Panzina's Passion

by Teresa D. Patterson

  “Aunt Gertie, I’m here,” she whispered brokenly as she gently clasped the frail, wrinkled hand in her own. “I’m here.”

  Her aunt’s eyes fluttered open and she stared at Panzina with such love and recognition. Panzina’s heart twisted. The bony hand squeezed Panzina’s weakly. Aunt Gertie stared into her niece’s face. A radiant smile appeared, causing her whole face to glow. Then, she lay completely still and her hand went limp as Panzina clutched it.

  Panzina held on as a sob caught in her throat. Aunt Gertie looked to be at peace as Panzina stared at her. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t even remember how to breathe.

  Ten minutes that felt like ten hours passed when the nurse entered the room.

  “Miss Wilson?” she inquired. Panzina still clasped her aunt’s hand in her own afraid to let go and break the connection.

  “She’s gone,” Nurse Stearns told her after checking for a pulse and finding none. Panzina felt frozen as she stood up. “It was inevitable,” the nurse stated more to herself than to Panzina. “Do you need for me to call someone?” she asked, concerned.

  “No,” Panzina replied softly. “There is no one to call. Aunt Gertie is the only family I had,” she said in a small voice as she headed out the door.

  She mechanically removed the parking ticket from beneath her windshield wiper. As she stared at the citation, her eyes filled with tears. Her arm reached into the console to retrieve the hanging handicapped sign that she had used when she took Aunt Gertie for outings. It was buried under several CDs and a few of TJ’s toys because it hadn’t been used in a while. When her aunt got too weak for day trips, Panzina had placed it in the console and almost forgotten about it. Now she smoothed her hand over the blue plastic as memories of all those precious times flooded her mind. Then DRIP, DRIP they fell from her eyes in the form of tears. She would cherish every moment she shared with aunt forever. Carefully, she folded the parking ticket around the handicapped sign and placed it in her lap. She would get the ticket reversed when she turned in Aunt Gertie’s sign to the Department of Transportation. But, she couldn’t think about that now.

  She put her key in the ignition and turned it. Nothing. It wouldn’t start.

  “Great!” she sobbed loudly and banged the dashboard. “This is all I need!” She leaned her head against the steering wheel as the tears came in great gulps. The pain filled her heart and lungs to capacity until it seemed as if her whole chest would explode.

  “Excuse me? Are you okay?” A deep, male’s voice asked. With reluctance, Panzina glanced up through the driver’s side window. Once again, she faced Mr. Trevor Grant, which only caused her to cry harder.

  Trevor stared, at a loss as to what to do. He didn’t want to scare her, but he opened her car door and knelt beside her. For some reason, his heart went out to this weeping woman who didn’t need to be driving anywhere in this condition. On her level now, he could see her face clearly. Well, it was red and puffy and tear-stained, but he could make out those beautiful features anywhere. From his standing position outside her window, he hadn’t realized that it was the flower shop lady until then. But now he could see that once again fate had brought them together. It was the woman he had been constantly thinking about since the first time he’d seen her.

  For reasons unknown, he wanted to make amends for being so rude during their first encounter, especially now. His letter of apology hadn’t been enough when he really wanted to face her and say the words.

  He reached out to stroke her arm and noticed a parking ticket lying in her lap. Her tear-streaked face had moved him, and he wanted to cheer her up.

  “It’s only a ticket,” he said lightly. “Certainly nothing to cry about.” Her slim shoulders seemed to heave even more. On instinct, he reached out to comfort her. He moved his hand from her arm to her back and leaned in closer. “It’s okay,” he soothed, patting her gently on the back. “Everything’s fine.” After a while, his warm voice calmed her. Soon, she just sniffled. He pressed a white, starched handkerchief into her hand. She took it and wiped at her nose and cheeks

  “This stupid car won’t start,” she said weakly, dabbing at her eyes with the handkerchief that he’d offered. “I don’t know what to do.”

