or worried or freaked out. He just started talking about settling down and starting a family and, hey, we can do that straight away because we’re still legally married.’

  ‘And your biological clock is ticking,’ Cora pointed out, a light-hearted tone to her words.

  Molly grimaced and buried her head in her hands. ‘I know all these things but I have exams, I have my own plans and now he’s just come back into my life, turned it all upside down and made me question myself and I hate questioning myself.’

  ‘We know.’ Stacey smiled.

  ‘But at the end of the day…I mean…he’s…he’s Fletcher.’ When she spoke his name, she felt the anxiety starting to dissipate. ‘My Fletcher.’

  ‘Talk to him, Molly,’ Stacey urged.

  ‘Give him a call,’ Cora added.

  ‘Do you think he’d mind? Me calling him? Asking him where he is? Why he didn’t turn up to the hospital today?’

  Cora’s grin was wide. ‘You’re his wife, aren’t you?’

  ‘Call him,’ Stacey reiterated.

  ‘It’ll work out,’ Cora implored. ‘Trust us.’

  Molly sniffed and nodded. ‘OK. I’ll call him.’

  After ending the Internet chat to her sisters, Molly looked at her cell phone. ‘Just ring him. Just ring him.’ She paced around the room, sighing repeatedly as she worked up the nerve to call him. ‘Just ring him.’ She looked at her phone, then, before she could deliberate any more, she pressed the button to connect the call.

  ‘You can do this. You can do this.’ The phone rang a few times but he didn’t answer. When she realised it was going to go through to voicemail, she quickly tried to construct what she was going to say. The beep sounded…and for a moment she froze. Feeling like an idiot, she disconnected the call, then began agitatedly pacing again.

  ‘No. Molly. Stop being stupid. This is Fletcher. Just Fletcher. It’s OK.’ Taking a deep breath, she redialled his number, thinking clearly what she would say when the beep sounded.

  ‘Hi. It’s Molly. Sorry about that last call. Got cut off. Not sure what happened. Listen…uh…can you…uh…give me a call? Thanks.’

  She disconnected the call, proud of herself. Now all she had to do was to wait. ‘And that isn’t going to be easy,’ she remarked as she headed into the kitchen because she needed to be doing something. She knew it was impossible to settle her mind down to any sort of paperwork so decided to bake some scones.

  ‘It’s quite normal,’ she told herself, ‘to be baking at this time of night. Nothing wrong with it at all.’ She kept glancing at her phone, hoping it didn’t ring when she had her hands covered in flour kneading the dough. It didn’t. She hoped it wouldn’t ring when she had the oven gloves on, pulling the hot scones from the oven. It didn’t. She really hoped it didn’t ring when she had her mouth stuffed full with scones, jam and cream. It didn’t.

  She also kept listening, waiting for any sorts of sounds from next door, but there was nothing. Once, she thought she heard him on the front porch but when she rushed to the door and opened it to check, a bright smile on her face, her heart sank when she realised it was just a cat.

  Should she call him again? She pondered the question as she cleaned up the kitchen. What if he’d been in some sort of accident? What if he really wasn’t well and was doubled over in pain or needed help? Her imagination started to slip into overdrive and she instantly picked up the phone and called him again.

  ‘Hi, Fletch. Me again,’ she said to his voicemail. ‘Starting to get a little worried that you haven’t received my messages. If you don’t want to talk to me, then at least just send me a text message so I know you’re OK. You know me. I worry. Right. Bye.’

  She disconnected the call then waited once more, almost willing the phone to ring. When it didn’t, she decided to at least try and get a bit of studying done and actually managed to work for a good hour but still he hadn’t called. It was now two o’clock in the morning and she hoped that, wherever he was, he was sleeping but, being a surgeon, he might have gone to the hospital to help out for some strange reason. She called the hospital switchboard and asked if Fletcher was in the hospital. The operator tried several different wards before letting her know that she couldn’t find him and suggested Molly try his cell phone.

