by Ford, Mia
With Wesley touching me, sending a wide range of tingles all the way through my body, he is just giving me another reason to stay. An even stronger reason than anything else. Because if I do go back to New York them I know that nothing can happen here. Ever. But if I stay… well, the possibilities are endless. There is no guarantee that me and him could work, but there’s a chance… at least. Wouldn’t it be better to just know? Rather than to always be wondering what could have happened if we had just given a go.
Oh God, I am losing my mind here over this man. I am losing myself to the feelings I shouldn’t be. But as I tilt my head around to look at him it seems like he might be wrestling with it as well. That only makes it even harder for me to push it to one side. If we both want to see where this could go, then maybe we should. It’s scary, but it’s also very exciting as well. The anticipation is absolutely flooding me, I can hardly contain myself.
Well, at least if I’m torturing myself over me and Wesley, I’m not just thinking about Maddie. Not that I will be able to get her out of my mind while she’s at this sleep over, but why not add to the problems?
“Are you okay?” Wesley asks me quietly. “Do you need anything from me?”
“Just be there,” I reply with a smile. “That’s all that you can do for me right now. Be there.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Wesley
I don’t know whether I should hold Zoe’s hand as I walk her to the hotel. Of course, rationally I know that I shouldn’t. It would be weird to do so, but the urge is powerful and overwhelming. I guess because this is the second time, we have been alone since she came back here and it’s strange. Without Maddie to take our focus, it’s easier to focus on the sizzling between us. To notice that there is definitely a deep connection.
“Are you okay?” I ask her for what feels like the hundredth time. “Sorry, I know this is just a bit…”
“It’s hard for me to be apart from Maddie, that’s all. But this is good for her. I keep thinking that she wants to have a big family, and so meeting all these cousins… well, it’s what she wants.”
My breath gets caught in my throat. I don’t know how to respond to this. I want to ask her if that’s what she wants as well, but I need to keep reminding myself that I can’t put the pressure on.
“God, it’s going to be so weird,” she suddenly blurts out. “Being at the hotel without Maddie.”
“Oh! You can come and stay with me if you want,” I announce without really thinking. “I don’t mean…” Oh God, I’m about to make this even more awkward. “I don’t mean anything by it. I just mean so you aren’t alone. Plus, my place is closer to Brad’s than the hotel, so if we are needed – not that we are going to be – we can be there in a heartbeat. If you want, it’s just a suggestion…” I trail off, unsure of how she’s feeling.
“You wouldn’t mind giving up your couch for me? Are you sure? I don’t want to be in the way.”
“You wouldn’t be. It would be a pleasure to have you around because I’m nervous too.”
“You are?” She gives me a surprised look. “But she will be okay with Brad, won’t she?”
“Oh, that’s not why I’m nervous. I don’t know what it is, really. Maybe because she isn’t with you.” She smiles, pleased with herself which is nice. “I hope you know what an amazing mother you are.” I have thought that, but I don’t know if I’ve said it aloud yet. “Because you have done a fantastic job with Maddie. She is a great child and that’s because of you. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must have been to do it alone. But the fact that she is so confident and able to go to that sleep over, to blend in with the family, speaks volumes. You have nurtured her in to the most incredible person. So, thank you, Zoe, that means a lot.”
It’s her who reaches out to hold my hand as we change the direction towards my place, and I take it willingly. She doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t need to. I can feel all of her emotions coming through.
Once inside, I pour us both a drink. Non-alcoholic, just in case there is any need for us to drive at any point, but having something to do helps us both to relax. We sit on the couch and I get some music playing, being careful not to go for anything that could be construed as too romantic. I need to be careful.
We need to make some plans at some point, don’t we?” she tells me, shocking me. I have been careful trying to avoid this subject so as not to stress her out, but if she wants to address it then so be it. “For the future. As scary as it is, we need to work out how to make this go okay. Now that you and Maddie have such a good bond, I know that she’s going to want to see you more. And her cousins as well.”
