Lost for Words

by Andrea Bramhall

“Everything okay?” Sasha asked.

  “Yeah, yeah. Fine.” Jac’s voice was anything but convincing, and Sasha found herself even more annoyed. If that’s how it’s going to be then, Jac. That’s just fine.

  When Jac finally called an end to the day’s rehearsal, Sasha jumped out of her seat and was out of the door before anyone could say anything to her. She walked quickly to the office Sophie had allotted her and slammed the door behind her. She needed to get her notes compiled and then she was out of here.

  Sasha opened her laptop and set to work, pecking at the keys, and let the clatter of them soothe the anger that bubbled in her. Why couldn’t Jac just say what was bothering her? Or at least that she didn’t want to talk about it? Why lie and say she was okay? And why the hell was it bothering her so much? Jac was old enough to deal with her problems and frustrations on her own. She’d been doing it for some time, by all accounts. Sasha needed to stop stewing about it and just get on with her own shit.

  She hadn’t turned on the light to her office when she’d entered. The laptop screen and backlight keyboard were more than sufficient for her to get done what she needed. As a result, her darkened office gave her the perfect place to hide away while everyone passed by the glass wall, ignoring her seemingly empty office and continuing their business.

  Jac was one of them. With Vanessa close behind her. Well, at one point she was, then she was practically climbing on her back, then grabbing her arm, her waist, anything she seemed able to get hold of. Jac was moving her arms quickly in a valiant effort to protect soft targets and grasp hold of the offending tentacle-like limbs. She couldn’t hear what was said, but the look on Jac’s face wasn’t overly happy. Octo-Nessa’s back was to Sasha, so she had no chance of knowing what was going through her mind. Well, other than the obvious.

  Before she had time to think, Sasha was on her feet and opening the door. “Jac, we need to go over… Oh, sorry, Vanessa, I didn’t see you there for a moment.”

  Vanessa stood up straighter and looked Sasha up and down before clearly dismissing her. She slid her hand up Jac’s arm and curled it over her shoulder. Jac slinked away from her touch and towards Sasha’s office.

  “Sorry, Vanessa, Sasha and I have work to do. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jac pushed Sasha gently back inside the office and closed the door behind her. “Thanks for the rescue,” she said quietly.

  “Welcome,” Sasha whispered, her anger and frustration having melted when she’d seen Jac being pawed. “I wasn’t sure if Octo-Nessa’s tentacles had suckers to them, but I thought an interruption might give you the chance to escape.”

  “Octo-Nessa?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Fitting.”

  “It was that or something to do with fungus because of the way she clings… I’m rambling now. Sorry. I’ll be quiet.”

  Jac chuckled. “I think Octo-Nessa was for the best, then.”

  “Yeah.” Sasha decided to take one last stab at getting Jac to open up to her. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been distracted all afternoon. I know we don’t know each other all that well, but if something’s wrong, I hope you know you can talk to me. I’d like to think we’re friends and that you know I’ll help if I can.”

  “I do know. And yes, I was distracted, but I am okay. I promise. I was just trying to figure out the best way to do something I’ve never done before.”

  “Oh, what’s that? Something with the film?”

  “No, not at all. Sasha, would you go on a date with me? I’ve been invited to the opening night of Peter Pan at the Opera House on Friday. I was hoping, well, I wondered if you’d accompany me?”

  This is what had been distracting her all afternoon?

  “A date?”

  Jac nodded, face tilted towards the floor as she gazed at Sasha from underneath the fringe that hung over one eye. Sasha didn’t even think. She brushed it back from her face, running her fingers through the soft strands and smiling gently into Jac’s grey eyes.

  “Yes, you, me, Peter, maybe dinner before.”

  “I’d love to.”

  Jac’s grin was so wide Sasha was sure her cheeks must ache, but it didn’t stop Jac taking hold of her hand, bringing it to her lips, and kissing it.

  “Excellent.”

  Sasha swayed towards Jac, waiting for her to lean forwards and kiss her. God, how she wanted Jac to kiss her. Instead, Jac stepped back towards the door.

  “I can’t wait.” Then Jac was out of the door and Sasha was left standing in the middle of her office, panting. Smiling. And contemplating her date with Jac Kensington in four days’ time.

