Fear of Love

by Carole Mortimer

  Alexandra still sat in the chair, dazed with reaction. This couldn’t be happening, things like this didn’t happen to real people. At least, not to her. But they did happen to people like Dominic! She didn’t know if she would be able to accept it. But first he had to get out of the mess he was in! She couldn’t bear it if anything happened to him.

  She was jolted out of her stupor by the arrival of Trevor. He came quietly into the room, moving forward to switch off the television. He looked down at her for several minutes.

  Tears filled her eyes, her face crumpling. ‘Oh, Trevor, what are we going to do!’

  He took her into his arms. ‘There’s nothing we can do but wait. I had no idea they were going to give that information out on the television or I would have tried to warn you.’

  Alexandra pulled back, her eyes wide. ‘You mean you knew? You knew Dominic was in danger?’ Her disbelief was obvious.

  Trevor moved away impatiently. ‘The studio called me late this afternoon,’ he confirmed.

  Two angry spots appeared on her otherwise pale cheeks. ‘Then why didn’t you say so? You had no right to keep something like that to yourself!’

  ‘I had every right!’ he snapped tautly. ‘I have a wife in hospital who would only need a shock like this to start having the baby three weeks early, and I also have a sister-in-law who imagines herself in love with my brother. What was I supposed to do,’ he continued, ‘tell you and hope you wouldn’t tell Gail about it? I know you, Alexandra, you can’t keep anything from Gail. And I will not have her worried! You understand?’

  ‘I understand,’ she accepted quietly, feeling suitably chastened. Unlike Dominic, Trevor was an even-tempered, easygoing sort of man, and it took a lot to make him angry. She had managed to do it quite easily, so she knew how deeply affected he was by his brother’s disappearance. ‘I’m sorry, Trevor, I wasn’t thinking. I should have realised how you would feel, not just thought of myself.’

  ‘It’s all right, Alexandra,’ he sighed. ‘I realise that at the moment your feelings are too deeply involved for you to be able to see things clearly, but I did what I thought was best. I didn’t think either you or Gail knowing would benefit anyone. They should have warned me the news was going to be announced after the programme. Thank God Gail doesn’t have a television in her room.’

  ‘But what did they say when they called you? What’s going to happen?’

  Trevor shrugged wearily. ‘Exactly what they told you. Money has been asked for and it’s being considered.’

  ‘Being considered!’ she repeated angrily. ‘What is there to consider? Dominic is in trouble, it’s their duty to help him.’

  He shook his head. ‘Not really. He knows the risks involved every time he goes on one of these jobs.’

  ‘But they—they can’t just leave him there,’ she choked, her voice breaking emotionally.

  ‘They don’t intend to. They’re doing all they can.’

  ‘Yes, but—’

  ‘Stop it, Alexandra,’ he said wearily. ‘Everything that can be done is being done. They said they’d call me if they heard anything else and so far I’ve heard nothing. There’s been no telephone calls for me here?’

  ‘None.’

  Then they can’t have heard anything.’

  Alexandra ran her hands down her levi-clad legs. ‘Dominic was here last night.’

  Trevor looked at her sharply. ‘Last night?’

  She took a deep breath. ‘Yes. He—he had some papers to pick up before he left.’

  ‘Was that all?’ he asked shrewdly.

  ‘Yes. No! I—I don’t know.’ She licked her lips. ‘Everything between us is confused.’

  ‘But there is something between you?’

  ‘I think so. I hope so.’

  ‘Something else you’ll have to keep from Gail.’ Trevor smiled. ‘That might be as much of a shock to her as his being taken hostage. We’ve both got used to you hating the sight of him.’

  ‘I’ve changed my mind,’ she explained.

  ‘Drastically, by the look of things,’ he said dryly. ‘And rather suddenly too. If—when Dominic gets back, give yourself time to see if these feelings are genuine or just an infatuation.’

  ‘You said if Dominic gets back,’ she looked at him worriedly. ‘Do you have any doubts about it?’

  ‘Of course not, why should I? We’ll hear from the studio tomorrow, you’ll see.’

  But they didn’t, and by late afternoon Alexandra was almost a nervous wreck. She decided to telephone the studio herself, only to be told that they weren’t giving any information about Dominic Tempest and his team.