  ‘Thanks.’ Molly hung up and tried to think of where else Fletcher might have gone. ‘All day long!’ Perhaps it was as Stacey had said and he’d kept the hire car and gone for a drive somewhere. If so, he could be anywhere. He could have driven down to Melbourne to see Eliza, to tell her he’d made a mistake, that he did still want to divorce Molly.

  At that thought, she broke down in tears and stood from her desk to go and lie down on her bed, hugging Katie bear close. Why was she so upset at the thought of him going back to Eliza? That had been his plan all along. To get her to sign the divorce papers and to marry Eliza. Why should it bother her so much now?

  ‘Because you love him, you idiot. You really, really, really love him and you don’t want to be divorced from him and you do want the chance to start again but there are…there are…so many things to talk about and…where is he?’

  Molly sobbed into her pillow, feeling utterly miserable. Katie bear was in her arms and her cell phone was in her hand, ready and waiting to answer as soon as he called. She sniffed a little, then rang his number again, not caring at all about the time. ‘Fletch? Fletch?’ She sniffed into the phone, angst in her tone. ‘Where are you? Are you OK? I’m worried, Fletch. Please call me. I just need to know you’re OK. Please. Please call me.’ With a broken sob, she disconnected the call and waited.

  Closing her eyes, she tried to calm her breathing. He was all right. He had to be all right. They’d found each other again and so it would be an incredibly cruel thing to happen if he was…if he’d been…

  No. She wouldn’t think about it. She couldn’t. He was fine. He was fine.

  ‘He’s fine,’ she whispered to Katie bear before slipping off into a restless sleep.

  She awoke to sunlight twinkling gently in through her window and a pounding in her head. She looked at the clock and realised it was a quarter to six. Then she realised that the pounding wasn’t only in her head but that someone was at her front door…knocking quite loudly.

  ‘Molly?’ Fletcher’s deep voice boomed through the wooden door.

  Springing from the bed, she ran to the door, belatedly realising she was still holding the teddy bear. She flung open the door and, when she saw him standing on the other side, she all but flung herself into his arms. ‘You’re OK. You’re OK.’ She held him tight, never wanting to let him go again. ‘I thought you were… I was worried and I… When I couldn’t get any answer…’ She broke off, knowing her words were incoherent and mumbled against his neck. Somehow Fletcher shifted so that he was now standing inside her hallway and closed the door behind them.

  ‘Molly? What’s happened?’ He eased her back a little and looked into her tear-stained face, instantly brushing a thumb across her cheek, the touch tender and caring.

  ‘You weren’t answering your phone. I was so worried.’

  ‘It ran out of battery. Sorry. I went for a drive yesterday to clear my head, to think things through and I didn’t charge my phone or have a signal.’

  ‘So you didn’t get any of my messages?’ Molly dropped her hands from his neck, feeling a little embarrassed. It was only then he saw the bear in her hands. He pointed.

  ‘Is that…?’

  ‘Katie bear.’ Molly nodded. ‘I was worried last night.’

 
‘So I’m beginning to understand.’

  ‘Hang on.’ She looked at him with confusion. ‘If you didn’t get my messages, then why were you just pounding on my door?’

  It was his turn to look a little sheepish. ‘I spent most of yesterday at the beach, walking along the sand, thinking, trying to figure out what to do next and all I could come up with was to just let you know that I’ll do anything you want. If you want to get divorced, then that’s what we’ll do. Whatever happens between us, Molly, what matters most to me is your happiness.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes.’ He nodded and looked down at the teddy bear again, reaching out and taking it from her hands. ‘We have so much history between us.’

  ‘Yes.’ She jerked her thumb over her shoulder, indicating the lounge room. ‘Let’s have a seat, eh?’

  ‘Good idea.’

  ‘Where did you stay last night? I didn’t hear you come home.’

  A small smile touched his lips. ‘Were you waiting up for me?’

  ‘Yes. I was worried.’