  “A date.” She touched the back of her hand, where it felt as though the imprint of Jac’s lips were seared into her flesh. Sexy, hot Jac Kensington. “I need to go shopping.” She grabbed her phone and hit Connect. “Bobbi, I need a shopping buddy.”

  “IKEA again?”

  “Nope. Jac just asked me out on a date. I need something to wear to the theatre and maybe dinner too.”

  Bobbi was quiet for a few seconds, then she cleared her throat and said, “Cool beans. What’re you going to see?”

  “Peter Pan.”

  Bobbi laughed. “Sounds fitting.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Sasha asked, a frown creasing her brow.

  “Nothing,” Bobbi said quickly. Too quickly. “Nothing at all. I guess we can go shopping on Saturday. Makes sense if you’re staying at mine Friday night after the party.”

  “Party?”

  “Yeah. We talked about it earlier, remember? Party at mine. Friday night. Asking the crew to come. You crashing at mine. Ring a bell?”

  “Erm…yeah, yeah, it does now.” Sasha smacked her palm against her forehead. Shit. I totally forgot about that.

  “No need to sound so enthusiastic about it, Sash. I mean, I’m only your best friend. Throwing an epic party for the new crew.”

  This was not going to go over well. But Jac had tickets for the show. Opening night. Bobbi only mentioned this party idea a few hours ago. How much planning could she have already done for this impromptu get-together? “Yeah, listen, Bobbi, about that—”

  “Oh no, I know that tone of voice.”

  “What tone of voice?”

  “That one that says you’re not coming to my epic party.”

  Sasha groaned. “I’m sorry, but the tickets Jac has are for Friday night. It’s the opening performance.”

  “You’re ditching me,” Bobbi yelled incredulously.

  “No, I’m not ditching you.”

  “Yes, you are. We had plans, now fancy knickers comes along, makes you a better offer, and you’re dropping me like a fucking rock.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “I don’t fucking believe this.”

  Bobbi, don’t be like this. “Can’t we do the party Saturday night instead?”

  “I already spoke to all the crew and my housemates. Everyone knows it’s Friday night.”

  Fuck. “Okay, but we’ve still got a few days to speak to everyone and let them know about a change in plans. I’ll talk to everyone tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, don’t worry about it. I think…I think I’ll just stick with the plans I’ve already made.”

  “Bobbi, please—”

  “No, you know what, Sasha? No. Just no. I’ve had enough. Since you started this new job, you never have time for me anymore. We work in the same fucking room, and we never talk. Production assistant isn’t as fancy a title as director or producer, but you know what? I thought that kind of shit didn’t matter to you. I thought you were better than that.”

  “You know that’s not—”

  “I’m not finished.”

  Sasha was shocked to silence at the venom in Bobbi’s voice. She’d never heard Bobbi so upset, so angry. So she waited.

  “I’ve been ther
e for you every time you needed me. For years. When Pam ditched you, I was there for you. When your mum was ill, I was there for you. When you needed someone to talk to, to make you laugh, to hold you when you cried, it was always me. I was the one who was there for you. Now you’ve got your fancy new job and your fancy new friends, and I’m not good enough for you. I’m the one who gets kicked to the kerb.”

  “It’s not like that, Bobbi. I’m sorry I’ve been busy with work. This is a huge opportunity for me. An opportunity that you gave me. And I’m sorry we haven’t had as much time to spend together as we normally do, but this is all so different. And we’re doing it together. Like you said, you’re here with me every day, you’re a part of the project too.”

  “I’m a glorified fucking tea boy!”

  “That’s not true—”

  “No, you’re right, it isn’t. But that doesn’t change anything else. I was there for you, Sasha, but that’s not enough for you, is it? You have a good night with Jac and your kiddie play.” Bobbi disconnected the call.

  “Damn it.” Sasha hit the Redial button, but the call went straight to voicemail. “Come on, Bobbi. Answer the damn phone.” She hit Redial again. Then again. Bobbi didn’t answer. Sasha was stuck. She didn’t want to cancel the plans with Jac. It was opening night of Peter Pan. A first date with Jac. Despite being upset with herself for forgetting about Bobbi’s party and the argument they’d just had, she couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her lips at the thought of being on a date with Jac Kensington.

