Panzina's Passion

by Teresa D. Patterson

  “Almost six,” she replied and he groaned aloud.

  “I have to get going. I have to cancel all of my meeting for today then I have to contact the funeral director.” His voice caught on the last part. Instinctively, Panzina reached to comfort him, but she sensed him pulling away. Now was not the time to bring up what’d he said during his sleep and risk hurting him further. There might be pain associated with this Gayle woman, and he didn’t need any more hurt.

  “I’ll start breakfast while you shower,” she told him. Panzina got up and pulled on a robe to cover her naked body. She felt Trevor’s eyes sweep over her nakedness in the instant before the robe closed around her waist. She blushed as she remembered their heated passion of the night before.

  “Panzi, about last night,” he began, as if reading her thoughts. Hers eyes flew to his face, then away. “Do you have any regrets?” he asked. She hesitated before answering, unsure of what to say now that she had doubts about his sleep-talking episode.. “Well?” he inquired.

  “No, I don’t,” she finally said, but couldn’t meet his eye.

  “Is something wrong? You seem, I don’t know, a bit standoffish. Did I pull the sheets off of you during the night?” he asked in a teasing tone.

  Panzina smiled vaguely, especially since he really did hog the covers. What she wanted to tell him was that the only thing he had pulled was the wool from over her eyes. She could now see clearly. He didn’t love her and probably never would. She had been his comfort in his time of need. Would he have sought her out if his sister were still alive? A small voice told that he would not, that if it LeTecia were still alive, she would have slept solo.

  But she had died. And Trevor had come to her for love and support.

  She’d see him through his grief only because she felt obligated to do so so after all he had done for her. After that, she’d break away from him for good. Panzina refused to be just a convenience, no matter how tempting the offer

  Over breakfast Trevor informed her that he’d be flying to Tennessee for the burial for his sister. His family and most of his relatives lived in Memphis, and they wanted her buried in the family cemetery. He would contact her when he got back into town.

  A fleeting thought that Gayle might be in Tennessee crossed her mind, but she cleared it from her mind as quickly as she as she cleared away the breakfast dishes. The task didn’t take long but she lingered in the kitchen once finished. She didn’t want him to leave. Since he had to go, she wanted him to take her to Tennessee too. There were so many thoughts going through her mind right now.

  “Panzi, what is it?” Trevor stood behind her at the sink. “Something’s wrong. I know you so well that I can sense it. Talk to me.”

  “I’m just tired,” she said trying to move a safe distance away. He placed his hands on the counter and enclosed her in, blocking her escape.

  “I’d love to stay in bed and make love to you all day long,” he whispered in her ear as he nibbled her lobe. “Nothing would make me happier.” Panzina shivered with immediate desire, her body responding on its own accord. “But, I have to get going. Will you come over later and spend the night? You can help me pack my suitcase. You know how to organize everything just right.”

  “Yes, I’ll come,” she replied as she faced him. She couldn’t say no to him even if she wanted to. And it warmed her heart to know that he remembered how she had carefully packed her aunt’s belongings.

  “I’ll see you later then.” He leaned down and kissed her. Panzina felt her legs tremble as she parted her lips and accepted his tongue. Being in Trevor’s arms was sweet torture. “Bye for now.”

  “Bye.”

  * * *

  Once Trevor had received all the final details, including his flight information, he had passed it along to her just as a dutiful husband would. Panzina felt that it would be a thoughtful gesture if she put together a special flower arrangement for LeTicia’s funeral. She’d have to rely on a flower shop in Memphis to put together the arrangement, but she’d wired specific details about what she required.

  She wanted to stay mad at Trevor but couldn’t. It was hard to dislike someone when she loved him so much. Maybe Gayle would come up in a conversation and then she’d have an opportunity to ask about her. Until then, she would keep a cool head about it. After all, Trevor wasn’t the only one with a name in the past. She had a name in the past, too. Telvin.

  Before she could get out of the house, the phone rang. She rushed back inside to answer it, thinking it would be Trevor. She felt a stab of disappointment when she heard Telvin’s voice on the other end of the line. It had been months.

