by Ford, Mia
“Anyway, I need to go in and check in Grandma now. Check that she’s okay because I only called her last night. I didn’t have time to pop in.” Something that I became a bit shit at with Wesley in the picture. But I will make up for it now. Not that I ever neglected her, I just didn’t go twice a day like I did before. Grandma didn’t mind, she was glad for me to get a bit of a life, but now looking back I feel bad about it. “I have to be sure that she took her pills and everything. But I will call you soon and we can chat about it then.”
“Good. Well tell your Grandma hello from me, and make sure she kicks the ass of your useless baby daddy.”
“I will,” I lie since I never bothered to introduce her to Wesley. Perhaps deep down I knew that it was going to end up this way which is why I kept them apart. “Speak soon. Thanks, Jessica.”
As I hang up the phone, I leave my house without even bothering to take another glance in the mirror at myself. Speaking to Jessica has given me the much needed boost that will get me through the day. Once I have seen Grandma, I will be able to face all of them head on. I want Hannah, Wesley, and the rest of them to see that they can’t take me down anymore, that I am going to fight them back with everything that I have, and that I am going to win. Like Jessica said, I was given the promotion for a reason. It didn’t just happen for nothing. Now I need to prove to everyone that it was the right thing to do.
I will do the job that Andy gave me, and I’ll do it well even under all of this pressure. I will make all of them regret the day that they decided to try and take me down. Because I kick ass… I do. Or I can…
Chapter Fifteen
Wesley
“What the fuck is going on with you?” Andy yells practically right in my ear. “Wesley, you have barely been here all week. You are hung over to shit again. It really isn’t good enough. Do you need a warning?”
What I need is a damn strong coffee and a sleep, but I don’t think that answer will go down too well. I am far too fragile for an argument at any rate. I just want to be left the hell alone by everyone.
“I’m working,” I croak back. “It isn’t like I am here doing nothing. Give me a break.”
“A break? I am paying you for this shit. Is that supposed to be some sort of joke?”
“No, I…” My eyes fall closed as my head pounds like crazy. “I’m not in the mood for joking.”
“Well, I am not in the mood for your constant slacking off.” Andy tuts and shakes his head. “You know, I have been bracing myself all week long for you to storm into my office to demand to know why you haven’t been hired for the manager position. Why Zoe was promoted over you, but I can only guess from your behavior that you already know why I couldn’t choose you. Because of this shit.”
Okay, now I’m annoyed. “So, I am here, working, and sill getting cursed out, being treated like shit, and the so called amazing manager that you have hired isn’t even here. She hasn’t even been here since you gave her the job. What the fuck is that about? Why isn’t she here being yelled at like I am?”
Andy gives me a look as if I’m the one being stupid here, but as far as I am concerned, I’m right. I don’t get why Zoe is just allowed to not be here and there aren’t any consequences. If I had been the one promoted, then I would be here all the time really proving myself to be worthy. To be honest, this just proves what I already suspected. That Zoe is manipulating everyone. I might have had a moment of doubt while I was wasted last night and there might have been a moment where I left her a drunken voice mail that I can’t remember at all, but now I’m sure. She has all of us duped and we have all been fooled by her. That’s the only explanation.
“You are a fool, Andy,” I tell him as I shake my head. “I have been a fool and now you are too…”
“Me and Zoe are not sleeping together,” he shocks me by biting back. “I don’t know who started this rumor, but I want it to stop right now because it is going to end up affecting my marriage soon enough…”
“I didn’t know that was a rumor.” I shut him down instantly before he tells me anymore. The way that my mind is working at the moment, I will end up believing that him and her have been at it the whole time since everything else was a lie anyway, and that is an image I definitely don’t need in my head. “That wasn’t what I meant.”
“Oh.” His whole face flames, from his head to his toes he goes red which screams guilt to me. Maybe Zoe has been fooling around with everyone stupid enough to fall for her charms. Who the hell knows? “Well, that isn’t the case anyway. This whole place needs to stop with the talking and get on with work. In fact, I might make that a rule because if I don’t, then it will end up a very toxic place to work and no one wants that.”
“Whatever, Andy. I don’t care,” I tell him bitterly. “Please just leave me alone so I can get on with things.”
He snaps back in to the room, almost as if he has only just remembered why he was yelling at me. “Yes, well you better get back to it because I have my eyes on you. I don’t want this to continue.”
I roll my eyes in an overly dramatic fashion. “Fine, whatever. Can you go now?”
As he finally leaves, I find myself wanting to let out a scream of frustration. Yes, this is a bullshit toxic place to work and I am back to wanting to escape it all over again. I don’t know why I let Court and Hannah convince me to stay really because I’m no longer happier. Taking Zoe down and trash talking about her hasn’t helped, so I don’t know what to do. Seeing her and not having her around isn’t easier either. I don’t know what I want.
“What a dick.” Court is next to me, patting me on the back before I can get even a moment of peace to work things out. This friendship has gone from just a work related thing to a bit intense. I need a break from all of it. “I can’t believe he just came at you like that. You held your own though. Everything you said was right.”