  This was clearly about more than just one night of changing plans for Bobbi. Sasha tried to think back over the past few hectic weeks and remember what else Bobbi might have taken grievance with, but she was coming up blank. No, they hadn’t had as much time to spend together, but it wasn’t like she’d cancelled plans with Bobbi before. They never really made plans. They always just fell into doing whatever they did together. Bobbi would come around for tea and they’d watch TV or play Monopoly with Fleur—Fleur was always the cheating, swindling banker. She said she wanted the game to be as true to life as possible. Sasha couldn’t remember the last time they’d had a game of Monopoly. Or the three of them had eaten tea together. Or watched TV.

  “Shit. I’ve been such a bad friend.”

  Her annoyance flared. Yes, things had changed. But, damn it, Bobbi had started it all. Bobbi had entered her into the competition. Bobbi had encouraged her to pursue her dreams. Bobbi had even told her to pursue a little romance if that was what she wanted. And now she was pissed because Sasha was following her advice. Angry because she was grabbing these opportunities—every one of them—and running with them. Well, as her friend, shouldn’t Bobbi be happy for her? Wasn’t that what she’d do if the situation were reversed? Of course she would. But that meant ignoring the fact she’d ignored for the duration of their friendship. That Bobbi wanted more from Sasha than she was willing to give.

  As much as Bobbi had wanted Sasha to be happy, Sasha knew that Bobbi had never truly prepared herself to see Sasha happy with someone other than her. Bobbi had as much as admitted it when she’d told Sasha how she expected them to enjoy seeing Sasha’s triumph together. Bobbi had pictured it still as the two of them against the world.

  Now there was Jac.

  And Sasha wanted Jac in a way she’d never wanted Bobbi. And Bobbi knew it. She was jealous and trying to hold on to Sasha. That’s what the party had been about. It was so obvious now. Why hadn’t she seen it before? Why hadn’t she realised it had been Bobbi’s way of tugging her back into Bobbi’s sphere? Simple. I’m too tied up in this film and mooning over Jac.

  There was a simple solution to the problem. Tell Jac she couldn’t go out with her on Friday. Go to the party and give Bobbi what she wanted. Simple. But in the end, would that solution really help Bobbi? Would it help her? It would upset Jac, that was for sure. She’d been so tentative in her invitation. So unsure of herself. She didn’t want to do anything to disturb their budding relationship. She wanted that. But she wanted her friendship with Bobbi too. And the sooner Bobbi got used to the idea of Sasha with someone else, the sooner they could get their friendship back on an even keel. That was the only thing that made sense. Face the changes and find the new normal. This was always going to happen at some point…unless Sasha had stayed single for the rest of her life.

  She groaned and flopped back in her chair, trying the phone one more time before giving up. “I’ll talk to Bobbi tomorrow. Jac and I can go to the party after the play finishes.”

  The conversation didn’t happen. Tuesday and Wednesday were a torrent of lingering looks, shy glances, and a desperate desire to get Jac alone, knowing that once she did, she wanted Jac to kiss her again, but equally uncertain if she was ready for it. If some of the looks Jac gave her were anything to go by, their next kiss was going to be something else. And Bobbi had been busy…no, the truth was she was ignoring Sasha. She was practically hiding. Sasha hadn’t been able to talk to her to even say good morning since their aborted phone conversation. She hadn’t responded to any of Sasha’s messages or texts. Nothing. And by Thursday, Sasha was seriously pissed off. Christ, it was a genuine mistake. She hadn’t booked the tickets. She hadn’t made the schedule clash. But damn it, if it had been the other way around, Sasha knew damn well she’d be a lot more understanding. For God’s sake, shit like this happened all the time. What was the big deal? All it would take was a few words to switch the party to the next night. It didn’t need to be this big a drama. Not at all. She wanted her friend talking to her again and damn it, she needed a dress—something that was going to knock Jac’s socks off—and she was running out of time.

  In her distraction, she clattered one of the coffee mugs on the drainer in the staff room and managed to knock a glass to the floor. It shattered everywhere. “Shit.” She bent down to start picking up the bigger shards.

  “Here, let me help.” Sophie bent down beside her, dustpan and brush in hand. “This’ll do the trick.”