  ‘Oh. Again, sorry. I walked a long way at the beach, thinking and trying to figure things out, and I was just exhausted. I stopped at a hotel by the beach and left there about half an hour ago, wanting to miss the peak-hour traffic. I didn’t mean to pound on the door but the urgency of the situation, of what I wanted to say to you, it just surged through me.’

  Molly sat next to him on the lounge and brushed her fingers through his hair. ‘I’m glad you’re OK.’ Relief was starting to flood through her, making her feel more exhausted than if she’d been in Theatre all night long. ‘So what is it you want to say to me?’

  ‘Hmm. Yes. Good.’ He chuckled. ‘It all sounded so perfect in my head, so rational, so relevant, but I guess the upshot of the whole thing is…’ Fletcher looked directly into her eyes and slowly exhaled ‘…I still love you, Molly. Very much.’

  Her breath caught in her throat at his words and her heart sang with delight. ‘You do?’

  ‘Yes.’ He cupped her cheek, his touch tender.

  ‘And you’re serious about…about everything you said back in Newcastle?’

  ‘That I want to settle down with you and create a family of our own?’

  She nodded.

  ‘Yes. If it’s what you want.’

  Molly closed her eyes for a moment. ‘What if it’s not what I want?’ Fletch dropped his hands and she looked at him once more.

  ‘What do you want? Not only for us but for you? What do you want, Molly?’

  ‘I want to get through my exams. To qualify. To travel overseas and work. I can’t do that if I’m pregnant or lugging a baby or two around.’

  He started to laugh and she glared at him. ‘This isn’t funny, Fletcher.’

  ‘No. No, it isn’t,’ he responded, quickly covering over his mirth. ‘I was just imagining you, like the native women of Tarparnii, walking around with a baby strapped to your back while you visit patients.’

  Molly’s indignation dissipated and she rolled her eyes. ‘You know what I’m talking about.’

  ‘Yes. I really do.’

  ‘And you were the one who arrived at Sydney General to encourage qualified surgeons to head overseas to countries where medical help isn’t readily available.’

  ‘I did do that.’

  ‘And do you really, really want to settle down in suburbia? Going to a big teaching hospital, doing the same thing, day in, day out?’

  ‘When you say it like that, it doesn’t sound appealing at all.’ He leaned closer and gazed into her eyes once more, sighing with pure contentment.

  ‘So you do want to travel some more?’

  ‘Molly…’ he took her hand in his ‘…I want to be where you are. If we’re travelling, then we’re travelling. If we’re living next door to Stacey, then that’s where we’ll be.’ He kissed her hand then brushed a kiss across her lips. ‘I let you go once before and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I should have fought harder, I should have compromised more, I should have listened—really listened to what you were saying.’

  ‘Thank you, Fletch.’ She pressed her mouth to his, wanting to show him just how much she did appreciate his words. ‘Thank you for listening. It means a lot.’

  ‘And you forgive me? For the things I said all those years ago? I was…’ He closed his eyes. ‘I’m ashamed of what I said.’

  Molly touched the side of his face and he opened his eyes. ‘Of course I forgive you. It wasn’t an easy time for either of us.’

  He nodded but she could still see his pain. ‘Have you forgiven yourself?’

  Fletch shook his head. ‘It’s not important.’

  ‘Actually, it is. If we’re going to be able to move forward, we need to leave everything in the past.’ Even as she spoke the words it was as though she was telling herself the same thing.

  ‘You want a new beginning?’

  She shook her head. ‘I like the beginning we have but we need to…to…not be so harsh on ourselves. Let the angst and the pressure we had back then go. Forgive yourself for your behaviour because only then can we really bond.’ Her tone was earnest, her heart filling with a renewed sense of confidence.

  She kissed him again and this time he shifted closer, pulling her onto his lap. There was no way Molly was going to protest because she wanted to be with Fletcher as much as he wanted to be with her.

  ‘You mean a lot to me,’ he whispered some time later, his breathing as erratic as hers.

  ‘I’m sure you’ll show me just how much.’ She winked at him and he laughed.