  From the way she’d made the statement, he detected that the car was the least of her problems. It also went deeper than a parking ticket. He sensed that something had happened in the nursing home, followed by the discovery of the ticket, and then a dead car. He knew a trick-down effect when he saw one.

  “I’ll take a look and see if I can fix whatever’s wrong,” Trevor volunteered. “Pop the hood lever for me.” She did as instructed and he went around to the front of the car. He disappeared from her view as he fiddled around.

  Minutes later, frowning, he slammed the hood shut.

  “I’m afraid it’s the battery,” he told her. “It’s dead.”

  Panzina had been sitting quietly while he studied the car, but at the mention of the word dead her bottom lip trembled and tears threatened to surface once again.

  “Please don’t,” he said gently. “Don’t cry like that. I’ll give you a lift to where you need to go. Just don’t cry,” he pleaded.

  This Trevor Grant was so unlike the tyrant that had charged into the flower boutique a few days ago. Through her blurred vision, she could see that he’d taken off his jacket and had rolled up the sleeves of his silk shirt.

  Trevor opened the door and offered her a hand, as she got out of the car. She waited as he retrieved her keys from the ignition and locked the car.

  “Thank you,” she said through numb lips that matched the numbness in her heart.

  “Come with me.” He guided her across the half empty parking lot to where he’d parked his Mercedes. His own crisis would have to wait. Besides, there was nothing that he could do about his situation until he’d contacted the rest of the family. Then, they’d all decide on the best course of action together.

  Panzina settled back in the plush cushions of the expensive car. The interior was all leather and luxurious, not that she took much notice. Though her body accepted the lavish surroundings her mind was on other things.

  “Where to?” he asked and she told him her address. They drove in complete silence, arriving at her house in a short amount of time.

  When Trevor stopped the car Panzi remained in her seat. Sudden fear shot through her. She would be completely alone for the first time in her life! She didn’t know how to handle it. She had no idea what to do next. Before long, she wouldn’t even have TJ. And she couldn’t depend of Telvin either.

  Trevor noticed the stark fear in the young woman’s eyes and gently turned her to face him.

  “What’s wrong? Talk to me,” he urged. He sensed her hesitation and added. “It’s all right. I don’t bite. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “My- my aunt- she just passed away,” she said through quivering lips. “She was all I had left. I’m all alone now,” she whispered.

  Now it all made sense. The tears, the bad parking job, the ticket wrapped around a handicapped sign, and her grievous state.

  Before he realized what he was doing, Trevor pulled away from the curb and headed in the direction of his own home. He didn’t know what he’d do with the young woman, but he couldn’t leave her alone in this current state.

  It didn’t take long for them to leave the familiar surroundings Panzina was accustomed to. They passed through a residential, waterfront community filled with classic homes with well-manicured lawns located on quiet, tree-lined streets. Panzina viewed her surrounding with a new set of eyes, a set that craved order and perfection in her own life. She desperately wanted to hide behind a neatly trimmed hedge and pretend to be someone else. She wanted to walk through the front door of one of these beautiful homes and live another life. Perhaps that would take away the hurt for a little while.

  But she could never do that. And to desire another life would be a mockery to her aunt who always said, “Great pain is a sign of great lo
ve.”

  She knew what Trevor was doing and where he was going. If he felt so guilty about his behavior that he felt he had to take care of her in her time of need, then so be it. She didn’t have the strength to argue.

  Trevor parked the Mercedes Benz in the garage of a beautiful two-story home and got out. He walked around to Panzina’s side and opened the door for her.

  “Come on,” he said quietly, sliding his arm through hers to assist her. “We’ll figure out what to do together. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

  She allowed him lead her inside the house. She trusted the man and didn’t know why. They walked up stairs covered by white carpet. Panzina automatically felt like slipping her shoes off. Since Trevor hadn’t taken his off, she didn’t either.

  She stepped into a spacious but moderately decorated living room. Her eyes rested on the black leather, sectional sofa with matching loveseat and chair. Though obviously contemporary and minimal, the room lacked a woman's touch. It registered in Panzina’s mind that no plants or flowers decorated the room. As a florist, Panzina filled her home with flowers and plants of all kinds. The stark white of the carpet stood out. Once again, she thought about taking off her shoes.