“Too true!” Hannah joins in. I give her a look, but she just stares blankly back as if I wasn’t forced to reject her last night. Perhaps Court is wrong, and she doesn’t like me like that, or maybe she just isn’t serious about her feelings. Chances are she doesn’t remember last night at all. Thank goodness. “You called that bitch out, thank God. Someone needs to talk about how she hasn’t bothered to turn up for work since she has taken over Old Bill’s place which only proves that you should be the one ruling the roost. You will be better at it when you get it.”
“Yeah well, Andy doesn’t seem to give a shit about what I say, so it doesn’t matter. I’m not getting anything.”
“He will care,” she promises me smilingly. “I will make sure that he cares. Don’t you worry about that.”
I don’t need him to care. Right now, I don’t need anyone to care. I’m too hung over to even want the stupid job. What I really need is for things to go back to where they were, back when I didn’t know how things were going to turn out with Zoe. I might have been fake, but that time with her was the happiest of my life.
I guess that just proves how pathetic I am that a lie made for such a good time in my existence.
What if it never gets better than that? I ask myself desperately. What if that is it for me?
“I agree, Hannah.” Court nods seriously. “If he doesn’t start listening, then we can take Andy down next.”
As I listen to them, I start to wonder if their help has anything to do with me at all. Maybe they care more about ‘taking people down’ and creating drama in their own lives than helping someone out. I would ask them if I could be bothered to, but right now I can’t be bothered with anything.
I feel like I have been sucked in to things left, right, and center. Zoe has pulled me in to her little game of lies, the web that I can’t seem to escape from no matter what I do. Then to make it harder, Court and Hannah have gotten me dragged in to their weird thing as well. Well, not anymore. I need to pull myself backwards from all of it. I won’t be spending even one more night out in the stupid bars and clubs with them. I’m done with it all.
&nbs
p; God, I can’t seem to find a life style that suits me at all. Nothing seems to fit.
Well, that isn’t exactly true, but the life that I enjoyed wasn’t real, so that’s out.
“I’m going to lunch.” I scrape back my chair and I move away from them both. “I’ll be back soon.”
“But it’s only ten thirty,” Hannah calls after me, but I don’t turn back. I chose to ignore her. If she can’t get the hint that this break has nothing to do with food and everything to do with getting away from her, then I don’t know what else to do. I’m not going to bother trying either. I will just leave them to it. Let them carry on and work it out in their own time. For now, I am completely and utterly checked out.
I pass Andy on the way to the canteen and he gives me a pointed look, but thankfully he doesn’t say anything else to me. I wonder if he can see how much pain I am in. If he knows that I have been swept along by everyone. I don’t know if I want him to know that actually because it makes me look childish and pathetic. No wonder he didn’t hire me for Old Bill’s position. Maybe he was right to do that because I’m not mature enough. I have been telling myself that I could do it with ease, but now I’m not so sure. Perhaps Andy could see that I would fuck it up which is why he over looked me. I have been far too confident, bordering on arrogant, and now that has come back to kick me in the ass, and deservedly so as well. I need to sit back and focus on the job that I do have first while growing up at the same time. If anything can come from this shitty situation, it’s that. If I can learn a lesson, then perhaps it will all be worth it. It might not feel like it right now, but that will come. Hopefully…
* * *
Is that her? I wonder as I spot a figure sitting at Zoe’s desk. My heart stops beating as I even consider that it might be her. I shouldn’t be feeling this way when I know the truth about her, but I can’t stop myself. I also notice a giant lump in my throat which wasn’t there before. Oh God, what the hell do I do?
Without making eye contact with anyone, I take a seat at my desk and I try to get on with work, but of course there is still an intense magnetic pull between us that I can’t keep away from. I keep staring at her without even meaning to. I’m just about resisting the urge to head over there and demanding to know if she got my voice mail message or not, and if so, why did she just ignore it? I don’t know what it said, but it’s rude to just avoid me.
Has she been crying? Her tear stained face stops me from going anywhere near her. Why? Because of me? Court and Hannah? The job? Something else entirely…?
I shouldn’t care. Not when she lied to me about having my child, but I do. I guess I can’t help myself. I don’t like seeing her all broken and sad. All I want to do is throw my arms around her and tell her that everything will be okay because I’ll help her… but I won’t. I will just continue to ignore her the way that she has me.
If only I could ignore the pressure that’s surrounding me, the obvious tension now that she’s here, shattering my rationality. When she isn’t here, I can hate her with ease, but when she is and I’m forced to look at her, all of that goes out the window. That isn’t sustainable. One of us will break soon enough. Probably me.
“Zoe,” Andy’s voice calls calmly calls the office. “Can you come in to my office, please?”
Wow. The way that he speaks to her compared to the way that he speaks to me is ridiculous. But I’m not even mad about it because she looks like she needs soft words right now. Even I wouldn’t yell…
Chapter Sixteen
Zoe
I can’t stop crying. I just can’t stop the tears from falling. I don’t even know why I’m at work this morning when my whole world has just fallen apart. It doesn’t seem practical. But here I am, trying to make my existence work when I’m crumbling and losing my mind. My grandma… the one person who I have left in my life, the only family member that I have alive isn’t living anymore. She passed away in the night and I found her this morning, cold and lifeless. With nothing left within her and there isn’t anything I can do.