  ‘Oh, I’ve missed you, Molly. No one understands me the way you do.’ He shifted around for a moment and she wondered if she was hurting him but he shook his head. ‘It’s fine.’ He paused, his expression growing serious once more. ‘Molly, if you want to travel—and I completely understand that—what would that mean with regards to children? Because I do want children and I want to have children with you.’ Fletcher reached for Katie bear and stroked the satin ribbon.

  Molly closed her eyes, knowing she needed to concentrate but finding it increasingly difficult with the love of her life so close. She was still delighting in the fact that she had every right in the world to touch him, to kiss him, to offer her love to him and not have it rejected. ‘In Newcastle, when you mentioned having a family…uh…I… There’s something I need to tell you.’

  ‘You don’t want children?’ His tone wasn’t critical or condescending, merely concerned.

  Molly opened her eyes and brushed a kiss over his mouth. ‘It’s not that I don’t want them, it’s just that…I’m…I’m really scared.’

  ‘Scared?’

  ‘What if what happened to Katie happens to the next baby, or the next?’ She spread her arms wide, her voice catching in her throat. ‘What if there’s something wrong between us and we…we can’t…I can’t carry a baby to full term?’

  ‘You’re scared of getting pregnant again?’

  Molly nodded, unable to completely voice her fears. ‘And I’m not getting any younger,’ she pointed out. ‘Which means, as far as conception and carrying a child, the risks become even greater. I don’t want to disappoint you or let you down again. I don’t want to let myself down again.’

  ‘You won’t. You can’t. We’re in this together, Molly, and I think you need to forgive yourself just as much as I need to forgive myself.’ He shook his head. ‘We were different people back then. We’ve had more life experience now, grown, changed.’ He brushed her hair back behind her ear, caressing her cheek with his fingers. ‘We do need to let go and I think we can help each other to do so.’ He kissed her softly. ‘What happened all those years ago, with our gorgeous little girl, the chances of it happening again are extremely slim.’

  ‘But—’ Molly sniffed a little, her eyes starting to brim with tears. ‘What if it does happen? I really am scared, Fletcher.’ Her lower lip began to wobble. ‘I don’t think I’m strong enough to go through all of that again. It broke my hear
t the first time and…and…’

  He pressed his lips to hers, wanting to reassure her, to encourage her and to make a promise.

  ‘Whatever happens,’ he whispered as he brushed a tear from her lashes with his thumb, ‘then we’ll face it. Together.’

  ‘You won’t leave me to cope alone?’

  ‘No. I was such a fool. I was selfish, inexperienced with life, even though I thought I knew everything. You had clearly bonded with Katie, feeling her kick inside you, listening to her heart beat at your check-up appointments. All I could think about was the job offers that were coming in and wanting you by my side so we could jump-start our life together.’

  ‘We were so young.’

  ‘Yes. It didn’t seem so at the time but, we were.’

  ‘I do want children, Fletch.’ She sniffed and nodded, blinking the threatening tears away. ‘I do. But at the moment—’

  ‘You want your career more,’ he stated. ‘You want to help, to make a difference, to save the world.’ He chuckled as he spoke, slipping his arms further around her, keeping her where she most needed to be—with him.

  ‘So long as I can save the world with you.’

  ‘It’s a date.’ He kissed her, then just sat there for a long moment, the two of them more content than they’d been in years.

  ‘Do you know, Stacey thinks you’re the missing piece to our family puzzle.’

  ‘Does she now? Isn’t that nice?’

  ‘You are. She’s definitely right there.’

  ‘I really enjoyed seeing everyone and meeting new people. I loved it.’

  ‘Me, too.’

  ‘Except for the last bit.’

  ‘I didn’t know how to tell you that I…I wasn’t sure about having children, that I was scared…well, terrified, really. I thought you might take back what you’d said, about not wanting to get divorced.’

  ‘No.’ He shook his head very slowly from side to side. ‘Whether we have children or not isn’t what this is about, Molly. It’s about you and I. It’s about the two of us being together—for ever.’