  ‘But I’m his sister-in-law,’ she insisted desperately.

  The telephonist sighed. ‘You must be the twentieth one today.’

  ‘But I really am,’ Alexandra said shrilly.

  ‘That’s what they all said.’

  ‘My sister Gail is married to Dominic’s brother Trevor.’

  ‘Well, you have all the names right,’ the girl said tolerably, ‘so you must be quite a fan, but I’m afraid I still can’t tell you anything,’ and she put the phone down.

  Trevor had found out little more when he came home, only that negotiations were going ahead. They didn’t know when and they didn’t know where the exchange would be made, and that was all they would tell him.

  The hardest thing was trying to keep it from Gail, trying to keep up a happy front and pretend that Dominic was just on a routine trip abroad. This proved difficult while Gail was in hospital, but when she was allowed home on the Saturday, with no news of Dominic, the situation became impossible.

  Television and radio were banned completely, except when out of sight and earshot of Gail, and it was always a fight between Alexandra and Trevor to see who could get to the telephone first. Luckily Gail put their strange behaviour down to the fact that she had been told to rest and they didn’t want her disturbed.

  She did notice Alexandra’s wan appearance and the dark circles under her eyes, but she put this down to her argument with Roger. It had been necessary to tell Gail of her parting from Roger, although she hadn’t gone too deeply into the reasons and she hadn’t explained that it was a permanent thing. But Roger was far from being the reason she couldn’t eat or sleep; worry over Dominic was doing that.

  It was almost a week after that fateful television programme that they heard any news. Dominic and his team were safe, and would be flown home some time during the next two days. As far as anyone knew they had not been hurt in any way.

  ‘I’m going up to London to wait for him,’ Alexandra told Trevor when he related the news to her.

  ‘That isn’t possible, Alexandra,’ he said instantly. ‘It could be any time during the next couple of days, and you still have Gail to care for. Besides, he’ll probably be surrounded by the press for hours after he gets back, plenty of time for you to drive up to London if he wants you to.’

  ‘If he wants me to …’ she repeated dully. ‘Do you think he may not?’

  He shrugged, sighing deeply. ‘There’s always that possibility.’

  ‘But he—’ She stopped, remembering the way Dominic had snapped when she had told him she loved him, and the way he had made it plain to her that he had never mentioned loving her. ‘All right,’ she agreed grudgingly. ‘I’ll stay here until I know what he wants.’

  And so it was that she had to witness Dominic’s arrival back into the country on a news bulletin at ten-thirty at night, a long time after Gail had fallen asleep. Dominic looked just as vital and attractive as ever, much more sun-tanned and very tired, but at least he was alive.

  Alexandra feasted her eyes on him as he got off the plane and walked purposefully across the tarmac, watching the easy arrogance with which he carried himself, almost as if he had just returned from a holiday.

  But the photographers crowding around him as he entered the airport lounge were proof that this wasn’t the case, although Dominic shunned all their questions, avidly searching the
crowd as if for someone special.

  Alexandra gasped as she saw the someone special run into his arms. Sabrina Gilbert! And she was being thoroughly kissed by Dominic!

  CHAPTER SIX

  ALEXANDRA waited two days for some word from Dominic, two days during which she became more agitated than ever. Why didn’t he come home, call her, anything?

  Finally she gave up any idea of him remembering the night he had flown out of the country, any idea of her love meaning anything to him. He was probably much too involved with the lovely Sabrina Gilbert to give what he called her ‘infatuation’ another thought.

  But she had seemed to mean something to him that night, had felt his reaction to the closeness of her body, known that he desired her, and she hadn’t been afraid of that feeling.

  He had telephoned Trevor, she knew that, had even spoken to Gail, but she had heard nothing from him herself. And so when John telephoned her and asked her to go out with him on Thursday evening she felt no hesitation about accepting. Besides, she needed to get out of the house for a while, and Trevor was at home tonight.

  John called for her at the house, driving her over to the pub they had decided to go to. ‘I’m very sorry about the other night,’ he said sheepishly. ‘I guess I overstepped the line. I was very insulting.’