  “How’s it going?” he asked. Telvin was trying to make chitchat, but Panzina would have none of it. She remained silent and distant during Telvin’s attempt at idle conversation. Until he came around to the point of the call, she made a point of not giving him a response more than a grunt.

  “I’ll be home in two days,” he said. Silence greeted his statement. “Panzi, are you there?”

  “Yes,” she cleared her throat and struggled for something to say. “You’re coming home she repeated, but did not give him any hint as to what her feelings were on the subject.” It occurred to her that Telvin hadn’t entered her thoughts in days, nay weeks. Her mind had been occupied with Trevor. She’d been so caught up in her feelings for another man that she’d completely forgotten her own fiancé.

  “Yeah. Well, I have to talk to you about something and it’s important.” His voice held that warning tone that Panzina had come to be able to recognize. She believed that whatever he had to talk about wouldn’t be good news. However, she didn’t feel apprehensive. If Telvin wanted to break their engagement, she would agree. After all, she couldn’t marry someone that she didn’t love, could she?

  “I’ll be here. Call me when you get into town,” she told him.

  “I will. I guess I’ll see you then.” He paused. “I miss you,” he said flatly.

  “Okay, see you in two days,” her voice was just as flat and unfeeling. “Good-bye, Telvin.”

  “Bye.”

  Panzina placed the receiver back into its cradle feeling that the conversation had been a horrible one. They were both kidding themselves if they thought they still had a relationship. It had been over for a while and she hadn’t wanted to admit it. It ended the day Telvin left for college, if truth be told. Telvin wasn’t her type and he probably never was. For a while, he was familiar. He was a constant in her life, but that had all changed when he decided to move away. A man in love would have made arrangements for her. He could have asked her to go, or he could have opted to go to the local university. He didn’t, though. And his decision had been like water dousing a flame.

  She realized now that that flame was more of a flicker.

  Her love for Trevor, secrets and all, was more like a forest fire burning out of control. She could not contain it, no matter what. And she wouldn’t want to. If only they could tie up the loose ends for good and move forward together.

  I have to stop thinking about it! It’s driving me crazy!

  Grabbing her purse and keys, she rushed out in order to make it to the nursing home at the promised time she’d given Mrs. Stearns.

  Panzina had another busy day at Palm Shores. It gave her pleasure to bring a small amount of joy to other’s lives. Her time volunteering also took her mind off Trevor, the never-ending suspense of Gayle’s identity and the arrival of Telvin. As she worked she prayed for strength to face Telvin. She had always been the type to think big, but back down when face-to-face with someone. She could not do that this time. She would have to be strong and tell Telvin goodbye for good. It would not be an easy task for someone of her strength of character and with her sense of loyalty, but she had to think of Trevor.

  Panzina, deeply engrossed in a game of Bingo with a group of patients, sensed a change in the air. Her companions had all grown quiet and still. She glanced up at the source of their distraction. Trevor stood nearby, dressed in i
mmaculate, business attire. Her heart raced. Thoughts of the two of them entwined made a blush creep to her face. Was this something that all new lovers felt – that everyone knew what she had been doing?

  “Panzina, Darling, I see it’s time for your break. Take as long as you like.” Mrs. Stearns winked and leaned close so that only Panzina could hear her. “He’s quite a catch. Don’t throw him back ever! Quite a catch!” This only made Panzina’s blush deepen.

  “I see you have yourself a suitor,” Mr. Gnome commented, breaking into rare conversation. He seemed to size Trevor up. “Well, he’d better take good care of you or he’ll have to answer to me.” Trevor caught the last end of the conversation and held his amusement inside. Would he combat an elderly man for Panzina’s affections? He preferred not to entertain the thought.

  “I’ll take excellent care of her, Sir,” he said, placing a protective arm around Panzina’s waist. Mr. Gnome nodded his approval so the two left the nursing facility.