This is my fault; I think as I follow Andy in to his office. This is because I haven’t been around enough.
Of course, that isn’t what the medical professionals told me. They said that her heart stopped working and that would have happened no wonder what I did. But I don’t believe that, I can’t. They are just saying it to try and make me feel better. But nothing will ever make me feel okay again. I’m floating, spiraling, losing control.
I want to run, I need to escape all of this, I want to be far, far away. I don’t know why I haven’t yet.
“Now, Zoe,” Andy declares in a soft spoken tone as I take a seat opposite him. “Why are you here?”
“What… what do you mean?” I blink a few times, trying to get rid of the tears. “I’m here to work.”
“But your grandmother has just passed away. There isn’t any need for you to be here.”
He folds his hands together and stares at me. I can tell that he’s trying to be sympathetic and open minded. He wants me to spill open my heart to him so that he can try and make me feel better, but I can’t. I’m raw, exposed, numb, upset, angry, sad, guilty… I’m overwhelmed by emotions so I wouldn’t know where to start.
“I don’t know where to be,” I admit while shrugging my shoulders. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, we will cope here without you. You don’t need to worry about that. You can take as much time off as you need and your job will always be here waiting for you. I just want you to be okay. There isn’t anything more important to me than the mental health of my employees, and right now, that includes you.”
New York. Jessica’s offer pops in to my mind, and to be honest I want to go for it more than ever. It’s a great way to get away from here, from everyone who has treated me like shit. Now that I don’t have my grandma as my anchor here, there isn’t any reason for me to be here. Why should I stay? What is here for me?
“So, I can have some time off?” I ask Andy quietly. “For longer than just the funeral.”
He pauses for a second before answering me. “I know what it’s like here at the moment. I see how toxic it is. I know that there are some serious changes that need to be made, and you don’t need to be here while I sort everything out. You can go and get yourself in a better place. I can get here organized.”
The way that he’s saying this, it’s almost like he wants me to go. He needs me out of the picture so he can sort out the toxic environment which works out well for me. Unless he just doesn’t want me here because of the rumors to do with me and him. Not that it matters, as long as I’m out, that’s all I care about. Jessica will be happy that I am finally coming to visit her, and it will probably be for the best that I take the space to sort my head out.
I need to figure out what to do next. Where I want my life to go, how I am going to raise my child…
A fresh wave of tears over comes me as I realize that I never even told my grandma about the baby. I didn’t get the chance to. I was keeping it from her, so I didn’t pile on any stress, but maybe I should have let her know because I’m not really alone, am I? Eventually, I will have a child to love me. I will have a family. While I’m sure that Grandma wouldn’t have been too impressed by the situation that has brought me here, I’m sure it would be good for her to know that I’m not going to be completely by myself. She shouldn’t have died not knowing…
“Oh no, I’m sorry, Zoe.” Funny, for a man who wanted me to open up to him, now that I’m showing some real emotion, he’s panicking I can see it in his eyes. This is a bit much for him. “I think it might be best if you go home now. Have some time and get sorted. Just keep in touch and let me know how things are going.”
I rise from my seat and grab a tissue to wipe my tears away, not that it’s much good since I’m completely soaked, before I nod and walk away. I guess I should just be glad that Andy is being so understanding. Not a lot of bosses would allow me to have all that time after just been given a promotion.<
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Urgh, the promotion. To think about all the drama that has caused. It’s ridiculous. Such a childish notion. When it comes to really what is and isn’t important in life, that isn’t it. I don’t give a shit about any of it. Right now, all I want to do is get through the next five minutes without falling apart again. Without seeing the image of my poor dead grandmother, and the fresh wave of knowledge that I will never get to see her again.
“Oh God, Zoe, are you okay?” Hannah is the first person to rush to my side. “This is about your grandma, isn’t it? I just heard that she died. I’m so sorry. You must be really upset.”
She throws her arms around me, and because I’m so desperate for some human contact to comfort me, I allow her to do so. I lean in to her and sob harder just because it’s nice to have someone care.
“Oh, Zoe, this is awful. We all feel so bad for you. You didn’t deserve this.”
As I cry, something else comes flying back in to my brain. Words that stab through me a bit like a blade.
“Well, she has been sleeping with Andy for ages now, which is how she ended up promoted.”
I shudder violently, allowing these words to sting me more than they should do. This person, the girl who is being kind to me right now, telling me that I deserve better is the one who said disgusting things about me.
“But I walked in on them. She was under his desk giving him a blow job.”
I pull back and stare at her, wondering what side of Hannah is the truth. Is it the kind person who is trying to make me feel better right now? The one who is looking after me when everyone else is too scared to in case I sob like a damn baby all over them… or is it the bitch who tried her hardest to ruin my life?