  She smiled. ‘It doesn’t matter. I think we’d all had too much to drink.’ Especially her, if the way she had acted with Dominic was anything to go by.

  ‘Maybe I had, but that didn’t give me the right to be rude. I see Mr Tempest got back.’ He took a sip of his beer.

  ‘Yes,’ Alexandra said abruptly, sipping the lemonade and lime she had opted for.

  ‘A worrying time for you all,’ he continued thoughtfully.

  ‘For Trevor,’ she acknowledged, glancing about them disinterestedly. ‘I’ve never been here before, it’s quite nice.’

  ‘Not bad,’ he agreed tersely. ‘But weren’t you worried about him? I thought you and he—’

  ‘No!’ she snapped. ‘I told you there was nothing in what Roger had said. Would I be here with you now if there was anything between Dominic and myself?’

  ‘I suppose not.’ He grinned. ‘And you and Roger are definitely finished?’

  ‘Definitely. Do you have to look so happy about it?’ she demanded crossly.

  ‘Why not? It leaves the way clear for me.’

  She laughed at his honesty. ‘I suppose I ought to feel complimented.’

  John moved along the bench seat to sit closer to her. ‘Of course you did. Aren’t I every young girl’s dream, tall, dark and handsome?’

  ‘Well … you pass on two of those,’ she teased.

  ‘I won’t ask which two,’ he sighed. ‘I can guess.’ His attention became fixed on something behind her. ‘Don’t look now, but your boy-friend has just come in.’

  Dominic! But of course it wasn’t, he was still in London. Then it had to be Roger. ‘He isn’t my boy-friend any more,’ she deliberately kept her back turned.

  ‘Perhaps that’s as well, he’s with Janey again. You might as well know they’ve been together a lot this last week.’

  ‘Roger is at liberty to see who he wants. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest.’ And it didn’t, which just proved how deeply her feelings had been involved. Nothing could equal the pain of seeing Dominic kissing that woman.

  John pursed his lips. ‘I hope not, because they’re coming over.’

  Alexander met the insolence in Roger’s eyes and the challenge in Janey’s both with equal coolness, unaffected by the sight of Roger’s arm about his new girl-friend’s shoulders. She hadn’t felt any emotion at all the last couple of days, just a numb feeling that wouldn’t seem to go.

  ‘Do you mind if we join you?’ Roger asked curtly.

  John looked sharply at Alexandra and then back to the standing couple. ‘Please yourselves.’

  Janey sat down next to Alexandra and Roger had perforce to take the seat next to John. Janey smiled at her. ‘Roger and I have just been to the cinema,’ she announced triumphantly.

  ‘Good film?’ Alexandra asked politely, refusing to be drawn by the other girl.

  ‘Very.’ Janey put her hand on Roger’s arm in a possessive gesture before looking back at Alexandra. ‘You weren’t at the party on Saturday.’

  ‘No. My sister came out of hospital on that day. I’ve been taking care of her.’

  ‘Gail’s home?’ Roger spoke to her for the first time.

  ‘Yes,’ she answered softly.

  ‘Is everything all right now?’

  She smiled at him, wishing with all her heart that she could forget Dominic and feel the jealousy she should at Roger being with another girl. ‘As long as she rests.’

  ‘I don’t suppose Tempest’s disappearance helped.’ He couldn’t keep the sneer out of his voice, evidence of his bitterness.

  ‘Gail wasn’t told until we knew he was all right,’ she said stiffly.

  Janey frowned. ‘I gather you mean Dominic Tempest? It would have been interesting to see tonight’s programme.’

  ‘Tonight’s?’ Alexandra echoed sharply.

  ‘Mm,’ Janey sipped her lager. ‘It was to be a follow-up to last week’s programme, all about being taken hostage and everything.’

  Alexandra was very pale. ‘I didn’t know that.’

  Janey’s eyes were mischievously malicious. ‘I’m surprised he didn’t tell you. After all, Roger says he’s your—

  ‘Janey!’ Roger squeezed her arm painfully. ‘That’s enough!’ he snapped.

  She looked at him defiantly. ‘But you did say—’

  Alexandra stood up noisily. ‘Excuse me, I—I have a headache.’ She gave a vague smile in their direction before running across the room.