  “Have you eaten?” he questioned, breaking into her thoughts. Panzina shook her head. “I’ll have my housekeeper put together something. Just make yourself comfortable. And er- uh- I didn’t get your name. What is it?”

  “Panzina,” she answered. “Panzina Wilson. Everyone calls me Panzi,” she added.

  “Panzina. That’s different. Unique. Well, Panzi, I know it’s too soon to believe this, but things are going to get better.” He stared at her sad face, which was really very pretty behind the forlorn expression. A stray tendril of hair had sprung loose and curled down her right cheek. He wanted to go over and brush it back into place then kiss those sensual lips that continued to tremble as she held in her pain. She was so like a child, one that needed someone for protection and strength. He hesitated in the doorway then quickly went in search of his housekeeper.

  Panzina took a seat on the leather sofa and gazed without interest at the 36 inch, flat-screened television. An episode of Friends played but it could have been her favorite soap opera Days of Our Lives and it wouldn't have made a difference. Nothing could penetrate her grief.

  The clam chowder soup was tasteless in Panzina’s numb state, but she shoveled it in and swallowed automatically. Trevor kept glancing at her to see how she was holding up. He cleared his throat.

  “Panzi, maybe it would help to talk about it,” he suggested. “Will you tell me about your aunt?” he asked.

  Panzi glanced up seeming surprised by his request. Trevor’s eyes were kind and sincere this time; not at all like the angry, cold eyes from two days before. She placed her spoon on a napkin that rested near the bowl of soup.

  “Aunt Gertie, well, she was something special,” she began. Her voice held an affectionate tone. “She raised me after my parents were killed in a plane crash,” she explained. “She was so filled with love for everything and everyone. She was always giving; and she’d gladly give her last dime if she thought it would help someone else more.” She smiled gently and continued. Trevor gazed at her, transfixed, as she spoke. “She was just such a warm, soft hearted, carefree spirit.” Panzi paused and grabbed another napkin, unaware of doing so. “When she was diagnosed with cancer she handled it so bravely. I was the one who was a wreck. She had to comfort me.” She grew quiet suddenly, too overwhelmed to continue. Trevor pulled his chair closer and took her hand.

  “Go on,” he pressed, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

  “She got so sick, so fast,” she went on. “Before I knew it, she was fading away.” She sighed deeply. “I know that she was in terrible pain. The various medications, the chemotherapy; it drained her. But she hung on to the belief that God would deliver her if it was His will. She was so strong,” she ended.

  They sat in silence. After a while, Trevor spoke. “Sounds as though your aunt was one remarkable woman,” he said. “Remarkable, indeed.” He got up and removed her half eaten soup and the napkin that she had shredded without realizing it.

  “So, your aunt was at Palm Shores Nursing Home, right?”

  “Yes.” It suddenly dawned on her that he had been there also. “Why were-? N-never mind,” she stuttered.

  “Why was I there?” he finished the question for her. “I have someone there that I visit,” he answered. He’d turned to the sink but not before Panzi caught the pained expression on his face. She wondered what could break such a strong man. Who could he care about that much? An elderly relative, she assumed but let it go. She’d never been one to pry into people’s personal business unless invited to do so.

  Panzina’s question had caused Trevor’s thoughts to travel where he didn’t want them to go. He couldn’t open up to Panzina about his problems because of the rawness of her own pain. Besides, he couldn’t talk about the real reason he’d been at Palm Shores Nursing Home. It would be better to keep it inside. Nevertheless, he found himself wishing that he had someone in which to confide. At some point, he needed comforting.

  Forget about that. He shook it off and turned back to Panzina.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “Yes. You were right,” she told him. “It did help to talk about Aunt Gertie.”

  “Good. Well, you look tired, which is understandable. Let’s get you settled in.” Panzina offered no protests. She was tired, emotionally drained. She followed him as he showed her to a guest room.

