Unexpected Baby

by Ford, Mia

  “I’m very tired, Grandma,” I told her, giving her only half a lie. Being pregnant and not speaking to the father is exhausting enough. “Work is stressful at the moment. That’s all. Nothing to worry about.”

  “I don’t know if I can believe that.” She curls her hand around my arm. “I’m worried for you, Zoe.”

  “Please don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I always will be. You know me, I can get through anything.”

  “This isn’t something that you want to talk to me about?” she offers. “You aren’t still upset over that stupid boy, are you? Because like I have already told you, he doesn’t deserve any of your tears.”

  “He left me at the altar, Grandma. Of course I’m not going to cry over him. I’m fine. Just glad that I kept my apartment and everything. I could have been a lot messier if I have given up everything for him. I guess a part of me always knew that it wasn’t going to work out.” I shrug sadly. “Anyway, it’s better now.”

  “Yes, it is. It’s better now.” Grandma nods determinedly. “So, you make sure that you never go back. Men like hat don’t get better. They never improve. You can’t change them, so it’s best to keep away.”

  Of course, as she says this, I’m not thinking about my ex fiancé anymore. I’m thinking about him. Wesley Smith. The man who I already know that I shouldn’t go back to, nor do I want to, but I guess that I am going to have to have a conversation with him at some point. I’m going to have to step back in to the lion’s den for a solution. He might think that he can just ignore this, and it will all go away, but it doesn’t work like that.

  Not for me anyway. I can’t run away because wherever I go, the baby will come with me.

  “Anyway, Grandma, I think that it’s time to get you in to bed. Don’t you?” I give her that false smile once more. “It’s getting late and as far as you know, I might well have massive plans tonight.”

  “Do you?” she asks wryly, already knowing the answer to that one. “Because I don’t buy it.”

  “Alright, maybe not. But I am tired, so I need to get some rest, so come on.”

  I lift Grandma up and she leans on me as I take her across her home to her bedroom. It’s sad to see this fiery woman who used to be so independent need me, to think that this might happen to me some day, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not here to help her. Whatever the hell she needs, I will be here for her.

  “You are a good girl,” Grandma comments as she leans her head back on the pillows. “You deserve someone really good to look after you. You deserve the whole world. Don’t you ever forget that.”

  I try to smile and nod, but all I can think about is Wesley. It doesn’t matter who I deserve, that’s the man that I have ended up creating a life long bond with. Whether I like it or not, that’s what I have got.

  “Love you, Grandma.” I lean down and kiss the top of her head. “I will see you tomorrow, okay?”

  “You know you don’t have to come every day, Zoe?” she says quietly, just like she does every single day before I leave. “I appreciate it, but I can get a carer in to look after me. You don’t have to put your life on hold.”

  “It isn’t like that, Grandma. I want to come and see you. You are my family.”

  “I know, but you deserve to have a life as well. You know that I won’t be around forever…”

  “Don’t even say that,” I bark, maybe a little angrier than I intend to. “I don’t even want to think about it, Grandma. I need you to stick around for as long as you can. You are all that I have.”

  She nods silently, her eyes already drifting closed thank goodness, and she eventually falls asleep. As she does, I let just one tear drip down my cheek. The sadness of that statement is too much for me right now. She really is all that I have. It isn’t like I have friends climbing out the walls to grab hold of me once I leave here. The people that I connect with these days are mostly through work and I don’t exactly love them.

  I can’t think about Grandma leaving me. I won’t be able to handle life once she has gone. She’s my rock, the person who I need to get me through life. I don’t even mind looking after her as long as she’s still here.

  I grab my things and leave Grandma’s, crying as I go. Heading back to my cold lonely apartment with all of this floating through my mind isn’t ideal, and it’s exactly the sort of thing that requires tears… even for someone who isn’t much of a crier. And I am definitely not. But right now, I can’t seem to stop myself.

  I must be unlovable; I think angrily to myself. That’s the only solution that I can come up with.

  I grab out my cell phone to call the one person who I am still in touch with. Someone that I have been friends with for years. Even when I haven’t managed to fit in anywhere else, she has always been there for me. The funny thing is she isn’t much like me either. No one would assume that we would be friends, but we are.

  We are and I miss her like crazy. I would love her to be here right now. Jessica Ward. My best friend. My distant best friend who got out of this town as soon as the chance came for her. Not that I can blame her.

  “Hey, Zoe!” she cries out loudly as soon as she picks up. It’s immediately obvious that she’s at some fancy New York city party, the sort that comes hand in hand with her glamorous public relations job. I can just see her now in a little tight black dress and high heels with a cocktail in her hand. “How’s it going?”

  I part my lips, about to allow some of my pain to spill out, but it doesn’t come. To speak to her right now about what’s going on with me would be selfish. I’m not going to burden myself on my friend. She doesn’t deserve it.

  “I’m good, Jessica,” I reply with a falseness to my tone. “How are you?”

  “Oh, I’m amazing. You should see where I am right now. At a celebrity party. It’s so much fun and so glamorous as well. I would love it if you could be here and see it because it’s so much fun.”

  “Yeah?” Not my idea of fun, but that doesn’t matter. “Tell me about it.”

