Her Forbidden Rockstar: A Forbidden Rockers Novel

by Sarah Robinson

  “You look so beautiful,” he said slowly, taking in every inch and curve of her face.

  She blushed at his comments and leaned on the door frame.

  “I heard. I happened to catch your show this morning,” Caroline said, slightly tensing her eyes and clenching her teeth.

  Logan breathed out loudly, groaning. He dipped his head backward, frustrated.

  “I was hoping you hadn’t seen that. Caroline, that was just television. Gina and I, we aren’t like that. We just, well, I don’t know what we are, honestly, but it’s not like that. I didn’t even know she was going to say any of that and I certainly never told her anything like that. My feelings are still the same, they haven’t changed.” He took a step closer to her, closing the gap between them.

  “Here, this is for you. I don’t know if you will even like it, so you can throw it out if you want. I just wanted you to have it.” He handed her the wrapped up painting.

  She took it silently and pulled off the brown wrapping paper, tossing it into the kitchen behind her. As she tossed it, she saw Aralia and Jackie poking their heads around the corner. She gave them a sharp look and they grinned, ducking away.

  She lifted the painting up, so that she could look at it and instantly smiled. She knew it was her, she had seen herself in his paintings before. Her heart felt like it was swelling in her chest she loved it and felt like he understood her in the way that he captured her.

  They spoke the same silent language, sharing something neither one of them could describe. She leaned it up against the wall and turned back to look at him, still standing in her doorway.

  “Caroline.” He leaned toward her and put his hands on her hips. He began to pull her to him, but she put her arms up between them and leaned away, stopping him.

  “What happened Tuesday morning? Why didn’t you say goodbye?” she asked firmly, holding her jaw tight again.

  “I didn’t know what to say. I’ve never been good at sharing so much of myself with someone like I did with you.” His head was tilted down and to the side slightly, looking at her.

  She nodded her head, but didn’t say anything. She didn’t like his answer, but she liked him. She liked the feeling of his arms around her and the beautiful gift that was his heart painted out for her.

  He leaned closer to her and kissed her gently on the tip of her nose.

  “I messed up, Caroline. Can you forgive me? I don’t want to go on this tour and be so far apart thinking you are mad at me.” He paused for a moment, looking at her, then reached out and pushed a piece of hair off her face, tucking it behind her ear.

  “You looked so beautiful and peaceful when you were sleeping,” he recalled, a huskiness to his voice.

  “I’m not mad, just hurt. Plus, what about Gina?” She blushed at his compliment, letting the defensiveness slip out of her body, as she allowed him to pull her closer to him.

  “Gina knows that we are romantically over. We talked about it tonight, kind of. It’s just a business relationship. There hasn’t been anything real there in a long time,” Logan repeated, dipping down and kissing Caroline softly on her neck.

  She felt his arms tighten around her back. She let the door close behind them, so that they were out in the hallway and away from her friend’s prying eyes.

  Her knees weaken at the sensation of his beard’s stubble scratching her skin. He slipped a little lower and kissed her collar bone, while her hands grabbed onto his sides, trying to secure herself so she wouldn’t fall. His arms supported her, lifting her slightly, since her knees were wobbling as his lips brushed against her skin.

  Caroline knew her mind was becoming cloudy, but she couldn’t let go of what he had said. Gina was still in his life. She was still his girlfriend. Logan didn’t say he was leaving her.

  She finally pushed him away and balanced herself against the closed door. She kept her hand flat against his chest, keeping him away from her, while she caught her breath and straightened up. Logan looked at her quizzically, unsure of why she was barricading herself suddenly.

  “Logan, no. You are in a relationship. I am not that girl. I can't do this,” Caroline said, opening the door behind her.

  “Caroline, don’t go. You don’t understand, I can’t break up with her officially. She manages my entire career and she has given up so much for me and my family. But there is no romance there, I swear to you. I told her about you, she knows that she and I are over,” Logan said taking a step toward the door, but she hopped behind it, starting to close it.

  “Logan, I said no. We can’t do this.” Caroline slammed the door shut and quickly locked it.

  She leaned her back against the door and let out a deep breath, closing her eyes. Her head was swimming and she felt like she was walking on a fluffy cloud that had suddenly turned into a thunderstorm. She had to have the door between them or she wouldn’t have been able to control herself. His defined jaw, firm chest, bulging biceps... it was too much to hold back from.

  She didn’t want to leave things this way. He would be gone officially for six months. That was plenty of time to separate and end whatever was going on between them. Why did she have to give up tonight, too? Caroline quickly turned around and swung the front door open, but there was no sign of Logan. She poked her head out and saw the elevator doors at the end of the hall closing.

  Crap! Caroline thought as she realized, she might have just missed him. She quickly rushed down the hall and pressed the elevator button, hoping to get the doors to open again. Luckily, the elevator had not started moving yet so the doors slowly reopened. Logan was leaning against the back wall of the elevator with his hands in his pockets and his ankles crossed. He was looking down, a dejected and sad look on his face. When the doors opened, he glanced up to see Caroline standing there.

  “Caroline?” he wondered what was going on.