  Over lunch Trevor informed her that L’ Fragrance would be back in top condition in four days. Even though she’d be glad to get back to her first love, she felt sadness. She wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with her new friends at Palm Shores. She promised herself that she’d continue to volunteer on weekends.

  When the waitress placed their coffee on the table, Panzina pushed hers away. She knew that she had to tell Trevor about Telvin’s upcoming visit. She didn’t know how to broach the subject so she just came out with it.

  “Telvin is coming home in two days,” she said. Trevor’s hand tightened on his mug, which was unnoticed by Panzina because she was looking anywhere except at him. She couldn’t look him in the eye.

  “Oh, really? So, are you two going to proceed with your wedding?” he asked.

  “I – I don’t know. I mean I can’t marry him, now. Why should I?”

  “Because you love him? Do you?” he questioned. Panzina remained silent. “Look at me, Panzi,” he commanded and she did. “Do you love him?” His eyes bore into hers and his heart seemed to stop beating as he waited for her answer.

  “No,” she shook her head. “No, I don’t love Telvin. I guess I just thought I did.” Trevor exhaled. His heart rate picked back up. Panzina took a sip of coffee to avoid his gaze. “He and I are all wrong for each other. I’m sure that’s what he wants to talk to me about.”

  “Well, I’m confident in your ability to handle the situation, whatever the subject may be.” He picked up his own cup, relieved at her answer. Inside, he tried to convince himself that the thought of Panzi with another man didn’t faze him. He was sure that Panzi was telling him the truth. Her feelings for Telvin were dead and hopefully, he’d had something to do with that. He regretted that he wouldn’t be able to see this Telvin character, to size him up. He drank his coffee as he thought about the unknown Telvin.

  Thoughts of someone named Gayle ran through Panzina’s mind as she drank her own coffee. She had a flicker of hope that Trevor would offer up the information she desperately needed, now that she had come clean about Telvin. But he remained silent. They stared at each other. Neither said anything, but their eyes spoke volumes.

  Once they’d eaten lunch, Trevor dropped her back off at the nursing home. Before she got out of the car, she assured him that she’d be coming over later that evening. He wanted her to accompany him to the airport the next morning to see him off.

  “You’re bringing an overnight bag, I hope?” Trevor’s smooth tones flowed over her like molasses. His eyes held a fire as she stared into them.

  “Only if you want me to bring one,” she said, feeling her cheeks heat up.

  “Of course. But you really only need to bring yourself. I have a tee shirt that would look so cute on you- even cuter off,” he teased. He leaned in and kissed her. “See you later.”

  “See you.”

  * * *

  As she drove through the perfect streets of Trevor’s neighborhood, she let her mind drift. It had been three months since her aunt had passed. In such a short amount of time she had managed to make a mess of her life. She’d fallen in love with the wrong man. She’d given her soul to him freely and what had he given her? He’d had many opportunities to tell her about Gayle, but hadn’t. She wanted his honesty, if nothing else. Sure, she was an engaged woman, but at least she had had the presence of mind to admit it from the beginning. She had entered this relationship under no false pretenses, and she only wished the same from Trevor.

  “Who am I trying to fool?” she asked herself aloud. She wanted more than Trevor’s honesty; she wanted him! She wanted his love and wanted to share in his dreams. She wanted to be a part of his life.

  She sighed aloud as she pulled into his driveway. She saw an unfamiliar pink Mercedes parked in the driveway.

  Who would have the audacity to drive such a loud colored car?

  Panzina walked up to the house and pressed on the doorbell. It surprised her when Marshayla Forbes answered. She had thought that Trevor had gotten rid of the catty model. She didn’t dislike the woman, but she didn’t exactly like her either.

  “Well, well,” Marshayla purred. “If it isn’t the Flower Child. I’ve done my homework on you, Panzina.”

  “She probably has investigated my life,” Panzina thought, “More like pried into it.” Her suspicious were confirmed when Marshayla told her she’d found out about L’Fragrance and knew that her aunt had owned the business. She also knew about the foreclosure notice that had been filed.