  Sasha smiled at her. “Thanks.”

  “You okay?” Sophie asked as she swept the slivers glinting in the light into the small pan.

  “No. I need to go shopping, but I don’t seem to have the time to do it and no one to go with me. Shopping alone is just so…meh.”

  “Shopping for…?”

  “I need a dress for tomorrow night.”

  Sophie offered her a questioning look, and Sasha’s cheeks heated.

  “I’m going out with Jac.”

  “Who do you normally shop with?” Sophie asked, her lips spreading into a slow, satisfied smirk.

  “Bobbi or my mum.”

  “And they can’t this time because…?”

  “Mum’s busy with her new toy boy, and Bobbi’s not speaking to me.”

  Sophie’s eyebrows hiked up. “Right, well, then. You, me, this afternoon. Girly shopping trip! You’ve got so much gossip to tell me, it’ll be awesome!”

  “We can’t this afternoon. We’re still in rehearsals.”

  “Leave it to me. You just be ready to leave here when we break for lunch. We’ll grab something to eat out after you’ve picked the perfect outfit.”

  “I don’t want to let Jac down and leave all the work—”

  “Seriously, Sasha, it’ll be cool. You’ve been putting in way more hours at this stage than any other writer we’ve worked with. So, chill. We can take an afternoon off. In fact, let me see if I can book us in for facials later too.”

  “Might be a bit short notice.”

  “Leave it to me, honey. We’re having a girls’ day out!” Sophie clapped her hands together. “I can’t remember the last time I had a girly pamper day! I can never get Mags or Jac to agree to a girly day out. Jac’s pretty good when it comes to shopping, but mention a spa day and she starts to itch. Trying to get her to sit still for any length of time is a nightmare. As for Mags, she starts hyperventilating when
you mention the word shopping. You should see her at Christmas. Before Amazon came along and saved her, she’d try to bribe me and Jac to do all her gift shopping for her.”

  “I can’t imagine why.” Sasha giggled and shook her head.

  “I know, right? How on earth would their reputations survive?” She wrapped her arms around Sasha’s back. “It’s so good to have another woman around here to share these things with. One who enjoys the finer things in life. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy a good pamper session, right?”

  Sasha nodded and grinned. She couldn’t imagine Jac in a spa with cucumber slices over her eyes, and mud pack on her face. No, that just wasn’t Jac.

  “Don’t get me wrong, I love every little butchy bone in their bodies, but I miss having someone to talk about girly stuff with. And I can’t wait to hear more about your mother and her toy boy. I’ll even listen to your Bobbi troubles. Later.” She squeezed one last time and was gone in the whirlwind of motion Sasha was quickly recognising as Sophie’s trademark entrance and exit.

  Well, this should be fun.

  “Oh, hell no!” Sasha shouted out of the changing room. “I’m not wearing this, Sophie.”

  “Just try it on.”

  “There’s nothing to try on. It’s barely two scraps of fabric strategically placed.” She turned the “dress” on the hanger. “Possibly strategically placed. I’m not going out to the theatre showing more than if I was wearing my underwear.”

  She pushed it through the curtain and into the waiting hand on the other side.

  “Fine,” Sophie sighed in resignation. “What else do you have in there?”

  Sasha eyed the knee-length white fitted dress with capped sleeves, a plunging neckline, and no back. It was a beautiful dress. Not conservative, but just classy enough that she felt it was appropriate for the theatre and sexy enough for a date. She imagined walking up the steps to the theatre with Jac’s hand on the small of her back—on the bare skin at the small of her back—and a delicious shiver raced up her spine.

  “Just a sec. Last one.”

  Sasha quickly slipped into the dress, slid the zipper closed, and turned to get a look over her shoulder, eyeing herself critically. She’d lost weight over the past few years. A physically demanding job that didn’t involve food being to hand at all times had certainly helped with that. The stress’s impact on her loss of appetite hadn’t hurt either. She’d been left with a lean but curvaceous body. Her skin was a little pale, but it was clear, and remarkably line-free. She ran a hand through her dark hair, checking around the temples and crown for those long, coarse, grey little bastards that kept sneaking in when she wasn’t looking. They were well-hidden today, so all was well.