  “Don’t talk. This isn’t happening,” she said, taking a few steps toward him.

  She straddled his legs and pressed up against his body, her hips firmly against his. Her hands landed on his chest as she looked deep into his eyes. He didn’t say anything, but grabbed her hips. She leaned forward and their lips met, intertwining into a deep kiss.

  Her arms slipped up and wrapped around his neck, while his arms wrapped tighter around her waist. He stood up straight to pull her closer to him. She let him hold her, as she relaxed in his embrace. Their kiss became deeper, Caroline felt like she getting lost and she was surprisingly okay with that.

  She cared for Logan so much and she knew it couldn’t work out, but she just needed it to for right now. She needed him and she needed them. His hand slipped up into her hair and he turned the both of them around, pressing her up against the wall of the elevator. He leaned into her, pinning her against the wall and kissing her deeper.

  Caroline felt her breath become ragged and knew she needed to make a decision. Slowly, she pushed him away from her and the two broke their kiss. They were just quiet for a moment, looking at one another and trying to get control of their breathing.

  Finally, Caroline moved out from between him and the wall and hit the door open button. He turned back around to look at her as she stepped toward the doors. When they opened, Caroline stepped across the threshold into the hallway. Logan reached out and grabbed her arm.

  “Caroline,” Logan said, as she turned her head back to look at him.

  “I love you, Caroline.” He squeezed her arm gently and then let go. She turned around and softly touched the side of his face with her hand, smiling at him.

  “I know you do, Logan, but not enough” She leaned in and gently kissed him on the lips then left the elevator, walking back down the hallway. She forced herself to take each step and not look back, even though it was taking all her willpower to not run back to him and tell him how much she loved him, too.

  Logan watched her walk away and the elevator doors closed between them.

  ღ ~ ღ ~ ღ

  “What happened?” Jackie asked, both girls lea
ned forward to hear the details as Caroline walked back into her living room slowly.

  “He has a girlfriend and has no plans of breaking up with her. So, obviously, nothing can happen with him. Oh, plus he is leaving for six months to go on tour,” Caroline said, trying to act nonchalant, like she was just spitting out boring facts.

  Aralia hit the pause button on the remote control for the movie, so that she could hear Caroline better. Caroline plopped down in a big padded chair across from the couch that the girls were sitting on.

  “Caroline, are you going to be okay?” Aralia questioned, gently.

  “Oh yeah, guys, don’t worry about me. It’s not a big deal. Let’s just watch the movie.” Caroline waved her hand to gesture that she was okay.

  She leaned back in her chair and took a deep breath. She was trying to hold it together, but a wave of emotion suddenly caught her off guard and she burst into tears. Aralia and Jackie got up off the couch and went over to her, putting their hands on her shoulders, hoping to comfort her.

  “It’s his loss. You don’t need him. You can do so much better than him, and he is stuck with that Gina Vile, who is so beneath you. I mean, seriously, who has a name like Gina Vile? Even her name describes what a bitch she is,” Jackie said, rubbing her shoulder.

  “Plus, from the looks of your mussed up hair and your crooked shirt, it looks like you gave him a taste of the goods, then yanked it away. That will really make him suffer!” Aralia joked.

  Caroline smiled a little, chuckling. She knew her girls were just trying to make her feel better, and she was okay with that. She was so glad to have them, especially tonight. She felt stupid for falling so hard in just a little over one week for a rock star. A rock star, for goodness sakes. Who did she think she was that she was going to fall in love with a rock star? Better yet, a rock star with a girlfriend.

  Caroline knew she had to forget him and move on, this was a silly fling and that was all. At least ,that is what she would keep telling herself.

  “Girls, let's just watch the movie. Forget about him.” Caroline got up and walked over to the couch, sitting down in the middle.

  Aralia joined her on the couch and hit the play button. Jackie walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge, opened it, and brought it into the living room to refill everyone’s glasses. She filled Caroline’s with extra, almost to the brim.

  “Whoa, whoa. I think that is enough, Jackie.” Caroline laughed and grabbed her glass, sipping the wine, before it spilled over the edge.

  “Come on, take a few gulps. This is a perfectly justifiable occasion to have a little extra wine.” Jackie smiled and placed the bottle on the coffee table, before joining her friends on the couch.

  The three girls finished the movie together and then parted ways. Aralia and Jackie headed home and Caroline threw on some sweat pants and a t-shirt to get ready for bed. She brushed her teeth and tidied up the apartment, then grabbed a book to read for a few minutes. She knew that she needed something to distract her while she fell asleep, or her mind could wander back to places that she didn’t want it to go.

  She saw Logan’s t-shirt in her closet and couldn’t help herself, she grabbed it and stuffed it underneath her pillow. She got into bed and pulled the covers up tightly to her chest and flipped open the book to begin reading until she finally drifted off to sleep on her own.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Logan laid down in bed that night and stared at the ceiling. He was overwhelmed, thinking about Caroline. Her last words kept repeating in his head. He had just told her that he was in love with her, and she said it wasn’t enough.