  “I can’t understand why Trevor bought that pathetic, little failure of a shop. It’s a waste of good money, if you ask me. Flowers are out. Cash money is in. What brings you here, darling?” Her eyes blazed into Panzina’s.

  There’s that sugary sweet, condescending tone again. She must think I’m beneath her. This thought incensed Panzina. Marshayla “America’s Next Want To Be Top Model” had finally gotten the reaction she’d been aiming for.

  “That’s between Trevor and me,” Panzina told her and watched as the other woman’s lips twisted into a frown. She felt like doing a jig. She had never had the courage to talk to someone like that before. Maybe this was a sign that with Trevor’s help she was getting stronger and would be able to face Telvin. “May I please come in?”

  “Oh, where are my manners,” Marshayla drawled with a hint of sarcasm. She stepped aside and Panzina entered.

  “Where is Trevor?” she questioned, gazing past the other woman in hopes of seeing him. She really didn’t feel comfortable in Marshayla’s company and wanted the encounter over. There was just one more, bold move she needed to make.

  Panzina realized with a start that Marshayla was checking her out. She couldn’t hide the overnight bag that she carried, not that she wanted to. She went and placed her overnight bag in the middle of the foyer. She hoped that the other woman would boil over inside with jealousy at the realization that she’d be staying the night.

  “Miss Plant Teaser, are you trying to get your hooks into Trevor?” Marshayla asked.

  Panzina could decipher the spark of jealousy that flared in the other woman’s eyes. She watched as Marshayla’s artificial face seemed to change in mere seconds and her mouth turned up into a smirk. “He’s in the shower,” she said. “I sort of- well, delayed him,” she finished.

  “What do you mean?” Panzina’s question was innocent.

  “Oh, get off it girl! If you can’t understand what I’m saying, let me draw you a pretty picture. Trevor is taking a shower to wash away the evidence of our lovemaking.” She saw the hurt in the younger woman’s eyes and went on to drive the knife of pain deeper. “Yes, darling. Trevor and I are lovers and we have been for over six years. Ever since his fiancée Gayle died.”

  “Wh- what are you saying?” Panzina stammered. She didn’t want Marshayla to sense that she’d touched a sore spot, but she couldn’t hide the hurt. No wonder Trevor had never told her about Gayle. She had been another loss in a string of losses for him. No doubt a painful subject. She felt
guilty for ever thinking Trevor led a double life. She turned her attention back to the vicious woman in the foyer. She was certain that Marshayla would be only too happy to do the honors in telling her about Gayle before Trevor could break it to her gently.

  “I’m saying that I’ll accept Trevor on any terms, but I have him. Just being lovers is fine with me. I don’t have make-believe dreams about walking down the aisle with him. I live in the real world, and you, darling, need to wake up! You will never mean anything to him. Do you understand me? Trevor is in love with a dead woman and you’ll never erase her memory from his heart. Ask him about the line of clothing he created just for her.”

  “I- I don’t believe you,” Panzina managed to get past her trembling lips. Her face drained of color.

  “Proof? You want to see proof? Come on!” She grabbed Panzina’s wrist and nearly drug her from the room like a little girl. They went upstairs. Once there, they entered a room that was filled with clothing. “Go ahead. Look at them,” Marshayla urged. Panzina stepped forward. She fingered a colorful blouse. “Look at the tag!” Marshayla hissed, so she did. The name Gayle leaped out at her. Her heart dropped in despair. She picked up another and another. Gayle’s name was on everything! “He hasn’t sold a piece since the day he buried her. He doesn’t intend to,” the malicious woman informed.

  Panzina turned to leave, but Marshayla blocked her way of exit.

  “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” She laughed cynically when Panzina failed to hide her answer from the woman’s critical stare. “The night that you two had that little romp on the beach, I was here to quench the passion that you stirred up but failed to satisfy.. You are not woman enough for him, Panzina.” Marshayla all but spat the words. “So go back to your little flower boutique and wilt away with the rest of those weeds!”

  Panzina pushed Marshayla aside almost furiously and fled the house. She left her overnight bag sitting in the foyer.