“Yes, I’m sure that they will all want to hang out some more. They’re having a good time.”
She nods slowly. I can almost see the cogs turning in her brain as she tries to figure out what she wants to say next. I bite down on my bottom lip to force the words to stay inside.
“So, what would you like?” she asks, turning the tables around. “In an ideal world.”
“If I tell you, you might not like me,” I admit. “Because in an ideal world, I would want you not to go back to New York, but to stay here. I would love for Maddie to be in our family more. You too.”
Her face screws up, just like I knew it would. But she doesn’t look totally repulsed by the idea. “I know that Maddie would as well. I don’t even need to ask her. I just know. She loves it.”
That’s good. It’s hard not to get carried away when I hear her say that. “Well, I grew up here and it wasn’t too bad, and I know that you did as well. I know that there were toxic times at work, but that is just one place.”
“I know that my friend, Jessica will be disappointed, if I don’t go back, but I can’t stay for her. Or my job, really, not if it makes Maddie unhappy. But it’s scary to up root everything.” She gives me a look. “I guess there are some reasons to stay here. Potentially more than there are to go back.”
Fuck, my heart is racing. This is absolutely everything that I want and more. Everything that I haven’t dared to hope for. Not in a real way anyway. Zoe looks like she is really actually considering this.
“But could you come back?” I ask her in a hoarse tone of voice. “After everything?”
“Well, it’s been five years. Things aren’t the same as they used to be, are they?”
I can’t resist. This feels like a cue for me to say something important. “Some things are the same.”
She holds my eye contact for a while, but eventually drags her gaze away. The magic of the moment is shattered, which is probably for the best. I shouldn’t have said that at all. It’s bad enough to think these things, never mind say them. I should just keep it all locked away inside.
“I might just call Brad,” she says suddenly. “Just to check in on Maddie.”
“Oh, I will do that.” I need to do anything to make this moment better. “I’ll get a drink too.”
I leap up and flick the coffee machine on, needing something a little different to take this edge off, and as I do, I call Brad. Immediately, I’m overwhelmed by the sounds of the kids laughing and having a good time. I smile to myself, knowing that Maddie is right in the middle of that, enjoying herself.
Brad doesn’t talk to me for long because he’s overwhelmed by the activities going on inside his house, but he reassures me that all is good and me and Zoe have nothing to worry about. I don’t tell him that we’re together because much as I want to be more open with my family now, because keeping secrets isn’t my favorite thing to do, but I can’t let them know about this yet. All of my brothers will get carried away and assume that this is a sign we’re getting back together. I can’t have them making that assumption when it isn’t happening…
Although, Zoe is clearly looking for reasons to come back. She wants here to have more pros than New York. Right now, it already seems to have that, but I could give her one more reason. I could be a reason. Me and her, us being together could be a reason, couldn
’t we? I want it and I think that she does too.
I glance over at her in wonder, to find her staring back at me too. There seems to be the same question in my eyes as there is hers. We both want to know where this thing could go.
My heart pounds hard against my rib cage, I feel my breaths getting stuck in my throat, I feel tingly and strange all over. The magnetic pull between us is intense, it’s powerful, I can feel it sucking me in.
“What… what did Brad say?” she rasps, her voice filled with nerves. “Is Maddie okay?”
“Oh, she’s fine. Having the best time. Although I don’t think she’s headed for bed yet. It sounded like chaos; I think the kids are having the absolute time of their lives.”
“No, I wouldn’t imagine she’s thinking of sleep.” We’re both so stilted, this conversation is forced and weird. “Not if she’s having fun. I bet she will sleep all day tomorrow when I pick her up instead. But as long as she has fun…”
I take the coffees back over to the couch and sit beside Zoe. But not so close that the sizzling between us gets the better of us. We really need to be smart about this. To act only if it’s the right thing to do.
“So, the plan.” If I focus on what we need to talk about, then we might be okay. “What do you think?”