  Dominic had been on television this evening and she had missed him. She hadn’t for one moment imagined he would carry on and do a programme after what he had been through the past week. She should have known better, should have realised that his job was the most important thing to him.

  Roger caught up with her at the door, swinging her round to face him. ‘I’m sorry about that, Alexandra. Believe me when I say I wouldn’t like to cause you any more pain—you look as if you’ve suffered enough already.’

  She smiled wanly. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Loving someone who doesn’t love you can be a hard thing to bear,’ he added softly. ‘I should know.’

  She looked deeply into his clouded brown eyes and touched his hand briefly. ‘I’m sorry, Roger,’ she bit her lip. ‘I’ve made a mess of everything.’

  ‘It doesn’t have to be this way,’ he said almost eagerly. ‘I would take you back now if you just said the word.’

  And she would have loved to be able to say that word, but there would be no point to it. She had grown out of her girlish love for Roger and into the painful love of a woman for a man she couldn’t have.

  John came to her side. ‘Are you ready to leave now, Alexandra?’

  Roger looked at her pleadingly. ‘Alexandra?’

  She sighed. ‘I’m sorry, Roger, I really am. And yes, I’m ready to go home, John.’ She touched Roger’s arm. ‘Goodnight,’ she said softly.

  ‘Goodnight,’ he echoed dully.

  ‘Janey’s a bitch,’ said John once they were on their way back to her home. ‘She was being deliberately provocative.’

  Alexandra smiled in the darkness. ‘She was fighting for the man she wants.’

  ‘I think she lost that round,’ he said grimly. ‘Roger was furious with her for baiting you like that.’

  ‘Janey obviously lives by the rule that all’s fair in love and war.’

  ‘Mm, well, I think she now knows that Roger still loves you, so her tactics didn’t pay off.’

  ‘Rubbish,’ she told him primly. ‘Roger and I are finished, he knows that.’

  He gave a short laugh. ‘It doesn’t stop him loving you.’

  Her hands moved jerkily. ‘I don’t want to talk about it any more.’ She
saw they were fast approaching her home. ‘Thank you for taking me out this evening. I’ve—’

  ‘Don’t say you’ve enjoyed yourself!’ he interrupted abruptly. ‘We both know you haven’t. I should have taken you somewhere out of the area, somewhere where we wouldn’t be likely to run into Roger.’

  It hadn’t been Roger who had ruined her evening, it had been the talk of Dominic. Seeing him on the television might have been seeing him second-hand, but at least it would have been seeing him.

  ‘It isn’t important, John,’ she told him gently. ‘I—’

  She broke off as she saw the car parked in the driveway. Dominic’s car! Dominic was here visiting Trevor and Gail. He must have driven here straight after the broadcasting of his programme—and she had almost missed him!

  She could hardly wait for the car to stop before opening the door and beginning to scramble out. ‘Thank you, John,’ she said hurriedly. ‘I’ll see you again soon.’

  ‘When?’ He too got out of the car.

  She was impatient to be gone. ‘I—I’m not sure. I—Why don’t you call me?’

  ‘Does that car happen to belong to Dominic Tempest?’ he asked shrewdly.

  ‘Yes.’ She could see no point in prevaricating.

  ‘Okay,’ he sighed, ‘I’ll call you.’

  Alexandra let herself into the house, throwing her jacket and handbag on to the hall table before entering the lounge where a murmur of voices could be heard. Her eyes went straight to Dominic as he sat sprawled in one of the armchairs, feasting her eyes on him.

  The television of his arrival back into this country had been slightly deceptive about his condition. He looked very, very tired and he had lost about a stone in weight, in fact he didn’t look at all well. Alexandra’s heart went out to him, but the coolness of his steely grey eyes did not encourage her in any way.

  Gail lay on the sofa, obviously carried there by her husband on this special occasion of Dominic’s visit. ‘Did you have a nice evening?’ she asked her young sister.

  Alexandra couldn’t take her eyes off Dominic, although if anything his expression was even more remote. ‘Yes, thank you,’ she answered breathlessly, her mind not really on what was being said.