  I turn off from my own problems as I can hear her telling me all about the celebrities that she can see from where she’s standing – most of whom I have no idea who they even are – and I laugh along with her. At least I have someone to up lift my spirits, even if I can’t share my problems right now. It feels so much better to laugh than cry. Now I just need to keep trying to laugh because if I sob again, I might not stop.

  Chapter Three

  Wesley

  There she is, I think to myself as I spy Zoe across the office. It’s time to go and talk to her already.

  I know that’s what I need to do, it’s what I have already decided, but now that I’m here really facing it, I don’t know what’s stopping me. I don’t know how to even begin getting this conversation started. How do I say after running out on her like a fucking coward that now I want to talk to her about our child? It isn’t a normal conversation to have. There aren’t any books on this kind of thing. Maybe there would be something if I searched online, but I don’t really think that the Internet is the best place for me to start getting any kind of advice.

  She looks okay, doesn’t she? I wonder as I look at her laughing at something together with our co-worker, and she doesn’t look too pissed off. Or upset. Not like she was when she first told me about the baby, and she was sobbing. She looks calm and really in control of herself. Much better than I feel inside. I can do this.

  But still I don’t move from my desk. Still I remain seated and I look at her across the room. It’s like I am frozen to the spot, unable to shift any part of myself, stuck in this limbo. And this limbo is where I will remain until I force myself across the office and I just talk to her already. She needs me to do this as much as I need it too. I don’t need to have much love for the woman to know what the right thing to do is.

  I drag myself up. My body feels heavy as I do, but I fight against it and I keep on going. I walk towards her, my feet barely touching the floor as I go, until eventually I lean my hands on her de
sk. Of course, Zoe looks at me like I have lost my damn mind, as does Hannah. It’s no secret that there isn’t any love lost between us, so I guess it makes sense for this to freak people out. I wish that they wouldn’t though. This is hard enough as it is.

  “What do you want?” Zoe snaps angrily at me. “I’m trying to get some work done around here.”

  “I was just wondering if you have a moment. I would like to talk to you.” She cocks one eyebrow at me but says nothing. I’m really going to have to force this if I want it to happen. “Alone, if possible.”

  Hannah makes a playful noise as if this is some kind of joke. She obviously has no real idea about what’s going on, or she wouldn’t behave this way. But I don’t care about Hannah and her bullshit, she isn’t who I need to speak to right now. I would much prefer not to speak to her at all if possible.

  “Erm, yeah, right.” A blush consumes Zoe’s cheeks as she rises upwards. I can tell that the only reason she is really agreeing to this is because she doesn’t want everyone to keep looking at us. It isn’t ideal, but if that’s what gets her talking to me, then I will go along with it. Whatever she needs. “Just a moment though.”

  As we walk away from our desks, I realize that I haven’t planned this far ahead. I don’t know where to go, where me and Zoe can have this in-depth conversation. We can’t exactly go to the canteen because there is always someone in there, and there aren’t many areas of this office that aren’t filled with a desk. It’s safe to say that our company uses up every inch of space well which doesn’t help me right now.

  “Er, will this do?” Zoe asks nervously once we reach the small hallway by the cleaning closet. “There isn’t anyone ever around here, so if you need to talk… well, we could talk here, couldn’t we?”

  “I suppose so.” She stands opposite me and gives me an expectant look.

  “So, what is this about?”

  I really want to spill it already, but the anticipation is getting too much for me. There’s a strange zinging sensation between us that could be the intense hate between us or maybe it’s something else. Something that I don’t quite want to deal with. It reminds me a little bit of that night and how it felt then. It’s hard for me to swallow that down and to just ignore it as it fizzes hard between us. She has to be feeling it too, I can just tell. Yet Zoe seems to be pushing it down much better than I am. She can handle it in a way that I can’t.

  “Er, so I think we need to talk about our situation, don’t you think?” I dart my eyes downwards. I can’t look at her. I want to, to show her how strong I can be, but I can’t make that happen. “I think that… that we need to have some kind of conversation about this. We can’t just keep ignoring one another, can we?”

  “You want to talk about it now?” she sneers angrily. “Is that some sort of joke? What about when I wanted to talk about it, huh? You ran off like a little bitch then and you have ignored me ever since.”

  I shift uncomfortably as she says this because I know that she’s right. I don’t have any right to get her to talk to me now. Not when I didn’t give her the decency to do the same thing. But as I move, I accidently brush my hand against her which makes her leap into the air. I don’t know if it’s shock or fear, but I feel awful.

  “Sorry, I just…” God, I’m making this so much worse than it already is. “Anyway…”

  “I just can’t believe that you want to talk to me about this now.” She folds her arms protectively across her chest, definitely trying to keep me the hell away from her. “I don’t know what to say to you.”

  “I was in shock,” I offer. “It seemed to come out of nowhere. I wasn’t expecting it.”

  “Nor was I! I wasn’t expecting it either, but I had to just deal with it, didn’t I? I didn’t get to run away like you did. I have had to remain tall and strong the entire time because that’s what I have to do.”