“Erm, yeah, so I don’t know when I will be back in New York, or how often you want me to come…”
“I want you to be here all the time, Zoe, so I don’t know if it’s up to me.” I shrug. “If you want to go back and forth then I can help cover the costs. Or I can come out to see you if it helps things…”
Right now, it feels like we’re doing a dance. Like we’re playing a game. Zoe wasn’t playing games before, she never has before, which just proves to me how nervous she is. She’s too anxious to commit to anything which brings the anxiety out in me as well. If I don’t make the right move here, I could lose her.
In a moment of sheer terror, I slide across the couch to her. Zoe’s eyes widen in surprise, but she doesn’t scoot away from me. So, I snake my arm around her back, and I pull her to me. Her body crashes in to mine, which causes a little squeal to fly out of her mouth. My forehead rests against hers and I stare in to her eyes, just drinking in absolutely everything about her. Everything flip flops with excitement as her beauty crashes over me in waves, as does the desire in her eyes. She wants me. I can tell that it’s okay for this to happen.
Do we really over step this boundary? I ask myself. Do I complicate everything that much more?
But I can’t resist. I can’t ignore the deep magnetic pull between us. My lips are edging towards hers before I can really make this decision. My lips crash in to hers and instantly, I’m taken back five years. Back to when it was just me and her in our own little bubble. Absolutely loving life. God, it really was the most incredible relationship I had. I can’t believe I turned my back on it. It feels just as great as it did back then as well. Maybe even better. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and the last few years have sure as hell done that. I’m so fond of her now that this kiss alone is making my head spin like crazy.
The kiss deepens. She darts her tongue between my lips and grabs me to pull me closer to her, groaning with need. I don’t know where this going to lead but I can’t stop to think anymore. This feels too good for me to be rational. This is probably what I have wanted ever since I first laid my eyes on her and I realized that she was back.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Zoe
What am I doing? I think to myself as Wesley tugs at the spaghetti strap of my dress. His eager fingers want my clothing gone, and I can’t help wanting that too… even if it’s absolutely crazy to want that. What are we doing here? This is crazy, isn’t it? This is heading to trouble… or paradise.
As my dress slides to one side, I pant and try to suck some air in to my lungs. His fingers brush over my breasts, pausing over my nipples, which causes the buzzing in my core to intensify tenfold. As my head tils backwards, exposing my throat to him, which Wesley devours hungrily, I fall back until I’m lying on the couch. My head pushes back in to the couch cushions while a shiver tears up and down my spine.
“Oh, you are beautiful,” he growls as he hitches my dress up around my waist. “I have missed you so much.”
His intense words shock my like a lightning bolt, striking down to my panties just as his hands reach around behind me and he cups my ass in his hand, groaning with need. He sounds like he’s in absolutely agony, but in a really good way. It’s impossible for me not to lose my damn mind, to take him already.
“Fuck, you are perfect,” he moans as he tugs my panties to one side. “Absolutely amazing.”
There’s no softness and caring as he plunges my fingers in to me, massaging my insides. It’s hot and full of passion, causing me to see stars already. Even more so when his thump traces over my clit, shooting the sensitivity through the roof. My core pulses as he shoves me on the tracks towards the station before I have even had a chance to have him yet. I might not have anyone to compare him with, Wesley is still the only man that I have ever been with, the last five years have been filled with lots of lonely nights, but I don’t need a comparison to know that he’s fucking incredible and he has my body wild and on fire.
“Shit.” Every cell inside of me floods with lust. “Oh God, Wesley. Your fingers feel so good.”
“You remember my tongue?” he rasps. “Would you like a refresher of that?”
“Oh, fuck yes!” I practically scream. “Oh, shit, your tongue is fucking incredible.”
His fingers curl around the waist band of my underwear and he slowly edges them down. He slides down my body as well, the weight of him moving and causing my back to arch and hips to roll as I can. By the time he reaches my core and his breath tickles me, my panties have vanished. I don’t even know where they’ve gone. Not that I care. As I feel his nose nudging against my clit and he inhales me, I cry out with pleasure again.