  Trevor saw to it that Panzina was resting comfortably. He’d been expected at another wedding reception, but thought it best not to leave her alone in strange surroundings. He wanted to get to know her better, but the timing was wrong. She needed a chance to heal. He wouldn’t add confusion to her grief.

  He tried to watch television but couldn’t concentrate. A certain lovely face kept appearing before him. He switched from station to station. Finally, he snapped the set off and went to bed. As he tossed and turned, he accepted the fact that sleep would be long in coming with her in the house.

  * * *

  Panzina thought for sure that sleep wouldn’t claim her. Her mind kept flashing forth scenes of her life with Aunt Gertie. Losing her aunt felt like she’d had a part of her hacked off. Aunt Gertie had been her whole world. She’d loved that woman fiercely.

  She turned over and burrowed her face in the pillow as the sobs shook her. When she ran out of tears, she slept. Oddly, she didn’t dream of her aunt at all. Instead, she dreamed about a man with caramel colored skin and hazel eyes framed with long, beautiful lashes.

  The sun shining through the partially closed Venetian blinds rested on Panzina’s face, causing her to stir much earlier than she normally would. For a moment, she was puzzled in the unfamiliar surroundings. Then she remembered as it all came back in a rush. Aunt Gertie was gone and she had become ensconced in the world of Trevor Grant.

  She felt overwhelmed with sadness, but she didn’t cry. She had things to take care of and couldn’t afford to wallow in self-pity. She saw her dress resting on the back of a chair and retrieved it. If she remembered correctly, there was an adjourning bathroom. She’d been too drained last night to take a shower, but she could use one now.

  Once dressed, she felt somewhat better. She readied herself for the tasks that lay before her. First, she’d have that piece of junk car towed to a shop. Then, she’d have to make funeral arrangements for her aunt. She would also have to take care of her parking ticket and the return the handicapped sign, but those smaller details could be saved for another day.

  As she went downstairs and made her way to the kitchen, the silence of the apartment greeted her. She immediately saw the note propped up against a coffee mug in the center of the table. She read it and found that Trevor would be in a meeting until noon and he wanted to talk to her over lunch.

  “Sorry, Mr. Grant,” Panzi said aloud. “But I won’t be around.” She though
t of writing him a thank you note but really didn’t know where to start. In the end, she decided that the best thing to do was to call a cab and leave. Surely, Mr. Grant knew how grateful she was.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Panzina was reluctant to get out of the security and comfort of her bed. Something about this particular day filled her with a sense of doom. She couldn’t immediately recall what lay on her soul like a dark cloud. Then it hit her hard, leaving her breathless from the pain. It was the day of her aunt’s funeral! Dear Aunt Gertie was gone and today they would lay her to rest.

  She pushed the crisp sheets sheet to the side but didn’t get up immediately. If she could just postpone getting up, maybe she could postpone the inevitable. She wanted to burrow beneath the covers and create a safe haven where pain and loss couldn’t touch her.

  But, she knew that was impossible in her world. Last time she checked, there wasn’t a manicured lawn in front of her house with a gardener to take of it. And she certainly didn’t have anyone to take care of her. There would be no avoiding this day, just as there would be no avoiding the three hundred and sixty four days that would surely follow. And, she had to go to her aunt’s funeral, so she slid off the bed.

  As she stood gazing out the window, deep in thought, she felt her nerves tighten. She knew that this would be a harder day to survive than most. Not having Telvin around to offer support only compounded her grief.

  Thinking of Telvin brought back the conversation they’d had the day before. In learning of her aunt’s death, Telvin expressed genuine sorrow. He’d given Panzina his condolences but it had been all he’d offered. He hadn’t suggested or even hinted that he’d fly home to be with her in her time of need, as she’d hoped.

  Quick tears stung Panzina’s eyes and she turned from the window. A total stranger, Trevor Grant, had offered her more support than her own fiancé. Something didn’t quite add up. Maybe she’d been hasty in her decision not to thank Trevor properly. She really hadn’t had to rush off in such a hurry.