  “Yes.” My eyes hit the floor once more. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think of it like that…”

  “It seems that you don’t think at all when it comes to me. That’s the problem, isn’t it? You never think. And that’s why we are in this mess. If you had taken one second to consider protection…”

  “I know, I know.” I grab on to my forehead. “Believe me, I feel awful about it. It was just a heat of the moment thing, wasn’t it? We just got carried away and now… well now we are having a baby.”

  “I am having a baby,” she growls. “And if you dare suggest otherwise then I will kick your ass.”

  “Woah. I wasn’t going to say that! Of course I wasn’t. I would never…”

  “So, you don’t think that it would be easier if I just got rid of the child, huh? Because I have been sitting in this office every single day expecting you to come to me with that suggestion… and now you’re here and you’re going to say… what to me? I don’t know, and that’s the issue. It’s a fucking nightmare.”

  “That hasn’t even crossed my mind,” I reassure her. “I wish I hadn’t run away like I did. Even more so now I know that it has made you feel like. I never… it isn’t in my mind at all.”

  “So, what do you want to do?” she demands. “What would your suggestion be?”

  I have to admit I don’t have an answer to that. After all of this time, Zoe expects me to come to her with a plan, and probably rightly so. But instead I am pathetic, and I have only just managed to get my head around stuff. Wow, I really am pitiful. I want to turn around and come back a much better version of myself.

  “I… I just wanted to talk about things,” I finally admit when it becomes clear that she isn’t going to fill in the gaps to make it easier for me. “I want to come up with a plan together. I thought that would be the best way.”

  “Oh, wow.” She throws her hands in the air in frustration, nearly smacking me in the face when she does. “So, basically now you have decided that I am good enough to speak to, but you want me to come up with a plan?”

  “Erm… no? Not that really.” I can hear the stammer in my voice. “I don’t know. I just wanted to talk. I thought that opening up the channels of communication would be the best way to deal with things.”

  “Oh wow, aren’t you so mature?” I don’t know what it is but everything that I keep saying to her is landing badly. I don’t know what the fuck I keep doing wrong. “You get to come to me now and act like the bigger person? No, you are just an asshole, Wesley, and I don’t want to have this chat with you.”

  I stare at her for a while, trying to work out why she is acting like this, but then it hits me. There is a reason why this woman causes so many issues for me. I don’t hate her for nothing. Just because we had sex it doesn’t change her awful personality that is completely the opposite to mine. It doesn’t make us good.

  “Zoe, I am trying here,” I finally snap back. “Can’t you appreciate that? I really am trying. I know that I haven’t always acted in the best way, but I’m trying now. Are you not even going to give me a chance?”

  “Why should I? It isn’t exactly like you have proven yourself trust worthy, is it?”

  “I haven’t had a chance to! One moment of shock doesn’t make me who I am.”

  “Well, I don’t know who you are!” She shrugs angrily. “I have no idea and that’s the issue…”

  “Woah, woah, woah…” It’s only the moment that our boss, Andy, interjects in the middle of our fight that I realize how loud we’re being. It’s transformed all the way to yelling, which isn’t great. In an office like this, it’s a challenge to keep anything a secret, especially when you’re yelling. “What the hell is going on here?”

  “Nothing,” Zoe shoots back right away, glaring at me to do the same thing.

  “Yeah, nothing. Just a… something.” I wave my hand dismissively. “Nothing important.”

  “Well, you are disturbing everyone else, so unless this is work related, in which case I would like to intervene, I suggest that you keep this out of the office.” He nods at both of us in turn. “So, can we get back to work
?”

  I feel like a small child being scolded by a teacher as I nod and agree. “Yes, Andy.”

  Zoe stalks off without even looking back, never mind replying. I thought that by talking to her we would have some kind of resolution today. Even if it would only be a small one, but I have nothing. I don’t know why I didn’t expect that from her. After all, she isn’t exactly the most reasonable person. This isn’t going to be the easiest thing to deal with, but we are going to have to find a way. After all, this isn’t about us. Not anymore.

  We need to do this for our unborn baby.

  Chapter Four

  Zoe

  “What was that about?” Hannah gasps as soon as I get back to my desk. “God, he’s weird, isn’t he? I have always thought that Wesley is a bit weird. Good looking, but too odd to… you know, actually like.”

  I rapidly brush a stray tear away from my eye. I don’t want her to see that, I don’t want her to know that I’m an emotional mess because much as she’s okay and the closest person to me here, she loves a good gossip. Everyone here are only pawns in her office game and I don’t want to be a part of that. Not today, not about this.

  Plus, I really don’t want to think about how good looking Wesley is because that only makes it harder to ignore him. Sure, he’s too buttoned up for my usual tastes, but there is obviously a little something about him. I wouldn’t have ended up in bed with him if there was nothing there. But the personality doesn’t match at all.

  “Oh, you know what he’s like.” I wave my hand dismissively. “He’s acting crazy. As usual. Being a bitch about work stuff. He… he thinks that I have been taking clients from him and over shadowing him.”

  We have argued about work stuff before, many times, so I hope that Hannah buys this easily. I need her too… but as it turns out luck isn’t on my side today because I can already feel her judging eyes upon me.