  No, that’s not what she said, she said he didn’t love her enough. He felt the sting of her words over and over again, but a part of him couldn’t stop wondering if she was right. After all, he was leaving for six months on a trip with another woman. Even if Gina wasn’t in the picture, he was still leaving on tour. What did he think was going to happen? She wasn’t going to go with him on tour, he could never expect that. Logan sighed and shook his head, closing his eyes to try to get some sleep and push all of his conflicting thoughts and feelings away.

  An hour or so later, Gina came home and crawled into bed next to him. She laid down, not touching him, and yawned. Logan woke up slightly, due to her disturbing the bed and glanced at her.

  “When I get back from tour, I’m moving out,” Logan told her.

  “Not if you want to keep your career. I’m not having this conversation again, Logan. You know you can’t afford to lose me,” Gina said quietly, rubbing moisturizer into her palms and placing a sleeping mask over her eyes.

  “Gina, you knew this was coming. If you still want to work as my manager, that’s fine. You are great at that. But I think everything else between us needs to be severed,” Logan said, laying his arm behind his head to rest on.

  “That’s not really up to you, not if you want to be the famous rock star Logan Clay. You’re a brand that I created and I can just as easily end,” Gina threatened him in a deceptively sweet tone.

  “Gina,” he started.

  “You know what I gave up for you, for your family. I gave up a part of myself for you, to help your mother, your family. Everything I’ve ever done was for you,” she began the guilt trip he had already steeled himself for. This was always her last resort, and he knew she’d take it there.

  “Goodnight, Gina.” He ignored her threats.

  She didn’t say anything, but rolled away from him and pulled the covers up over her shoulders. The two had their backs facing each other. The inches between them might as well have been an icy chasm.

  ღ ~ ღ ~ ღ

  “Aralia, I really don’t see how this could end up being a good idea,” Caroline said, smoothing her hair as she and Aralia and Jackie walked into the restaurant.

  It had been a few weeks since Logan had left on tour and Caroline had barely been leaving the house except for work. She caught herself reading about him on celebrity gossip websites way too often and had cried herself to sleep more than once holding his t-shirt.

  She knew it seemed pathetic and that it had been her choice, but she had really loved him. Even she couldn’t believe it when she came to that realization, she had fallen head over heels uncontrollably in love with Logan Clay.

  Now he was halfway around the world, touring in Europe with Gina. She knew that whatever opportunity had once been there, was dead and gone. She couldn’t help but miss the fantasy of what could have been, of what they could have had, if circumstances were different.

  Timing just wasn’t on their side and Logan didn’t know what he really wanted, or maybe he just didn’t know how to fight for what he really wanted.

  She went back and forth between tearful and angry when thinking about Logan, because she missed him desperately. Despite that, she was so angry that he hadn’t just left Gina. to be with her.

  In the back of her head, she knew that he was being practical in terms of his career, but she was a romantic at heart. She wanted the whole overly dramatic, run through an airport screaming her name kind of love. She wanted to know that he would fight for and give up everything for her. She knew these were immature thoughts, but her heart ached every time his smile crossed her mind.

  “Oh, calm down. What’s the phrase about breakups? In order to get over one guy-“ Aralia started, interrupting Caroline’s wandering thoughts of self-pity.

  “-you need to get under another one!” Jackie laughed, finishing her sentence. Caroline smiled at her friends and followed them further into the bar.

  There was a big sign over a table to one side where her friends were already filling out paperwork. Somehow, they had talked her into speed dating and so now all three girls were dressed to the nines and ready to impress.

  Caroline followed them and began putting her information on a card that one of the workers at the table handed her. She completed it and returned it, then followed her friends over to the roped off area of the restaurant that was goi
ng to be used for the event.

  “Ladies and gentleman, if I could get your attention for a few minutes! Ladies, please pick a seat at any of the two-seat tables throughout the section, any table you want, but only one lady to a table. Gentleman, please come up here and pick a ticket from the bowl.

  Whatever number is on your ticket is the table that you will start at. Once everyone is seated, the timer will begin and everyone will have three minutes with their speed date. You all have cards on the tables in front of you and everyone has nametags on, so if you want to make a second connection with someone, make sure to note their name on your card! At the end of the night, you will get the contact information for anyone you wrote down who also picked you.

  Contact information will only be given to those who both picked each other, so if someone isn’t on there that you had wanted to see, that means they didn’t pick you. But with this large group and all these gorgeous ladies and gentleman, I bet you are all going to have a great time and make some matches to last! So, everyone grab a drink and get seated, we will be starting soon!” The host announced on a small stage to one side of the room, raising a glass in the air to toast the start of the night.

  Aralia looked at Jackie and Caroline, smiling eagerly and clasping her hands together in excitement. They quickly headed over to the bar and ordered some drinks. Caroline ordered a double vodka cranberry. If she was about to go on a dozen blind dates, she was going to need an extra bit of liquid courage. She took a quick few gulps to quell her nerves, then followed her friends over to the tables.

  The three girls picked three tables next to each other, so they were only a few feet apart. No more than thirty seconds later, the host announced that the event was starting and a bell sounded. Caroline took a few more sips of her drink, then quickly put it down as a tall man approached her table and pulled out the chair opposite her. She smiled at him.