“Hmm, you smell incredible.” The vibrations of his words are almost too much for me.
“I want you,” I rasp with more confidence than I have felt in a long time. “So bad, Wesley.”
Luckily, he doesn’t leave me waiting for long. His mouth connects with me and his tongue swirls around my already hyper sensitive clit hard and fast, He’s wild, like a mad man on a mission, drowning me in bliss. My fingers need something to cling on to, something to hold, but the only thing that I can reach is his hair. I grip the strands tightly as he sends me to heaven, probably pulling a little too hard as the pleasure grips me.
“Fuck, Wesley.” There are so many things that I want to tell him, so many ways that I want to express everything that I’m feeling deep inside, but the pleasure is too much. I can’t get anything out. I can’t even demand that he stop the onslaught so I can bury him deep inside of me so the orgasm hits me quickly like a tornado while I call his name out over and over, loving the way that it feels on my tongue. “Oh, Wesley, Wesley.”
It doesn’t feel like it’s going to end. The bliss keeps on coming, the waves rolling through me more and more. I guess it has been a long time coming, the foreplay between us has been building for five God damn long years. This release is very needed, and it’s honestly the best feeling in the world. I never want it to end.
The moment that my body stops bucking and writhing through the intense and phenomenal sensations, Wesley slips himself back up my body and kisses me hard. His lips are soaked by me and that leaves me breathless and speechless. My fingers edge up his tee shirt and I rub his thick, muscular chest, remembering just how hot he is.
His chest becomes ragged, his breaths sharp as I slide my fingers all the way down his body and I fiddle with his zipper until he bursts free. Dipping my hands in to his trousers to grab his thick throbbing cock makes me feel sexy and powerful. Like I’m a damn goddess. Especially when his eyes hood over with lust.
A cheeky smile plays on my lips as I flip things over by turning him on to his back. I place
kisses all over that delicious body of his, slowly pushing myself ever so slowly downwards. Of course I’m nervous as I push myself down towards him, but the hot post orgasmic bliss still swirling through me makes everything okay. It gives me a confidence that I don’t usually feel. It also helps that I know how much Wesley likes me. I remember him wanting me more than anything in the world, and I have the strong sense that he still feels that way. I can tell by the way that he’s been looking at me for days, by the way he’s looking at me now. Like I’m fucking incredible.
“Fuck.” A guttural groan bursts from him as my kisses reach his pubic hair. “Oh God, Zoe.”
I fix my eyes on his, wanting to see the desire rocking through his face as I gently kiss his tip. His salty taste makes my pulse pound. I have to wrap my fingers around him to hold him in place, so the trembling doesn’t get the better of me. I kiss him again and again, occasionally darting out my tongue to lick him.
I slowly glide my hand up and down his shaft as I continue to lick, slowly getting to the point where all I want to do is part my lips and take his thick erection in to my mouth. He’s so massive that I feel my mouth stretch as I take him all the way to the back of my throat. It’s a strange stinging sensation, but totally worth it.
“Oh shit.” I can practically feel the pleasure coaxing from him. “Fucking hell, that feels so good.”
I drag my lips up and down his length, swirling my tongue around him as I do. His thighs tense up, even shuddering as the bliss grips him, which causes me to speed up, to take even more of him in. I want him to explode within me, I’m looking forward to the idea of tasting him, having his seed shoot down my throat…
“No,” he shocks me by gasping. “No, not like this. I want to be inside of you.”
His hands tuck under my arm pits and he pulls me up to meet his lips. I miss the sensation of him filling my throat, but his kisses more than make up for it. Especially when I can feel his soaking wet tip teasing my entrance. He’s sitting up and I’m on his lap, able to slip him inside as soon as I want. I would love to mess around and tease him until he can’t take it anymore, but the flames are flickering too brightly inside of me. Despite him already sending me to heaven once before, I am hungry for another orgasm and I will do anything to get it.